Pastors who forget to tell you to sit back down.
Nov 2nd by JonA few weeks ago I went to a worship event. Midway through, one of the speakers got up and told the crowd to get on their feet. The crowd obliged and for a few minutes the speaker talked while we all stood listening.
Unfortunately, he forgot to release us from our foot bondage.
The “go ahead and sit down” never came. We waited patiently and it just didn’t happen. Have you ever experienced that? If not, I want you to be prepared. I want you to be ready. So let’s break down what goes through your head when you find yourself marooned on your feet in the middle of church …
1st minute.
“Awesome, we’re standing up. Time to get the blood flowing again and wake up.” That’s what you think the first minute after someone asks you to stand up at church. The world is really hopeful and bright and new at that moment. Will you be asked to greet the person next to you? Maybe clap or wave your arms in some sort of pew Pilates? Who knows. Anything is possible at this point.
2nd minute.
“I think the stand up part is officially over, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe we’re about to do something else that requires me to be up and out of my seat. Maybe I need to stay standing. I’ll give this another minute or two.”
3rd minute.
“I think this guy just launched into his sermon without letting us know we can sit down now. Doesn’t he notice us? I mean, there are hundreds of us standing up. He sees that, right? Is he already in his sermon? Is it possible he wants us to stand the entire time? No way, there is no way that is happening.”
4th minute.
“I want to sit down, but I don’t want to be the weird guy who sits while everyone else stands. You always look like you love God about 11% less than everyone else who is standing when you do that. I’m not going to be that guy, I won’t.
5th minute.
“What if I sat down slowly? Would that be so bad? What if instead of sitting down at normal speed I just gently lowered myself to the chair over a period of 30 seconds? If I go too fast he might actually see me and call me out from the pulpit. That would stink. He’d probably say, ‘Can you not stand in the presence of the triune God?’ And then I would yell back, ‘The triune God toldeth me to sitteth.’ I don’t know why I’d say it that way, I think I get all King Jamesy when I’m nervous.”
6th minute.
“Would God smite me with a lightning bolt of disappointment if I pretended to be slain in the spirit so that I could sit in my chair? He would probably frown on that.”
7th minute.
“Sweet release! Some bold member sat down and started a tidal wave of derrieres crashing into seats. That, my friend, is a true next generation leader.”
Maybe this won’t ever happen to you, but if it does and we’re sitting near each other at church, let’s make a pact. We’ll hold hands and do it together. And if we get any guff, we’ll sing friends are friends forever and have a sit in just like they used to do in the 60s.
Freedom reins in the place my friend. Freedom reigns.
Comments
I've known some so cruel as to get you standing again only a minute or two after you last long round of standing.
I think pretending to be slain in the spirit is the solution to a lot of church problems.
lol that could work… but then there's that whole how to get up from the floor daintly issue.
agreed. it seems we'd just be solving one problem with another problem here.
Who says you need to get up? Just stay there for the whole service
It's funny as when everyone sits down except the front couple of rows who don't seem to notice… and then the shock on their face when they realise they are the only ones that are still standing… like noobs
Oh man, I've been in those rows when it happens! Hilarious!
Awesome, I said reins and reigns at the end. I’m at the airport on northern Kentucky right now and can’t fix the typo. Please pretend that was on purpose, like fielder’s choice. Youbhavevthe freedom to choose which version of that word you like. I’m a giver like that.
And if you hadn't have told us, we probably wouldn't have noticed.
HA! I didn't notice either
I'm a grammar and punctuation geek who DID notice (I am after all, the person who wrote a post extolling the virtues of the em dash on my own blog). But I would have generously refrained from pointing it out if you hadn't already done so first.
I was going to ask you how I could get a set of my own Freedom reins. There's been a lack of control in my life and you just showed me the solution. I'm going to wander over to see if I can find them on Amazon…
[...] really enjoyed this from Stuff Christians Like and yes I have experienced this personally. Where else in society do you go where you have to [...]
Sometimes I am jealous of the “senior saints”, because no one looks at them funny for sitting when everyone else is standing. Singing and standing go together, but patiently listening to a sermon while standing? Not so much.
Pregnancy works for this too. No one looks funny at the 8 month pregnant woman who just can't stand anymore – or just doesn't stand to begin with.
I have totally done that! During both my pregnancies! LOL
Hmmm, I've never tried this on a congregation. I might see how it works. Of course I'm betting they all sit within the first 2 minutes. That's how we roll.
My Dad (a pastor) was doing a wedding and had everyone stand at the beginning for prayer and then never told them to be seated. Everyone stood for 35 minutes! OUCH! Glad I missed that lovely joining of two souls!!
That is amazing that they stood their. I guess the moment was just overwhelming and no could contain their excitement.
