It is a well established fact that the average Christian uses 32% more exclamation points in their emails than Atheists. It’s not that we’re more excitable than other people, just that once we start capitalizing He and You and other references to God we start getting a little crazy with our punctuation too!!!
That’s not what I want to talk about today though. What I want to address are the 7 official rules of church fonts. Having recently experienced quite a few in my travels to promote the book Stuff Christians Like, I feel it is my civic duty. Without further adieu:
The 7 Rules of Church Fonts
1. If you are doing a sermon or series on the Old Testament, you have to use Papyrus, that ancient feeling font. This is the Gandalf of all fonts.
2. If you are doing anything related to the youth group, you must use “Comic Sans.” Come on, it says, “Comic” right there in the title. This is the Spuds MacKenzie of fonts.
3. An image of an eagle, dove, or bough of olive branches can be used to punctuate a sentence.
4. If you have a “t” in a word and you don’t turn it into a cross, I hope you enjoy your visit to hades. It’s going to be a hot one my friend. And not a dry heat.
5. Always remember, “Where ten or more different fonts are gathered in one bulletin, there God will be as well.” Don’t be afraid to use every font you own all at once.
6. Don’t worry about getting pulled over for a BUI. Bold, Underlined and Italicized! You want something to “pop,” you better BUI like there is no tomorrow.
7. When in doubt, trust the Holiest, most important online font a human has access to, the flaming letters of importance. (I feel like this should be the official font of satan, but I swear lots of Christian sites apparently like it hot, hot, hot!
Those are my rules when it comes to church fonts.
Which ones did I miss? What are your faithtastic favorite fonts? Am I the only one who notices fonts?