Watching the wrong movies.
Nov 4th by Jon- Tagged in:
- god,
- guilt,
- serious wednesday
A few weeks ago, I bumped into a problem that’s plagued me for years, if not decades.
Was it deodorant related? No, but thank you for asking. I am well aware of that issue. I’m Old Spice Red Zone all the way but fear I might have beaten it. Is that possible? Is it possible that my body has bested that deodorant and I need to move on to something else? I can’t wear Axe body spray in large part due to the countless semi-clothed ladies who uncontrollably throw themselves at you the minute you drench your skin in something named “Swagger.” I’m running out of deodorant options, and I’m not kidding. I was probably one of the only people who packed deodorant in the backpack they wore around the Catalyst Conference. Bible? Sure everybody had that. Notebook? Without a doubt. Deodorant? I had it. But that wasn’t the issue that came up …
Here’s what happened, I was sitting in my seat during the last session of the Catalyst Conference. It had been an amazing three days of just the craziest proportions. But sitting there, listening to Andy Stanley, I suddenly heard a familiar sound … rewind.
Like an old school VCR, the last three days rewound in my head and started to play through the worst moments of the conference.
Oh, there I am impatiently interrupting a conversation with someone just because I want to meet them.
Oh, there I am telling someone what the web traffic stats are for Stuff Christians Like.
Oh, there I am being not funny or not gracious or not a million things.
There I am failing and falling and stumbling and missing the mark in countless ways.
That’s what I tend to do after an experience. I sit down and my head immediately starts to obsess on the things that could have gone better, the small moments or big moments in which I could have done things differently. The cracks in my thin little façade of perfection. I watch a failure movie over and over until I feel really insecure and useless.
Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever seen a regret movie in your head? Something you said at work or a ball you dropped or a relationship you messed up? Have you ever watched the memory of your worst moments?
Maybe not, maybe regret cinema is something you never buy a ticket to, but I do, and I’ve done it for years, until that afternoon at Catalyst.
Out of nowhere, I felt like God interrupted the film with a question.
“Jon, when you go to Disney World with your kids, what do you talk about when you get back? Do you sit down at the dinner table and review the worst moments of the trip? Do you talk through and obsess over the ways L.E. and McRae could have been better? Do you focus on the tantrums and the meltdowns and all the ways your kids weren’t perfect waiting in line for the rides? Or do you laugh? Do you celebrate the happy moments? Do look at the pictures and the smiles and the joy that abounded? Which thing do you do as a father?”
That was an easy question for me to answer. I rewind the joy. I celebrate and remember the happiness. I would never sit my kids down and hand pick out their worst moments from an experience and make them watch them as I played those over and over again at the dinner table.
“Right, and you’re a human.” I felt like God said. “You’re a human father and you don’t do that. If that’s the case, think then how much more loving and perfect I am in my relationship with you. If you don’t do that, why would you ever think I would? The failure movie is not my film. That is not of me.”
I pushed pause. In that moment I stopped the film and I remembered a verse, Romans 8:1:
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, …”
If I’m being honest, sometimes I rewrite that verse in my head. I write it, “There is now some condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Or “There is now at least a little condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” But that’s not what it says.
There is no condemnation.
There is no condemnation.
There is no condemnation.
Will the Holy Spirit convict you? Certainly. Will God reveal areas of your heart He wants to shine His light into? Without a doubt. Will God condemn you? Will God press play on the failure film of your life? Will He make you mentally relive your worst moments over and over again? No. That’s not God, that’s an attack.
And I think it’s time for all of us to stop watching the wrong movies.
Comments
Jon, thanks for being transparent and honest! I love the analogy of you sitting down with your kids after a trip to Disneyland. I am hoping that's what will pop in my head the next time I start to go down that rewind road.
I do believe this may be my favorite post ever. I needed to hear that, NEED to hear that now, and will need to hear it again tomorrow. And the next day, and the next. There's a big difference between learning from your mistakes and bludgeoning yourself to death with them, and I do the latter to the point that I've died a thousand deaths by now. I'm printing this one out and tucking it in my wallet. Thanks, Jon…
Ah, the wretched rewind. It has plagued me for so long.
When it comes right down to it, I'm a very insecure person. I think for me this is largely a pride issue. I care far too much about what others think of me. If I say something stupid, do something goofy, or even just reveal a part of my personality that they wouldn't like very much, I worry about it and regret it so much. The words echo over and over again in my head, but I can't change them. It keeps me from sleeping, from being productive, and all around makes my head a very unpleasant place to be. So then I put on a facade of invented ethos, attempting to recover my rep.
