The 5 best ways to survive, “Christmas Shoes.”

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If you’re not familiar with the song, “Christmas Shoes,” then enjoy this ornament we have on our tree, give a short thank you prayer to our Lord and Savior and skip this post all together. That’s a pretty charmed life you’re living friend. Savor it.

If though, you have experienced the melodic tale of the boy who wants to buy shoes for his dying mother because he wants her to look nice when she meets Jesus, I have some good news for you.

Here are the 5 best ways to survive, “Christmas Shoes.”

1. If it comes on the radio while you are driving in a car, don’t forget to tuck your shoulder when you open the door to roll out into the street. If you can, try to time your roll when the car is going slowly and let your back take the brunt of the landing. If you’re driving, this is still valid advice. Your car might ghost ride for a little while, but you can always buy a new one. You can’t always unhear this song.

2. Don’t try to negotiate with it. Much like fear, the Christmas Shoes song cannot be beat with logic or rational thinking. Don’t waste time with questions like, “Where is this kid’s dad? Does he have a dad? Why shoes? Why not a Christmas dress? Why not a delicious bowl of queso? Has an 8 year old ever successfully purchased a women’s shoe in the history of mankind?”

3. Forget trying to make it an “acquired taste.” This song isn’t like algebra, it doesn’t get better once you get used to it. Don’t think that listening to it on repeat will solve your problems.

4. Keep it out of any Christmas playlist. I know what you’re thinking, “Jon, I’ll just hide it in the middle of a 100 song playlist. No one at the party will notice.” They will and so will you when you notice people are leaving your party.

5. Stop being friends with people who say it’s not a bad song. They’re wrong. Those people have terrible judgment and probably prefer unfrosted pop tarts as well. Stop doing life with them.

We’ll get through this friend, I know we will, but it’s going to take a village.

What is your best tip to survive Christmas Shoes?

 

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Comments

  1. says

    My friend Steve told me last week: “Christmas Shoes” is the “Butterfly Kisses” of Christmas tunes.

    Jon, you’ll take a few shots for this post, but you are dead on. Stand your ground.

  2. says

    Don’t try and run from it. Embrace it! My former band was on tour with them at Christmas and I had to listen to it LIVE almost every night in December. You can’t run from it. It will hunt you down.

  3. Sharon says

    Listen to the Patton Oswalt commentary on the song. Then if you happen to be trapped in a place where the song is playing, try to write additional material for him.

  4. Jeremy says

    How do you escape it when your pastor busts it out on Sunday morning? What is the proper technique to tuck and roll out of a church pew?

    • Mary says

      That song bothers me because of how the child “sings” it. Call me souless, but I think most singing children are not cute. I’m not a mom yet, or an elementary teacher, so I get to avoid children’s christmas programs for now.

      • Heather says

        You’re not soulless. I am a mom of three. I hate the song and I hate listening to that kid. The only kids that are cute when they sing are mine, in my world.

      • says

        Can you also advise on how to survive Ray Boltz narrative ballads? You know of what I speak: Thank You (for giving to the Lord), Watch the Lamb, The Touch of the Master’s Hand…

        I need to go do a brain cleanse.

        • Emily says

          Ok I am stepping in to say Ray Boltz’s songs are amazing! When I get to Heaven I pray at least own family will say that to me, but maybe the homeless guy I gave $20 to and told him may God bless you in that 30 sec I had at the light will be there too? I pray, that in my day to day that the Holy Spirit shines through me on my home street where most do not know Jesus but ALL know I live for him, that some if not all will say Thank you not because I want the thanks but because God was able to use me to talk to their hearts and they can be there too. Thank you for giving to the Lord is a song that keeps me going day to day to respond in a Godly manner rather than my preferred fleshly manner. In hopes someone is watching and hearing the Holy Spirit.

    • Sara says

      Happy “birthday Jesus” is pretty much the pure song form of Jesus Juking. It’s terrible.

      …But I still like untoasted pop tarts.

    • Debbie G. says

      I’m a music teacher and worked in a Catholic school for a while. I had a lovely Christ-centered Christmas concert planned, there was a theme and a message, even a big finale designed to make everyone go “yes! that’s what Christmas is all about!” And then 2 weeks before the concert, my principal says “someone suggested we end the Christmas concert with the whole school singing Happy Birthday Jesus! Why don’t you go ahead and teach it to everyone.” At the time I thought the song wasn’t worth my job…. after 5 years (because now it’s TRADITION!) I wasn’t so sure, and I don’t work there anymore………….

  5. says

    You can’t forget about “The Christmas Wish” movie and the sequel (nice try Neil Patrick Harris). I almost DVR’d it last night. Phew, that was a close one!

    • Karen Harrison says

      In the interest of L.A. Howard’s education, I present the chorus to the song: (look away if you’ve heard the song before. Hurry. Do. it. now.)

      Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
      It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
      Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there’s not much time
      You see she’s been sick for quite a while
      And I know these shoes would make her smile
      And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight

      So what’s your take? Is it a Christmas song or a Christian song or some strange Frankenteinian attempt to make you feel like crap on Christmas if you’re a Christian? The world may never know.

  6. Karen Harrison says

    Repeat this quote from “Scrooged” over and over until the song is finished:

    ” No, you are a hallucination, brought on by alcohol. Russian Vodka, poisoned by Chernobyl.”

  7. Kevin says

    For people whose mothers may have suffered with Cancer during Christmas time, it might not be such a bad song. My mother has cancer now, and while it is a sad song it hits close to home. Your christmas may be one of the best ones ever but not everyone else is having a happy holiday.

    • says

      Kevin, my own dad died on Dec 22 a few years ago. It sucks, and I feel bad for you and especially for your mom.

      But the fact that this song is horrible and manipulative and button-pushing is not changed by our tragedies.

      • Sharon says

        James Williams – Agreed. My dad died three years ago on Christmas morning. No one in my family was at Walmart buying shoes for him on Christmas eve. Christmas is hard enough without him and this crappy song just adds to the pain.

        • Lynne says

          My mother died on Christmas eve from cancer. We were not out buying shoes for her that evening either. Christmas still is brutal and it’s been almost 30 years. This song makes it even worse.

          • Kim says

            Kevin, James, Sharon, Lynne,

            My own mother died a few years ago in early December, As my siblings and I sat vigil with her, we played the Christmas station because she always loved Christmas and all the trappings. At one point one of us pointed out that we had better not hear that “crappy Christmas shoes” song. And by some Christmas miracle, in 4 days of someone being awake (and presumably listening) 24 a day we never heard it once.

    • JonJon says

      Kevin – I’m sorry to hear that. I am sure this song does speak to some people that way. I had a family member suffering from life ending cancer at Christmas and this song doesn’t connect to me, but we each get to experience music in different ways.

      • Heather says

        This song brings me to tears every year. My mom died of cancer when I was young. We were very poor, and she was in the ICU one of our last Christmases with her. I remember wanting to buy her some nice clothes and not having enough money. The song always brings me back to that Christmas. I can see how it could be a corny song to many, but to a few of us, it resonates.

        • Carol says

          I also agree that it can resonate. I cannot listen to it, though,…..not because of its corniness, but because it resonates so much. Three years ago at Christmas I was battling stage 3 cancer and I had two kids that were 6 and 3 and it made me so depressed to think about a kid going through that. So I can’t listen to it because it brings up a fear for me and an overwhelming sadness I feel for my kids if they have to go through it. So I’m in the camp that says do away with the song and avoid it at all costs!!! But I’m also in the camp that understands why it can be a heart wrenching song to some rather than corny.

    • Elizabeth says

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I lost my mom to cancer before Christmas and I think that’s one reason this song is harder to bare. I CAN’T listen to it.

    • Nicole says

      My mom’s mother passed away December 18th, five years before I was born. To make things worse, my mom’s birthday is the 15th. So when I was about three, my mom started studying with some Jehovah’s Witnesses on again off again for like 25 years until she got baptized three years ago. I think it just got hard for her to enjoy it and she wanted an excuse to get out of it.

  8. Kristin says

    Oh my gosh. My husband loves this song, so I’m forced to listen to it several times during the holiday season. It just kills any Christmas spirit I may have been experiencing prior to hearing it. I don’t know how anyone actually enjoys this song. Thank you for sharing my pain.

  9. says

    You have a typo in your post, Jon.

    Has an 8 year old ever successfully purchased a women’s shoe in the history of mankind?”

    Should be:

    Has a male ever successfully purchased a women’s shoe in the history of mankind?”

      • Amy says

        I have some male friends who have purchased women’s footwear for themselves. “Has a make ever successfully purchased women’s for a woman without her present?” Ah heck. My dad bought my mom a pair of uggs one year and she loves them.

  10. says

    The worst part of this post is that I now have the song stuck in my head.

    Well played, Acuff, well played. Pretent to hate a song, write a post about it, get it stuck in your readers heads, and sit back and laugh. Muwahahaha…evil mission accomplished.

  11. Lauri says

    Actually, #3 is wrong. The song wasn’t bad the first year. It was when every radio station started playing it constantly that it got REALLY OLD.
    My Mom commented the other day that most Christmas songs are 50+ years old & why hasn’t anyone written a new one. I mentioned “Christmas Shoes”. She pointed out that she was looking for a good song.

    • Joanne T. says

      I like the Roches’ “Star of Wonder”. Modern, short, lovely harmonies, and tells part of the Christmas story you don’t hear much . Basically it’s told from the shepherds’ point of view. They see the star and wonder about it and try to figure out what they should do.

