The Youth Minister Uniform.
Feb 12th by Jon- Tagged in:
- Guest Post
(He’s back. He’s unstoppable. Ladies and Gentlemen, Curtis “The lightning bug” Honeycutt and a fantastic new guest post.)
Curtis here, winner of the historic Bulletin Bored contest and purveyor of fine threads like awesome Christmas Sweaters. You haven’t heard from me for a while because I’ve been embedded on a top secret fact-finding mission on behalf of SCL: I’ve been studying youth ministers. What sets them apart from normal people? Why do they have so much energy? Why so many wristbands? These are the questions that fueled my research and kept me awake during all-night dodgeball tournaments. I’m happy to report my findings to you today, in what I call “The Youth Minister’s Unwritten Uniform” -or- “Is Your Youth Minister a Communist?”.
The youth minister has taken on a style all his own. Realizing he’s the slightly-less-hip version of the metrosexual worship leader, here’s how to pick a youmin from a lineup:
The Overstimulating Shirt
Fact: eighth graders have the attention span of a goldfish in a bowl of Red Bull (more on that later). In case the Wednesday night message doesn’t keep the students’ rapt with attention, his shirt will. You know the shirts I’m talking about–they contain more calligraphy than the Constitution. I think I saw a youth minister the other day with Hammurabi’s Code embellished onto it. If you give the kids 3D glasses they may even find clues to reclaim a legendary book of Presidential secrets hidden inside Teddy Roosevelt’s nostril at Mount Rushmore.
Cargo Pants
Some trends die hard. And ten years too late. Youth ministers make up for the fact that cargo pants have lost their panache by filling the pockets with something ironic like tater tots. This allows them to connect with students by reenacting scenes from Napoleon Dynamite. “Napoleon! Give me some of your tots!” Classic.
Eleventy Hundred Wristbands
It’s easy to quickly come down from a mountaintop experience like summer camp or surviving a retreat at a haunted warehouse and forget how God showed up in amazing ways. The remedy is simple: never cut off your event-specific wristbands. The key to keeping your fragile wristband in mint condition is this: never shower.
Marry Way Out of Your League
I realize this doesn’t have anything to do with apparel, but it’s an unmistakable fact: youth ministers somehow trick women who are drop-dead gorgeous and possess the wisdom of a sage into marrying them. I don’t know how they pull off this epic feat, but it’s actually a prerequisite to becoming a youth minister.
Facial Hair
Youth ministers have been accessorizing their faces for decades, if not dozens of years. The goatee has been popular, although the stylish soul patch has taken over the number one spot on the charts. The soul patch had better watch its back; it has some stiff upper-lip-competition from the mustache…no one takes it seriously, but everyone wants one.
Energy Drink Sponsorship
Do you ever watch skateboarders guzzle a liter of Monster after they shred a halfpipe? Youth ministers make Shaun White look like a baby when it comes to consuming caffeine. I recently saw a youth minister with a Red Bull CamelPak. Game on.
Spiffy Specs
Right now the Rob Bell, plastic-framed glasses are all the rage. I myself have bought into the craze, but I’m predicting a new frame fad: Horace Grant goggles. Grant became famous as the goggle-clad power forward who won championships with MJ and the Chicago Bulls in the ’90s. He also looks like a superhero. Teenagers think superheroes are awesome. Ipso facto: Why shouldn’t your youth minister look like an awesome superhero? You, too can be the Godfather of Goggles, just like Horace Grant.
The Backpack
This is a surefire way to tell your youth minister apart from the rest of your church’s pastoral staff. While your pastor probably/definitely throws the Italian leather man-bag over his shoulder, the youth minister will have none of that pretentiousness. No; the youth minister proudly utilizes the backpack to carry his Macbook Pro to and fro. He is, however, still holding on to the one strap trend that makes him the coolest guy at Bayside.
