#1 social media mistake we all make.
Dec 21st by JonThe other day, a friend told me he wanted to start a ministry online. I haven’t been at this long but did learn a few things from the Vietnam adventure, so I told him I’d help him out.
My first question was simple, “Do you have a blog?”
He said, “No, but I’m starting one about this ministry.”
I asked him what his first few posts were going to be about. He said, “I’m going to tell them some statistics about how bad things are in the corner of the world I’m focusing on and then hopefully ask them to support the ministry.”
And that’s when he made the #1 social media mistake we all make. What is it? Simple …
We pretend people online are radically different from people offline.
There’s something weird that happens when writers and ministries and companies and pastors and churches go online. They’ve spent years, sometimes decades, learning how to be a vital, giving part of their real life communities. They’ve done the slow work of building relationships with neighbors and friends, and then they come online and throw all that out the window. They disconnect real life from online life as if the two are that different.
Take my friend. What he was proposing in online terms didn’t seem that crazy. He was going to start a blog about a ministry and then ask people for money. That’s not that big of a deal, but it fails one of the tests I think every website needs to pass. It fails the living room test.
When you’re trying something new in the social media realm, you need to ask yourself or your team or your church, this simple question:
“Would I do this in someone’s living room?”
That sounds dumb maybe, but it’s the kind of question that reframes what you’re doing.
If I asked my friend if he’d ever knock on a stranger’s front door, march inside their living room, tell them a bunch of random facts and then ask them for money without introducing himself, he’d quickly say “no.”
If I asked you if you’d ever mail a complete stranger, who you’d never had a conversation with, a t-shirt with your company’s logo on it and then in a form letter ask her to tell every one of her friends and family members that you’re awesome and can be trusted with their money, would you do that? No, you’d never do that.
But we do that kind of thing all the time. And I think we do, because we forget that people online are a lot like people offline. They want to be treated with respect and compassion and curiosity. They want to be listened to and engaged and befriended. They don’t want to be your “platform.” They don’t want to be a blog traffic statistic. They want to be your friend. But sometimes when we get into an online environment we forget that.
What advice did I give my friend? I told him to introduce himself. I told him to open up his heart to the people he wanted to read his blog. I told him he needed to focus on his story and slowly share that with the hope of one day introducing his ministry to people that had learned to trust him. I told him we didn’t raise $30,000 in 18 hours on Stuff Christians Like. We raised $30,000 in 18 months. That was an exercise of honesty that started with the first word I wrote and the first comment you left. That wasn’t the product of a flash mob community that sprang up out of nowhere. That was a network of friends stepping out.
There are differences certainly. The relationship between online and offline isn’t 1 to 1 all the time, but I promise they are more similar than you think. Next time you start a new blog or a new ministry online or simply write a new post, ask yourself, “Would I do this in someone’s living room?” If you wouldn’t, be careful about thinking you should do the same thing online.
p.s. I’m getting a lot of questions right now from people about blogging and I want to be faithful to sharing the meager lessons I’ve learned which is why I wrote this piece. For more about blog mistakes people make, read what Michael Hyatt wrote. He’s brilliant.
Comments
First comment! Woohoo! Yes!
Ok, that wasn't as fun as I thought it was going to be.
great timing on this, Jon…as you know we are just starting our project, and it is a question I have been tossing around in my head…thanks for the help!
So… what is your friend's ministry?
is there a specific "someone" we should have in mind when imagining the living room? b/c if i were to just post one of those "this has been mulling in my brain for too long and if i don't put it down in words soon i might just explode" entries, then maybe not in, say, my boss's living room, but of a good friend, sure.
Great question. I think that brings up something important to ask after you ask the first question. If your answer is "yes, I would do this in someone's living room" the next question is "in the context of what relationship?" I read a book recently that said, context is as important if not more important than content. you're right, the context of a boss vs. the context of a friend changes everything.
Agreed! The Church can't get around building relationships with trust and honesty.
I completely agree. I've made that mistake with previous blogs and then did a blog where I engaged people first before going on and the blog blew up so big I had to discontinue it because I didn't have time to keep up with demand. Now, I admit that I probably violate that rule sometimes (like my post today) but I keep a similar question in mind before posting…"would I say this to a person's face?" If I know I would, I post it even if it might drive off a few online folks.
