Christian Bumper Stickers.
Jan 25th by Jon- Tagged in:
- bumper sticker
I only have one bumper sticker. It’s the Stuff Christians Like official bumper sticker®. There’s actually no ® that I’m aware of, but with the book coming out, I’m trying to do fancier things like that. Like fellow pastor’s kid Daniel Tosh suggested, I’m going to release a cloud of live doves whenever I come into a room so that people think I’m filming a Prince video. It’s complicated. Like the Denise Richard’s show on E, not the Avril Lavigne song. (Do you see why this site wins pop culture awards? That was like the pop culture version of the new buffet line at the Lobster House Chinese restaurant.)
But just because I don’t have many bumper stickers on my car doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate them. There’s only one problem, there’s really no acceptable point system. I mean, if I’m going to put some Christian stickers on my car, I’d like to know that I’ve got a competitive amount of bumper accoutrements.
And so, I created a scorecard for ranking Christian bumper stickers based on real stickers that are available. (Seems pretty obvious actually when you think about it, given my past history.)
Christian Bumper Sticker Scorecard:
1. You have an ichthus fish sticker. = +1 point
2. You have an ichthus fish sticker with the word ichthus written inside it. =+2 points
3. You have an ichthus fish sticker with the word ichthus written inside it, eating a Darwin fish. = +3 points
4. You have an ichthus fish sticker with the word ichthus written inside it, applying a sleeper hold to the Darwin fish or stabbing it with a sharpened prison style toothbrush. = +4 points
5. Your sticker features a bit of wry Christian word play. “Jesus accepts knee-mail.” Or “This car is prayer-conditioned.” = +1 point
6. Your sticker is stolen straight from a popular secular idea. “Subway is HisWay, Adidas is Add Jesus.” = + 2 points
7. You find a way to work topical, relevant issues into the mix. “Jesus Recycles.” = +2 points
8. Your sticker is completely baffling to people who have never read the Bible. “My boss is a Jewish carpenter.” (Does that guy really work for a Jewish carpenter? Should I get a sticker that says, ‘My boss is an Atheist Accountant?’) = +3 points
9. The sticker completely baffles even you. “Try Jesus, if you don’t like him, Satan will take you back.” = +4 points
10. Your sticker makes a random mention of sexuality. “Avowed Celibate. (How’s that for diversity!)” = +10 points
11. The back of your car mentions the devil or hell. “Boycott Hell!” = +3 points
12. The sticker gives your wife a shout out. “I love my wife.” = +1 point
13. The sticker gives your wife a fun shout out. “I love my hott wife.” = + 2 points
14. You give America a bit of a “talking to” with the sticker. “America needs a faith lift!” = +2 points
15. The sticker is oddly competitive and talks trash against other religions. “My God is alive, sorry about yours!” = 0 points
16. Your sticker tries to shame people into God’s open arms. “Real men love Jesus.” = +1 point
17. Your sticker makes a not so subtle threat. “Live it up, sinner.” = – 10 points
18. Your sticker tries to use drug vernacular to reach these crazy gen millennial tweeners. “Another dopeless hope fiend.” “Want to get high? Try God!” “Get stoned like Paul!” = + 3 points
19. Your sticker makes a case about having God in the school system, that may in fact make it kind of seem like you are threatening to murder people. “Bible or murder. Pick one for your school.” = + 2 points
20. Your sticker kind of makes God seem a little like a slot machine. “Get your way, pray.” = – 4 points
21. You find a sneaky way to have a swear on your car. “God’s last name is not dammit.” = + 5 points
22. Your sticker references a movie from the 90s. “The Sin Exterminator, Jesus, Hasta la Vista Satan.” = +2 points
23. Your sticker makes an Alec Baldwin type threat, “I’m moving to Alaska.” = + 2 points
24. Your sticker features Calvin of Calvin & Hobbes fame praying. = + 4 points
How’d you score? If you’re under 20 points, I’m not sure you’re doing very well. If that’s the case and none of the stickers I mentioned appeal to you, perhaps you’d like one of the new ones I am going to create:
1. “Quit judging! I direct deposit my tithe.”
2. “Sorry I cut you off. I’m a Christian, but I drive like an agnostic.”
3. “My other car is a chariot of fire.”
4. “In case of rapture, I’m not sure reading this bumper sticker is a top priority for you.”
5. “Another Sunday Morning Jogger/Saturday Night Church Attendee”
6. “God created it. The Bible said it. My wife and I are doing it. SEX.”
7. “A hedge of protection is my car insurance. Seriously, I’m uninsured.”
8. “I’ve got GPS. God Prayer System!”
OK, that last one was a little cheesy, but that’s what happens when you write Christian bumper stickers.
What’s the best one you’ve ever seen?
If you could write your own Christian bumper sticker, what would it say?
Comments
Poor college student = no car = automatic 0. But I can concur that 18 without a doubt made my day
Buy just the stickers, and stick them to the scooter you use to locomode around campus.
I want a bumper sticker that says “Ezekiel 23:20″ for all those people that want to look up bible verses.
My favorite? God wants spiritual fruits not religious nuts. *grin*
Hehehehe!!
Big smile and drowning man. ~lol~
I'm kinda proud of my 0 points, though now that I think about it, I used to have a bunch of equally cheesy/mildly offensive keychains back when I was in high school.
I worked in Higher Education in a former life. I once saw a bumper sticker that read, "Born okay the first time." It took me a minute to realize that the person was commenting on the term "born again." Not advocating this for Christians, but it was something that made me think.
Again, never have seen that one. I had no idea there were so many out there like this.
That is why we have this blog, to discover those kinds of things. And invent our own.