That happened at our wedding too! Even with the pastor's wife frantically gesturing from the back row, it still took a couple minutes for hiim to catch on that something was amiss.
What about when you're singing sitting down and suddenly the people who love God 11% more start standing up? I'm stubborn so I usually close my eyes and stay sitting (until I forget the words and have to peak to see what comes next). I've known some pastors to ask everyone to stand at this point (what a relief… at least we know what is expected now). Maybe they should just have us stand in the first place.
Ugh, spontaneous standing! Always drove me nuts!
I always think it is funny when the congregation sits on their own. You get that awkward pause, and then people start sitting right and left and you don't want to be the last guy standing there, you are forced to sit.
I don't know if you have covered the reverse happenings, when everyone is sitting and people start to stand up during the music? This is always an awkward time for me. Trying to figure out what to do. I feel like Will Ferril in Talladega Nights and where to put your hands during an interview. Gets so bad for me that it completely distracts me from anything else. All I am worried about is timing my standing up with everyone else just at the right time.
Christians love to stand in the middle of songs, especially if the song tells them to stand or lift their hands.
I always get a kick out of those of us who sing about standing, or shouting, or raising our hands, when we're doing none of the above
Or the people that sing about dancing for joy in I could sing of your love forever, while they stand still looking miserable
Oh I feel like dancing
It's foolishness I know
But when the world has seen the Light
They will dance with joy
Like we're dancing now.
In a Capital-B-Baptist church. Where there isn't even clapping, let alone dancing. I never could figure out why the worship leader would even choose that song. "Everyone, please stand and sing this lie with us."
If they're anything like I was, back when I was a worship leader, they probably forgot about that bridge part but picked the song because a) it was in the right key and b) we haven't done it for awhile. I was such a holy leader, and left soooooo much room for being guided by the Spirit
And then there's the strange verse. Rivers tend NOT to run over mountains and seas. Valleys and plains maybe, but mountains and seas.
Unfortunately this is so true. These are the awkward moments that are made even more awkward by singing about things white people cannot do.
If only we were more like David in Psalms
I make it a hard and fast rule never to remain standing more than six minutes, singing or not. But then, I'm old and can get away with that.
Ahhh….this would be the time of the service that gets so uncomfortable that I just make an exit and use the bathroom or the prayer chapel as my excuse. When I peer back in, and they're still standing, it's time to get some coffee… If those aren't options, I just plop 'er down and open my Bible as if I'm reflecting on the sermon and want to take notes or I bow my head to pray….no one's going to judge me for that, right?!?
This happened yesterday. The pastor never told us to sit down, but without any delay, the entire congregation sat before he could even suggest it to them. The one problem was that I was towards the front with my focus all on the screen. I became a lone reed standing in the sea of sitters. These minutes become worse when you're the only one involved.
hahahaha oh man i empathise with you mate
Ha! That happened at our church to someone too and the pastor couldn't help but laugh.
Haha! that's got to be bad if the pastor noticed! Thankfully, I went undetected. (by the pastor at least. I'm sure everyone behind me was thinking, "What's this guy doing?")
haha, lone reed…sea of sitters…
Sit near an older (nor fortyish–even older!) person and use them for the sitting down excuse!
HAHAHAHAHA!!! This happened at a wedding I went to once, I swear. The pastor had us stand up to pray and then launched into his wedding talk without letting us sit down again. It was awesome.
At my wedding, the pastor forgot to give the signal to let the flower girls sit down. There were three, ages 3, 4 and 5. Halfway through his message, a fight broke out and baskets started hitting heads. It was hilarious.
The best is a combo where the pastor forgets the sit down and then once yo finally seat yourself, the worship leader forgets the "stand with me." And you spend 3/4 of the service with the wrong posture. Been there, done that.
PS, does anyone else in the "top commenters" box to the left comment find themselves commenting just for sake of not dropping out of the top 20?
No? Oh, me neither. Never even crossed my mind.
My church is in such a routine of which parts of the service we stand for and which we're seated for that they just all do it automatically. Pastor/Dad always announces it for any visitors and it's noted in the bulletin, but all the regulars always get to it before he can say anything. In fact, if he had us stand at a time when we're not 'supposed' to be standing, I doubt anyone would even do it, let alone stay that way for more than the length of a hymn!
The companion to this is forgetting to tell you to put down your arms. At our church, the pastor will often say "Extend your hands up here to pray for _____________." He will then proceed to pray for a good 20 minutes, during which times HE puts his arms down, but he forgets to tell the rest of us. I am often in the sound booth and don't have my arms up anyway (there are all sorts of exemptions for the sound booth, and that's a topic for you right there), so I am laughing as I watch everyone's arms waver and wiggle as people mull over the choice to lower their arms. You can see the conversation in their head –
"Wow, my arms hurt. I want to put them down. Did I miss the cue? Are everyone else's arms down? If I put my arms down before I should, will it shot block the prayer from getting to heaven some way? I don't want to be the weak link that makes God say 'well, I was going to heal that person, but no, Bob put his arms down during the prayer.' That's goofy. Why am I thinking like that? It's because I am distracted by the lack of circulation to my arms. Maybe I will open my eyes just a tad to see what everyone else is doing…ok, about half the room has given up, and the pastor put his arms down apparently a long time ago. Release!"
