SCL

The "gift of celibacy" made me laugh out loud…really! I am cringing because I know that I have dropped a few of these on my single friends, especially that dumb thing we do about making being married at Christmas sound like a chore. Why did I think that was comforting?

Once a co-worker (whom I supervised) told me that she didn't like talking about her husband (of 2 months) around the office because we all were "SO Single". I'm sorry, WHAT? What makes you "so single"? Please define.

- At my last brother's wedding, family members (who knew I've never dated) kept asking when it was going to be my "turn". I thought I'd kinda laugh it off and said, "At the rate I'm going, about 12 years." To which my brother replied, "Actually, at the rate you're going, it'll be never." Thanks, bro. Love you too.

- I'm currently in the "college" Sunday school class (even though I'm 25 and very out of college) because there's really no where else for me to go. Officially, it's for singles 18-25. My teachers (who are married) keep saying they plan to "marry me off" before I turn 26. I keep thinking, "Really? Well you'd better get to work. You don't have much time!"

This was a funny post…I relate to so many things. Worse comment I ever got was when a fellow children's ministry team worker told me how he thought I was nice and pretty (people were whispering in his ear about us becoming a couple, unbeknown to me), but it would never work between us because I was divorced and he wanted to be a pastor some day and our denomination wouldn't allow him to with a wife with an ex. ugh. I didn't really mind feeling single until then, when I felt labeled as damaged goods. Then, someone gave me an article about purity, that I guess was supposed to encourage me to be celibate, but it talked of how someone wouldn't pick a partially unwrapped or chewed on candy bar over a fresh, cleanly wrapped new one… I have to admit I was briefly overwhelmed with despair for a while.

Yea so I can relate… I am a college graduate two years into my in a career and pay for all my own things and etc.. when I go home for Christmas my parents treat me like I am still in High School… I talked to my mom about it and she said "Well probably when you get married we will be able to see you of more of an adult." I love her but was still so annoyed!!

Wow. I am single and I didn't know it was supposed to be sad to be single during the holidays until this post. a few thoughts:
1) if people at your church say any of this stuff, FIND A NEW CHURCH. seriously, those people suck.
2) if your friends hold secret parties and don't invite you because you are single, GET NEW FRIENDS.
3) "without a family to bother you" — um, do parents? aunts? uncles? cousins? nieces? siblings? nephews? or any other relatives other than spouses or kids or inlaws count as family? I am pretty sure that my family bothers me plenty without being married. (Jon: have you met Enola?)

To recap, if you score basically any points on this quiz, you need to get new friends. I would recommend moving away to ditch said, shallow, losers.

i taught myself to crochet for christmas. i told this at my camp reunion over new years, as my update from the summer. no one knew quite how to respond, i got lots of warnings about not becoming crazy cat lady.

My best friend from high school was married 16 months after she met her husband and six months after I ended my second long-term relationship. I was the only single person in the wedding party. She was quite fond of telling me I'd find the right guy as soon as she stopped looking because, after all, she had sworn off dating and instantly met the right guy. He walked out 14 months later. "Stop looking" = "It's OK to settle"?

But probably the best line I've ever received as a single Christian came from my mother. I'm a 25-year-old journalist and grad student. Mom told me, "You made your choice."

OMG!!! I got a shout out on Stuff Christian's Like!!! Well, that's made my year already.

From my grandpa, "If you were married, you'd get so many more presents!" As if that's all there is to live for at Christmas…

Do I get bonus points for scoring on all of them.

I just attended a number of weddings this December, and I think I have three single friends left in the world.

Scary thing was having supper with some (married) members of my bible study group last night, and realising I felt like the child of the group, even though I was older than all of them.

Last time I unthinkingly dropped "…when I get married…" into a relevant conversation, my Mum said, "Oh, so you ARE planning to get married at some point then?"

My favourite mildly inappropriate comment came from my ex-boyfriend's Dad, who told me that he was really disappointed when the two of us broke up. Which was sweet, except my ex is now happily married to someone else, so to say that to me so sincerely was a little odd. Anyway I resisted the urge to reply, "Really? I wasn't."

My friends tend to be okay though. I've heard the "When you stop looking" advice several times but other than that, I didn't score very highly. And I'm really okay with my married friends hanging out with other couples and not inviting me. What's wrong with that? If they did it in secret I might be annoyed, but so long as they still hang out with me I'm not gonna get jealous about what they do with other people. What I find weirder is when married couples invite me round on my own. That's pretty awkward.

Your friends tell you "It must be nice to not have to bounce around from one family gathering to another for once", while you just think, "Yeah, because sitting around at home alone is so much better…"

Oh my word! Some actually used the "called to be single" line on me just before NYE! I just spit out my drink laughing when I read that! Dude, I'm 34 – I've not yet reached crone!

My mom changed from "when you" to "if you" sometime in the last year. I tear up every time.

Oh my gosh, #25 – can't stop laughing!!

