SCL

I think also, there's some feeling that you get more for your money if you send it overseas.$30,000 sends 480 kids to kindergarten in Vietnam. The same money would pay tuition for 5 children at the Christian school my daughter attends-and that's at an inexpensive school.

Same with other charities. Donating animals to Heifer project, or sending boxes to Operation Christmas Child goes a lot farther than buying gifts on Angel tree, where $250 didn't even come close to fulfilling 2 children's wishlists-and they weren't unreasonable wishlists. I'm now to the point that I feel guilty at times when I do Angel tree, because I can't afford to buy the bikes or basketball goals-neither of which seem at all unreasonable for a child to want, and for a parent to be unable to purchase.

I do have to say that I think one of the best ministries a church can provide is financial instruction, debt management, and similar supports. Not just for low income individuals, but for their current members-many of whom may only be a paycheck ahead of the people who the church's ministries are currently helping. Sometimes, I think we get in the habit, of Christians, of thinking of charity as writing a check, instead of realizing that sometimes, the best charity of all is to say "I am going to help you help yourself".

I went back and re-read 1 Tim 5 and I'll admit that I may have slightly yanked the verse completely out of its context. I apologize for that.

I re-read 1 Tim 5 and, yeah, I may have completely ripped 1 Tim 5:8 out of context. Sorry about that.

Both you and Justin said that I said we're to only help those that are responsible. I'm not exactly sure where you saw that. I said that we should be careful to help people that aren't willing to make their own sacrifices to try and assist in the same help they're asking others for. It screams of "do as I say not as I do" that someone isn't willing to stop monthly subscriptions or sell off high-dollar possessions to pay for food and electricity but instead expect you to provide for them.

I love this post. I do have a personal story to share that I hope will encourage others “not to judge a book by it’s cover”.

When people look at me or talk to me, they see a young blonde girl who dresses fashionably in Michael Kors and Ralph Lauren, carries a Burberry purse, lives in the “wealthy old money” section of town, and loves talking about her travels in Ireland and England learning about her heritage last summer. Sounds like a nice life, right?

What they don’t see is that my designer clothes are bought either at a consignment shop or a discount place like TJ Maxx; my Burberry was an outlet mall purchases; I live in a small, one bedroom apartment in a 12-apt. building that’s placed amongst all the mansion houses that is rent-controlled or I’d never be able to afford it; and my trip overseas is the only trip I’ve ever taken out of the country and it took me several years and cashing in a retirement account to afford.

They also don’t see that two months ago I lost my job, and that because I worked for a church (which doesn’t pay into state taxes), I’m uneligible for unemployment, so I have had no income for the last two months and have had to borrow money from my parents to pay my rent. I can’t get “just any job” because after several years of working as a journalist and public relations specialist, I’m considered so overqualified for jobs at Target they won’t hire me.

But hey, if I can afford Burberry and Michael Kors, and my address is the “money neighborhood”, I don’t need help, right?

I do this all the time. Thanks for being transparent and gansta all at the same time.

Thank you so much for this. I don't want to air my church's dirty laundry in a public forum, but this is something I see all the time. And then I see myself judging people because I think they're being judgmental. Ugh. We really do need God's grace more than we can ever know.

Great CS Lewis quote on the subject of giving (without judging)

"Another thing that nnoys me is when people say, 'why did you give that man money? He'll probably go and drink it.' My reply is, 'But if I'd kept it I should probably have drunk it.'"

Feel free to Insert "He's got the giant bass in the back of his Range Rover" instead of "He'll probably go drink it.

Contrast that with many inner-city/homeless ministries having a policy that you don't give money to pan-handlers. These ministries have great hearts ministries to provide for needs and lots of experience so they know what they're doing.

I land on…if God moves me to give, give freely and while still giving wisely, give without concern of whether it's earned or might be misused…God has moved me to give, how dare I withhold, and as Lewis said, I'd probably just waste it on myself anyway.