Castro Hat
To some it screams “Down with capitalism.” To me, it suggests “It was either this or a train conductor hat; I’m on my way to bald.” Totally understandable. Youth ministers want to be able to relate to their students, who, for the most part, have hair. Do what you got to do, man. Just be careful and don’t go too far. Only Justin Timberlake and Indiana Jones can pull off the fedora like champs. On you, it’s probably not a good idea.
At this point, you may start getting confused. Cargo pants? Check. Mustache? Rockin’ it like nobody’s business. Castro hat? Affirmative. Is this guy a youth minister or a solder of the revolution? Here’s a tiebreaker that will help clear things up for you:
Sandals with Socks
Is your youth minister a communist? Only one way to find out: from the shin up, he appears to be a card-carrying Marxist, but have you ever seen Castro sporting a pair of these?
I think the reasoning behind sandals with socks is that Jesus wore sandals; I want to be more like Jesus; therefore, I will wear sandals 24/7, even during winter, and especially in camp showers. Side effects include a wicked case of Ninja Turtle toe, tube sock-induced foot odor, and an increased likelihood of using the phrase “My dogs are barking.”
I hope your fears have been relieved about your youth minister’s questionable political associations based on his clothing decisions. The typical youth minister uniform says two important things about him: he’s countercultural (see mustache) and he wants to relate with the students. These are admirable traits to have in a person who’s shaping awkward, lanky teens into men and women of character. Youth ministers are a strange bunch, and I’ve decided sometimes it’s better to not ask questions, but instead let them do their thing…even if that thing includes throwing seventh graders upside down onto a velcro wall with a mouthful of pop rocks and Coke.
For more from Curtis, check out his site.
Comments
When I started in YM 10 years ago…every youth minister had a shaved head and goatee. Then came the shaggy soccer look and soul patch. I haven't been to a conference for a while…whats knew with the do?
Haha, well done Curtis. However, as someone majoring in youth ministry, and therefore surrounded by future youth pastors, the future youth pastor looks like it's going to be different! For one, I don't think I've ever seen a pair of cargo pants in my four years here… And for whoever mentioned tattoos, their right! That's going to be big for the youth pastor of the future!
And nice sly Bayside comment. But if that's where you're coming from…. which youth pastor are you referencing? There are/have been many!
I love how the term "youth minister" in this post has just naturally assumed that all youth ministers are men. Of course, by "love" I actually mean "kind of resent." I'm a youth minister, but a woman. I am actually annoyed by male youth workers who fit the stereotype this post is joking about. This post is hilarious, but it saddens me because it's true… And it's sad because it's true because as I see it, these guys (and the gals can do it too) are bending themselves in order to get kids to relate to them, when in actuality kids see through all of that and just want someone to be authentic. I think there is a difference between trying to look "relatable" and actually just, well, relating. There seems to be this idea that in order to relate to young people we have to pretend to be young. It's just not true. Kids don't want that. Kids want you… So if your style really, genuinely is cargo pants and a gotee, well go for it. But please don't do it just to fit in with your 8th graders.
Totally agreed. I'm a late-20's male who's in his 6th year of youth work, and had wrestled with not feeling "hip" enough early in my ministry because of what I saw around me… thankfully i was constantly reminded and encouraged through other folks in ministry that very thing – being authentic is more important than being relevant. Not that we shouldn't enjoy style – I think mine has evolved as my personality has evolved – but we def should put our focus on relating on the personal level.
Curtis has said in response to one of the other comments that the reason the post focuses on males is because it was male youth leaders that he had around to observe, not because he was was trying to snob females.
I have to say I LOVED the comment about the one strap trend. I started wearing my backpack that way in kindergarten because my brother told me that was "how the fourth graders carry their backpacks." Years later, my friends in high school said they could always spot me in a crowd because I was the only one carrying my backpack on one shoulder. Yeah, I was cool.
Ahaha. Love it!
My church just hired a new youth pastor so I look forward to see if he does/ wears any of this.
Horace Grant goggles. The time is now!