  12. says

    Just.say.no. My survival strategy is to turn the channel quick-fast-in-a-hurry! There are plenty of GOOD Christmas songs out there – why did Newsong have to record THIS one?

  13. jaybird says

    Matthew West has a doozie on his Christmas cd. Right when you think, dang, he sounds so much like Harry Connick then Wham-O!! Someone’s last Christmas!! :/

  14. says

    Came on in the car yesterday. My 13 year old daughter looked at me near the end of the song and said, “I picture shiney red stilettos with a 6 inch heel.”

    I’m shopping for Cyber Monday deals on boarding schools today.

  15. says

    But what do you do when someone at the annual Christmas family reunion asks everyone to gather around the cassette player to hear this really touching song they recorded off of the local AM Christian station? WHAT THEN JON???

  16. says

    The only way I can tolerate just the title of the song is to envision the boy going around the corner and selling the shoes for crack. My son loves to tell this story after making me listen to it. Over and over

  17. says

    I *HATE* this song — and my kids know I despise it, but thankfully don’t know it yet. Last year, they were walking around the house singing “Oh Christmas Shoes” (to O Tannenbaum) in an attempt to annoy me, and they couldn’t understand why I kept laughing. ANYTHING is better than the ridiculously manufactured sappy drivel.

  18. David says

    I usually listen to something as inane and horrible to hopefully overload my brain and cause short term amnesia. This year, I’m armed with “Blurred Lines”. Your move Christmas Shoes.

  19. SuzanneB says

    Christmas Shoes is bad theology. The mom will not be wearing the shoes when she enters heaven. It’s a waste of good shoes that could go to someone who would actually need and use them.

  20. PaigeN says

    Now if you can only come up with a way for me to ‘survive’ Feliz Navidad played ad nausea (usually right before or after Christmas Shoes) it’d be great, thanks.

    I just turn off the radio when either song comes on. I know i’ll be punished later because I’ll be shopping in some store (like PetCo or the grocery) and I’ll be bludgeoned with it. If I’m cursed, usually in both stores, one right after the other.

    Merry Christmas!

    • Unbelievable! says

      Google “Police stop my car” by Bob Rivers. “Feliz Navidad” should be slightly more tolerable after you hear this parody… Thanks for the forum, Jon. :-).

    • says

      Count your blessings…I have to SING Feliz Navidad for our community choir performances this year–it’s been a fixture of my Monday evenings since rehearsals started in September. Only 2 weeks til all 5 of our performances are complete and I can be done with it–except for the 50,000 times it is played on the radio each year….

  21. Randall says

    1) You can always change radio stations.

    2) If it comes on when you’re listening to your mobile device, tap the “skip” button.

    3) Wrong about algebra; it doesn’t get better no matter how long you’ve used it.

    Merry Christmas!

    Randall

  22. says

    I have never heard or even heard of this song in my life.
    I’m tempted to listen to it so I can enjoy this humor but Im just as much afraid it will do irreparable harm to my ears and my life.

  23. Mary says

    I laughed so hard reading this that I think I scared my cats.

    Also, let it be on record that if I’m going to meet Jesus, I think I’d rather have a bowl of queso to share than new shoes. So basically this post nailed it.

    • Andrea Says says

      Me too Claudia! I have laughed at everyone’s comments so hard I think I have a head ache! Jon, I think this has been your best post ever! Bringing Christmas joy to the masses! LOL!

  24. AuntieGoGo says

    I hate “Christmas Shoes” as much as the next person, but nothing trumps the mind-numbingly vapid “Merry Christmas Darling” sung by Karen Carpenter. “The logs on the fire fill me with desire”….. Seriously. Make it stop. *ears bleeding*

  25. says

    I hate this song. I do. I admit it. It’s a horrible song. Makes me want to run over and listen to an Alanis Morrisette song… too dramatic? Sure…. Horrible Song….

  26. Corey says

    Yesterday this song played while I was shopping with my wife at the mall. Rather than disembowel myself I decided to exploit the situation for political gain – for America! I told passerby’s “you know, this kid’s mother wouldn’t be dying if it weren’t for Obama’s death panels”. I knew by their scowls that I was really making a difference. Much to my surprise, an older gentleman replied that I was wrong and that this kid’s mom was dying because Dick Cheney needed a heart. Touche’, sir. Touche’.

  27. Steven says

    As someone who lost his mom in the early hours one Christmas morning, I HATE this song. Can’t stand it. I don’t listen to the radio much during the year anyway, but I avoid it completely during the Christmas season because of the possibility this thing may be played.

    iPod and custom playlists – the only way to go.

    • JonJon says

      Wow, Steven that’s a great point. Thanks for bringing up that side of the situation. Sorry to hear you lost your mom.

    • Lynnie says

      I lost my mum Dec 1, two years ago. I will NOT listen to this song, and will do all within my power to make sure that happens.

