Zakk has pants! Zakk has pants!
Nov 12th by Jon
"Just pants, gonna be OK, boo do bada just pants."
I’m happy to say that yesterday we raised over $3,000 toward building 2 kindergartens in Vietnam and we were able to add some pants to our Metrosexual Worship Leader, Zakkhaeus Barnabas Fouteknote. Or “Zakk” if you will.
If we raise $3,000 more today, we’ll add not one but two more elements of worship flair to Zakk. (And we’re only about $2,100 away from hitting our daily goal.)
Click here to donate.
(Love the $5 and $10 donations by the way, those are bigger than you know.)
Though I was tempted to dress him in tight lady jeans, because I know some worship leaders are rocking those right now, I realized that it would be too hard for me to avoid quoting the line, “My pants are tight and that’s OK” from the Beastie Boys. For some reason, that period of rap always makes me miss Young MC, so I probably would have had to quote “Bust a Move.” (She’s dressed in yellow, she said hello.) And I promised Billy Graham I wouldn’t use any Young MC lyrics during this campaign we’re doing with Samaritan’s Purse.
OK, I made that last part up. Billy Graham loves Young MC. OK, made up that part too. I don’t know if he does, but one thing I do know is that Zakk loves his new jeans.
There they are, with thick red stitching that seems to yell, “I’m going to make you respect my ability to hold pants together. Other stitches might be content to play a role behind the scenes, but not me. Look at me!” And the completely random white flourish by the pocket is perfect. (Wes Molebash is rocking this illustration.) Is that a dove? Is it a work of art? Is it a white sunrise rising over a sea of True Religion denim? Hard to say my friends. Hard to say.
But Zakk has pants and that’s pretty exciting.
What’s more exciting is we’re about to cross the $40,000 total raised so far on our way to $60,000 and if we hit another $3,000 today, Zakk gets even doper looking. Let’s do it.
Click here to donate
I do have a few questions about Zakk though that I think we need to figure out:
1. If he has a band that plays outside of church, is he forced as someone mentioned in the comments to name it “the Zakk Attack?” If not, what is the name of his band?
2. What does he do for fun when he’s not metro’ing the day away?
3. What kind of car is he driving?
Comments
I'm thinking Zakk is rocking the Jeep 'cause he was that youth group juggernaut just a couple of years ago- the Guitar-Playing-Jeep-Driving guy!
Yeah, I'm feelin' the Jeep, too. A black Wrangler.
I was thinking Jeep too.
Good point there, double points for being the youth group juggernaut AND the metro worship leader.
That is definitely what he is driving.
Oh I am just happy his hands relaxed… I felt awkward all day for him!
But his left hand is poised in a fist, ready to punch Wes if he covers up his deep v.
If one of my cartoons ever punched me, I would scream like a 13-year-old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert and run out of my house. That would be weird.
That comment just made me think of McGee and Me…
hahaha ditto!
I also noticed his eyebrows relaxed… Can we get a Zakk Barbie when it's all done?
I love that they've only relaxed a little bit. He is still hanging out barefoot and in his undershirt! Wes- brilliant illustrating!
Thank you so much!
As long as he has a pedicure, he can STAY barefoot…
He drives a Beamer convertable.
Thanks Jon for the preview of Zakk's new jeans last night at NP. I do like the added flair on the pocket – takes the jeans up a notch. Can't wait for Zakk's next piece of attire – my vote is for TOMS shoes. Since I consider Steve Fee to be the perfect model for the Metrosexual Worship leader, I think it only fitting that Zakk have TOMS.
We're going to give him a French Press, right? I mean, he's got to have his Free Trade, shade-grown, organic coffee, right?
Oh, yeah, and he needs to smile, at least by the time we get a shirt on him. He still looks like he hasn't had his caffeine.
Zakk micro-roasts his Fair Trade single origin coffee in his home Zach & Dani's roaster.
Zakk micro-roasts his Fair Trade single origin coffee in his home Zach & Dani's roaster.
he drives something trendy, but really really metro… like a civic hybrid :-p
So, I just had to mention that I have a 3 month old son named Zak, and his nickname is Zak Attack…and we also call it a Zak attack when he spits up or wees on someone. So if it weren't for the fact that our Zak has only one K, I'd say that Zakk would be forced to find a new name for his band.
When he's not worshipping it up, Zakk hangs out in mom-n-pop coffee shops and reads Kurt Vonnegut, George Orwell, biographies about Gandhi, and Donald Miller.
What? No Rob Bell? Zakk firmly believes that whole paragraphs are for old people.
And by that, I mean this.
Perfect, this is the exactly what I imagined zakk doing
When he's not worshiping it up, Zakk is hanging out in mom-n-pop coffee shops where he read Kurt Vonnegut, George Orwell, biographies about Gandhi, and Donald Miller.
But Wes… I drive a BLUE Wrangler…:)
We should have had YOU model for the metro worship leader, Marty.
and the band name should be… The Zakk Fouteknote Experience
I think he needs to drive something Green like a Prius
I definitely think he needs to drive a hybrid.
