Abraham Piper guest post.
Feb 19th by Jon- Tagged in:
- Guest Post
(I met Abraham Piper last year. If you’re thinking, “wait, the nephew of Bill Piper?” the famous Bluegrass guitar player? I’m not sure, I don’t follow Bluegrass that closely.
Abraham has his own site called twentytwowords, on which he writes 22 word blurbs. He also just started a new project called “down hill both ways.” Recently he asked if he could provide a guest post about Zakk Fouteknote’s brother, the metrosexual worship leader, who helped raise money for Vietnam. I read it and realized it wasn’t typical SCL fare but that it was an important message, almost like one of those NBC Public Service Messages where Blossom tells you not to drink malt liquor and then the rainbow flies across the screen. I’ve said too much. Without further ado I give you …)
Cool, Meet Cold: The Dangers of Metrosexuality in Winter
A few nights ago I saw Zakk Fouteknote’s little brother walking through a park near my house, having come from the nearby Christian college on his way to somewhere where he apparently needed to look cool.
He did look cool. Cold, in fact.
Ordinarily, I ignore how silly I think some folks look for one simple reason: I look pretty dang silly sometimes and you know what? I don’t want to hear about it.
So, given the golden rule and such, I tend to assume that metrosexual worship leaders such as Zakk—or, in this case, his kid brother—would like me to keep my opinions to myself.
But…
I must critique him aloud here from this very public platform, because my judgment of him may be your salvation the next time you’re tempted to undergo a far-north winter evening in what can only be called spring wear (if I must choose a season to associate his attire with).
First, the setting: Mildly put, it was snowy. Even more mildly put, it was cold.
To give some perspective on what cold and snowy mean (in case it’s been awhile since you neared the arctic in January), I was warm and dry only because I was wearing:
• On my hands: Insulated mittens
• On my feet: Hefty snow boots and 2 pairs of wool socks
• On my legs: Long underwear and lined pants
• On my head: A scarf, a stocking cap, and a fur-lined bomber hat
• On my body: A long underwear shirt, a slightly bigger long underwear shirt, a detachable jacket liner, a sweatshirt, a sweater, and a winter coat.
The only parts of my person not at least doubly covered were my eyeballs.
Now, I’ll be honest. I was dressed to be outside for an undetermined, potentially lengthy amount of time, so perhaps for an ordinary excursion, my winter wear was slightly overdone. But overdone or not, it was working: I had been out in 0 degrees Fahrenheit for about two-and-a-half hours when I saw Zakk’s little bro, and actually I was kind of warm, hot even.
Not as hot as him, though, if you know what I’m saying.
Boy, did he look good, God bless him. Here’s what he chose to wear out this lovely winter’s eve:
• Some kind of canvas shoes. They looked like Converses, but I’m not sure whether Converse is cool right now. If not, then his shoes were something else, I’m sure. Suffice it to say they were reminiscent of Converses to my stylistically untrained eye.
• Some really tight, tapery jeans. Skinny jeans, I believe I’ve heard them called.…Yep, just did a Google image search. That’s what they were.
• A threadbare t-shirt with a V in its neck that plummeted even further than Zakk’s.
• A stylishly-too-small autumn jacket, which—you may have deduced from my knowledge of his plunging neckline—he wore completely unzipped.
• Lastly, he wore a stocking cap. “Well, at least that was smart of him,” you might say. But no, he even found away to make a winter hat so cool it was almost pointless. It sat well above his ears, and hung backwards almost off his head as if it held his dreadlocks (which, mind you, did not exist).
He wasn’t even dressed adequately to go stand in a doorway for a 3-minute smoke in this weather. He had no sweater of any kind, no gloves, and no scarf—not even the near-useless variety that Chris Tomlin might wear. He appeared to be wearing no socks, which of course compounded the impotence of his flimsy footwear, and (I can only assume) he wore no long underwear. In short and not to be too morbid, he was simply asking to die.
He also seemed to be only just discovering this as I passed him.