  28. hannah says

    Uh..read this post..lol…it definitely needs a “this song cannot b unheard” at the beginning #somekidswhoprobablydontlikethis. Ever lose a Mother?

  29. says

    As a former sales rep for the record company responsible for this ‘treasure’ of Christmas music, every time it plays on the radio, I gently shove the multi-platinum award plaque further back under the bed with one of the many pairs of Christmas shoes I bought myself with that month’s commission check. :)

  30. Lisa says

    Yeah, I hate this song, too! I always imagine him running a scam, turning around and selling the shoes on eBay or something. A close second is the secular song that’s probably called “Do They Know It’s Christmastime At All?” or something like that. I think it was a Band Aid project or something. Makes me throw up a little!

  31. Ellie Lawrence says

    Every year, we begin “The Christmas Shoes Contest”. This game starts the day after Thanksgiving. Basically, you have to try to make it through the entire Christmas Season without hearing this awful song. If you hear it on the radio, in a store, on a commercial, you’re out of the game. If you successfully make it to December 25 without hearing that dreaded song, you must take great pride in knowing you saved your ears from torture. Many join the game, but sadly few win.

    • Katie C. says

      We do the same thing Ellie!

      My beef with this song is that it is manipulative and maudlin. I don’t think it was constructed to connect to people who lost loved ones at the holidays; but instead to purposely pull at heart-strings and sell records (yikes! I’m so cynical).

      Sadly this song is the reason I pretty much avoid my local Christian radio station during December, because they seem to gravitate to the worst Christmas songs and play them over and over and over again.

      Props to the poster who also mentioned “Happy Birthday Jesus.” It isn’t the song that bothers me, it is the HORRID singing of the child. That is not cute. If you want me to say awww, select a child that sings well. Otherwise my response is awwww-heck no! :)

  32. Todd says

    I’ve been known to make a mad dash for a burning candle when this song comes on. I pour the hot wax into my ears. It hurts less. LOLZ

  33. Hannah says

    This so made my day. My sister is OBSESSED with this song. I do not understand how. Well actually I do, clearly she is crazy. It is pure sadness.

  34. Laura says

    I’m so thankful for this post!! I do want to comment about the Matthew West song. It’s based on a true story about a town decking the halls early due to the expected death of one of its children before he could enjoy Christmas. That someone would INVENT this heart-gouging story of the dying mother to help us celebrate this joyous season is unimaginable!

    • Jocelyn says

      YES!!!!! That one makes me SO STINKING MAD that I yell at the DJs in the car.

      What exactly is the goal? And which store, God help us, is going to be the first to have AN ACTUAL LINE TO SEE JESUS? With some teenager at the front in a beard and a bathrobe? And you…what, tell him that you want an xbox for Christmas? Oh my gosh…this whole premise is bad in ten million ways.

      Also, since when do we have to WAIT IN LINE TO TALK TO JESUS? Isn’t the point of Christmas that we have unfettered access to Him now? Sorry, kid, it’s the holiday season and the mall is crowded and Jesus’ time is precious…wait behind the velvet rope, please. Also, you have thirty seconds, and he doesn’t know who you are, so start with that.

      GAH!!!! And now I’m yelling at you people. Sorry.

  35. Nathan says

    Best post ever! This is the worst song ever! I’m a youth pastor and my students who for some reason love it make sure I endure the misery of them singing it. It makes me question their salvation.

  36. Kaycee says

    I think those of you posting about hearing difference versions of it are missing the point. The point is one would rather take dive out of a perfectly safe car onto to the blvd than to listen to that song (I can’t even say the title). It’s not the context it’s the content!

    Lord help us all! Haven’t heard it yet. Fingers crossed.

    Well done sir for speaking out against this treacherous act!! Oh the humanity! Oh the humanity!!

  37. David says

    Another reason I only listen to Hallalujah FM or sports station. Black gospel ain’t gonna play it and you hear some great renditions of Christmas music

  38. says

    I fear that we have all fallen short of God’s glory and because of our sin deserve to hear this song.

    But it does explained the tortured looks of the damned in some of Hieronymus Bosch’s paintings. Surely this song is an endless loop of the p.a. system in hell.

    • Johanna says

      LOLOLOL!!!
      YES!!! It is the Christmas song from Hell!!!

      My mom passed just one month ago and I would not dishonor her memory with this smarmy, tear jerker. The commentary on this theologically pointless song is quite therapeutic while missing my mom this holiday season. I can easily picture my mom lambasting the premise and ahem, *artistry* of the song.
      As a matter of fact, I have made it clear to my kids, if I am dying on Christmas, they are NOT to be out buying me shoes for any bizarre reason. It’s like a living will, ya know what I mean? No extraordinary life saving measures leading to years in a vegetative state and no Christmas shoes!!

  39. Kirk the Funky Bullet says

    This is genius. The only problem is that now after reading it, the song is stuck in my head. I may have to stick my head in the oven.