And in defense of Zakk Attakk, I did say that would have been the name of his first band, like when he was a teenager. I'm sure he's moved on to something much more awesome (and possibly with more k's).
I hope the deep v-neck is still visible somehow. Don't forget jewelry / accessorizing ! Maybe a scarf/wrap…and holding a Starbucks…soy latte with whipped cream. Maybe a soul patch growing under the bottom lip, yeh?
Maybe the band could be named after the coffee shop his friends met in to start the band. It's like a metro-reminder of their heritage, forever enshrined on Twitter. Something like 'bean factory' which they can then claim is a postmodern joke on the institutions which create 'human beans'.
Of course this coffee shop also becomes the 'other office' for the design work he does as a day-job. He's the sort that is always on his computer, yet avoids becoming a 'computer geek'.
I'm not sure he needs to drive, being young and carefree he can take the bus or the metro everywhere – he doesn't need to be anywhere in a hurry! Though when pressed I think he would have a secret desire for the new Honda Civic, you know the one that looks a bit like a space ship.
He's a Mac user. I think that's a given.
Absolutely. Earlier today my friends were arguing about whether you can tell if someone is a windows or a mac person by how they look. I think Zakk is definitely a mac
When I was in college, I was in a band called Common Ground, which, when pluralized, makes an obvious (and often-used) name for a coffee shop.
Of course, Zakk might prefer the spelling "Kommon Ground," or, if that just looks to German, "Kkommonn Ground."
he drives some sort of hybrid vehicle, making the rest of us feel like crap for not doing our part to save the environment.
oh and please give him some scruffy facial hair, the kind that says "i'm grizzly, but it took me forever to shape this goatee into looking like the perfect combo of groomed & grizzly"
Doesn't he, by definition, have to drive a silver Audi or VW?
Or maybe a silver Volvo, but probably not, because he'd be afraid that would give away his secret: he read Twilight. But in his defense, he only did it because his wife asked him to. Zakk is sensitive like that.
In his spare time, he plays Frisbee. But he never gets sweaty.
Ha ha! He stops playing Frisbee BEFORE he gets sweaty. As soon as his core temperature starts to increase he tells the group he has to go to the church office and print out chord sheets for the youth members of the worship band. Then he makes a mad dash for his car where he has a secret stash of AXE deodorant and Hugo Boss cologne in the glove compartment.
I love all of your environmentally friendly suggestions, but I'm pretty sure he's driving an el camino…with racing stripes
Zac is young and so very concerned about the environment, unfortunately he doesn't have tons of extra money because, well it costs a lot to dress right, so he can't afford a new Prius. Zac researched it and found out he could get a used VW Jetta turbo diesel and save the planet while styling. Now he is driving a 2005 Jetta turbo diesel and running it on bio diesel because it is better for the environment and hecka cheaper.
Love the V-neck.
He definitely drives a hummer.
His band HAS to be Zakk Attakk.
And he obviously loves Starbucks.
1. Yes, Zakk Attack is acceptable.
2. Probably writing poetry somewhere.
3. I'm with Nick the Geek on this one. VW Jettta turbo diesel. The color would be either silver or white.
"zakk attack' is great! that was the name of zach's band on "saved by the bell"! i totally could see him growing up to be a metro worship pastor (or NYPD).
ps – why do you put songs in my head?
He's driving an Audi he can't afford, up in an club "witnessing" to non-Christian musicians over drinks, and trying to get his band, AllTogetherSeparate, to open for the cool bands.
Is Zakk going to get more confidence as his wardrobe expands? Because right now he's looking dazed and confused. But cute. Thanks for your talk at NPCC last night. With swag buttons!
seriously, he looks like my 14 yr old!
1. His band is an obscure Greek word (Like Psuchen or something like that). In his side band, he goes by the name Young Zakk B, and his drummer is rocking a David Crowder goatee.
2. He edits short films on his Macbook set to a soundtrack he composed.
3. He may have been the Guitar-Playing-Jeep-Driving guy in high school, but he traded the jeep in for a Scion XD when he got the gig as Worship Pastor.
I think it's basically this. Although, I think he would just go by "Z".
He cruises around town on an old school Schwinn. Isn't it obvious?
Is "Zakk has pants" possibly the weirdest SCL post title yet?
I don't know if Zakk is a good Metro Worship Leader… I think he has stage fright! Look at those eyes! Metro Worship leaders have a much calmer look on their face.
Zakk's vehicle has to be big enough to carry sound equipment for his band, Fouteknote No More. Maybe a VW van that burns biodiesel? Did Zakk's wife get a name yet?
I believe she was given the name Jett in a previous reader comment.
1. If Zakk has a band outside the church, and the band name involves his own name, it must (of necessity) be spelled 'Zakk Attakk'.
2. This is a trick question. The Metrosexual Worship Leader is always metro'ing something. It's part of his nature, just like goodness is a part of God's nature. The two cannot be separated.
3. When not able to cruise around on his trendy bicycle, Zakk cruises around the city on his electric scooter. Complete with racing stripes, bubble helmet, and retro goggles.
Heh, love how you turned "metro" into a verb. He's just metro'ing…all the time metro'ing.