Now if only I could live that out effectively…great post.

This is a really great post. Kept me thinking. Thanks.

I do have a personal story to share that I hope will encourage others “not to judge a book by it’s cover”.

When people look at me or talk to me, they see a young blonde girl who dresses fashionably in Michael Kors and Ralph Lauren, carries a Burberry purse, lives in the “wealthy old money” section of town, and loves talking about her travels in Ireland and England learning about her heritage last summer. Sounds like a nice life, right?

What they don’t see is that my designer clothes are bought either at a consignment shop or a discount place like TJ Maxx; my Burberry was an outlet mall purchases; I live in a small, one bedroom apartment amongst all the mansion houses; and my trip overseas is the only trip I’ve ever taken out of the country and it took me several years and cashing in a retirement account to afford.

They also don’t see that two months ago I lost my job, and that because I worked for a church (which doesn’t pay into state taxes), I’m uneligible for unemployment, so I have had no income for the last two months and have had to borrow money from my parents to pay my bills. I can’t get a job because after several years of working as a journalist/public relations specialist, I’m considered overqualified for jobs at Target.

But hey, if I can afford Burberry and Michael Kors, and my address is the “money neighborhood”, I don’t need help, right?

I'm on the opposite end. When someone reaches out to help me, like giving me groceries or something, I often think to myself "No, no I don't deserve this. Yeah, I'm broke, but there are people who need this more than I do." That type of self-depreciation does not equal humility. It's prideful.

Ouch.

By the way, I like how you skipped #666. I was wondering how you were going to deal reaching that number.

um…so this thing cut off the last half of my comment, sorry….

What I was going to say was the what people don't see is that my clothes are bought at a consignment shop or a discount store like TJ Maxx; my purse was bought at an outlet mall; I live in an one-bedroom apartment amongst all the mansion houses; and it took several years of saving to afford the one and only trip overseas that I've ever taken.

They also don't see that two months ago I lost my job, and because I worked for a church (which doesn't pay state taxes), I am uneligible for unemployment. So I have absolutely no income, nothing. I have had to borrow money just to pay my rent and bills now that my savings are gone. And I haven't been able to get a job because after several years of being a journalist and public relations specialist, I am considered 'overqualified" for jobs at Target or answering phones in an office.

But hey, if I can carry around Burberry, wear Michael Kors, and live in the "rich neighborhood", I obviously don't need help, right?

Oh, man, you stole my comment! That's my favorite C.S. Lewis story. Douglas Gresham told it in an interview with Christianity Today: "A guy approached Jack on the street one day and asked him if he could spare a few shillings. And Jack immediately dove into his pocket and brought out all his change and handed it over to this beggar. And the chap he was with—I think it was Tolkien—said, 'Jack, you shouldn't have given that fellow all that money, he'll just spend it on drink.' Jack said, 'Well if I had kept it, I would have only spent it on drink.'

Perhaps. The irony of the fact is that I can't stand hearing the phrase "love on" when "love" works just fine by itself 99.44% of the time.

IR- as i understand, you're saying we need to be good stewards of the donations, and not judge folks, but ask them to come alongside in helping their family. kind of like how habitat asks families to help build their new homes.
jon's post about our quick mental reflexive judging is great. we all sin this way, in our thoughts sometimes.
asking for a little back story to a person wanting the church's help is also tricky, but if we pray for discernment for our leaders, i trust them. getting "scammed" may be a price worth paying, if it brings someone to a place of God's grace. He can soften scammers' hearts, too.
thanks, everyone, for this discussion. i love how we can share views & experiences and even disagree, all in love.

At the same time folks – Jon touched on 'childrens' charities (toys for Christmas, Vietnam project) – we just have to beleive that though the parents/adults may not make the wisest financial decisions, the children will benefit from the charity. Not that the adults are 'unworthy'.
I believe when we commit to doing GOD's work, GOD is ultimately in control – everything will work out in the end.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the next SCL is going to be "avoiding the number 666."