Great post! Stuff I always thought, but never put into words..
#675: Writing blog entries about using social media appropriately
Good post though, absolutely true.
I think you are exactly right Jon.
The biggest thing I see is that people want the success of big bloggers in 18 minutes rather then in 18 months. It takes a long time to build community, a conversation, and then a platform (unless you are jon acuff and your blog explodes in a month, but really you have been writing and preparing way before that, so never mind).
A lot of people want to have the blog of carlos whittaker but do not realize he has been blogging since 2005. And not just that, consistently since 2005. That is the tough part, being diligent and faithful for a later day.
Patience is needed.
Yes, there does seem to be a lot of people wanting to get a big blog very quick. I often see ads for tips and programs to draw lots of people to your blog, but all of that seems to involve questionable tricks and gimmicks not contributing something useful to the blogosphere. I wish people would realise that a successful blog is one that has lots of visitors that find it helpful, not just soley lots of visitors.
You're quite right… I write fundraising materials and the #1 mistake that organizations make is to suppose that people will give them money *just because* they get a letter asking for it. That's not to say that you shouldn't be asking for it, because that's what nonprofits have to do, but what makes people reach for their checkbooks is the engagement *behind* the appeal. That's what gets you the donors you really want – the ones that stay involved over the long term, the ones you get to know personally, the ones that may astonish you one day with a really big gift right when your organization needs it most.
Your friend needs to tell the story of the bad things that are happening. Focus on the people who need help and on those who are working to alleviate their pain. Celebrate milestones and achievements, but also talk about the hard things. It's going to be hard work to do this, but it can make a huge difference to his cause in the long run. I wish him luck.
[...] -Jon Acuff from Stuff Christians Like gives the #1 social media mistake we all make [...]
You know who else is good at addressing how to build an online community? Peter Pollock.
As pertaining to my last comment, here is the link to Peter Pollock's suggestions for improving the social in social media. http://michaelhyatt.com/2009/11/don’t-leave...
As pertaining to my last comment, here is the link to Peter Pollock's suggestions for improving the social in social media. http://michaelhyatt.com/2009/11/don’t-leave...
Speaking of stuff online… how come when I accidentally typed in "stuffchristianslike.com" I got this website that says "Welcome to Mutton Hollow Chevys"?? Threw me for a loop!
Prior to them grabbing it, an online bookstore owned the name. I think it has confused a lot of people
I think there is a balance, though. As one who raises support to minister full-time, I DO ask people for money after a short presentation in their living room. On a regular basis. And I make cold-calls to folks who All I know is their name, and try to get those appointments.
If I had to cultivate a long term relationship with everyone I asked for support, I'd never get there. They key is sincerity, I think. If people can hear my heart, and that I am not just in it for the dollars and their wallet, they are much more likely to join my team of financial partners. I have to paint a compelling picture (often in a very short time) of why what I do is worth investing in.
And my website needs to do the same thing.
"Living room" talking is what is making the Internet great. For a while there, it looked like it was going to go all corporate. I love this, though, about going back to our roots in relationships. That's really what it's all about in any kind of communication… and I think we forget it in other mediums as well, not just social media.
Thanks for posting. I'm really enjoying these tips lately.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
[...] I’m back now though and ready to be a more steady presence here. I came across an interesting blog post today about what Jon Acuff, the writer of Stuff Christians Like blog, thinks is the #1 social media mistake we all make. [...]
i totally agree. connecting on social media should be similar to connecting in life.
This is so true, Jon! I have been "talked to" more harshly online in the past year, than I almost ever have in real life. It is truly offensive how some people seem to feel that if you can't see them and they can't see you, they have a right to be as discourteous, and even mean, as they please. Even on so-called "Christian" sites.
Totally agree.
People give to people and not to causes. I gave some money to build a kindergarten in VN not because that was on my bucket list of things to do — but because I wanted to give back to Jon Acuff who has made me laugh / cry / think every day, month after month.
On the other hand, I've had lots of 'strangers' ask me to support causes that are closer to my heart (adoption, clean water) — but I rarely give because it feels awkward and forced to give money to someone I don't know or trust.