  40. says

    This is my boss’ favorite song.

    He even has the DVD of the movie on his office desk and leaves it out all year.

    He’s a great guy.

    You never know when “The Christmas Shoes” is going to hit the office hallway, starting now.

    Thankfully I have a door on my office.

  41. Nicole says

    Gahhhh Christmas Shoes! I find a close runner up to be “Mary Did You Know” which makes me all sorts of stabby.

    • Lisa L. says

      Yes!!! I can’t stand that song. It’s my father-in-law’s favorite. Every year at this time, he asks, “Hey, have you heard this really great song called ‘Mary Did You Know?’” before subjecting us to his favorite rendition of it. He did it again at Thanksgiving. I couldn’t keep myself from letting loose with my mini-rant about it: “No, she did NOT know! Read your Bible and stop singing this dumb song!!”

  42. Kyle says

    It is my firm belief that this kid is an Artful Dodger type scam artist and will sell the shoes for 800% profit in a sketchy deal on the streets somewhere. He’s probably following in a modern day Fagin (maybe not unlike Robin Williams’ portrayal in August Rush). This song makes it easier for people like this to scam old ladies and shoe salesmen (who were raised by old ladies).

  43. Diane says

    I got a short in my stereo this fall. To keep from waking up to a dead battery, I must unplug the fuse that controls the stereo nightly. Most days I just opt to drive sans music. Problem solved!

  44. Jacob Epperson says

    Van Gough once heard this song and cut off his ear…desperate times call for desperate measures. We must be prepared to do the same. Amputation is as bad of a loss as the time and horror of hearing this song.

  45. Annie says

    I listen to it one time at the beginning of the season to test the effectiveness of my anti depressants. If I cry, I increase the dosage and prepare for the “tuck and roll” maneuver! Bwahahahaha!!!

  46. SD says

    They originally recorded a different version of the song, called ‘Christmas Hose.’ Same concept, but it didn’t focus group well. Sorry, sorry.

  47. Revenwyn says

    Great, now I have it stuck in my head. Even mentioning it does that. Guess I’ll have to bash it in to get it out. Thanks a lot.

  48. says

    There should be no such thing as a depressing Christian song, ever. Ever ever ever. God isn’t depressed, so stop trying to bum me out. (I’m looking at you, Casting Crowns.)

  49. says

    I prefer the nuclear option. NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC. EVER. Then I don’t have to risk the Christmas Shoes OR the Little Drummer Boy. And Away in the Manger is also off limits now that I know first hand that little newborn babies make A LOT of noise.

  50. Taylor says

    In my 22 years of life, I have never had to listen to this song. I would like to thank my parents for raising me right, my friends for standing by me when times got tough, and God for always watching over me. I live a blessed life.

  51. says

    This is hilarious!! I hate that song and my family plays it ALL THE TIME during Christmas! They give me a hard time for hating it so much. haha This makes me feel vindicated :)

  52. says

    The main reason I hate this song so is that this adorable eight year old child, with his cherubic tear filled eyes and quavering voice, is scamming people in shoe stores. I’m sure he’s picking out the most expensive pair of women’s shoes in the store, then selling them on eBay. Seriously. His dad? Waiting outside in the car with the motor running. They hit every shoe store in town.

  53. stacy from louisville says

    Convert for the entire month of December. Being Jewish for 31 days is nothing compared to your sanity. Plus you get a free pasd to say oy vey.

  54. Josh E says

    I like frosted poptarts and have never heard the Christmas shoes song. Even though the post said to disregard and thank God, I kept reading anyway. Needless to say, there is a nagging curiosity…

  55. Mo says

    Don’t hate me for this. I have no idea how I’ve managed it, but as much as I have heard about this ridiculous song, I’ve never actually heard it.

  56. Tammy says

    I have hated that song since the first time I heard it many years ago. My aunt actually died on Christmas morning a couple of years ago, so now I hate it so much that I can’t even listen to it. Seriously? Who thought a song like that was a good idea? It’s horrible to lose a family member on Christmas day.

  57. B says

    As a church music director, I will not allow “shoes” to be sung. However, every year without fail the same lady says “why doesn’t someone sing Christmas Shoes this year” – not happening lady!

  58. Molly Stewart says

    How about “Cinderella” by Steven Curtis Chapman?! I ONLY listen to that song when I need to have a good cry!

    p.s. Pop tarts will KILL you!

  59. carol says

    To get over the “shoes”, I listen to “Percy, the Puny Poinsetta”. It was the flipside to the 45 of Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. It’s goofy, but makes me giggle.

  60. Tim Brummel says

    I used to be the boy who sang it with them live in the Atl area. Shoes in hand and everything… As if I did not hear it enough when I was 10, now I hear it a billion times around christmas… AND all of my friends and family remind me of the glory days… I am afraid it will follow me for the rest of my life..