All I have to say is that my parents, friends, and family (and church family too!) are incredibly wonderful. They never hint that I should be getting married, quiz me about boyfriends, etc. And I don't think it's because they think I'm hopeless, so I can't complain. It made me realize that most of my "oh my gosh I feel so behind still being single" worries are self inflicted. So maybe now I'll be able to stop looking in time to find the right person

5, 8, 15, 21, 25, 31. SO MUCH.

Craziest comment (well, it wasn't a comment so much as a 35 minute horror story. I really need to learn how to get out of these situations).
When I was bailed up at a dinner party when I was heading for the smoked salmon (by someone whose name I had only just been told) by someone telling me "you know you can't have it all". He then went on to rail against women with careers who think they can have it all and women who marry non Christians. Marrying a non Christian actually seemed quite attractive then because then I would have had a ring on my finger, which would have meant that I wouldn't' have been targeted. Then he criticised women Christians who don't get married because of their careers (I'm a doctor so I was starting to wonder if I should be taking this personally).

I half protested that I have no expectations of "having it all" and he then went on to say how his life was not complete until he got married. He thought it was, but really it was only a half life. Then the followup about how being childless is a curse. (And women Christians who don't reproduce are contributing to the decline of Christianity).
The best bit? He wasn't a Christian when he married his wife.
The worst bit? Tied equal the fact that I couldn't get out of that one way conversation for 35 minutes and that when I managed to leave, he was still in the way of the smoked salmon blinis. I had lost my appetite for food and the fellowship I was there for that night.

Score: 23…..hmmm not that bad! Although, I think everyone really wanted to chip in and get me that E-harmony membership.

Hmmm…I never get the "When you stop looking…" comment. I think everyone at my church is concerned that I'm NOT looking. As the youth minister, my love life seems to be one of the top priorities at my church. Last night, my friend told me that his mom told him to tell me (if you followed that) that she was looking for me.

Any time a young lady visits our church, I have 10 women urging me to go meet her. I then have to reply with "She's married," "She's in high school," "She's got grandchildren," etc.

Six months ago I got out of a nearly 4 year-long relationship. I'm just now starting to think about dating again, and there aren't that many prospects around. (I only moved here 7 months ago.) There aren't many girls in their 20s (or even 30s) at my church, and it seems like there aren't many in this town who aren't already married.

You get some real interesting comments when you're a single youth minister…

At my last job, a Christian nonprofit where I was one of maybe half a dozen single people on a mostly pretty young staff of 45, I used to work with tons of seminary wives from a denomination headquartered in our town that ordained only men. Apart from the difficulties of being that courageous little single girl in an office full of married women… They told me that seminary guys were basically encouraged to get married before they enrolled or at least before they left for vicarage (one-year pastoral internship) because unmarried men were required to live in dorms and single men faced intense scrutiny during their vicarage year that made it nigh impossible to date. A girl at work who had recently started dating a sem guy asked if she could fix me up with one of his buddies — for the sole reason that the single guys just really needed to meet some women.

Fun post. I LOLed quite a bit on the post and the comments.

Jon, maybe you could put up a brief summary of what the points mean. E.g. over 20 points = marry the next person who even looks at you twice or you'll be hopelessly single forever.

Fun stuff.

Instead, I will give you the best answer one of my friends gave as to why she isn't married yet..

"I have yet to meet a man who deserves to be made that happy…."

I'm sure she won't mind the phrase getting passed around…

Marriage hasn't ever been high on my list of priorities, so I don't find it particularly difficult to be single (actually, the thought of meeting someone and having to get to know him and let him get to know me really stresses me out!). However, that doesn't seem to have stopped my sisters or my mum from praying for a husband for me…

I have two stories that make me laugh:

1. My sister, when told that I didn't know if I'd ever meet someone, asked me if I felt called to be single … "Because I felt called to be single too, then I met [my brother-in-law]". Yeah, thanks sis. You met him when you were 19 and married him at 22. At 30, I think my claim to singleness might have a little more validity (not to say it's too late at 30 of course!).

2. One of my friends from uni told me that she'd met her boyfriend when she'd "stopped looking". Yes dear. But you met him on a Christian dating website…

Last night at dinner, my husband's former roommate told us that he and his sister (both in their mid-twenties and single) received multiple Christmas cards from family members this year discussing marriage prospects and giving encouraging tips on catching a mate.

I'll take single at Christmas time over single during the months of April, May, June, July and August. My friend's mothers love to corner me at bridal teas, wedding showers (those are different events of course), weddings, baby showers, etc. and ask me why I'm not married yet. At least at Christmas everyone is too busy trying to claim their poinsettia after the Christmas Eve service to worry about your dating (or lack of dating) life.

Amazing list as usual Jon! My new answer to the "Proverbs 31 pushers" (#15) is in Paul's letters to Timothy and Titus, in particular, the parts where he speaks on the qualifications for elders and deacons. I would add this:

X-ity Y: You find yourself responsible for the care of other people's children, pets, or other belongings at some time during the Christmas hullabaloo with little to no compensation, because you've got the time for it, right? +3 per child, pet, or event.