But in the end, what people think of me is just as important as what a tree thinks of me. I need to start looking to God for my standard and self-image – He's the only one that will ever matter. Thanks for these words of encouragement, and especially for the Bible verse. No condemnation – how sweet the sound.
scott,
"review film of the game" made me think of bucky dent. i'm a red sox fan, and there are certain fans who watch the replays and relive heartbreak. ever seen "fever pitch"?
but in Christ we can learn from mistakes and move on. red sox fans know not to love in the archives, cause they'll break your heart. but faith renews us.
i know God is bigger than sports, but so many unchurched folks can relate to being a fan. my apologies for the sloppy metaphor.
Gah. I think everyone does this too much….it's VERY hard sometimes to see ourselves as Christ sees us. It's hard to accept that we aren't perfect…such a silly brain we have sometimes!
Jon……
if you have a regret film starting anytime soon, please remember……God speaks to us thru you — thank you for being willing to be the conduit.
Oh, GOSH. All the TIME! My favorite showtime at Regret Cinema is when I'm having my Emo-with-God time and we're all listening to Counting Crows and curled up in the fetal position on the bed and stuff…rewind rewind rewind.
Sometimes I go to the movie theater and afterwards wish I had gotten up and walked out of the movie. Next time the regret film starts playing…I'm going to get up and walk out.
I loved this – I do this way too often. Thank you for that reminder that there is absolutely no condemnation in Jesus. Not even for me.
That was simple, yet incredibly insightful post. Regret is one of my biggest problems. I regret not doing certain things in my past and wish I had a time machine to fix it. But you never do. What we do have is a unformed future and confidence with God's help.
Mitchum is the best deodorant. It is so good they don’t even advertise it in most of the US. They don’t have to. They’re deodorant is so good they barely even try to sell it. In fact, they are so happy about the creation of such an awesome deodorant/antiperspirant, that they stopped caring about making money. I heard they give it to Walgreens for free and the store makes 100% profit.
They stand by their promise, “So effective, you could even skip a day.” And I have. Oh yes, I have.
BTW if you use Mitchum, be prepared to have dry armpits even while scuba diving.
Serious Wednesday strikes and quite deeply.
Good reminder about our shared situation as believers.
I've been down many times thinking back to things I "should" have done with my life. There are mistakes to learn from and apply the next time around, sure, but then there are things that just have their consequences and there's nothing you can do about it. It's those things that are definitely part of the attack, and your words hit home. Thank you!
Hit me like a ton of bricks. We are always quick to point out each other's faults. But we need to affirm each other and build each other up instead. We'll fail less when we are proud of ourselves and our accomplishments. Not when we constantly remember how crappy a job we did on something.
Oh my…God has really been showing this to me lately.
Ironically enough one of the videos I recently rewinded was a time when I misquoted that verse and someone corrected me, making me feel like an idiot or a heretic. I think I said "there is now no condemnation" or something silly or nitpicky. How amusing that my flashback proved the necessity of the verse
Good stuff, Jon. Thanks for sharing what God is teaching you. I hope that your next book contains a bit more Wednesday material
Wow Jon! I used to kinda skim through Serious Wednesdays, now I'm totally taken in.
There are days I feel like I am the director of that crazy movie and just can't scream "CUT!"
Thanks again for pointing out what we know, but saying it in a way we can relate to right now!
New site rocks man!
I do this all of the time. Thanks for helping me realize how destructive this is.
Regret Cinema. Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove it!
honestly, this has happened fewer and fewer times. If these past few years were a marquee, God's neon sign over it would be "Grace." I've accepted it a lot more than I ever have before. Although I might rewind here and there, it's freed me up to not dwell on the moments where I totally blow it.
Old Spice Red Zone is the truth. Period.
I needed this. I needed this.
For years I didn't like to go into groups because of those regret movies. I constantly apologized for things they hadn't noticed. Finally someone apologized to me for something I didn't find offensive. "Good grief. Is that me?" I thought. Now I just don't allow the thoughts and enjoy my outings much more.
Thanks for the good post.
Ha! I wrote the words to a song recently – the chorus says I'm just looking for a ticket off the island of Regret – I think I like Regret Cinema even better!
