I feel like over the years of SCL rambunctiousness I’ve been pretty clear about two t-shirts I think Christians should make. Here’s what the t-shirts would say on the front:
1. “I attend night services at church.”
This one would allow you to jog on Sunday morning without getting judged by people driving to church. (e.g. “me”) Because my first thought is never, “I bet that runner went to church on Saturday night.” My first thought is usually, “Worshipping at the temple of flat abs? I see. Good to know.”
2. “I direct deposit my tithe.”
This would allow you to hot potato the offering plate without getting judged as miserly by your pew radius or row neighbors if you will.
But, much like my idea for a cologne that smells like old hymnals called “For Hymn,” my t-shirt ideas have fallen on deaf ears. Until today.
A girl named Tara sent me a photo of a laminated card she saw at a church she was visiting. Here it is:
This simple little card sparked so many questions for me:
1. How did it initially get created? Did someone at the church seriously approach the pastor and say, “Hey, I need you to laminate something for me. I’m tired of looking like a Jesus-hating punk every time that basket goes by.”
2. Is this tied to some sort of accounting idea, in that whoever counts the offering needs to know how many people direct deposit their tithe? Or was it created to legitimately showcase to people near you that you give?
3. Is this the only card this church has? Or is it part of a series? Maybe they have cards that say things like, “The special music today wasn’t that special” or “Less cowbell please” or “The sermon completely ran over and you know as well as I do that most of the best pieces of fried chicken are going to be gone by the time I get to Shoney’s.” Once you’ve known the joy of laminating something, it’s hard to stop.
4. Was the t-shirt even considered, or did you skip right by that and go immediately to the laminator? How come no one listens to me?
Those are the questions I have about this little card.
The big thing is: I don’t think the offering is a time for performance; it’s a time for worship. Unless …you’ve got a buttery soft American Apparel shirt that’s snug, but not too snug, and it says “I direct deposit my tithe” across the torso in a font that is not comic sans. If that’s the case, well, all bets are off.
What do you think about the direct deposit card?