Many years ago in the 70's (soon after I'd met the man who was to be my husband), I saw a little parked car at another university (not mine) with a bumper sticker that I finally liked. It said: WISE MEN STILL SEEK HIM … So, I stopped my car and jotted down a little note & placed it under one of the windshield wipers. "Where did you find this? Please contact me (my info). Thanks!" I did receive a reply, but ironically, in that short time, God had sort of changed my theology to a point that I could not completely agree with the bumper sticker's message anymore. Mentally I would argue: "Well, wise men don't actually seek Him (first).. He draws them" – etc.. Alas, these are the true difficult issues of life.
He draws us on a piece of paper. Then we come to life. Chuck Norris was his masterpiece.
oh yeah–i definitely need the one about direct depositing my tithe. my husband is the pastor and i always think people wonder . . .
You think that because they do wonder, oh they do.
Direct-deposit is the way to go, since being an usher and keeping your wallet in your coat pocket with a zipper is too blatant.
[...] http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/01/christian-bumper-stickers/ [...]
I've got a buddy who's got one that says "2 Kings 9:20."
The verse in question reads like this:
"The driving is like that of Jehu son of Nimshi—he drives like a madman"
Love the post, Jon. Does anyone know if he's done one on Christian t-shirts yet?
I have the Promise Keepers "I love my wife" bumper sticker sitting on my computer desk, unused. I doubt I'll stick it to my car. I'm not into bumper stickers like all those cool Christian cats out there.
That's why I want to make the one that says "my hott wife." That would sell like hottcakes
That's phatt
I actually created one. I'm guessing some people may say it's controversial but it is actually just a reminder to mankind that real hope is had through Jesus Christ and NOT through man(simple as that). It's on Amazon "real hope Jesus sticker". I think it's cool. Please check it out.
Dibs on 2 and 6!!
[...] so the last one was a little weak, but most were pretty funny. Check out the rest of the post on how to score your Christian Bumper Stickers. And, by the way, if you have a blog reader then he ought to be in it. You can also subscribe [...]
These crack me up. But what's even worse is that people actually have these! Have you read "Lord, Save us from Your Followers"?
A church near my home has a fish on their sign over their church's name. Apparently, one of the fasteners has broken, because I noticed today that the fish is now diving into the name of the church
Nobody mentioned the one that says "Jesus is my homeboy". Just saw that one recently.
I never saw that much on bumper stickers. I think that was more of a tshirt thing
For any Christian Honda drivers out there:
"The disciples were all in one Accord too."
Nice combo of awesomeness and corniness.
[...] can read the whole article with the 24-point checklist here. You might just get addicted to SCL and want to increase your Zondervan order for the [...]
Number 7 is epic!
Thanks Clark!
Depending upon the catch phraze. Jesus Loves like a dog that just killed twenty cops chasing you.
How about:
"And they will know we are Christians by our bumperstickers"
or:
"Christian Bumperstickers: missing the point of Christ's message since 1932"
I like the second one!
The second one gets my vote.
I would actually consider putting #2 on my car.
I can't believe you forgot "Don't let my car fool you, my treasures are in heaven" These are typically seen on BMW, Lexus, Mercedes, or other fancy cars. It's a classic!
Or on a camaro with a transformers alteration.
[...] Posted by tomtippery on 01/27/2010 Christian Bumper Stickers. [...]
How many points do I get for a huge sticker of John 14:6 that takes up my whole rear window? A million? Please?
[...] your vehicle(s), not to mention seven great new ones (and one cheesy one) of his own. Check out Stuff Christians Like #694. (It took 694 posts to get to bumper [...]
My favorite bumper sticker says, Christianity isn't Jesus' Fault.
don
spiritnewsdaily.com
Personal favorite: "If you still sin, you're not saved."
I wish I had a really good idea for a bumper sticker. I've had fun reading all the other ideas though!
Jesus Luvs2Dance. There's one for ya.
I have a Jesus fish on my car . . . that's about it . . . and that's more to keep me accountable than it is to be preachy – I can be an aggressive driver, but I take it a bit more easy when I remember that it's not just me, but my Jesus fish too, that just cut off that jerk in traffic.
[...] your vehicle(s), not to mention seven great new ones (and one cheesy one) of his own. Check out Stuff Christians Like #694. (It took 694 posts to get to bumper [...]
I've seen "Jesus called. He wants His religion back." and the ones battling it out about who gets who's car after the apolocypse… hilarious.
[...] Class Clown – here’s a scorecard to evaluate Christian Bumper stickers while [...]
I saw a bumper sticker once that said: "Warning! In case of rapture, this car will swerve as my mother-in-law takes the wheel." How terrible!
"Christianity isn't Jesus' fault" — that's our favorite slogan/logo. (And we've even made bumper stickers to spread the word!) Visit notjesusfault.com for more info on the discussion we're trying to promote, or e-mail info@notjesusfault.com for a few free bumper stickers.
"Get Right or Get Left."
Confusing for someone who is directionally challenged.
Hilarious after you read it twice.
You have to put your "Cliche Thinking Hat" on for sure.
[...] last one was a little cheesy, but that’s what happens when you write Christian bumper stickers.-Stuff Christians Like Apparently Rob snapped this photo when I wasn’t really ready, although now I kind of like it [...]
My personal opinion: Very funny! But few are filthy and defame GOD. Shouldn't we express that we are true followers of Christ. What we put up in our car bumpers should not defame GOD but should indirectly preach the gospel to unbelievers.
http://www.bibleilluminated.com
I have a bumper sticker on my car that has a magnifying glass looking at a fingerprint and says "CSI- Christ Saves Individuals. I saw that and thought it was clever especially since I'm a fan of the show
[...] Jon Acuff did a much better job at the Christian bumper sticker thing than I did. I had this idea before he posted his and wasn’t going to post this until he [...]