I have found myself on both sides of this issue as well. As someone who has helped others and thought, "do they deserve this?" to having said about me "How could he be accepting help? Look at the brand of jeans he's wearing." Just not sure how to deal with such things. Thanks for the challenge Jon. The truth of the matter is none of really know what is going on in the life of those that are accepting help.

I accepted help from my church this year because I was facing the option of paying my rent and feeding my kids OR buying them presents for Christmas this year. Until you have to make that choice – you really should try to assume the best of that person. It is often quite humiliating to be the one accepting the help, and I have caught myself judging myself….thinking there are those with greater need, that my kids don't really NEED gifts, etc, etc. Why can't I just accept that when God wants to bless me, I should receive it?

Maybe a pocket watch with a tiny spinning rim case…

or a pocket watch hanging long around your neck…fairly gangsta…just saying…

Be reassured, I suspect some of those people in those fancy cars were probably just stuck in contracts that emant they couldn't afford to get rid of them.

I got your back on this one brother. I recently moved out of the city to smaller town and made some new friends. One woman dressed nicely, but complained often about how they didn't have enough money – despite the fact they'd just come back from overseas. When I went to her house the first time, it was a huge place a block from the beach on a fancy street.

I decided she was one of THOSE people.

Unfortunately, it turned out she was one of THOSE people who got hit right at the peak of the market. Bought a fancy place on a fancy street thinking their fancy income would stick around. And it hasn't. They're in some serious financial woes. They look like they have money, but their home life is very stressful.

Perhaps we'll do a little 'charity' for our friends who are struggling…youv'e inspired me!

is anyone else having trouble with leaving comments? mine only shows the first half, and I tried to repost, and it keeps telling me it's too long.

I just wanted to point this out – often, what people long for most, homeless or otherwise, is human interaction. Even if you literally have no money to give, just stopping to say "Hi, how are you doing?" can mean the WORLD to them. Think about it – they are out on the streets, no home, no bathroom, no bed, no regular meals. They are usually not welcomed into places where people normally congregate to socialize – restaurants, coffee shops, bok stores, etc. They feel *less than human*. And that's a real tragedy

It can mean a lot of them if you'll just stop and speak with them for a few moments. More than money or food ever would. Especially if you see the same person on a regular basis, that's a great opportunity to befriend them and maybe eventually share the Gospel! Keep this in mind. Knowing that you are cared about means more than money ever will.

I guess my frustration (though I probably didn't make it very clear) was more about fear of judging those we do know. I find in many churches people avoid calling out sin when they see it. Unmarried people living together, people who are openly unrepentant about a drug problem, or people who abuse power should be called out. Judgment should be passed. These are things that God clearly does not approve. It is harder to judge a stranger fairly. But those whom we know? We should be holding them accountable. People too often use the wimpy way out by saying, "I don't want to be judgmental."

That I can agree with. And I'm guilty of that one here – I hate confronting people about sin. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) I'm involved in a community that seems to have no qualms pointing out things like that. But that's a little bit of a different situation than what they're discussing here.

Now, if it's a member of your church that you *know* is squandering money and then coming to church asking for help – well, then that's a different story.

I agree that it is waaay too easy for us fallible humans to be prideful and judgmental. I would caution, though, against throwing all discernment to the wind in giving or in any other activity. The purpose of giving, I would think, is either to become more like Christ, or draw other people to Christ…probably both. Christ had compassion for the poor. But He certainly did not espouse the "I'm okay, you're okay" philosophies that are so popular today and that infiltrate so much of our thinking. He called people to repentance. He stood up for the woman caught in adultery, but then told her to "Go and sin no more." He ate at Zaccheus the tax collector's house, but his influence helped Zaccheus to truly change his life. On the other hand, those unwilling to change their lives, like the rich, young ruler, were left behind. Jesus held people to standards. So did Paul. In fact, in I Corinthians 5, Paul tells of a specific instance where he DID pass judgment on a fellow brother…and urged the rest of the church to do the same.