He grimaced like he’d plotted to steal weapon’s-grade uranium and was now at the mercy of Jack Bauer, which, as we all know, is no mercy. He trudged with his left hand in his pocket and his right holding his guitar. He then switched hands, under the illusion that his left hand could take a turn with the guitar while his right hand warmed up in his pocket. Sorry, man, it doesn’t work like that.
(I’m truly sorry to tell you this, little bro, but there is no hope in a moment such as this other than turning back now or quickly arriving at your destination. Otherwise, you will soon be brutally reminded that the winter is far more powerful than you are awesome.)
I learned one main thing, as I walked in that frozen, forsaken park past a young man so bent on being in style that he—despite being alone—wouldn’t even zip up his little coat or pull down his hat.
Of course, I was reminded how to go outside and freeze to death, but besides that, I learned that no matter what accoutrements you dress yourself up in to be fashionable, if your face makes you look like someone is tearing out your toenails or threatening to off your puppy if you wear a cardigan, you don’t look cool. Pitiable, gloomy, and tortured—yes—Zakk’s little brother had that persona down cold. But I’m not sure that’s the look people are going for these days. Maybe so, though—what do I know?
Comments
One would have thought that the warmth one feels by wearing the perfect style to lead people into God's own throne room would have been enough, but alas, the natural laws of the universe kind of prevent that.
It also explains why there's so many Metrosexual Worship Leaders here in the South: they can do it and get away with it hear because it's never too cold to punish their silliness.
AK metro= cool boots+cool coat+cool scarf+cool jeans+cool sweatshirt+cool hat. The V-neck thing? Irrelevant because you are wearing a winter coat! (I have walked a mile holding a guitar at 0, or maybe 10, before.)
gotta love Abraham's writing…
It is good that someone has finally addressed this important topic.
Yes, too many young metros have died going to UAF, because they would not give up their cool for, i don't know, a winter coat. Random note, ALWAYS wear a fitting coat. A coat one size too big = -5 K. Yes, you got me right. Too big of a coat = BAD. I hate this fact, because I either get XLT or XXXL. otherwise, it is too short.
I think I notice the stocking caps most of all. I think to myself "It's July, how can you stand to wear a stocking cap." Then I think, "Oh wait, you're wearing that stocking cap the way my grandfather would wear a trucker cap – barely balanced on your head so it's practically of no consequence." They kind of look like the kids that don't know how to wear a graduation hat.
It used to be that the strangest people in the church were youth pastors. With the internet, YouTube & blogging they have obviously been replaced by the Metro sexual worship leader. Where or where will our seeker sensitivity & constant influence by culture lead us? I’ll tell you where, out in the cold just like Zakk’s brother! Abraham, you my not realize it but that scene you so vividly described was really a prophet vision from God about the future. It is full of symbolism. For example, the constant shifting of the hand holding the guitar & other being in the pocket for warmth is symbolic. It is like our attempt to be righteous in our own way holding onto things that trap us (the guitar) while trying to keep warm by only putting one hand on salvation. The thread bare T-shirt obviously represents an attempt the cover ourselves with our own righteousness and the jacket that just won’t do up of course is mans attempt like in the garden to unsuccessfully cover his nakedness. You get the picture. Abraham I sincerely hope you have a good hair helmet & a large collection of polyester as TV prophetic ministries could be your true calling.
[...] Jon Acuff kindly agreed. [...]
This is awesome. Btw, Blossom's career has now come to being the High School counselor on the show, "The Secret Life of the American Teenager." But I don't watch the show at all.
Blossom may or may not have also recently been a featured guest/victim on TLC's What Not to Wear. but I don't watch that show at all either…
I have two kids in high school. Go by any bus stop on a winter morning and you will see this same phenomenon. Keep in mind that the bus stop kids are inherently less cool than those who are driving to school, but even the bus stop kids are wearing, at most, a hooded sweatshirt on a 20 degree, windy morning.
So true. There have been many a day where I've seen this fashion "phenominon" exhibited. And the 'tweens and teens think this is cool, huh?!
