When people apologize for swearing around you.
Feb 16th by Jon- Tagged in:
- swears
The other day in the car, my four year old blurted out, “Stupid backpack!” I slowed down and asked her what she had just said. She paused for a minute and then responded, “Sometimes my brain says silly things. Silly billy, willy scoobaleedoo.”
Although I appreciated the verbal smokescreen she threw down to cover her tracks, she still said a word we’re not cool with at the Acuff house. But as funny as her response was, it’s nothing like what happens sometimes when people swear around Christians. Have you ever experienced that? It is a truly magical moment my friend.
Usually, it’s just that a word slipped into a sentence unexpectedly. Your friend suddenly catches themselves and says, “Oh, hey, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to say that. My bad.” And then the conversation moves on. But what are we supposed to do? What should your response be when you hear one of your friends swear near you? Funny that you should ask …
5 things to do when a friend swears near you.
1. Slap him in the mouth.
Right in the mouth. Go on, do it. I know a lot of people are going to tell you a kidney punch is most appropriate in this situation, but I disagree. For my money, few things offer the same sound, impact and “who dat” power of a slap in the mouth.
2. Weep softly.
Just start crying softly. Wipe your nose with your sleeve and keep looking at the person, shaking your head back and forth in clear, visible disappointment. The more tender the tears the better.
3. Swear back.
First two options not your style? Then go the other direction and make them feel OK about the swear by saying one of your own. As soon as they swear, say the real version of “melon farmer.” (I can’t explain what that really means but I think you know, I think you know.)
4. Hold them.
Want to make a slightly awkward situation even more awkward? Just embrace them. No side hug, I’m talking full frontal. Recreate that scene from the movie Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams cradles a sobbing Matt Damon and says, “It’s not your fault, it’s not your fault.” Do that exact same thing here.
5. Reassure them that you’ve heard that word before.
If I’m in my mid thirties and you swear near me, chances are, I’ve heard that word before. Maybe even a lot and more colorfully dressed up if I happened to be a mailman one dark, twisted summer. (That last one just got personal.)
If you do end up slapping people in the mouth, please don’t mention this site or the Stuff Christians Like book
Comments
I always go with the – I'm 24 years old, its ok, I'm a big girl, I've heard it before. Now, if my 6 year old god-daughter is nearby, I will delicately turn her aside and go for said mouth smack, but no kids around, no problem. I used to sing in a choir and we rehearsed in a church…if someone would swear they'd immediately apologize because we were in a church. My response? Um, God hears you swear everywhere else. Why is here any different?
hahah. "melon farmer" I have watched die hard 3 on tbs as well. Some of my friends know they are getting hit if they use words around me.
Cracking me up…
lol…yea, Im one of 'those' christians who swear on the odd occasion..say when I whack my thumb with a hammer – which isn't often – or am getting extremely frustrated with a situation and/or person.
My mother curses worse than any person I've ever met, and I was a Marine for 4 years. I don't really care if she curses around me, it's around the kids that bug me. My 9 yr old has pleaded with me to stop saying "crap" (talk about feeling like crap).
Not sure any of those 5 will work on my mom. She does apologize sometimes, though. =)
Or, you could just yell "Kelly Clarkson!" Better yet, offer some Purrell. I agree with your four year old though…sometimes things come out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop 'em.
I went rock climbing with my boyfriend and another couple (all of us Christians–the guy half of the couple leads our small group). However, this was not the kind of indoor rock climbing that includes being harnessed–it was "free climbing" or whatever–you and a wall and those peg things. Very cool/fun, especially considering the huge mattress-like pads they have to catch you if (WHEN) you fall. Unfortunately, knowledge of said mattresses did not prevent me from yelling "OH S#$%!" as I slipped and fell 20 feet to the ground…I wouldn't have cared (perhaps fear of imminent death is a legit excuse to accidentally cuss?) except for the other couple, because they don't know me very well, so i apologized like a million times…
Should have seen the "melon farmer" reference coming. XD
Oh, and substituting swear words for other, non-cuss words is not the same as saying the swear words themselves. Anything that is vile is a twisted, perverted way of describing something very physical. Over time, such vernacular has taken a root in our language to become recognised as "swear words". Some substitutions are harmless, so long as your heart is in the right place (wherein a moral dilemma does not arise from your choice of vocalisation); but to substitute one word for another crude semblance of that word could be construed a cop out; ie. no better than using the original word.
You have to understand etymology at least a little to realise the potency of modern swears. It is my recommendation that if something makes you or those around you uncomfortable (for example, you wouldn't use it in your pastor's presence), then avoid it; yes, even if it is one of those substitute words.
[...] Acuff cracked me up with his suggestions on how to handle someone that swears around you.I would love to see the look on someone’s face after trying no. 4 0 Comments [...]
I am a minister. I cannot tell you the last time I have said a "swear" word. But I can still use words and have attitudes that are FAR from Christ-like! The next time I hear someone curse, I need to keep in mind that with the same measure I use to judge, I will be judged. I choose to look at it this way: We are on a journey TOGETHER. We need to make sure we are always ENCOURAGING each other onward toward Christ-likeness.