  61. says

    When it accidentally attacks: I immediately distract myself with a mental trip to Zappos where I shop for jesus- meeting-heaven worthy shoes in my head. If that doesn’t work: I hit it hard. Actual shoe shopping.

    That and bacon- cures everything.

    PS- my husband still has stupid cancer- I think that song should be illegal.

  62. says

    I have found a redeeming value with Christmas Shoes. Much like the sound of running water assisting kidney stone victims with painful urinary tracts, the strained voice of the singer of “Christmas Shoes” works wonders against constipation.

  63. Marcy says

    The amount of ridicule I have experienced for saying how much I loathe this song is astonishing. I would share this 1,000 times if I could. *awesomesauce*

  64. Sue says

    We’re on a road trip. I read the post out loud to my husband. He hadn’t heard the song before. So I played it for him. He lost his innocence tonight somewhere in Arizona. He remembered to tuck his shoulder as he rolled out of the car, but I sure will miss him!

  65. Mandie says

    Wait…I like unfrosted poptarts. But yes, this song is terrible and the Rob Lowe movies don’t make it better.

  66. Janene says

    It is my most cherished goal every Christmas season to AVOID this hideosity of a song at all costs – some years, thankfully, are more successful than others…

    • Linda says

      “Hideosity” Terrific new word! Happy to be adding it to my vocabulary. Sorry to be needing it at Christmas-time.

  67. Jesustonsils111 says

    When forced to listen to that song with no ability to tuck and roll or loss of hearing, we sing it like we have a horrible cold. Then laugh hysterically. 95% of the time the person forcing us to listen to it will give up and turn it off. Winning.

  68. says

    I love you most of all today. I hate this song with every fiber of my being. It’s sucky-sweet to try to pull every emotion out of you and make you just wanna run out and find some near-orphan child in a line trying to buy a Christmas present……. No? Me either.

    Worse, there’s some SERIOUSLY faulty theology afoot in the song. Is Heaven so boring — is the Eternal Son of God so STARVED for entertainment (even after calling Elvis and Cash home) — that he is forced to stand at the pearly gates and gaze at footwear? I somehow can’t picture him saying, “Oh girrrrrrl! Who bought you those gorgeous golden slippers? And just to meet me? OOOOOH Child. C’mon in! We got some talkin’ to do!”

    NO!

    Thank you. You have made my holiday season. My heart is content.

  69. Kasey says

    My friends and I every Christmas season play the Christmas shoes game. The object of the game is to avoid hearing the song. If you hear it, you’re out. And Not meaning to brag but, I did win last year. Best Christmas of my life!!!!

  70. Carolyn says

    The year this song came out I was seeking treatment for a non-malignant skull base tumor. I had no idea if I’d be around the next Christmas and my kids were 22 months and 4 years old. The song almost killed Christmas for me, and I’m an ordained minister! Thank God my parish had a really quality music program to help undo the soul damage of hearing this song.

    • Linda says

      PLUS: “These boots are made for WALKIN’ and that’s just what they’ll do! One of these days these boots are gonna walk right out on you!”

  71. Erin says

    I find it best to go to a country that doesn’t celebrate Christmas, like North Korea. The food is scarce and the danger is very real, but at least I don’t have to hear the line “and these shoes are just her size.” What does that mean? Is it some sort of sign that he found an eight and a half?

  72. Meryl says

    The worst part is the crescendo before: “..so I laaaaayed the money downnn. I just haaaad to help him ouuut” – ok buddy, ever heard of humble bragging? The full symphony build up before you sang about your good deed kind of gave you away. Your technique could use some work.

  73. Brad says

    Would it be inappropriate to use this song as a weapon against your enemies? I’m pretty sure Satan tears up when he hears this song.

  74. Amy says

    What I love most about talking about a ridiculously annoying song is all the other equally nauseatingly intolerable songs that subsequently come to mind….Simply having a wonderful Christmas time. Simply ha-AVing a wonderful Christmas time….you’re welcome.

    • says

      Oooooh….Amy, that was cruel. I once worked at a store that piped muzak off a 30 minute CD, and from November to January, I got to hear Sir Paul McCartney’s biggest career blemish no less than sixteen times per shift, five days a week.

      That was seven years ago, yet whenever I heard even the first few notes of that song, I am transported back to the tragic days of my internment in retail, and I have to get into a hot shower and curl up into a ball on the floor of my tub.

      If only the water could wash my soul clean.

  75. Mark says

    Jon, just one correction or addition to your first suggestion. Make sure that when you bail out of that car, that it is aimed toward the radio tower that is playing that mess of a song so as to save everyone else from having to hear it.

  76. Donato says

    Christmas Shoes ranks up there with Bobby Goldsboro’s Honey I Miss You. You want to get a good bedtime cry on, look it up on YouTube. I remember listening to that song from the 3rd seat of my Dad’s old Plymouth station wagon. I’d love to bury Christmas Shoes deep in that old rust bucket in whatever junk yard it now resides in.

