A very Cornelius Christmas.
Dec 24th by JonA few months ago, I wrote a post in which I said as a Christian you had to root for University of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. In order to remove some of the inevitable heat I would take in claiming that Christians must support a quarterback just because he’s a believer, I told you that I didn’t make up that rule. I simply received it from the wise beak of a dove named Cornelius who is employed by the Southern Baptist Convention.
I intimated that he regularly drops of messages for me on my doorstep. Wes Molebash, a talented artist who I hope to help get published, agreed to draw Cornelius. Of all the things I could collectively give you this Christmas, an illustration of a talking dove that dispenses wisdom seemed to be the best idea for a very Stuff Christians Like Christmas.
Without further ado, I give you Cornelius …
I assure you, I tried to write something hilarious about him. In one draft of a post, Cornelius did this long monologue about how he used to live with the Geico lizard when they were both coming up in the animal spokes model world. And how his real name was “Gary” and he wasn’t even British. In other post, he started an organization to prevent people from confusing pigeons with doves. It was called PAPAD (People Aware Pigeons Aren’t Doves) and it’s main goal was to distinguish lovely doves from flying rat pigeons.
But I was never happy with what I wrote. It all ended up being lame.
So instead I decided to just post the image and leave the funny up to you. It’s going to be quiet today on the site because it’s Christmas Eve, but if you’re up for it, let’s play a simple game of fill in the blanks, Cornelius style.
Fill in this sentence in the comments:
I Cornelius, am really excited about _______________ in 2010.
(Clearly, I would write that as “I Cornelius, am really excited about the release of the Stuff Christians Like book in 2010.”)
That’s it.
Merry Christmas!
Comments
Oh the pipe! The patches! I'm in love with a dove named Cornelius!
So far as the fill-in-the-blank goes, I've got nothing.
Merry Christmas everyone!
I too am in love. He had me at the pipe, he had me at the pipe.
I Cornelius, am really excited about finding the perfect metrosexual worship leader to perch myself on and really sing to the Lord in 2010.
Heeheehee.
I Cornelius, am really excited about the release of Miriam's book, The Flute and the Dagger, in 2010.
(I Cornelius, am a very bookish sort of dove…)
I'm also quite excited about doing more writing and building more relationships at our new church.
Also, I'm sure Cornelius knows this, but did you know that the doves that professionals release at weddings are actually white homing pigeons?
–and did you know that the "pigeons" on your steeple are actually rock doves?
–Cornelius, the ornithologist
Ha, "rock doves"
I, Cornelius, am really excited about the Cincinnati Bearcats beating the Florida Tebows in the Sugar Bowl in 2010.
Haha! The Florida Tebows. Rich.
I, Cornelius, am excited about the official launch of The Campus Church at Kennesaw State!!
Lol!! As a Florida Tebow (soon to be regular ol' Florida Gators) I can tell you that ain't gonna happen
AMEN!! Go Bearcats!
I Cornelius, am excited about the release of "Bryan Allain's 2009 Blog Yearbook" in 2010. It will feature 20 of his best posts from 2009, the best reader comments to those posts, brand new original posts that can't be found anywhere else, and other goodies that will make you laugh like you were being tickled by the feathery wings of Gabriel himself.
I Cornelius am also excited about being released from captivity in 2010. Bryan has me trapped in his basement and is forcing me to type these promotional messages for his stupid blog. Someone please come to Amish country and set me free.
"I Cornelius, am really excited about the release of Sherlock Holmes on DVD in 2010"
That's true, I think Cornelius will benefit from that.
Now that you mention it, he does bear a slight resemblance to Sherlock with his pipe and coat.
"I Cornelius, am really excited about picking up the leftover crumbs of goldfish off the floor of the room used for Sunday school in 2010."
I guess bread crumbs in the park are for those "heathen" doves.
I Cornelius, am really excited about the future licensing prospects of my name to SCL in 2010.
Money, money, money… nothing funny… in a rich doves world.
I Cornelius am really excited about fedoras, tweed coats, and pipes making a big comeback in 2010 (I say this every year and eventually I will be right).