Now, I know how easily these concepts can be abused–I need only to look in the mirror to be reminded of the many times that I've been haughty and judgmental. And I definitely believe that we should err on the side of mercy, grace, and faith when giving. But at the same time, if we are in a giving situation that seems sketchy, maybe that's an opportunity to get more involved with that person, to actually get to know them, to maybe reach out to them on a spiritual level, as well as the physical. That's not always feasible, but I also know that sometimes it's easier just to throw money at a situation and congratulate ourselves on not being judgmental than to ask tough questions and dig deeper into a life.

I really did love the post. I just had to throw in my own caveats. Loving others takes faith, yes, but I don't think that it means we have to turn our brain off. As Christians, we are to be "as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves" (matt. 10:16).

Tough issue, for sure.

I've taught financial stewardship classes and done budget counseling for years with families who are struggling financially. I've given to help needs that come up and I've denied requests for help. I’ve struggled with balancing a desire to love a person through free and generous giving and love a person through not giving. And I would echo the comments that helping people through budget counseling often acts as catalyst to transform them from someone who is habitually in need to someone who is able to freely give to meet the needs of others.

I’ve also spent time in West Africa in one of the poorest countries in the world, so I have seen abject poverty firsthand, kids who literally share clothing, have no parents, no shoes, very little food, and no education. It is hard to compare needs in the US to needs in Africa, but my time in Africa has taught me that there are certain basic needs (water, food, education, guardians, health care, shelter, Biblical instruction) that exist at a more fundamental level than some of the “needs” we tend to see in the West.

John tells to give to meet to meet a brother’s need (1 John 3:17). This assumes two things: it’s a Christian brother or sister, and the person has a need. Paul tells us that a man who has not provided for his own family has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). He also gives instructions that widows who have relatives to care for them should not burden the church, so that the church might care for those who are truly in need (1 Timothy 5:!6). Paul also denies assistance to the “younger widows,” so that they might not become “idlers” (1 Timothy 5:13).

So our primary concern should be to meet the needs of our Christian brothers and sisters in the church who are truly in need. I’ve counseled families who did not have money for groceries but spent $200/month on their cell phones, and I’ve bought groceries in some situations and decided not to in others. Either way, I’ve counseled them on priorities, showing them how they were not using God’s money to provide for their own basic needs and were instead becoming a burden, rather than a blessing, on the church. This is a hard message to give, and must be done so in love, but they often see the wisdom in it, and God often changes their hearts, and their situations, to put them in a place where they are conduits of His blessing to others.

When we view the unbelieving world around us, our primary concern for those outside the church is to go and preach the gospel to them and make disciples (Matthew 28:19-20). This can (and should) be accompanied by meeting physical and emotional needs, but when we make the social gospel our primary means of showing love, we do a disservice to the beauty of the true gospel, that while we were sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).

Ultimately, Spirit-led giving is free and generous, but still Spirit-led. The mind of the Spirit cares not only about mercy and compassion but also wisdom and discernment. I can empathize those who would rather err on the side of compassion, and there may be cause to do so (Matthew 5:42). But above all, let us love the church enough to meet people’s needs, not their wants, so that they will be free to see Jesus as their greatest treasure. And let us love the unbelieving world enough to meet people’s most urgent need, which is their need for redemption by a loving God, so that they will be free to see Jesus as their greatest treasure.

Right on. I stopped to speak to a homeless guy a week or so ago (after arguing with the Spirit for a while about not wanting to do so), and at the end of our short conversation, the guy looked at me, paused for a moment, and said: "Thanks for noticing me."

I was blown away.

Isn't there a verse telling us to only judge those in the church? *runs to find Bible*

"For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside." 1 Cor. 5:12-13a ESV (Okay, okay, slightly out of context…..)

And the other thing is, I feel like the "love your neighbor as yourself" verse is listed as the 2nd greatest commandment in the Bible…..so that would make it muy importante, yes?

