SCL

My Church doesn't have a choir so I've never had the joy of doing this. However, whenever I'm playing in our worship band I do find my eyes wandering over to my instrument. It's not going to do anything but sit there looking pretty but I can't help but look over at it from time to time. We've never had a stare off though.

Your dad's church in Durham sadly does not employ the tactic of SBPC… He has a nice little duo who leads worship!

I have been on both ends of the choir stare-down. When I first started attending a church with a choir I would let my eyes wonder over the choir members. The sopranos, altos and basses were pretty good at keeping their eyes diverted…the tenors, well they're usually a bunch of younger gentleman so they would naturally have wondering eyes. Unfortunately for one guy I have a bad case of church giggles so every time he was lock eyes with me I would start snickering. Poor guy had a complex for the better part of a year.
Then one day I joined choir. That's when learn the finer points of staring at either the back of the head of the person speaking or picking a spot somewhere just over everyone's head…usually the balcony.

It is even more fun at events with a childrens choir as many choir masters don't teach the concept of "sit still and don't pick your nose" very well.

I grew up in an SBPC. There has been a great Mustache Guy for several years to entertain me when I go back on Christmas Eve. I guess he was once this hardcore biker, and he's still got that look, but he's so joyful and free when he sings. It's really wonderful to watch.

I am a member of a SBPC. And, also being a good little church girl, I try to be aware that my face should be composed and attentive and, uh, appropriate during the service, just in case someone is looking at me. (I have tried to morph a yawn into a fake-cough so I don't look bored or sleepy). It's kind of a big responsibility – lots of pressure. It helps that I'm kinda into the whole "listening to the message" thing these days too. We're a small choir, but on any given Sunday, there's a couple of sleepys and a grumpy or two. (Sadly, we haven't had a mustache guy since the late 80s). But there's also a few super-angelic sweet saints in our choir. I'm blessed to sit among them.

I am a member of JP's church in Minneapolis, but I live in Nairobi, Kenya. working at a missionary here. (I'm also part of a great church here, but with no choir.) I wouldn't normally comment on such a readership, but this entry reminds me of an incident at Bethlehem Baptist a few years back.
You see, we used to have a SBPC and as you probably know we have more than one campus. At first we had a live feed to the 'other' campus, wherever JP wasn't preaching live. Later we moved to a digital recording of the Saturday evening sermon to be played at the 'other' locations the following morning.
Because of space in the pews the choir used to stay there during the sermon. That was until our friend, Mike who was sitting almost in the middle of the back row dozed off completely. It was either on live feed or recorded, I don't remember. There he was falling asleep for all to see at every location. Mike clinched it, from then on the choir always was released after worship.
Who knows, Mike might have been the one who pushed us to have that third service or even a third location because the choir really couldn't fit in the pews.

Yes. I most definitely had a SBPC at my church. I used to look at mustache guy a lot, but there was also the crying guy that I would look at. He would cry at pretty much anything ("There'll be a potluck after church-" "THANK You, Lord!") He even had the power to induce weeping on other people. Just one little nod to the person sitting next to me and the contagious water works would flow. People would almost avoid eye contact with him on the front two rows of both the choir loft and the congregation…. oh crying guy.

"mustachioed escapades" I resolve to use this in conversation today.

I remember staring at this women because she closed her book too early and didn't know the rest of the choir song. She saw that I was looking at her and tried to play off that she knew the rest of the song. I'm just thinking, "I'm just watching, I don't care if you shut your book too early and don't know the words."

I was a member of a SBPC for years. Now, we're released from duty before the sermon begins. While you had just the choir to distract you, we had the whole congregation

G-o-o-o-lly. What a concept: perhaps I'll try listening to the sermon.

We never have had an SBPC, though we did have what the architects of our old church called the "Bride/Cry room". It is a room in the back that was supposed to be where the bride would wait for the wedding to start if we ever had a wedding at our church or, during sermons, where parents could bring their crying babies. It ended up being a place where nursing mothers, parents of sick kids and all the latecomers who were too embarrassed to walk to the seats in the front of the church would go. It had a TV to watch the sermon or worship. However, it also had a window, so that, if you sat in the right place, you could watch the pastor. It also gave you great access to watching church members during service times. I usually never went to the window seats, because I knew I would be too distracted.