SHORTS!!!!! Warm weather!!! My dad allows it!!!!
I guess the line between cool and relevant collided. Still, I wonder if God adapted to us how much we should adapt to "them." I'd appreciate your thoughts. http://gracefreakdan.wordpress.com/2010/02/02/god...
Regards,
Grace Freak
Great writing Abraham. The thing that bothers me most about this situation is twofold:
1) It is repeated over and over, in almost every state in the US. (Not many have been spared by cold and snow this winter), and,
2) These individuals have incredible impression-making-power with our youth.
To be a true leader, one must recognize, accept and behave in accordance with the responsibilities of leadership…one of which is not demonstrating stupid and irresponsible behaviors to impressionable youth. God tells us a lot about judging. He also tells us something about intervention when it is needed. Perhaps more of us should intervene instead of condoning, popularizing and glorifying the less desirable behaviors of the "Metrosexual worship leaders".
Right on! The problem lies in the feminizing of our culture & the loss of true male identity. See David Marrows book Why Men Hate Going to Church. We are supposed to be salt & light the agents of a counter culture.
So, allowing for men to wear what they want and like fashion is somehow a "loss of true male identity?" Sorry, I don't see this as true anymore than I believe that women who aren't interested in fashion are unfeminine.
That isn't what we are talking about. Liking fashion & wearing what u want aren't always apart of the whole "metro sexual" thing which is what we are talking about. However wearing what u want could be considered a part of the issue when what u wear doesn't even protect u from the elements. Kinda like in the days of Noah "where each man did what was right in his own eyes"
Okay, so if it's only about warmth and dressing appropriately for weather (which I do, FYI), I fail to see the relevance of your comment relating to the "loss of true male identity." That's not a particularly one-gender issue, so I'm not sure why you brought it up in the first place.
SC AK was spared your coldness and snowiness. We have major meltage going on right now.
So now we need to name Zakk's little brother, right?
How about Pat? That is a pretty androgynous name.
Well, we know we can't go with Karsten.
No, that definitely isn't an option…
Insulated mittens? Wool socks? Long underwear? Lined pants?
What language are you speaking?
Dave
St. Petersburg, FL — Low 48 F, High 64F
Is it wrong that I just mentally whacked you upside the head with my mitten-clad yet still-icy hand?
Violet
Urbana, IL – Low 28F, High 35F (a heatwave)…and a forecast for another 2-6 inches of snow before Monday
I second that motion!
In Chicago and did not have to put on thermals today. Yippey!
Preach on, brother!
Rachel
Houston, TX– not quite as warm as St. Pete, but pretty close to it!
Los Angeles, California. It's gonna dip down below 70 today; where did I put my winter coat?
I'm in LA, too, and I was thinking the same thing. It won't be raining today, but here's a video for everyone's enjoyment.
[youtube pu1mn13l7xQ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu1mn13l7xQ youtube]
Oops, youtube embed fail, but it was worth a shot XD
Hey Dave! I'm just north of you in Gainesville. Low 31 F, high 66 F. Today was the first day in two weeks that my thin Floridian blood did not try to freeze solid in my veins when I stepped outside. I put away my pea coat (yes, Floridians wear heavy winter coats when it's below 50… we have to order them online because no stores here sell them), put on my skinny jeans, and felt much more like I did indeed live in the Sunshine State.
I would die down there. That is WAAAAAY too warm for my body until july. My heat production right now? survive fourty degrees in the buff.
I laughed when I read this because it reminded me of my little brother Daniel and my Christmas present for him: an Accouter Yourself as a Metrosexual Worship Leader Kit in a Box, packaging designed by Wes Molebash. And here is my poor little brother, barefoot in the snow to show off that pedicure, with only his guitar to keep him warm. And here he is gettin' his worship on, so wrapped up in the Glory of the Lord that he doesn't even notice the encroaching frostbite.
