Acting surprised when God doesn’t seem close.
Jan 13th by Jon- Tagged in:
- serious wednesdays
“Are you OK?”
That’s my wife’s polite way of saying, “Why are you being such a distant, distracted jerk right now?”
She said that to me about a week ago and she was right. I was distant. I was distracted. I was a jerk. Above all, I was surprised.
When I hit funks like this, I like to act shocked. I put my hands on my head and say in quiet wonder, “What is going on? Where is God? How come this Christmas season feels so awkward and scattered and ill fitting? What’s going on God, what are you doing?”
It’s better that way. The blame isn’t on me. No one likes to throw themselves under the bus. That would be bananas. But I have no problem acting surprised when God feels far away. If I was honest though, if I really looked at the last few weeks with a filter of truth, I probably would have instead said something like this:
“Wow, my quiet times have been wildly inconsistent this holiday season. I mean I often struggle with them during vacations because my normal patterns are all jumbled up but I reached new lows this Christmas. I’m not starting my days with God right now. I’m not praying actively like I usually do. I’m not centering my mornings and my days on who he is and who he made me to be. It’s been a week since I’ve cracked my Bible and in it’s absence I’ve been filling my head and heart with junk.
I’ve been watching shows on Hulu that I never watch. I’ve been aimlessly surfing online which is usually a deathtrap for me. I’ve been nudging my boundaries all over the place. I’ve been reading and listening to things I usually avoid. Hmmm, I wonder if any of that will have a consequence?”
It does. It might take me a while to realize what I’m doing but when I finally come around it seems so obvious. When I remove quiet time and add junk, things get gross, fast. How am I surprised? How am I shocked that my decisions get shady? How am I perplexed that it’s suddenly a little easier to lie and twist the truth?
I don’t know if you ever do this, but I’m exhausted by it. I don’t like whimpering out of 2009 spiritually but even more so, I don’t like limping into 2010.
Let’s put aside our surprise. Let’s stop pretending. Faith is a day by day, decision by decision, breath by breath kind of thing. And when we spend those days indulging in poison, we get poisonous lives.
The cat is out of the bag. Farewell surprise.
Comments
ohhhhh man this hit way too close to home.
my christmas vacation consisted entirely of me skipping my devotion in the morning because i would sleep all morning, and "afternoon devotions" just doesn't sound right.
surfing aimlessly online happened a ton as well…and hulu is all too familiar with my bored presence.
it's really easy to make excuses for pushing boundaries and doing what feels good at the moment, but ultimately there is no excuse.
I to have doubted my faith many times over the years. My faith has grown stronger the past three years from my decision to get involved in church. I don’t mean just going to church on Sundays. I mean INVOLVED.
I have been teaching second grade ministry for two years and I participate with a small home group twice a month. This has helped me grow by learning God’s word.
I get emotional at church too as it was the death of my step-son that really lead me back into the church doors, even though I have believed in God my entire life. We are all human, and fear and doubt can be hard for us to overcome. Never give up!
Keep doing good work. Thanks for your post.
Mike
http://roadknowledge.wordpress.com
Lucky comment 67 (after lunch) Well said Jon, I just had to quote you on FB.
An example of Stuff Christians Like is to think that feelings are tied to walking with God, whether good or not so good ones. They like to center the blame on themselves, that they strayed from God. Poor God is just waiting with those puppy dog eyes for us to come around and come to our senses.
But if you REALLY think about it, that attitude smacks of a "me-centered," or human-centered, or individualist worldview. As if we're in the middle, and stuff happens around us in our world, rather than God is the Star and story of Reality. (In other words it's a bit backwards)
I REALLY used to be a typical "peaks and valleys Christian". High points, with my mountain top experiences and enthusiasm, and slumps where I wasn't sure what was what. Beating myself up, and putting too much import on the consequences of my mistakes, rather than remembering the big picture, the *journey* of what it means to Walk with God.
One of the best helps for me was to read about the life and perspective of Brother Lawrence. I have a link on my blog site to a free copy, and information about him. Just a normal guy who learned to think of God, not as "over there", or as some one he could meet with, but instead his Creator whom he could soak in his Presence in every thing, because nothing we do is not spiritual.
