Iffy Prayer Requests
Jun 3rd by Jon- Tagged in:
- prayer
Someone recently got in trouble in the middle of a prayer circle and it was kind of my fault.
I once wrote about something I called “confessing safe sins.” It was the idea that sometimes in small groups, people confess things that are safe in order to not look like sweaty heathens. They say, “I have something really gross to confess, I haven’t been reading my Bible enough,” or “my quiet times have been short lately.” I’m not sure if there is technically a right or wrong way to share a confession or prayer request but hopefully you’ve got friends you can be honest with and don’t ever fake it.
The person that emailed me though experienced a new variety of the safe sin move, and it’s one I was not prepared for. It’s like a 5 hour energy strength version of the original. If the first version was Kelly Clarkson, this new one is Lady Gaga. If that first version was the Lakers, this one is the Celtics. It’s that powerful. (I feel like we’ve completely exhausted our daily supply of pop culture references. I should have saved some for the last paragraph but I just get so excited.)
What did this poor person experience? Well, in a prayer circle, someone confessed that they were struggling with “over committing.” In their words, “they were volunteering too much.” Now let’s admit that there are some people who do that. The Swiss army knife volunteer at church is a burnout waiting to happen, but confessing to a prayer circle that your issue is that you over volunteer is very similar to something that happens during job interviews. Whenever a potential employee asks you, “What are your weaknesses?” you should never respond, “Well, I work almost too hard, you know? Like too many hours, with too many sales and too much profit. That’s an issue for me, making the company I work for too much money. You’ll probably need a money bin like the one Scrooge McDuck used to swim around in. That’s my weakness, I cause companies to build swimmable money bins.”
That’s silly, but what should you do when you hear a friend doing something like that in a prayer circle? Laughter can’t be the response. That’s harsh. What if there was another way? Maybe even three other ways.
3 Ways to Respond to an Iffy Prayer Request
1. Make your own.
If your friend says, “I need prayer about my habit of over volunteering and helping too many homeless people,” respond with your own request. Say, “I need help too, I’ve been too loving to my wife lately. I have literally lain too many of my own needs down in order to love her like Christ loved the church. It’s a problem.” It’s kind of a mutant version of what counselor’s call “reflective listening” where you reflect back what someone just said so that they can hear how they are sounding.
2. Squirt gun
No one ever takes me up on my squirt gun related ideas. If there was a squirt gun in the center of a small group and whenever someone was fake you could grab it and blast them, people would be honest. Getting squirted when you’re running outside with your kids is no big deal. When you’re wearing khakis and work clothes, it’s incredibly irritating. I would probably name our gun “liquid honesty” or “fluid justice.” But that’s just me.
3. Be honest yourself.
Honesty begets honesty. You want an honest prayer circle? Do what we’ve said a million times before, go first. Honesty doesn’t grow naturally. It’s cultivated and manicured and intentionally cared for. So get started. But understand sometimes a large group of semi-friends might not be the best place for a deep, raw prayer request. Allow folks to share them one on one with the people who really know them.
Ultimately, it’s impossible to judge someone’s prayer request. Maybe their over committing is rocking their world right now. All you can do is be honest yourself and not give dishonest, iffy prayer requests. But, if you laugh during a prayer circle or find yourself counting the word “just” when someone prays (Lord, just hear our prayers and just open our hearts.) I don’t accept any of that blame. It’s like trucks that drop rocks on the highway and have a sign that says, “I am not responsible for cracking your windshield.” That’s on you.
But so is the honesty. So go first. And don’t laugh.
Comments
Jon, I just want to just say that you're just such an observant and just a humorous dude. It's just awesome. I almost finished reading your book and I must say it's at the top of my top books list. I love it. Keep up the good writing and humor. God bless you!
In reference to this post, sometimes I find it funny when your bible study or meeting comes to an end and someone says, "Does any one have any prayer requests?" and everyone has blank stares or looks around the room as if to say, "C'mon, someone MUST have a prayer request." So if no one says anything, there will always be the default request to pray for school or something. But all along, everyone has a need for prayer and sometimes the request isn't made out of fear that it may be too insignificant or too major. A prayer request is a prayer request no matter how small (or big). God wants to hear them all.