Shameless plug: Daniel's blog is http://falconschloss.wordpress.com/
I'm sorry, but I think one front 'corner' of his shirt should be untucked in order to convey the true insouciant flair of a Metrosexual Worship Leader. Or maybe I'm confusing that with looking "street". Now I think I'm really confused. Awesome pics by the way. Hope he didn't lose any of his little piggies to frostbite!
That's great, Becky! Thanks for sharing photos.
My computer just won't load up your middle photo. Perhaps your description of 'with only his guitar to keep him warm…' may have something to do with this? (It's nice to know as well as telling me it can fill online forms automatically faster than I can and that my grammar isn't spot on, my computer is concerned for what I may gaze upon).
Try this link – and don't worry, he's clad in more than a guitar. : ) Just no shoes.
http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d89/miller_schl...
Haha, it is actually me in the picture. Trust me, there was much more than my guitar to keep my body warm. But it was only the guitar and songs of praise that kept my heart warm…
Ah, thanks for covering that castlebro. (My computer no longer needs to be concerned of a suspected 2 Samuel 6 incident).
AW, you're a great big sister. What a fun present.
Ha ha! So funny. I saw this recently when it was snowing and like twenty something degrees outside. Guys…you don't look fashionable when you dress like this…you look stupid and cold. And personally, I'm done with the metrosexual look with guys. I LOVE fashion and understand that guys want to look in style. But when guys go "all in" for this metrosexual look it's kind of disturbing. One…they look skinnier in the skinny jeans than I do (and I'm little), two they somehow end up looking like they haven't eaten for days.
I concur.
LOL!!
Hilarious! This happens all the time. And it's not just with metrosexual guys–we were visiting my parents and my little sister got all dolled up to go to school on a FREEZING cold day. I'm one of those "I don't care if it makes me look like I've just gained 20 lbs–I'm putting on at least 3 layers on each half of my body!" people.
Oh–and "He grimaced like he’d plotted to steal weapon’s-grade uranium and was now at the mercy of Jack Bauer, which, as we all know, is no mercy." cracked me up! So true.
You meet the coolest people on your walks.
I'm rather relieved that Abraham is no longer cool, or hot, or whatever.
I love that you check up on your son online. Here's to great moms!
HURRAH!!!
Not "check up on" — I follow.
I have two suggestions for little bro's name. The first is Kieren (rhymes with steerin', like "I was steerin' my truck and hit a pole"). I think Kieren is an awesome name and lots of guys have it here in Australia. The second is Lachlan, or Lachie. Both are unusual enough to fit the metro vibe, and both sound pretty sweet.
As someone who moved from Southern California to Australia, this post has little relevance to me, as people dress like that all the time and don't suffer for it. A fashion hoodie is more than enough in 90 percent of cases.
And finally, when did this become a serious (even prophetic) discussion about the Gospel and culture? Seems like a fun enough guest post not to have to make a point about something.
That said, I just made a point about it too, so I guess I'm just stupid.
The comment about prophecy was satirical as well!
My nephew's name is Kieran. He's 10, and already has longish, messy-looking metrosexual worship leader hair
I was just thinking the same thing…about the post having little relevance to me. I live Australia also and I can't actually imagine weather that cold. Maybe in Tasmania?
I hope you were kind enough to slice open your Tauntaun and stuff him inside?
It would be the civilized thing to do.
(PS Almost squeeled with joy at work when I saw a Star Wars reference. I'm such a geek…)
Indubitably.
He would have but a lightsaber wasn't a fashion accessory he chose that day.
Not chosen. But it was hidden somewhere on his body. The 'thin' lightsabre.
Oh… converse are still in… and they will freeze your feet right off. I finally traded mine in for my boots after freezing my toes traipsing around "Old Hibbing" (biggest town land wise in MN, Bob Dylan's home town, a town that was moved because they found iron ore underneath it) during Christmas break. As a Minnesotan, I understand the importance of wearing warm clothes… and sometimes I feel like an Eskimo.
My favorite line: you will soon be brutally reminded that the winter is far more powerful than you are awesome.
Nice.