I think you might be right about the pipe
I thought Pipes had already come back? At least in the Christian Bible College sub-culture (especially those in philosophy or theology bents), it seems quite popular.
All of those could potentially work for metro worship leaders
I, Cornelius, am really excited about our new worship experience in 2010… the Southern Baptists are finally allowing us to go full board with modern worship. We’re even getting LASERS!!! This will keep the 20 somethings interested in church for sure!
I, Cornelius, am really excited about Jon Acuff coming to speak in Birmingham in 2010!
True dat. I'll be there on Feb 27. Me and the whole Acuff family actually.
what!? when and where!?? yeah!
I'm marking my calendar! Where?
yeah, please tell us where!!
I Cornelius, really wish i had a scarf, a belt or even a tie. While unnecessary for trendy human worship leaders, i find it a struggle to retain jacketted dignity whenever i attempt to spread my wings towards heaven.
At three points in this post I had to stop reading from laughter – love it!
"I Cornelius, am really excited about my pants growing in – in 2010."
Actually, Cornelius shares the opinion of the Beastie Boys and says, "My pants are tight and that's OK"
"I, Cornelius, am really excited about drinking caffeine again on a regular basis in 2010. I feel like it will only increase the magnitude of my divine messages."
(I really love his wee little glasses.)
I Cornelius, am really excited about the new pants (100% cotton) made for little birds' feet coming out in 2010. It's going to be a big year.
"I, Cornelius, am really excited about going back home for the first time in 9 years in 2010."
"I, Cornelius, am really excited and rather anxious to see if the SBC continues my employment in 2010 once they realize that I, being a dove and all, represent the Holy Spirit, and moreover, speak in tongues not of my own, because that would look like they endorse that Holy Spirit tongue-talking-for-today stuff which would be a huge, self inflicted, Chuck Norris delivered roundhouse kick to the face to their cessationist beliefs! I hope its not back to eating the bird seed out of John's garage (sorry for letting you take the rap, rat. I spent my SBC paycheck on my spectacles and the stuff I'm not going to mention in my pipe. The noodle is on you though, you filthy animal.)!"
Bwahaha… cessasionist beliefs…roundhouse kick to the face (that would be done by Cornelius’ brother, Chuck, he’s been working out.).
I Cornelius, am really excited about the creative church conference in 2010.
It's a known fact Cornelius comes yearly…and word on the street is he's also looking forward to meeting the creative church conference's mascot: Iggy the iguana.
I Cornelius, am really excited about the inevitability of extra large color contacts in in 2010…and you thought dogs with blue eyes were precious!
Also PAPAD has its task set out for it….i have never been able to tell the difference….
I, Cornelius the dove, am really excited that both of Karen’s teenage sons graduate from homeschool high school in the year 2010, and that Karen is releasing neither doves nor homing pigeons at their graduation ceremony, but that she will, at some point in 2010, be able to send both of her children off to boot camp and will have no more stress in her home from churning testosterone, and that I, Cornelius, am getting a free SIGNED copy of SCL from Jon Acuff or he’s going on the naughty list and every bird in the southeast will aim for his car (hint hint Jonny boy), and I am also terribly excited that in spite of some of the ridiculous ideas these metro*exual (it’s never proper to talk about *ex publickly, Jonny boy!) worship leaders get, good taste never goes out of style, and that my wings are too short to have to stir the orange kool-aid (bet you’re glad I dont have the wingspan of the worship eagle, Chester, now!!) this summer at vacation Bible school, and last but not least(did I write a linger sentence than Stacy from Louisville, ’cause that was my goal?), I am more than excited, thrilled, jumping for joy even, that I’ll be heading to Vietnam to help build two kindergartens in 2010!
I Cornelius, am really excited about the new snuggies they are making for doves (yes, it's legit) in 2010.
I Cornelius, am really excited about people thinking I resemble the birdform of CS Lewis (that might subsequently come with oodles of perks) in 2010.