Either way, lets put an end to it.
I have long since had this theory that our bodies build up resistance to the same deodorants the same way we do with drugs and alcohol….seriously i think there is something to that.
Wow. I wish you wrote this about a year and a half ago. I so needed it back then.
That's totally not how I thought this post was gonna go. I kept waiting for you to confess to watching Zombieland and really enjoying it….Oh wait. That was me…Sawry.
oof…
Woah. I was just in the middle of a regret cinema session when I decided to read your website. Thank you so much for this. Serious Wednesday posts are always exactly what I need to hear.
I can't express to you how much of a God thing it is that I read this tonight. I just got home a bit ago from preaching in a service that I didn't know I was preaching in until 5 hours beforehand. Needless to say, my preparation was lacking. During the message I felt like I was speaking a different language. I felt downright inadequate as a speaker. Then afterward I did just what you were talking about. I thought back and all I could seem to remember was everything negative. Now I'm sitting here in tears so thankful that I read your post. Thanks so much for sharing.
[...] I loved Jon’s post about “Regret Cinema” so much that I think I said “amen” after I read [...]
All I can say in response to this is thanks, Jon. I needed to hear this today. It's time to start watching the right movies!
This one is one for the books! Definitely applies to me! Thanks!!!!!
Okay, so I do that. Ugh! Never thought about that verse being connected to how I focus on my failures and regrets before. Mayebe I'm slow, just always applied it to not taking on stuff from other people. Thanks.
[...] I want to share a great post with you from Stuff Christians Like. [...]
UH.HUH.
[...] This post is particularly good. [...]
Great post. Thank you.
So true, Jon. My problem is seeing the difference between the Spirit using the Word to convict me of sin and Satan using the Word to condemn me in my sin. I think I usually get it wrong…
[...] Watching the wrong movies not what you think it’s about! [...]
This is the third Wednesday in a row I have come REEEALLY close to crying in the library. Thank you
[...] Watching the wrong movies (Stuff Christians Like – Jon Acuff – @prodigaljohn) [...]
wow i'm behind on scl – i blame midterms.
this post is just what i needed. i do this so often, it can be so painful. i'm lucky to have a great memory, but unfortunately i never forget the regrets and failures.
there is no condemnation.
i'm going to write that on my whiteboard.
thanks, as usual
I was out of town last week so I didn't read this until Monday, but I loved the message! It was so poignant to what I'm hearing this week that I linked it in a recent blog post (http://abyrdinhishands.blogspot.com/2009/11/how-p... Thanks so much for the reminder of what Romans 8:1 REALLY says!
So…. I used to do the very same thing! It would be 2 AM, and I'd feel my face go pink as I quickly covered my head with the covers and re-lived the embarrassing parts of my day. THEN – an epiphany (and it wasn't God reminding me as He reminded you)…. somewhere in my city – there wasn't a person at 2 AM suddenly awakened going, "WAIT remember that GIRL on the subway who totally tripped and almost fell as she went to her seat?! That was hi-larious!"
It then occurred to me that I was the only one to extend the embarrassment to more than the actual minutes the incident occurs.
DANGIT – I just realized I'm talking embarrassing moments and you were talking about things you weren't happy you did. Different.
Sorry.
missed this the first time. I eat, drink, and breathe my failure. I can't imagine how anyone else can NOT see every way in which I'm a failure. It is before and behind and all around me.
And yet all my friends think I'm wonderful; they can't see how I can think I'm a failure. If they only knew, they would beat me, shun me, be totally out of my life, and they would see to it that no one else ever made the mistake of associating with me. They couldn't possibly love me or accept me, for I am the worst person in the world.
God knows the truth of me, maybe even a bit better than I do.
I can kind of handle and accept the things that God "doesn't": He doesn't hate me. He doesn't have plans to destroy me. He doesn't want me to live in misery.
And I've manufactured a whole list of things God "must": He must be tired of me committing the same sins over and over. He must have lost His patience with me by now. He must be ready to let me live in the full consequences of all my wrong decisions.
And I forget (ignore?) some things that God "does": He DOES love me. He DOES want to bless me in spite of my sin. He DOES want me to live in full submission to Him. He DOES see me through, even in the midst of my wrong decisions.
Thank you, Jon, for making me cry (on Serious Saturday, no less!), for showing me a great new flick in town, and for showing me more of the heart of The Father Who LOVES me.