  77. says

    First of all, when anyone in my car hears Christmas Shoes, we spontaneously scream and scramble for any button to push. Accidentally hearing Bruno Marz’ most inappropriate song in front of my ten year old boy is preferable. (Not that I have any button pre-set to a station that would, you know, play Bruno Marz or, you know, ahem.)

    Secondly, Christmas Shoes may not be the worst button-pushing, I’ll-make-you-cry-if-it-kills-me Christmas song out there. “Someone is Missing at Christmas” just makes me mad. When it plays, I go all Madeline Kahn in Clue crazy with flames on the sides of my head.

    Click at your own risk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEMUrMSrt7g

  78. says

    um…all this talking about this life-sucking song has now put it in my head…and it WON’T LEAVE!

    Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
    It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size

    Now we’re all there together…you’re welcome.

  79. Pam says

    I just turn the radio down, or off..depending on my mood at the time. Then when I’m positive the coast is clear I turn the radio back up or on :-) Works like a charm.

  80. says

    America’s hunger for cheese is unquenchable. We have a whole channel devoted to Hallmark in this country (And I think they produced the movie version of this song…)

    Somewhere, people are paying for and enjoying this cheese or it wouldn’t exist.

  81. Jennifer says

    Randomly searching the interwebs for lyrical mishaps from other Christmas songs I am having trouble remembering, I came across this article from 2011. Seemed as though this was a great place to share it, and I hope that you enjoy seeing/hearing some of the contenders that “The Christmas Shoes” blew away in contention for top spot:

    http://www.slantmagazine.com/house/2013/28/10-worst-christmas-songs-of-all-time

    Excerpt from the above referenced article:

    “Putting “The Christmas Shoes” at #1 on this list doesn’t do justice to how horrendous it is. The enormous gulf in quality between our #2 pick, “Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas),” and this song is the equivalent of a 3.0 and a 10.0 earthquake on the Richter scale. It’s not just the worst Christmas song ever, it’s one of the worst songs ever recorded.”

  82. says

    Totally true story: the gentleman (bless his heart) who co-wrote this abomination was a very popular morning show DJ in St. Louis back in the 90′s/early 2000′s, and not a day went by during the Christmas season where he not only played it, but talked ad nauseam about the “creative process” behind the writing of it. We even got to hear him sing it (which made it infinitely worse – yes, that is possible) with Newsong live in studio. Not long after, the show was taken off the air because his co-host developed an addiction to prescription painkillers. File that under “Most Predictable Demise of a Radio Show Ever.”

  83. Christopher says

    … I am one of the children’s choir voices at the end of the original song.

    I’m… I’m so, so sorry for what we wrought.

  84. Stephen says

    The guys who sing it are members of the church I used to attend, so they came every Christmas and yes they sang that song. Every time I sit there holding back the tears while my wife is thinking, “I can’t believe I’m married to this guy!” Now, in my defense, my mom was dying at the time, but I also like Happy Birthday Jesus- which makes my cry too. Okay, I put it out there on the web forever I’m a Christmas Shoes Fan! :-) but my pop tarts must have frosting.

  85. Thea says

    Totally agree. But I’ll one up you with “Christmas in Heaven”. Was at a choral conference this summer previewing Christmas music and that was one of the songs. I got through half of the first verse and sobbed through the rest of the song. Slightly more touching and no kids singing but I didn’t buy that song for my choir.

    And Christmas Shoes is the one song that I beat my husband on when we play the frantic version of name that tune in the car. Usually he wins but not with that song. Shudder.

  86. Beth says

    I love unfrosted Pop Tarts (buttered & then toasted – try it!), but I hate this song. And it just came on the radio as I was typing this. Finish this comment or run to turn off the radio? Maybe I can hit the power button with an orange from here…

  87. says

    Could “Christmas Shoes” become the holiday version of “Rick Roll”?

    e.g.-
    Jon, “Hey ya’ll, check out this link Jonathan sent me of the tallest Christmas tree in the world.”
    *clicks link. Christmas Shoes begins playing.*
    Jon screams and jumps out the window.

  88. Carlye says

    Years ago I went to meet a guy’s family (we met on eharmony and were considering dating). His family was lovely, but very conservative. The most awkward moment was when his mother decided to get him to sing for me. We sat in their small living room while his mom perched with a CD player and proceeded to tell me this was the song he’d just performed for his church’s Christmas program. By now I’m sure you’ve guessed what the song was. Funnily enough, I’m still single and he’s married haha. This post has newly validated my life and save me hundreds on counseling services. God bless you.

  89. says

    I stick my fingers in my ears and scream, “TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF!” which can cause a problem when I’m driving or in a store. So, it is best for me to avoid radio stations that might play it and just shop online.