"He grimaced like he’d plotted to steal weapon’s-grade uranium "
This was funny; this was so funny that I laughed and snot came out of my nose, making me leave my cube to retrieve some tissue.
I live in Chicago and can testify to the thermal underwear and being hot in 0 degree weather. And then seeing someone with no hat, scarf nor socks and them making ugly faces. It's crazy.
I love the post. Great writing. I think what is discribed here is a perfect example of how young people exisit in this world. Image and "coolness" are more important than actually functioning.
I'm 27 and I have to say graduating from college, having a real job, becoming a mom, these things don't make me feel old. Taking an umbrella with me to the bus stop because it "might" rain… that makes me feel old.
I was taking an umbrella with me to the bus stop before I was even in my teens, lol.
You were wise beyound your years.
)
Thanks Katy. 'Were' (past tense) being the operative word, I now often think.
Funny, because my husband saw the opposite at a young adult conference he helped lead in the Dominican Republic in December. Wonderful young adults wearing scarves and furry boots in 70 degree weather because it's what is "in". Or maybe 70 degrees is considered cold in the D.R.
while the rest of his outfit is ridiculous… I have to point out that I wear Converse shoes nearly everyday (except when there is a big snow) and I live in Thompson, Manitoba, the second coldest city in Canada… and I often walk to work…
That is, South Central Alaska. Not South Carolina.
Seriously laughed out loud at the guitar part!
I'm also from Minnesota (family's home is less than three blocks from the Desiring God headquarters, actually, and we went to John Piper's church for a long time) and now am in college in the suburbs of Chicago, and I *so* know this phenomenon. It gets even more ridiculous watching the girls on a college campus–Friday and Saturday night, they're traipsing about town in snow, ice and single-digit temperatures with bare legs and high heels, the flimsiest of coats unzipped just like Fouteknote Jr.'s of course, no hats because that would ruin their perfect hair…
I was ready to go outside with my black leggings, bike shorts, flimsy jersey with the deep zip, and cannondale jacket when fortunately I read this post–just after I realized it is actually drizzling. I'm going to put on something sensible and stay inside–at least until it stops drizzling. My bike can wait. After all, I don't want to throw it from hand to hand under a ridiculous awning somewhere out in the city. Too metro, not sexual at all.
Did u read the post by @sckarolek? It talks about leadership & roles. Since the term "metro sexual" in our culture is primarily attributed to men….ergo…..
I did. I interpreted the comment to be about how leaders of all kinds should set examples for those who follow them and that the warmth issue (don't do silly or reckless things that others who follow you might emulate) was metaphorical.
Again, this does not seem relevant to your original comment about the loss of true male identity, since I do not see "metrosexual" worship leaders as not masculine (although, apparently, you do) than guys who choose not to wear tight pants (talk about a who cares?). In this post (which, remember, is HUMOR) the point seemed to be about the lengths we will ALL go to appear "cool" instead of sensible, not about how the metrosexual worship leader (hello, it's a joking moniker) is "less of a man."
I felt your comment was out of left field and sort of divisive. You're certainly entitled to have a different take on this, I just don't agree with your interpretation and it seemed like such a "jump to conclusions mat" comment to take the post and comment in that direction. I've said what I think and I'm fine with leaving it here.
While his comment is to leaders, the type of leader in this post that is being described in a male. Also as the trend of metro sexuality is specific to males in is an inclusive fact that the discussion is about men. The trend of our society blending the roles and identities of men and women is also a well documented and discussed topic in religious and secular circles. It is of special concern to leaders, not just men by the way, in christian circles. Especially those who want to become who they are meant to be in Christ as men and women. Perhaps some research into the topic would help you discover how wide spread the issue is? Therefore it is more than a comment, it is a document phenomenon. The intent was not to be divisive but to agree with someone elses comment and identify part of the root behind the problems they were posting. As far as things being humorous, I agree that is a part of this blog. But there are also some very real points that are made and need to be taken seriously. It seems more like you are trying to goad me into a discussion around leadership roles that I really don't want to have with someone who seems to already have a bias on that issue.