That Wes Molebash is a genius! =)
[...] drew Cornelius the Dove for Stuff Christians [...]
I, Cornelius, am very excited that the Southern Baptist Convention has not yet found out about my penchant for smoking a pipe. I also break out in some sweet dance moves, but I try to keep that on the DL.
Love the elbow patches! My dad wore a sport coat just like that!
I, Cornelius, am really excited about the release of my new book, "Finding your Inner Worship Eagle," in April 2010.
Referencing Nicodemus at Nite's comment…
Cornelius and Zakk should DEFINITELY be paired up in a Wes Molebash side-comic/2nd comic series!
I, Cornelius, am really excited for helping to down an old fighter plane a la "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" in 2010. And maybe becoming Henry Jones' archaeological assistant.
I Cornelius, am really excited about Wes Molebash getting published in 2010.
I, Cornelius, am really excited about starting 'the next 40' years of my life in 2010…and all of the goodness that i hope will entail.
I, Cornelius, am really excited about pogs in 2010.
I, Cornelius, am really excited about the fact that I'll be bringing member's only jackets (and therefore, sexy) back in 2010.
–Terrace Crawford
http://www.terracecrawford.com
http://www.twitter.com/terracecrawford
I am Cornelius, and I am excited about people obtaining olive branches I had collected for them when I was thinking about what wisdom to share with them.
This should be a shirt!
Cornelius looks suspiciously like a pigeon to me.
I, Cornelius, think Jude Law was perfectly cast as my alter ego Dr. Watson in the new "Sherlock Holmes' movie. But really , folks, here is why I'm posting.
It’s Christmas Eve. 1,000 new marines have landed in Afghanistan. More are on the way. I’ve adopted three troops myself (two in Afghanistan, one in Iraq) but there is a whole lot more need out there than one person can handle. I’m writing this to encourage people to visit the http://www.anysoldier.com website and consider signing up. This is not a commercial, I’m a real person (middle aged and fat) but want to do my part to support these soldiers so far from home.
Sue Ryan, Cascade Locks, Oregon
Can we please get this in t-shirt form??
With a pipe and those square rimmed glasses, it seems Cornelius might be emergent. xD
Could also potentially be a neo-calvanist hipster
I, Cornelius, am really excited about the upcoming first annual Kick A Pigeon Day in 2010. It's on February 2nd, and I do believe it will completely eclipse Groundhog Day in one stunning flash of pigeon-kicking glory. Additionally, I, Cornelius, am really excited about revealing to my loyal followers that this pipe in my beak actually blows bubbles instead of smoke (in 2010). As a bird, I am very envrionmentally and health conscious.
Also, Wes Molebash is aMAYzing, for lack of a better word.
Sean Connery
I Cornelius, am really excited about the new snuggies they are making for doves (yes, it's legit) in 2010.
Sorry I didnt follow form…
I, Cornelius, am really excited about being in the world's biggest side hug picture with Jon at Catalyst 2010.
I, Cornelius, am really excited about the rapture finally happening in 2010 (he's a source within the Southern Baptist convention after all, he would know).
And I, Charlie, am really excited about winning Jon Acuff's new book Stuff Christians Like, for writing such a hilarious line.
I, Cornelius, am really excited about the launch of SCDL – Stuff Christian Doves Like in 2010
I, Cornelius, am really excited about starting that Stella Artois gig in 2010.
Even if wes doesn't get published, he should put out a Tshirt line with the Zakk and Cornelius drawings on them cause they are awesome
I Cornelius, am really excited about Billy Coffey's book, Snow Day, coming out in 2010. I like to laugh and cry at the same time. It is how I roll….
I, Cornelius, am really excited about the prospect of seeing brother Colt McCoy, take his Longhorns to victory in the National Championship football game in 2010. Really, I like him better than Tim Tebow, but Jon Acuff likes to put words in my beak.
I Cornelius, am really excited to perch on the head of Martin Scorsese with the rest of the Good Feathers for a few weeks in the spring in 2010. I mean come on, pidgins are people, uh, birds, too!
Ummm how did I miss this?