Visited a church once with, not only SBPC, but also associate pastors sit in all the mini-thrones on the platform, orAPSIATMTOTP, if you will, and they are always serious with loud amens at inappropriate
times while looking very super-spiritual, (I was trying to create the longest SCL sentence ever, but I think I’ve failed miserably.), so just imagine trying to pay attention to the sermon with SBPC _and_ APSIATMTOTP to distract you!!!!

sigh. I have to sit up front or I findmyself wondering if the zit on the back of his neck is going to pop and get me in the eye or if her waaaaaay too tight bra will finally say, I concede this battle, and surrender its little hooks and, well, you’ve probably got a good picture going in your mind, now. Sometimes I wonder, did I put enough water in that roast or is the house burning down as I worry about his zit and pretend to listen to the sermon. I don’t actually need the SBPC or the APSIATMTOTP to help out.

I use to work with a guy that had the most impressive mustache I've ever seen. It was hypnotic whether he was talking or singing. It was like it had a life of it's own. He was in a gospel quartet but of the two times I saw them sing I honestly can't remember anything. I think the Mustache controlled my mind and made me forget. How could a mere cat burglar resist such power? It is possible you sat next to the man in question but the Mustache changed your memories.

Our choir at the church I grew up in used to be a SBPC, even when it was just a "praise team" of a few people. But now they've taken out the choir risers to put in a drum kit.. oh yeah!

But my mom was in the choir/praise team… and I'd have stare downs with her… mainly b/c i was sitting out there, arms crossed, trying not to roll my eyes at the new pastor they got when I was away at college. It was hard to take a pastor seriously when every Sunday he'd work the latest movie he just saw into the sermon, whether it fit or was appropriate or not!

So yeah, on more than one occasion, I got that "BEHAVE, I'M WATCHING YOU!" eye from my mom in the choir.. lol

I'm in the choir, but we don't SBP … we just SBMSWL (sit behind metro-sexual worship leader) — we're dismissed before the sermon. But oh! the 25 minutes of worship and the choir set is still plenty of time for us to give the congregation a sideshow to watch.

My personal favorite was a couple years ago when all of the men teamed up to watch a Broncos game on a laptop, IN the choir loft, DURING the service! They put it on the floor while we were standing, singing in worship, and every now and then someone in the front row would kick it to knock it out of sleep mode.

I always wondered what the congregation was thinking as they watched 20 men jostle each other to see the screen; engage in silent-but-highly-visual ref yelling; and fist-pumping to the beat of every sack, safety and interception.

My current church has a rotating mini-choir (5-6 people per week), and no robes. And every single week, *regardless* of who is singing, there will be two women who are dressed nearly identically. Depending on their age and parenthood status, it can range from perfectly in sync with current New York high fashion to got-dressed-in-the-dark-possibly-from-the-kids'-dresser.

And I'm not sure if this is a common thing or particular to him, but: there is one man in our choir who uses a wheelchair or sometimes a cane, and for services he decorates it rather extravagantly in the proper liturgical color of the seaon. It is fantastic.

You totally need to do a children's choir version of this post.

I think a Sit Behind Pastor CHAIR is a worse kind of SBPC. Our formerly-Baptist-turned-evangelical-non-denominational New England church has one of those. It's one chair on the platform, and the staff pastors seem to take turns sitting in it. It's whichever one has a part in the service but is not actually preaching the sermon that week. Sometimes the senior pastor will sit there when an outside guest speaker is preaching.

The hot-seat guy has to sit there between his bits (scripture reading, announcements, prayer, etc.). It's much more awkward than the choir because there are no mustaches or sleepily nodding heads to take the focus off him. So if the sermon gets boring or the preacher isn't animated enough, hot-seat guy in the SBPChair gets stared down by the entire congregation.

Our senior pastor is the winner at SBPChair. When he sits there, he is able to keep his total attention on the person preaching and look fascinated and attentive the whole time. It's like a living sermon on active listening. Hm. Maybe that's actually the secret purpose of the SBPChair.

No one is checking out Cougars?

The funniest SBPC I watched brought snacks to share each Sunday. They would pass the rustling bag of candies/cookies/whatever in such a way that you could tell they thought they were sneaking it around. The guys on the back row chomped the stuff (usually hard candy) so loud that they got to competing with the pastor.

As I was reading about your five favorites, I actually could picture one of each from the choir of the church I went to when I was growing up (Don, Fred, Sue, Ted and Sharon). I was there so long that I managed to join the SBPC and will readily admit to filling 2 of the 5 categories on more than one occasion. I'm not going to say which 2, but let's just leave it at, I can only imagine the joy (with great jealousy, mind you) of going on mustachioed escapades, and that I tend to be the clear winner in most staring contests.

I grew up in the Good Ole North "Yankee Country" and had never see the SBPC before moving to Louisiana. The during that time they had powder blue robs was un-nerving to say the least. I was always looking at this lady with the helmet head. Now we had discontinued the SBPC and have worship lead by a great guy with a guitar !!