Speaking of, I have Chris Brogan's book (Trust Agents) sitting on my shelf…need to get that read.
Thanks, for your kind words, Jon. But then again, this is a satire site. Hmmm.
Seriously, Merry Christmas!
I started a blog on singleness this year and one of the biggest challenges has been that I can't write about people in a way that they can be identified…even by themselves. Much like your living room example, if I can't say it to their face, I can't very well put it in a blog.
Here's my plan. I'm a rather large guy. Actually I'm a fat guy. I have tons of friends who love me and want to see me healthy. What I need is encouragement and something more important than myself to motivate me.
My other passion is helping my fellow Christian Americans see that we are all living in a poverty of our wealth. Because we use so much of it for ourselves we are enslaved to it. My weight issues are just the most obvious example of this.
So in 2010 I'm combining these two passions (weight loss and more intentional living) into one project. I'm inviting my friends or anyone who wants to be my friend to pledge a dollar per pound lost. All the funds raised will go to Charity:Water. We'll do this in three month increments and we'll track my weight loss and where the money goes.
I'm setting up a blog to talk about what I learn in this process. The theme is how dieting and giving are essentially the same thing. Any thoughts? Would you read a blog like that? Besides the great advice above does anyone have a suggestion?
And people could even launch a ministry and not ever ask for money (not that there's anything wrong with asking for money. For years I have been "doing ministry" and blogging "part-time." This past July I moved to more of a full-time-ish ministry. I had to decide: do I do this as a 501 C3 and ask for support or do I launch this as an LLC (it has been a simple sole proprietorship)? Again, no right or wrong. But I decided to launch as an LLC, not ask for money, and actually support myself through my speaking, writing, and consulting. The blogging, the free resources, the free book reviews–it's all "paid for" by my "tent making"–fees for speaking and consulting and royalty on book sales. When Christians do ministry, sometimes it's okay to launch as a ministry-business and pay-as-you-go just like my Dad did 30 years ago with his two hardware stores. So another word of possible advice for your friend as he launches is, "never ask for money." Earn money the old fashion way and then do blogging, free resources, free book reviews…for free…as a ministry gift. Bob
This post is another reason I'm so stoked to have you as a friend. You are right on the money. Social Media starts with you. If it's all selling, facts or guilty coercion, its not Social. Talk with your keyboard. Include your life with the Social Media posts. Build up trust, then people will listen. You pose great examples. You rock, Scott. Carry on, sir.
Hmmm…I actually only partially somewhat agree with most of a portion in a all of your statements regarding a lot of what you said.
I DO think people online ARE radically different than offline. It's why we have 40 year old men pretending to be 15 year old boys on myspace. It is why we have nicknames AND real names in our personal profiles. It's why everyone's comment in this thread links to their own personal web site about them, and each site includes ways to monetize/donate to their message/idea/cause/service.
I am not saying his is wrong, just that in general the expectations we have online, are quite different than in the living room. After all, I chose to click on your link, or search for you…and your web site, blog or whatever needs to respond appropriately. If I came to your house for dinner, would you really tell me about Mobile Bibles for iPhone and Blackberry? No, but I expect to see that in the context of your blog, and it is a social norm for the "digital" living room.
I DO agree we need to be more careful about how we present our messages to the public from our blogs, etc.. but honestly, whens the last time you gave to a ministry or cause you solely found through the internet? Aren't most people going to go to your friends web site because someone told them? Someone they trust? (online or off) The relationship may start online, but it needs to go beyond your blog or your site. It needs to give people a way to connect with you and build a relationship as you said. Web sites don't do that, people do.
So I say keep your Amazon referral links in your side bars, your big Paypal donate buttons and Google Adsense snippets in play. After all, nobody forced the browser to load my web site in it for you did they? If the bottom line of the blog is to make money, then make it easier for your users to do so. If that means asking in the context of what your ministry is and who you are, then I don't find fault with that solution. What's the worst that can happen, they say no? What I would say is be selective in who you share the site with…lest it be trampled like pearls before swine.
Yes! Yes! Yes! People who don't blog just assume your audience just shows up. They take for granted all the work that goes into blogging, twittering, networking.