Blessings
I am glad I was a female youth pastor. However, women fall into the backpack (double straps) and the glasses. The wristband was all for a contest! But not for me. Any student who was last with it on got a free dinner from me! However I know I was the woman youth pastor that was all about "dressing modestly trendy" as an example for all the young ladies! I married a school teacher. Which I find interesting, Like we switched roles.
New to your blog. Very funny article.
Every youth pastor I've ever had, definitely married up. That trait made me laugh =P
I'm a youth pastor, and I try not to commit such horrible fashion mistakes as the cargo pants and socks with sandals. I def. agree that most of us now who are younger are the slightly less hip Worship pastor.
As a youth pastor I can honestly say that these are very accurate and extremely funny to reflect on. The facial hair one is the best one – that is my biggest youth minister pet peeve. BTW, I did marry up as well
Tom
http://www.notamegachurch.com
As a youth pastor I can honestly say that these are very accurate and extremely funny to reflect on. The facial hair one is the best one – that is my biggest youth minister pet peeve. BTW, I'm proud to say that I did marry up and will never complain about that one
Tom – http://www.notamegachurch.com
As an "old guy" (late 20s haha), the fact that I just saw the name Horace Grant makes this one of the greatest posts in recent history. Suggesting that the goggles could replace the emerging church glasses is awesome haha
[...] a Comment If you are a youth minister or just like to laugh at us I highly suggest reading The Youth Minister Uniform at StuffChristiansLike.com. Here’s a [...]
This article is absolutely hilarious. Though, in my area, the stereotype definitely leans more to the collared polo t-shirt(untucked)/blue jeans/chaco sandals (without socks) trend. The Rob Bell glasses are spot on. I always wanted to wear some, but then I noticed that 87.5% of male youth pastors (and more and more females too) at our area-wide gatherings are wearing them. Thanks to your article, I'm heavily considering the Horace Grant goggles. He actually was a super-hero, i'm telling you, he's legit.
As a female youth director, I feel sorely left out in this post! The facial hair is obviously partial to men, but I think the rest are too! I vote for another list for female youth directors- we are certainly a breed of our own! I know this wouldn't work in a "line-up" but one of the entries would have to cover the chair in the female youth director's office- probably the most comfortable and fun chair or couch in the church! No wooden chairs or formal for her!
Just a question. Do you get tired of people acting like they are commenting on your blog, but are in fact plugging their own blog?
if you are a youth pastor or a pastor or a youth leader or heck, just go to a church with a youth group, you should read the book Sustainable Youth Ministry by Mark Devries. it will change things. and from a female youth pastor, i might wear jeans most days but i'll be darned if i'd EVER wear a jean jacket with them. double jean, there's no excuse. we're not all THAT out of touch with 2010
I'm a Youth Pastor & I agree with most of this ground-breaking study.
There is one thing here that I would like to discuss…the sandals with socks.
I understand that as a 30 year old, my cool status faded years ago; this doesn't mean that it has been replaced with dork status. I can say with full confidence, that even if there were no more Nike or Puma shoes for me to buy, I would NEVER wear sandals, let lone sandals with socks.
I am a avid flip-flop wearer, but never sandals!
If you're a Pastor with a sandal wearing YP, please quickly de-mote him to Children's Pastor or Sound Guy.
Thank you for the Saved By The Bell reference. Awesome. What a great post! I laughed out loud! (I'm catching up on my reading, I've had mono and been out of the loop.)
Funny post, made me LOL. I can honestly say the YP at my church fits most of the points mentioned, especially the boundless energy. Must be something in the air…
Don't forget the lack of hair! Just about every youth minister I've ever seen has a buzz cut or super short hair.
[...] The Youth Pastor Dress Code: Identify the youth minister amidst the crowd (plus a special bonus feature on how to tell your youth minister from a Marxist.) [...]
Love it! Hey would you be willing to share this on a new youth ministry resource library? I think they'd get a big kick out of it.
http://www.calledtoyouthministry.com/resources
Let me know–thanks! God bless!