Oh yeah… Go Lakers!
I would stay away from the squirt guns as some groups may believe the liquid justice a form of baptism!
Reminds me of growing up in youth group and the high number of "unspoken" prayer requests that would come forward during times of prayer. The "unspoken" request was usually an icebreaker that would loosen everybody up. One "unspoken" request would usually prompt a chorus of other "unspokens" from other students in the group who were embarrassed to admit that they actually needed prayer.
"Unspoken" was typically used as a cover up for one of two things, I think. First, it was used by kids who were clearly and obviously struggling with some sin, but they were too embarrassed to admit it in public. Ironically, all the kids in the youth group already knew that she was sleeping with her non-Christian boyfriend, because high school youth group communication is built on gossip and judgment. But her request would be "unspoken" anyway, just reaffirming the gossip in everyone's mind.
The second thing the "unspoken" request would cover up were sincere prayer requests that would get a student labeled as a holier-than-thou or a self-righteous fake. These requests were for things like God's guidance, a physical ailment or the need for strength in a time of temptation. These were legitimate prayer requests, but fodder for judgmental teenagers nonetheless.
I think the fact that we feel as though we can't be honest about our weaknesses is a terrible sign of the spiritual condition of the Church. We are all sinners saved by grace – and nothing more – yet we reserve the right to sit in judgment of one another's sins. The most refreshing and powerful times of prayer I have ever had were when I had the guts to admit to my peers that I was controlled by lust, or losing the battle against my temper, or that I was scared to death of failing at marriage or parenthood.
I have often thought that the "forgive us our trespasses" aspect of the Lord's prayer is the most neglected in our prayer circles. And while I am far from a model of an exemplary prayer life, I truly feel sorry for those who don't have the assurance they need to confess their weaknesses before their brothers and sisters in Christ. The situation can certainly be humorous when someone makes a request that others know is a cover up, but to me it usually seems too sad to be funny.
Lol! Idea #1 is likely to get you in as much trouble as laughing I should think. I like the squirt gun idea… use that one.
I have only recently gotten out of the habit of counting “justs” during prayer, and now I won’t be able to forget it. Thanks a lot, Jon.
HAHA – Love the squirt gun idea, it's like training a kitten that being on the bench eating my dinner is NOT ok.
I have a SCL idea Jon – 'Feeling some what violated when someone tells you they've been praying for you when you haven't even asked them' – its true, I had a chick mate recently say "I've been praying for you" – I was like "W.T.F.O.M.G (which also happens to be on a t-shirt I love wearing to church) – I feel so violated right now, I feel like Im being prayer probed. You didn't even ASK me if I wanted to be prayed for!"
I have a prayer request. I am way to authentic and unapologetically honest (although I do still apologize for things that don't need apology). Also, I can't use swear words. It's not that I don't know any or how to appropriately use them. Nor is it that I'm offended when I hear them. They just never have flowed naturally from me the way the do with others so when I do use them, they sound forced. The exception, of course, is when I'm speaking French. For some reason, swear words are less evil when they're in a different language. In fact, I often substitute the French swear words for the English ones even when I'm speaking English. It just feels better. Okay, now this is starting to sound more like a confession. By the way, I like the squirt gun idea. It works so well with my cats, I'm sure it would work in a prayer circle too.
Yeah what is it about people swearing in other languages? I have a Polish friend who lived in England for a few years and would use all our swear words without really thinking about it but would NEVER swear in Polish, even when goaded (not by me). I thought it said a lot about the difference between the English and Polish attitudes to swearing – English swear words just seemed to her a part of normal speech whereas Polish ones were REALLY offensive.
Anyway back to the topic…
I do count the number of time people say "just" and "Father God" during prayer. And yes, I do blame you.
No one ever takes me up on my squirt gun related ideas.