Even still, I had to smile with the suggestion of slapping them in the face. As long as we can do this in the love of Jesus, I say let's do it!
Wow, I didn't think there was a single household left in the world, except for mine (really God's that He lefts me use) where we don't let the kids say "st-pid." As for me and my house… and now at least one other one!
[...] I really did laugh out loud at these ideas for how to respond when people apologize for swearing around you. [...]
Is stupid a bad word? I think she was just frustrated. I'd much rather have my child say "stupid" than "retarded" or "F–ked up". It's like missing the forrest for the trees… which I think is what some Christians do a lot. They focus on the language being used rather than the intent of the language.
There is an FCC rule that says you can (after a certain hour) say the F word on the radio, and indeed on TV. However, you cannot say it in a prurient context. Thus if someone is making a statement and saying "that's F-ed up" at 11pm thats kosher. However, saying "F Me, baby" is not. While I'd hate to let the FCC be a barometer of morality, their logic does have a point. But then again, I'm not a dad and thats not my kid. Just my two cents. Feel free to tell me to "F-off"… but if you're going to do it on Tv make sure it's after 10pm.
My wife’s 90 year-old, former WWII fighter pilot grandfather once apologized for swearing in front of me (because I am an “overseas worker” I guess) and I was about THIS close to telling him, “I don’t give a damn whether you use that word or not!” I just couldn’t work up the courage.
I would give them a side hug, ensuring that naughty bits are not touching. Wait…is "naughty bits" a swear? I guess I haven't been changed enough from the inside. Stupid christians.
Please, please, please. I cannot keep silent any longer.
There is no such thing as 'a swear'.
'Swear' is a VERB.
Please!
A really sweet young woman I worked with years ago was having a very bad day. All evening she would stop and write something on a piece of paper. At the end of the night she balled it up and threw away. Our supervisor waited for her to leave and pulled it out. It was covered with curse words she wrote every time something bad happened that night!
Wow….interesting thread. Sorry that I’m late getting in on it.
My parents cussed in my presence (though they never dropped the f-bomb) and learned so many “colorful metaphors” that by the time I was 12, I could use them all. Of course, I began to hang around peers who used worse language and picked those up. Then, I dropped an f-bomb in biology class! OOPS!! After I got saved at 16, I tried to clean up my language but it took awhile and let a few slip.
Gradually, my language got cleaner and I even tried to eliminate “substitute” words, though that’s still a work in progress. With my wife, I may use an occasional cuss word to make a point, but I normally don’t cuss and strongly encourage my daughter to not even use substitute words. (The ironic this is, though, that my wife continues to use “jackass” as if it’s a normal word. Perhaps it’s from her Southern culture…)
I think Christians should live to a higher standard because we are children of The King, not because we’re holier-than-thou or better than anyone else. It took me awhile to stop being offended by unbelievers who cuss but I’ve come to that point because they’re acting according to their nature. Christians, on the other hand, have a new nature–the nature of Jesus–living in them. I want to elevate my speech above the common, vulgarities because the Bible says,”…among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” Because of that portion of Scripture, I don’t believe Christians should cuss.
Now, that being said, it’s next to impossible to even circulate among society anymore without hearing cuss words flung all over the place as everyday speech. We’re told our daughter–who is 11–that she is going to hear bad words and she’s welcome to ask us–in private–about any word she hears and/or sees (like on a T-shirt). We’ll tell her what the word means, why it’s vulgar, and admonish her not to use that word. I’m sure, though, that the time is coming when she’s going to test us by saying sh**, f—, or some other obscenity. We’ll have the soap ready…. :^)
BTW, I guess it was the way I was raised or the era in which I grew up but I still find it sickening when a woman of any age cusses. It brings to me the image of excrement coming out of her mouth. Remember, I’m 47 and the American culture was different–and, perhaps cleaner–then.
And what do I do when people cuss? Nothing. When unbelievers cuss, they're just living their nature; when Christian cuss, well, they're either letting their "old man" get the best of them or they're still a work in progress, just like the rest of us.
Whats wrong with saying "stupid backpack"? Am i missing something here?
Question: I'm Christian and I use swear words (though I don't take God's name in vain and I never curse people out or tell them off). What's the problem with it? It's just another word in a language used to convey an idea.
When people swear around me, I tell them they "have an fu*#)@( language problem."
When people act like you around me, I tell them they have a fu***** attitude problem.
In case you don't know what I mean (and I'm guessing you don't), so-called "foul language" hurts no one. It does no damage to anyone or anything. It is nothing more than a social faux pas, and if you're going to loudly castigate someone in public with your holier-than-thou attitude, you had better come up with something better than using a naughty word.
I don't get the whole stupid thing. The Bible uses the word "stupid"…
Ps 92:6 A senseless man has no knowledge, nor does a stupid man understand this:
Prov 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
Jer 10:8 But they are altogether stupid and foolish {In their} discipline of delusion–their idol is wood!
That should have said.
"I'll have to try the soft, remorseful tears next time someone curses around me for effect. Nothing wrings guilt out of people more than making a PK cry by polluting the pristine innocence of a sheltered mind (because, you know that pastors' children aren't imperfect human beings like the rest of you)."