I am trying to catch the eye of people I know in choir and wave hi. Maybe I shouldn't be doing that…

we have a "choir loft" so technically, they're not a SBPC, but they're still up on the chancel (thus why we call them the Chancel Choir). my high school choir, and now the young adult choir i'm in sometimes have to sit up in the choir loft for special things, and non-service performances (my church is very music-oriented). i've never noticed anybody staring at me, but as a middle schooler and a high schooler i used to watch the choir myself

Some of the most awkward times of my life as a kid were the choir sundays. It was like a vortex that I could not avoid looking at. So much entertainment in one room. i have seen every single person you are talking about and would not have it any other way. But ya, it was always very difficult to pay attention on the sermon and not the old lady on the front row who keeps dozing off or the guy in the back row who just picked his nose.

The best is the 10 person choir of the small churches. This is when the real action happens. There is always a soloist in that group, and usually they like to sing as high as they can and directly into the choir mics. The things we do to entertain ourselves in church services.

In my childhood church, we had a choir. And they sat behind the pastor and his posse. In retrospect it was a little uppity and weird. But it’s what I grew up with, so it seemed normal.

My best friend’s mom was in the choir – third row towards the middle. My goal was to make as many stupid faces and pretty much anything to get her to laugh. People around me just have thought I was a wreck of a child with my antics. I don’t know why my parents didn’t stop me either, maybe I was sneaky in my shenanigans. But I didn’t notice the people around me or my parents because I would get an intense “stare down tunnel vision” with my friend’s mom. Most would conclude that she should have ended my behavior by looking away – but I must have been captivating (or more likely she kept looking at me because I sat next to her daughter – so she had to keep an eye on us). Anyways, I usually won each Sunday with a good laugh or smile from her. While I have no idea what the pastor said, her mom made me feel loved and I had a good churchy time.

LOL. I love this post. Once, in youth choir we were being aired on the radio and the choir was mike from above. One of the youth that wasn't really a regular actuallly uttered a curse word loud enough to be picked up on air. The pastor had a long talk with us the next week….

There's a really tall guy in the choir at our church, so I normally look at him. He's usually standing on the bottom row and his head still manages to reach above all the people in the top row. Needless to say, choir times aren't very worshipful for me, unless you count giggling as worship…which I do.

Just had to say ROTFL! Loved this! I honestly can’t remember staring at anyone in particular. My own mind kept me pretty busy…or my friends and the notes we exchanged. LOL Also, the church I grew up in released the choir to their seats. I’ll have to pay closer attention next time I visit a church with an SBPC.

Staring at choir members was our major form of entertainment as children. My sister and I even learned how to sign the alphabet, so we could play games kind of like "I spy" with questions and answers about the choir members. And we weren't "talking" so we didn't get in trouble. However, it was sometimes hard not to have the shoulders shaking up and down from laughter.

the Aqua Net hairspray helmet head lady is always intriguing for me… Not sure why…

An older woman in the choir, "Charlotte," a fellow alto, would always always always make as much noise as possible while getting out a cherry Luden's from her purse. Depending on who was the music minister at any given time, the choir sometimes stayed in the choir loft the whole service, too. Whenever the pastor said something Charlotte did not agree with, she would leaned over as if to whisper something smarmy about it in my ear. I'd dash a glance at my friends sitting in the pews because they knew what was coming — here comes the lean! — Charlotte didn't know how to whisper. She'd lean toward me in an attempt make a quiet jab at the pastor, except the whole loft AND platform could hear. I would be so mortified and never knew if I should chuckle along with her or give a face of disapproval or what. After all — EVERYBODY in the congregation is staring! Heh heh.

i used to experience "the stare down" with my dad…
sometime he would cut me these condescending glances that made me want to rededicate my life to Christ, but then other times we would subtly make faces at each other to see who laughed first…
those were good times…

what about the mustache lady? She used to scare kids like me. Then I got to know her and it turns out she's quite nice.

I would like to make a distinction between a nodder and a sleeper. The nodder just "rests his eyes" and enables the "jello neck" syndrome. A sleeper slowly falls forward until her head hits the back of the person in front of her. I'm pretty sure I've missed multiple sermons watching the sleeper.

Also there is the nose picker. I'm thinking he believes the robe is the invisiblity cloak because how can you pick your nose in front of 200+ people and think that no one saw you?

Jon,
well done, you only forgot one…the finger pointer…we have often pondered the possibility of giving this lady a foam finger that says something like "Go God"…it has become her trademark. At strategic points in the song, she gives the 'sanctified' finger (it is her index finger for the easily offended) and the choir explodes into audible awesomeness!!

long live the finger pointer!!