YES THEY DO!!!!! We have a lady who leads a small group in our church, and a man who was in her group who used to come in, take of his shoes and go to sleep. After two weeks of this, HE GOT SQUIRTED!! And told "You don't fall asleep in my study group!" I don't think he's been game to since. (Ann is someone who would squirt anyone – she's also an elder in our church).
Hehe. I just thought about The Office and Michael's (or was it Dwight's?) interview at Corporate.
Thanks for challenging us not to be lame and safe in prayer requests.
Can that be a prayer request?
"I've got something to confess. I make half-ass, quasi-righteous "confessions" prayer requests so I can appear vulnerable when I'm really just playing it safe."
[...] “most compelling video” - hard to disagree with that. – SCL writes about “Iffy Prayer Requests” and a call for all of us to be honest. – “Thomas Merton on Fear” from Ragamuffin Soul. [...]
haha, not reading my Bible has become a problem of EPIC FAIL proportions, and I could use all the prayer I could get for it!!! and my mom LEFT the church when we were young because of being over commited…. personally I don't think those are fake prayers at all lol
How bout a nerf gun rather than squirt?
I don't want to clean up a water fight in my lounge room
I recently got called out for saying 'just' too many times when praying w/ my kids. My brother-in-law of all people. On the outside I chuckled, but on the inside I said 'WTF…at least I'm praying w/ my kids'…Yes, I think that way, can't help it.
I like number 2.
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[...] responding to iffy prayer requests: “If your friend says, “I need prayer about my habit of over volunteering and helping too [...]
I laugh at this post because I hear an echo of thoughts I myself have had in prayer circles – "she thinks that's a problem? really?" "he's praying for that AGAIN?!?" etc. – and then I cringe because I hear just how ugly those thoughts of mine really sound.
This post and the comments have just confirmed my suspicion that we have group prayer COMPLETELY WRONG. I think my prayer request at my small group Wednesday night is going to be "let's beg God to show us how to stop praying like self serving idiots." Then maybe, just to lighten the mood, I will get out my son's uzi-style water gun and douse myself.
After spending two weeks on a mission trip with a non-christian medic, it was startling to hear that the only question she had about Christianity was "why do you all say 'just' so much when you pray?"
I remember I returned to Bible Study after being away for a few months – I had just turned 21 and was out on the town, partying like I had never known what partying meant.
And I really hadn't because, I didn't drink underage.
I may have gotten carried away and driven my car into a tree while under the influence. I saved myself a trip to jail by slamming my head into the windshield and my leg into the dashboard – I went to the ER instead.
So, that night at Bible study I was surrounded by people confessing safe sins. And it angered me. I thought, doesn't living in God's grace mean we can be honest with each other, without fear of judgment?
So, what did I do? I said, please pray for me, I slammed my car into a tree last Thursday night and its going to cost a boatload to repair. Not only that, but I have court in about 3 weeks and no driver's license since I was drunk when it happened. Also I have unexpected medical bills due to the trip to the ER I had to take to have the pieces of glass removed from my face and scalp. But hey, guess what?! Even with all that, God still loves me.
I was broken. I was trying to find happiness at the bottom of a bottle, in addition to taking prescription medication to lose weight. I just needed people to understand me, and instead I got a room of judgment and misunderstanding. That's when I quit going to Bible study. I wish we lived in a world where it was ok to be honest. I'd rather be real and raw than fake and phony.
i know this wasn't a serious post…but:
I have a friend who talks about this a lot, and I actually think it's a legit problem for her. not because she's helping too many homeless people, but because she often puts so much stock in what others think of her, she can't bring herself to say no to anything. for her, it comes down to a struggle of pride, and it's taken her most of college to finally understand this. so…i think the person with the prayer request was announcing their vice in a way that didn't get to the root of their actual problem, because no one likes to admit that they care too much about what others think.
not that that's actually this particular person's problem–it could be something else. but just like the job interview question we all dread, she gave a response that masked what her actual issue was.
Somebody asked my dad to pray over their lottery tickets one time…..
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