Anyway, there are obviously we need to use our judgment, but I would rather be caught erring on the side of giving too much away to others, than withholding the things people need because I wrongly judged how much they need them.

Like with the homeless people on the corner. I remember my mom would always get disgusted with their asking for handouts, since "they all will just go and spend it on booze and drugs." But after a while she came to the realization that "hey, I don't actually know anything about these people. So assuming the worst about them may not be the best decision…"

But still, a sticky topic where special situations can definitely change the way you look at the whole thing…

Totally agree.

Your post was so good, I had to write my own: http://cravesomethingmore.org/2009/12/09/see-a-ne...

My pastor has been doing a series recently on giving, and he has challenged us to consider that "loving your neighbor as yourself" could mean literally what it says: once you provide for your own needs, instead of moving on to your own desires, you supply your neighbors needs first. I love that you just did a post on the same thing. I've felt so challenged to live this out and this post just added to it!

A few months ago I had a revelation. When I am helping a person in need I am acting out my own story of salvation. One person is in need and utterly without the means to solve their problem. The other has plenty and willingly intervenes in the destitute person's life to provide what's needed.

In the little play we are acting out, the disadvantaged person is me and I am God. So now I try to be like God in my giving. When the other person is irresponsible or rude or threatening my response is, "They're just like me." And my gratefulness for what has God done for me grows and grows.

It doesn't even cross my mind to judge them anymore. They are me. I am surly, rude, ignorant and indulgent with the gifts God gives me. What a lucky thing this is that Jesus has given me the chance to see how much he loves me.

This is part of the culture of poverty. When you get money, you spend it, and you spend it on stuff (cars, electronics, the coolest shoes).
Lewis, Oscar (1996 (1966)). "The Culture of Poverty". in G. Gmelch and W. Zenner, eds. Urban Life. Waveland Press.
I see this every day in the school where I teach. The kids don't have school supplies, but they have i-pods. It is a difficult cycle to break and can go on for generations. It is worth some study and research by anyone who does charity work, or works with low-income families in schools or churches.

I can certainly relate to your response, mine unfortunately would have been "Bass in your face means peace see ya later." It helps to keep in mind something paraphrased from one of your previous posts, that part of the gospel is realizing we are all fools in need of pity.

This is a really good post, Jon.

Sometimes it is impossible to tell just where someone is coming from, no matter what they look like or what kind of vehicle they are driving, which is why I try to judge people as little as possible, (although it does of course still happen). I find that a lot of times, when I do judge someone for their actions, I find out that my perceptions were totally wrong, and then I feel pretty badly for doing it…

I think we really just have to give without thinking too much about it, and remember that it's not for us, and trust that God will do good things with our willingness to give.

Wow. I was just thinking about this yesterday.

Thank God that He just tells us to help. It makes it a lot easier than having to decide for ourselves who deserves it. He deals with the details. We are privileged to take part in His care for people.

My church does Angel Food ministries. The beauty of this program is that we could care less what people's circumstances are. You eat, you qualify. Simple as that.

Behind every person is a story.

My pastor and his wife both drive pretty nice cars. They'd still be paying for them, but for a loan insurance that paid them off when my pastor lost his job. They have cel phones, paid for by our church as their only form of compensation.

My car is in pretty good shape. You'd never know that the only reason I have is because I spent my entire tax return on it and a couple in my former church cut me a deal. You'd also never know that it's 12 years old.

The lady who went to Disney World? You never know. She could have earned it as an incentive trip through a direct-sales business. Or … she could have been taking her terminally ill child there after he was granted a wish by a charity.

Oh … and kids are VERY influenced by their friends. They are surrounded by kids whose parents think nothing about getting them a Wiii or an X-Box and dropping thousands every year. So when they go to school on Jan. 4, they want to fit in. A request is just that. It does not have to be granted.