…If this were on the list, I'm pretty sure I'd have earned about 72 points just this last Christmas. Thankfully I'm not really all that close to those that try to patronize singles during Christmas. That and as I am getting older, my control over my sarcasm is slipping. But God promised us as He sent us out into the world "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age", so I am not alone, though I might feel lonely.

Ok, I'm not making this up. How many points do I get for having my mom fill out an eharmony, profile unbeknownst to me, and gives me my potential matches as a surprise present?

Wow, i bet that was awkward when she presented your matches!

Why is it that EVERY time I mention a man that I've met outside of church, the first question church people ask is "Is he a Christian?" Not is he a good guy, what's he like, etc. I've got to the point where I don't tell anyone at church anything or (sorry Jesus!) I lie.

I'm 40 and divorced – I know that even people who call themselves "Christians" can be – well – not good people.

The other single girl at my church told me how she had gone to a New Years party with a group of young marrieds from our church. There "happened to be" a single relative of one of the young husbands there. The guy was drunk and had pentagram and "666" tattooed on his arm and asked for her number. Really, people?

This doesn't have anything to do with the holidays but the best thing I heard was earlier this year. I work for a company where we get a lot of concert tickets and I got a bunch for one of our events and gave them to someone who gave them to some people. A few weeks later, an older (married) man approached me, introduced himself, and thanked me because he and his wife had gone to the concert.

In front of many people (including his wife) he put his arm around me and said, "If I were younger I would have you as a girlfriend… then I could get all the concert tickets I want!."

Gee thanks… slightly inappropriate too… LOL

I loved the post and my favorite part of these comments is the people who feel the need to disclose that they are married. You can't just comment, you need to distinguish yourselves from the pathetic single people…it's as if you have been cured of a disease. I'm not trying to hate on anyone- I just found it amusing.

I had a good laugh about the "doorway cat" because "kitten" was at the top of my Christmas wish list this year and I didn't even get one! How sad that I can't even become a cat lady when I WANT to! Haha! (I recently moved back in with my parents while I find my footing and they said "You can get a pet when you get your own apartment." Exactly the same thing they said to me when I was 10!)

It did hurt, though, after Christmas when my siblings were sitting around talking about next year how they want to just all agree to only buy presents for the kids. Fair?

Thanksgiving was really hard with all my siblings and their families around. But, for some reason, Christmas was easier. I was all nervous about Christmas because all year I'd been looking forward to spending it with my boyfriend, in my first Christian relationship. But that didn't happen so I was able to focus on the fact that Christmas isn't about me being happy or having my expectations fulfilled… it's about celebrating that Chist came to dwell among us. That God loves us (me!) THAT much. Wow!

Try having your church leadership decide to start a marriage seminar right after Christmas.

But on a good note, I went to a wedding as a server last weekend. It was so fun!! The entire party appreciated the volunteer labor. Some wanted to socialize because we go to the same church. I was working in the front at the reception serving cake, when someone gleefully annouced that it was time to throw the bouquet. I kept my back to the group. For a few minutes, after they begged all single women to come forward, I feared that they would pester me. No, it did not happen (for the first time I was invisible at a wedding!)

I try to focus on encouraging other singles, we face a lot of ridicule even at the family holiday seasons.

I am 35, on church staff, still single, and sooo appreciate this! I'd like to share the three things my dad said to me when my ex-fiance broke off our engagement and I returned to being single….

1. At least you have your job.
2. You always wanted to say you were engaged.
3. Well, there goes another one!

Hope that made you laugh a little too.

At Thanksgiving, my mom told me I was getting a "late start". I'm 25.

I haven't got through all the comments, so I might be repeating somebody, but another version of #11 I have heard is "Being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely". There might be some theoretical truth in that, but rarely is that anyone's reality.

ROFL… hahahaha Jesus is my husband… y'all rock! In my 40's and get the 'CALLED TO BE SINGLE' and Paul said… blah blah ALLLLL THE TIME! How 'bout this one. THIS YEAR I found a wonderful man… ok… he really found me… but I VERY HESITATINGLY tell the "called to be single" prognosticators about him and what is the first thing out of their mouths?!?!?! "ARE YOU EQUALLY YOKED?!" …omg… people… Since I'm exLDS, I just say… weeeellllll heee's NOT mormon!

LOL "this christmas you got the 'gift of celilbacy'".

my worst single comment ever was probably… "i've always thought you were reasonably attractive, still… it's personality that counts eh?"

I've gotten "Why haven't you met someone yet? You must be picky." So does that mean you settled for the first person you met and got married? I think there has to be some kind of screening process within reason, but it's not that easy meeting people who are compatible. I think people who have met and married their spouses from school don't seem to understand how hard it is to meet someone when you're single and long out of school.

Mom's can be the WORST! I was in a musical where I had a fake belly on for a portion of it because at the end of act one, my character was pregnant. My mom came backstage during intermission to take pictures of me like that because, as she said, "This might the closest to grandbabies I ever get." I was…22.

There should have been a score for how many times you get paired up with your younger sibling for games/present exchanges/etc. because you're both the last singles in your family. Of course, this year he got married…Now it's just me and my niece. She's 2 1/2.