Seriously. It's hilarious.
Brilliant! I laughed a lot here!
I grew up pentecostal, and let me tell you, this HAS happened to me. I was never the next generation leader, though.
Pregnant women also get a pass on standing for long periods. I miss being pregnant just for that.
Great post for a Monday – this always happened with our junior pastor at church – he learned quickly.
This is my first time posting, although I've read and enjoyed your site for a few months now. I have to say, this is fortunately not something I've run into in our church (AoG), but it might be because all the regulars know when to stand and sit and do it before told! If our pastor threw in a "stand with me" out of synch it would probably throw us way off!
I always hate to be told to stand. What if I don't feel like standing? For me, I sit whenever I want to. And if people look, I just assume they're jealous because they want to sit as well.
I encounter the opposite problem sometimes. At the beginning of the church service, we're sitting because we'r in corporate prayer. But then the praise band gets cranked and people are still sitting. I can't worship God on my butt
so I'm doing that whole "can I be the first one to stand. What if no one else does and I'm the lone dork on my feet. Maybe if I nudge my husband, he'll get up too!' But the college aged kids (God bless em!) tend to be the brave ones and stand up and I quickly follow.
I suspect if I had to deal with the "when to sit down" problem, I'd have NO issues being the first booty in the chair. I wear heels to church after all.
This happened to me at a wedding once. We rose for the bride and then stood for about 10 minutes…
Too too funny. Acuff – you think of the funniest things. That is a darn funny predicament.
Funny also is the first comment – pretend to be slain in the spirit – that will solve everything. In heavy revival settings, people get slain early on in the service and remain on the floor throughout the sermon. It's nice. I've done that too. it's nice being on the floor, lying down throughout the entire message.
This is absolutely brilliant, I'm still laughing about this post hours later.
Funny how we're worried about who sees us if we're the first to stand or the last to sit – David didn't mind dancing around in his underwear in front of all of Israel – he was too focussed on God…hmmmmmm…:)
I think that is something we can do without bringing back
Yet another social situation when having kids is a great excuse to do what you want…
At the 2nd or 3rd minute just look at your kid with a perplexed look as if they asked an unusual question or needed something then sit down and pat or rub their back as if consoling/comforting them (this also gives others the impression that your a great parent) and then remained seated since everyone else is focused on their own standing/sitting dilemma and was successful distracted by your excellent parenting skills
Love it – ROTFL.
You should also throw in somewhere during that timeline:
1) the look to (or if you don't know where they are scan of the audience for) the pastor/staff/pastor's wife who is not on stage, mentally begging for them to take the lead since if they sit down everyone else will too – that's probably around minute 2 or 3
2) the dilemma if you're in the back rows…if I'm the first to sit down not only do I look unholy but I also have the displeasure of now looking at a wall of backsides for as long as everyone else remains standing so while my legs are now at peace my eyes are being confronted by everyone's newfound (due to the metro worship leader's influence) affinity for skinny jeans…the upside – you can no longer see anyone's deep V necks
great post.
i like that you used the word "marooned"
gave the whole thing a very malcom gladwell-esque feel.
I've never had any self-consciousness about sitting back down if everyone else hasn't. What I usually do is open my Bible and make a concentrating face.
I've had two instances:
1) Just the opposite – The Worship Leader that forgot to tell us to stand… I attend a stand up and sing church – we NEVER sit for singing – and we clap and groove and some even dance. It’s a super mix of awesome and interesting. But once the NEW Worship Leader got well into the high-voltage song and we were all STILL seated. He forgot to give us permission to stand! It took a minute as we were into the "…You are the everlasting God" part and the one of the back up singers (actually the Sax guy) said "Lets Stand". Golly – I've never seen so many people pop up so fast!
2) Again, the Worship Leader forgot to tell us to sit. I think he was really wrapped up in the mood and he had his eyes closed and was strumming a softer hymn….and we were left standing as the communion plates started to roll around the rows. Try taking communion standing up – it's weird and odd. It's not right, we need that leverage of our laps to make communion work.
This happened at my wedding too! I walked down the aisle, and the pastor launched right into his wedding spiel. He didn't even let my father go sit down so I wound up spending half of my wedding holding my father's arm instead of my future husband's. Awkward!