Reminds me of an episode of Strong Bad in homestarrunner where he talks about "lady-ing"
Yeah, the scooter would work for him too; as long as he had a fancy laptop backpack to keep his macbook safe.
So I just want to say my name is Zakk, and well I'm pretty stoked about this. Being that I'm pretty much awesome (by God's blessing of course) I'd be glad to offer some insight into the creation of this character.
Oh my….there really is a Zak with two ks….
So tell us, Zakk with two ks, would our metrosexual worship leader Zakk have manicured nails? Is that how Zakks with two ks roll? Or is that taking it just a step too far?
Zakk is definitely driving the Scion XD. It's affordable and has lots of room for his instruments.
One thing that Zakk does often in conversation is named drops bands that you did not even know existed.
Names that you did not know where even possible and genres of music that you have never heard of.
He also likes to talk about how Earth Wind and Fire is inspiring him to write new worship music.
He Drives: A jeep
His Band Name: Some word for Greek or just the zakk (enter last name here) band
Yes! Zakk totally talks about obscure bands no one has every heard of!
Some people call me double k, I let them, also, Zakk attack is acceptable, however I prefer Zakk attackk, 2 k's and all… If I need to get work done or meet with people I hang out here, http://gonewiredcafe.net/
I think they might be building this dude off of you. I see the double K's that is pretty unusual, so maybe you might want to brand yourself or do some copyright stuff.
I'm glad he has pants now, at least.
1) The name of his band should be "Why are my eyes so big?"
2) He plays video games for fun.
3) He does not drive a car. He uses a moped.
We just hit $40,000 – Hot Diggety
woohooo! Don't forget to pass on the link, post to your facebook pages and tweet! If you haven't shared SCl… now's a fun time!
Don't forget the widget you can post on your blog too. It even automatically updates with the amount raised so far
We only need a $1000 to see the next stage in Zakk's metro-wardrobe!
Wes –
I think this one might be a squeaker!
Jon
One would assume he's wearing doedorant, right? I don't want him in anything Axe.
I know there's lots of suggestions for his band name but I actually heard Zakk's band. They're called "Kindergarten 2/60" and they draw the line at "Christmas Shoes".
HIs band's name should be "Kindergarten 2/60".
She's dressed in yellow, she says hello, come sit next to me you fine fellow… LOL
Thank you very much for getting that song stuck in my head! Love it…
You run over there without a second to lose, and what comes next? Hey – bust a move.
If you want it…. you got it!
*rockin out at my desk *
In the city, ladies look pretty
Guys tell jokes so they can seem witty
Tell a funny joke to get some play
Then you try to make a move and she says "no way"
Girls a fakin' … goodness sakin'
They want a man who brings home the bacon
Got no money and you got no car
Then you got no woman and there you are….
I do believe the above is one of the central reasons why I love the SCL community.
Please tell me that Zakk will eventually get a guitar…
Oh, noes, then all the musicians are going to have to have a huge fight over what KIND of guitar he would use…
More cowbell!
I second that motion for more cowbell
I THIRD the suggestion for more cowbell. and fourth + fifth if necessary. XD
Can he be driving a Ford Tempo? PLEASE?! A beige one. With lots of bumper stickers. Or we could ix-nay the bumper stickers, that works for me too. That would be awesome. =) Also, keep up the good work with donations! What a great cause. And such a fun way to get there!
I'm wondering whether the pants should be skinnier for a metrosexual worship leader?
also in his spare time he is probably a barista at a trendy local coffee shop!
Any way to donate via Pay Pal?
I don't think there is one set up yet. Several people have mentioned in the comments that it would be helpful so might be worth emailing jon about it
Indeed I wish there was. I have the access on paypal but not nearly so easy if I have to transfer money to my card first before I can donate…
Zakk's band is called "Zakkheus Barnabas Overdrive" (ZBO for short).
When he's not metro'ing, he lounges in his apartment feeling guilty for being slightly aroused watching Rachel Ray on the Food Network.
He drives a Pontiac Aztec.
LOL @ the Rachel Ray comment. It's all those low-neck shirts she wears. -_-;;
I haven't visited this blog in a long time, but I like the changes!
Does Zakk get to become the official SCL mascot when this is finished?
1. This way up
2. Writing his novel in starbucks on his personalized Dell Notebook while drinking Imitation Moccafrapachino's
3. He's driving one of those Environmentally friendly cars that allows you to travel from Melbourne to Sydney Australia on a single tank
Just wanted to say that I think Wes Molebash is pretty freaking awesome. I'm enjoying this as well as his 'Youll Have That' webcomic. ^_^
Yeah!
Zakk’s band would definitely be called Wakk Zakk because (1) They are the most rockingest bands ever so they would never be called “wack”, so might as well say since no one else will, (2) they couldn’t resist the play on his name, and (3) it hints at a youth event that involved Zakk, a bat, and everyone screaming “Piiinaattaaa!!” Second, Zakk would love nothing more than to dance like David in his spare moments (you know what I mean, pre-3,000 dollar mark). And Zakk most definitely rides out in a ‘Stang, nice and close to the ground since he shares the stature of his Biblical counterpart.