Ouch ouch OUCH! You took my absolute favorite thing to do (judging people) and put the holy smack down on it! And believe me, my friend, I totally felt it. Especially this time of year, when money is tight and my car only has the speakers that the manufacturer installed. I had totally found a God-proof excuse for not giving to the "poor" who were asking for Wii systems and laptops. But what did you do? You just marched right in here and ruined it! Humph.

This post is so good I actually hate it. Literally, I'm still wrestling with the overwhelming amount of conviction I feel about it. I'm completely guilty of this…

All we can do it live it! Awesome ending. Glory to God!

make that abased

That's "each". Good grief…

Another excellent post Jon – Heard you at Catalyst 2009 in Atlanta. Yep, this is an area I find myself perplexed with regularly. I have to tell myself we are all humans and I don't need to know everyone's story, I just need to give/help where I can, unconditionally.
Mike
http://roadknowledge.wordpress.com

first of all you had me cracking me up out loud. thanks, i needed it. so true about being the ones to judge who to "love". who the heck do we think we are. lately when i have given monetarily i have told the receiver that there are NO strings attached. i have to say that out loud so that i hear it. you see…it used to be that if i gave to someone..i don't want them buying shoes or having fun with it. so twisted!! that's not love, that's just judgment.

I do have a personal story to share that I hope will encourage others “not to judge a book by it’s cover”.

When people look at me or talk to me, they see a young blonde girl who dresses fashionably in Michael Kors and Ralph Lauren, carries a Burberry purse, lives in the “wealthy old money” section of town, and loves talking about her travels in Ireland and England learning about her heritage last summer. Sounds like a nice life, right? What they don’t see is that my designer clothes are bought either at a consignment shop or a discount place like TJ Maxx; my Burberry was an outlet mall purchases; I live in a small, one bedroom apartment in a 12-apt. building that’s placed amongst all the mansion houses that is rent-controlled or I’d never be able to afford it; and my trip overseas is the only trip I’ve ever taken out of the country and it took me several years and cashing in a retirement account to afford.

They also don’t see that two months ago I lost my job, and that because I worked for a church (which doesn’t pay into state taxes), I’m uneligible for unemployment, so I have had no income for the last two months and have had to borrow money from my parents to pay my rent. I can’t get “just any job” because after several years of working as a journalist and public relations specialist, I’m considered so overqualified for jobs at Target they won’t hire me. But hey, if I can afford Burberry and Michael Kors, and my address is the “money neighborhood”, I don’t need help, right?

Christ calls us to give to others what he first gave us. This is different than sharing what we have. It is a fact that some people will always steal from the poor. We are called to give give give. We can't let that prevent us or we are playing into Satan's plan.

Great post. A really good subject to think on, I’ve not often heard it addressed.

Difficult issue-we have collected for needy families different years in scouts but 2 years stand out in my mind. The first was a lovely family but when we dropped the items off as drove away the scout parents started complaining that they had "too nice of a house". the house was an apartment, no one but myself knew that my church was totally footing the bill, they had 5 kidsand 2 adults crammed in 3 bedrooms and not one of the scout adults noticed there wasnt a stick of furniture–but they had a "nice house". Next year we collected for a group of kids who all had one mother and one father as a connection. Between these 2 people-the one father and the one mother there was an interwoven group of step relations that would take a venn diagram to fully figure out. As best as i could tell there were about 17 kids-both parents were crack addicts and no longer in the picture. The scouts contributed a gift apiece and again when we delievered the gifts the scout parents noticed another group had also brought presents. Now there were the ONLY gifts of any kind (clothing, school supplies, etc) these kids were getting but the parents complained it was too much. My lesson-dont ever take the group along to deleiver the gifts.

Amen. I work for a charity. We get asked for families to sponsor from a variety of entities. Last year we had a service group that showed up to take gifts, tree, etc. to a family's home. I told my boss I felt like a guide at the zoo while we were in that family's home because members of the service group were asking the most ridiculous questions about the family, while the family members were standing right there in sight and hearing, and expecting me to answer.