I’m in a choir that sits in front of, and below the pastor in the pulpit. So because we’re below, we’re not immediately in everyone’s field of view. We don’t have robes, though, so I stand out by being the guy who’s not wearing a suit.

One time on a youth group weekend we went to a church local to the youth hostel, but we got there slightly late, and on a day they were full up. The only space for us was in the choir (beside and behind the pastor).

My favorites are the two ladies who sit next to each other in the choir and have their own conversation the entire time the pastor is talking. I go from being indignant at just how blatantly rude they are to finding it rather hilarious. Sure, I make comments during the sermon to, but at least I do it to the pastor's face, not behind his back.

I don't thinki've ever been to a church with a SBPC. I do find myslef watching the audience from the stage. I play in the band for my church about once a month. Our church has 4 services so eventually i don't have to focus so hard on the music and tend to stare off into what you call the civilians.

I was in the church choir for a while and I think it goes both ways. People in the congregation tend to forget that we can see everything they do, even if we wished we couldn't. I remember one Sunday looking up into the balcony and seeing two of our youth group kids making out during the sermon. Yeah. The next Sunday I was temporarily kicked out of the choir to play balcony chaperone. The kids never sat there again. Good times.

I also used to count the number of people falling asleep in the congregation. There was always that moment, right before the pastor started the sermon, that you could see all the "sleepys" discreetly turning off their hearing aids to get some uninterrupted shut eye. I often wondered how the pastor could stand it. Had it been me I would have called them out right from the pulpit…which is probably why I am not a pastor. Hehe =0)

I was in choir in college and watched many of our choirs perform in while in undergrad. I also occasionally go to mass where there is a choir.

There is only been one reason why I've ever stared at choir member. It is not listed here, perhaps because the reason for doing so is predictable and obvious.

I sing in the choir, and we leave the platform before the sermon, so I've never had the whole staredown thing happen. But throughout the week I often have people come up to me and say "hey, I saw you singing in the choir!" It makes me feel a little bit like a celebrity.

I don't remember staring at someone, but long ago I remember being stared at. I was about 15 or so and this creepy dude of about 20 used to kind of follow me. He wanted to go out with me, but thank you Lord for strict fathers who would never in million years let their 15 year old daughter date let alone date a 20 year old. Anyway this did not seem to deter creepy guy. He would sit in one of the front rows of the church and mouth "I love you" from his seat. <shiver> still creeps me out to this day. Thankfully we did get to go sit down before the sermon began!

My dad has one of those mustaches…never solves crimes though…unless their on TruTV.

Well, there are a couple people I like to stare at WHEN they're singing because they make really funny faces. Our church kinda has a combo because some of the choir people leave and some stay during the sermon. I don't think enough stay for there to be anybody in all 5 categories, but since our choir members don't wear robes, the guy that wears a bow tie catches my attention. Not him actually. Just the bowtie.

haha! this brings back memories of when I saw members of the SBPC's fall asleep during said sermon.

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Once while sitting on the front row of a rather large choir, my friend gave me the elbow of "you won't believe this!" and I turned my head to see one of the most disturbing choir moments I have ever been a witness to. In all of my 42 years in church. One of our fellow choir ladies, who was apparently at that special age of the temperature challenged, had pulled the orchestra's oscillating fan away from them and had it positioned directly.between.her.knees. Under her robe. And was blissfully unaware of the mayhem she created all up in the choir

I love the movie reference “I have come here to chew bubblegum…” I’ve never seen the movie but my husband makes references to “we’re almost out of bubblegum” often!

Oops! Just commented under the hubby’s log-in. That was me!!

A couple of years ago, my dad's whole family went to his sister's place for Christmas. Needless to say we were the last ones to arrive at church on Christmas Eve. Like every other church on Christmas Eve, it was packed. Folding chairs clear to the front doors, etc…. As we arrived in groups (someone with Grandma and her cane, someone carrying the little ones, those who were driving and had to park a block away), we each just grabbed whatever chairs were available. I settled in with my dad and grandma, and started looking around. Imagine my surprise to crane my neck to see into the sanctuary, look up towards the altar, and see my mom, sister, uncle, and cousin seated in the choir "loft." Of a church that none of them are members of, or have ever attended. Of course I alerted my dad, because really, if you can't goof off with your siblings in church, where can you? So I caught my sister's eye and started silently laughing, and my dad did the same with his brother. When we went up for communion, we had to walk right by them, which was even better. Of course, since the moms could see the whole thing, it was much less amusing after church was over…