The problem of a segmented Christian spirituality is partly a modern problem, partly American cultural mindset, and partly a skewed image or theology of God. How gracious God is!
Jon, and many of you who relate, be encouraged that the God of wonders loves you no less. We are often what stands in the way of accepting his grace, and soaking in it day-by-day.
I just blogged last night about a similar theme… including a reference to Hulu. Between this and what I was thinking about last night, I can only say one thing: "Message received loud and clear, God."
Seriously, Jon. I needed this post. Thank you so much!
Jon, I think you touched every true Christian with this one. We all struggle with what C.S. Lewis called the Law of Undulation. I've found when I'm in a slump the best thing to do is drop everything and find someone to serve……….either that or fast. Either way we're submitting our will to God's.
Thank you so much.
This is right where I was headed, and right what I needed.
If you ever wonder if it's worth it, your honesty and perhaps even your writing, I want you to know that God is using you. His plan for you is bigger than you think. Continue to remember that you're just a tool, and everything that you do, good and bad, is all for his Glory.
"Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture." Psalm 100:3.
Ok, I know this has absolutely nothing to do with your post, but I thought if I put it here you may read it.
The other day "shameless saturday," I considered commenting for the first time (although I am a regular reader). But, I knew lots of people were, so I refrained. I figured it would get overlooked, no big deal. But, now I want to post a worthy cause that I support, that really needs our help right now.
http://www.heartlineministries.org
A children's home/women's clinic in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. They are the home to over 50 orphaned children, and they provide Christian ministry to the residents of PAP. Their ministry is PHENOMENAL, and the Lord has truly blessed them. But, because of the earthquake, their ministry suffering. The children are all accounted for and ok, but they need to re-establish themselves QUICKLY so that they can help others.
I know that this also has a chance of being overlooked. But, if anyone is interested, please check out their website and consider donating. If you read the blog, there are pictures of some of the damage. Thanks for taking your time to read this.
praying for my friends in Haiti,
Rebecca
It's been a while since I've read on Wednesdays (sorry), but this is the one I needed to read anyway. I do this far too often. It's hard to get out of the funk that it puts me in too.
Thanks for this healthy reminder.
ow. serious wednesday usually has a kick for me, but this one really did it.
i suffer from an intense fear of contrivance. sometimes i think, i should pray right now. but then i think, am i really praying in a way God appreciates, or am I just being self-serving and doing it to seem like a good Christian when it really isn't in my heart? and in the end i just don't pray at all. i feel like i've been waiting for God to lay a tongue of fire on my head so i can feel holy and spiritual enough inside to act holy and spiritual outside and not feel like i'm just putting on a show. thanks for encouraging me to kick the lazy faith habit.
Jon whats your take on Pat Robertson and this Haiti thing, I personally think it is the biggest load of junk, I posted a blog on my website. I think that it has something to do with what you are talking about though.
He said that God is punishing Haiti for making a pact with the devil. Do you think that God punishes us when we screw up?
Its a slightly different take on being surprised when God doesn't seem close. we delve into things that push us away from God. Is it God punishing us or just natural consequences for our actions?
You are right. God does not wander. I do. God is faithful.
It's still easy for me at times to forget the depth of grace and go to one of two extremes: on the one hand I can think I'm falling out of favor with God when I don't have consitent quiet times and though I hold the knowledge my salvation is secure I imagine the cold shoulder turned, feeling like a hypocrite, forgetting that grace has paid for these sins as well. On the other extreme I go through a rigorous stretch of prayers and Bible readings multiple times a day and think that because I've done my duty I can brush away Christ and His work on the cross and come directly to God with the audacity to think He owes me something for my service… a wife, a better job, more validation from people in my life, etc. Then I am reminded that I am the unworthy servant of Luke 17:7-10 and it is not I who have earned anything but only by the grace of Christ do I have a will and a way to serve my Lord and that the reward and is in the joy of serving HIm and growing in intimate knowledge of His great mercies.
…and there's a wicker chair in heaven and a bowl of skittles beside it with my name on it!
I don't remember if this has already been mentioned or not…. why is this number 682? Yesterday was 686 and there was already a 682….
No matter what number SCL it is, this truly hit home yesterday! Thank you for writing what God calls you to.
