“Do you consider yourself a pastor?”
Someone asked me that once during a Q&A at a conference. That one threw me for a loop and I answered it the best way I knew:
“I consider myself terrified.”
That’s the truth. I don’t know how to do most of this, so these weird moments are a mix of abject fun and slight terror. Like the time I mentioned having struggled with porn in the past to a reporter. You know what the first line of his article was? “In addition to many other problems, Jon struggles with P.” Awesome. Thanks fella. “Many other problems.” Fantastic.
But no one tells you how to do smart interviews. So you do dumb ones and then realize later, that was dumb. And part of the reason this whole thing is so weird is because I’m boldly and bravely tackling such hard issues. Like today’s. I don’t see Mark Driscoll or Rick Warren stepping to the plate on this one. But I am. We are. Today we’re going to settle something that is divisive and critical and currently tearing the church asunder:
Is God Mac or PC?
That is, up in heaven, is he cranking away on a Mac or a PC? Does he love the iPhone or is he currently listening to Michael W. Smith’s greatest hits on a Zune? Does he have a little apple sticker stuck anywhere?
I feel like lists work well on blogs, so let’s break it down list style and weigh all the facts.
1. Macs are beautiful and glimmery white in their design. Christ and God are always represented as the “light of the world.” PCs are often dark. God is definitely a Mac.
2. As soon as you own an iPhone you start to feel a potpourri of pity and shame for anyone who does not own one. Someone whips out a Blackberry and you immediately, smugly think inside, “That poor person. Pushing on physical keys. The horror.” God doesn’t like that arrogance. God is a PC.
3. Apple makes real efforts to improve the planet and recycle their products. God loves that. God is a Mac.
4. Apple is notorious for rejecting apps that people try to put on the iPhone. God doesn’t reject anyone. God is definitely a PC.
5. PCs are often plagued by viruses and crashes. Much like sin, God hates that. God is definitely a Mac.
6. Mac commercials are constantly mocking people who use PCs. God hates mockery. God is definitely a PC.
7. You don’t have to learn a complicated operating system to use a Mac. You turn it on and go. Same with God. Repentance and salvation are not complex systems designed to confuse people. God’s a Mac.
8. PCs are constantly needing to be upgraded and updated with the latest software and operating systems. Just like sanctification. You are constantly changing and being renewed. God’s a PC.
9. Macs take a very holistic approach to computing. There’s iLife and iTunes and iPhone. They all work together seamlessly. Just the way God wants to be integrated into every part of our life. God’s a Mac.
10. Some people treat Apple’s Steve Jobs like he’s God in a mock turtle neck. Turns out God is not cool with that. God’s a PC.
11. Macs are very intuitive. When you want to do something, you don’t look up how to do it, you just do it. With a PC, things are often backwards. When you want to shut down for instance, you have to click “Start.” The Bible is very intuitive too. Proverbs lays out pages of simple wisdom that just makes sense. God is a Mac.
12. Macs are all about outside appearances. They look fantastic. But God cares more about what’s inside. Macs are too vain. God’s a PC.
13. Macs make music easy to enjoy. They’re more artistic and often the choice of graphic designers and photographers. God is a great fan of the arts, as evidence by the colorful sunsets and sunrises he paints each day. God’s a Mac.
14. Macs are really expensive. God’s not. He paid the cost. He paid the debt we owed to him. God’s a PC.
15. The Mac logo, an apple with a bite out of it, is reminiscent of our fall from grace in the garden of Eden and God’s forgiveness of us. God’s a Mac.
16. The Gates Foundation has given millions and millions of dollars to help people around the world. God’s all about generosity. God’s a PC.
17. Apple stores are not designed like traditional retail outlets, but are more like aesthetic sanctuaries. They’re practically consumer churches. God’s a Mac.
18. Mac is constantly teasing us with information. There is a tablet. There’s not a tablet. God, on the other hand, is much more direct with his love and purpose in our lives. God’s a PC.
There’s the list and I’ve got to tell you, I’m stuck. I have a PC desktop and an Apple laptop. I don’t know who to score this one as anything other than a tie. How about you?
Is God a Mac or a PC?
What evidence would you offer to support or deny either decision?