Our church has a full half hour of singing on Sunday morning .. I find it really distracting (and annoying) to stand all that time .. I stand through the first song or two, and then hit the seat. Otherwise, I end up craning my neck around to see who's there, what their mood appears to be .. anything but worship. Add that to a not-so-great lighting scheme in our church that can trigger migraines or vertigo on bad days, and it doesn't bother me a bit to be one of the first to sit. .. I believe in intelligent obedience, not blind obedience (except to God of course)!
We always have a time of meet and greet in the middle of singing. Sometimes the worship leader has us sit after the meet and greet for the remaining singing, and sometimes he wants us to stay standing. So every Sunday there is a period of awkwardness immediately after the meet and greet while everyone tries to guess which way the worship leader is going to direct us this week.
Seriously?! 7 minutes. I'd be outty 5000. I feel for ya, man.
I've been the guy at the front still standing when everyone else has sat down…but it was at a Steely Dan gig! The audience all stood to applaud the band as they came on stage, and remained standing for the first couple of tunes….or so I thought. About halfway through 'Black Cow', I turned around to see a few thousand seated audience members who were wishing that me and the two guys either side of me would sit down…
On topic, as a worship leader, I've found that different congregations have different conventions on sitting and standing – some that I have led are in the habit of sitting and standing without prompting from the person at the front, and others will sit and stand only at the behest of said person. I'm sure that on another forum, a political point could be drawn from this, but it would only degenerate into name calling and the invocation of Godwin's law in a fairly short timeframe.
Hitler told people when to stand, bless his heart.
In the bulletin, we used to have asteriks next to the things where people were supposed to stand. It was simpleI, it was easy. Then they removed it because someone said it could be offensive if we had people in wheelchairs start coming. So now we are left guessing.
BTW, enjoyed the talk yesterday.
the best way around this (from a leader's point of view (which i am not)) is to say "feel free to stand, sit or kneel as you feel fit" – and then you don't have to worry about forgetting to tell people to sit again!
Does anyone ever kneel?
I, too, am among the wedding-standers. (We should start a support group.) The pastor forgot to tell people to sit after the bride entered, so we all stood for the whole ceremony. It was the most awkward wedding ever. Of course, on the other hand, it was the most memorable wedding I've ever attended, in that I'll never be able to forget it even if I bleach my brains.
I've been in church when that happened. But this only lasts about 30 seconds in a black church because they are bold and will get tired of standing. When this wave of sitting starts then the preacher realizes that he never told us to sit down. Shoot, some people in our churches don't make it through the reading of the scripture!
Oh the sitting and the standing. it is comical for sure. Great post!
Absolutely love this post!
Jon
I think that there are few more important posts in this same general theme.
I am basically a non-stander. I attend a large contemporary church and for almost all of our singing we are instructed to stand. I almost never do, or if I do stand, I am always seated again by the end of the first verse. If anyone asks I say it because I am honoring the sabbath by resting, that that isn't true, I usually am just tired.
Naturally, based upon the law of 11% (those who do not stand are assumed to be 11% less holy) I am regularly in need of ways to justify my refusal to stand. Alas I am neither elderly nor pregnant, (these being the reasons for sitting that have already been suggested by other commenters) nor is a small pillow likely to convince others that I am pregnant since I am male.
This leaves me in need of your help. There are two key issues. The first is on methods for sitting down without making it clear that I just don't plan to stand and the other is how to reduce the impact of the 11% rule. Right now I usually just try to sing loudly so that other near by will be convinced that while I appear disinterested in the latest new chorus, in fact I just have weak legs.
Suffice to say, any advice you have on the topic would be appreciated.
I actually had to remind our pastor to seat everyone at our wedding. The a/c was out…in GA…in June. I think he was so hot that he just couldn't keep it all straight!
had you not reminded the pastor they'd have all sat down naturally when they passed out
guess it's good you reminded him
Yeah…I'd just sit when my feet get tired. Anyone looking at me is most likely only doing so to see when I sit down so they won't be the first to sit down.
Funny, funny, funny. Who hasn't been in this position? Leanin' on the pew in front of you, shootin' quick glances around the sanctuary in search of some more seasoned member to sit down before you do or AT LEAST give you that knowing, sympathetic look.
Also, I am thinking a lot of you must have been at the same wedding. hilarious.
I'm an Anglican, and we go through a pretty serious set of pew aerobics in our services. Luckily, we sit, kneel, or stand at the same parts of the service every week, so if someone (usually not our priest, usually a lay reader or something) forgets to tell us to sit (or stand or kneel), we're more or less programmed to do so anyway. One of the reasons I love my husband is that he will be the 11% less guy with no qualms whatsoever. Because honestly, I'm that person too – I'm just more self-conscious.
I don't think this has happened during a worship experience I've attended but it has at weddings. Too many times to count. In almost all instances, I just sat down anyway. Usually because I always wear heels (I'm a short girl, ya'll) and my feet are so tired.