Uhm. If we have "Christ in us, the hope of glory" as Paul says, then God can't be distant. Eph 2:13
"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ."
Sorryyyyy…
Good point, that's why the title of the post says, "seems." Seems as in "feels" distant. Not is distant.
The other day i just quit. I walked in our home & announced to my spouse that i was "tired of coughing, tired of the cold, tired of people dying". Then i said "and i feel guilty for feeling this way because has been so good to me". I came in and slept and rested, been doing that a lot.__Since March 2009 there has been 8 deaths that really hurt me, not family, not close friends, just deaths that seemed to be such a waste. The deceased arranged from 18 to 54. __2 were do to drunk driving (2 separate accidents ages 20 & 30) __4 were due to a person's body wearing out because of drugs or alcohol (2 of those were gifted musicians). __2 were freak accidents (one of those was a healthy 18 yr old , the other a dynamic man of God). __There were the ususal funerals of people I knew that died after a long life and my father-in-law that said his good-byes, accepted his fate, then was healed and came home for Christmas.__
Cont…In this past year i have told God i don't understand (a lot) and shed a lot of tears.__In the end i choose to love God and trust Him. And pray for the peace that passes all understanding. Phil. 4__It is having peace when there is no understanding that comes from God through Jesus Christ.
First God wakes me up at 5:30 this morning to slap me up side the head with an epiphany about the sin in my life right now, and then I read this. You are so right and this is what I have been doing lately….I need to end this comment so I can go have my quiet time! Thanks Jon!
I feel exactly the same right now, and I thought it was just me being a 'bad Christian' or something. You know when you go to church and you look around you and everyone else has there life sorted and is singing and praying and journeying with God, and you feel like you're the only one who isn't, you're the only one who has screwed up. And it's not as if I've done any one huge big things, it's lots of little things that add up to make something huge. It's not spending enough time with God, there are other things too, but for me that's the main thing that I am so bad at. I like to think that I can do things on my own. Especially if I get myself into a mess, then I think that I should be the one to get myself out. I think to myself 'when I sort my life out I will turn to God and he can have me because I will be in a good place to fulfil His plans for me' but I don't want to run to Him for help when it's my fault my life is messed up in the first place, if that makes sense? And I know that's the wrong thing to do, I know he wants all of us, everything about us, the good and the bad, and I know I physically can't sort out my life without Him, but that doesn't stop me from trying to… Thanks for the post Jon. I don't like to read about other Christians struggling (because I wish your relationship was totally on track) but at the same time I find it reassuring that I'm not the only one feeling really spiritually dry right now.
Major ditto to all these commments. This is me totally I need to get my butt back in gear. I have 2 books that are calling my name and a journal that is begging me to written in it again.
Great word Jon.. and great comments everyone.
A poem I wrote for you to show my deepest appreciation of your post!
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, speaking truth to us all!
Is that my image that I see, are there others just like me?
Peering intently, yes I see, a newly exposed version of me?
I have indeed changed my ways, having indeed reordered my days.
Thank you mirror for this true reflection, for giving me a chance at redirection."
Boy Jon, were you just a mirror to me. I could have written this same post word for word. The difference between your post and mine is that mine was just in my head. I have been exposed. Thank you God. Now I can get on with life and get back to what I know to be true.
I hear that Jon, great post. I'm just catching up on everything from the past few days
Is God in control only in the good times and not the bad? The answer is both. When the bad times come do we say "God why have you left me" or "What did I do wrong". I have learned to look at it that God is changing my direction. I look for what He is opening and closing and where He wants me to go. Example I got layoff from work. No job no income but a door opened to go to school and get more training. I have had some job interviews but no job. I will still follow the door God has opened and look for the next one. Whatever happens God has made me a winner for when my time on earth is done I will be with Him. LH
jesus people are funny
Thank You. A timely word for many, including me.
Simply Awesome.
Thank u so much for posting this. Sometimes you feel like you’re the “only one” this happens to. I’m definately encouraged to seek him more.
Jon, I'm just glad I found this blog. I spend my week ministering to people that sometimes get me way down. When I hear people say they have nothing to lose and could kill this person or that person, I get into a funk.
Sometimes, even when we try to bring others close to God it can make us feel distant from God. Your blog is just one way, I'm trying to be connected to more Christians.