  90. Brenna says

    Yes and amen. Our entire family shrieks and lunges for the radio anytime this unfortunate piece of treacle comes on the airwaves. It’s wretched and has caused me to question Christianity.

  91. Brien Sims says

    burn it with fire, lots of fire. Lose the house if you must, there were probably spiders in your bed anyway.

  92. Jeff says

    wait, wait, wait. are you suggesting that just because a “Christian” artist purposefully creates an emotionally charged song for the purpose of trying to bring tears in order to sell more records that it is not WWJD? well, sir, you apparently miss the true meaning of Christmas these days! i’m shocked, nay, wounded at your callous attack of such heart warming hits as Butterfly Kisses and Christmas Shoes. they are what largely make the christian subculture thrive and keeps God-fearing businesses like Lifeway going. You might as well punt kick the baby Jesus right out of the Nativity with your scrooge like thinking! go humbug yourself!

  93. Matt says

    Wow, it never occurred to me people did not like that song. I can see getting tired of it, because it plays a lot. Or maybe you’re not in the mood to be touched and have a few tears well up in your eye – you want to groove a little Holly Jolly Christmas. But boy, to break out the “H” word for it? But I also though “Butterfly Kisses” was a touching song as well, though never my favorite.

    That said, I always figured unfrosted pop tarts were for diabetics or the Pop Tart Outlet store.

  94. says

    But wait…it DOES actually get worse! There’s another song by them about a woman with dementia…well, you can experience it for yourself. I don’t want to ruin it.

    Christmas Carol
    NewSong
    from the album The Christmas Shoes

    I first met her in December on a snowy winter’s night
    And it didn’t take me long to see that something wasn’t right
    They called her Christmas Carol

    Said her mind was nearly gone
    But she could still light up the room
    When she sang a Christmas song

    Seems no one knows the story to explain her Christmas cheer
    Why she keeps the decorations up all through the year
    And though she long ago forgot the names of family and friends
    When it comes to singing Christmas songs
    She’s like a child again

    (CHORUS)
    Sing, oh sing, Christmas Carol
    Sing with all of your might
    Sing Joy to the World
    Sing O Holy Night

    You’re closer now to Jesus
    Than you’ve ever been
    Sing, oh sing, Christmas Carol
    Sing your songs to him

    I had told my son about her, so I thought I’d take him by
    And he was so amazed at all the tinsel and the lights
    She laughed and told her stories of her Christmas memories
    But nothing told it better than when she began to sing

    [CHORUS]

    The last time that I saw her, she didn’t recognize me
    Her hair was thin and she was frail, and she couldn’t even speak
    But I could sit down next to her, sing her favorite Christmas songs
    And somehow, God only knows how
    She could still sing right along

    [CHORUS]

  95. says

    Last week I was making fun of the Christmas Shoes with my husband while I was getting ready to leave for work. I grabbed my nice, hot cup of fresh coffee for the road with my mittened hand and promptly threw it across the foyer where it burst open, spilling all my lovely coffee on the floor (and my not Christmas shoes). I apparently had angered the Gods of Cheesiness.

  96. Morris says

    “Children ambushing a song” definitely falls in the stuff Christians like camp yet most Christians I know find it so horrendously sappy. Man I hope Bob Carlisle is not a fan of this site, this post will break his heart! :)

  97. Stacey says

    Just got to hear this live. I pulled out my phone to read your post as they sang. They even played a clip of the movie. You saved me by giving me good reading material.

  98. Tim C says

    I live in Thailand, a Buddhist country with almost no Christians. There is no Christmas here, hence, no Christmas Shoes. Problem solved!

  99. Shantel Watson says

    My 12 yr old son came in to the living room and that song was on. He said mom please, I don’t want to hear that song anymore it’s sad and I want to like Christmas. I miss grandma already and this song is so depressing. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time and anyway I looked up the shoes I think should go with this song, don’t get mad at me. Someone is just making money making so many people miserable every time this song is played. There is a place to put tips in the bottom of these shoes. So just wanted you to know I think of hooker shoes when I hear this so you probably shouldn’t let me hear it if you want me to turn out ok. Then he just left the room with this picture open on the IPad. Needless to say, his point was well taken. We will make sure this song doesn’t play in our home or cars anymore. I really don’t want my little boy thinking of hooker shoes during the holiday season. Definitely not the what I want my 12 yr old to remember at 30 when he bas his own kids, telling them about holidays at grandma’s house. I could just hear him now, kids when we get to grandma’s and the song Christmas Shoes comes on, just imagine these hooker shoes and if you have the nerve show them to grandma, it gets her every time, she’ll shut it off. :)

    http://aka-biggs.blogspot.com/2010/11/hooker-shoes.html

  100. Danny says

    The fact is, this story is playing out somewhere. If you are in sunshine days, it’s easier to mock than embrace those suffering. Do I like the song? No. Will I listen again? No. But, not because it’s bad, but because it’s true. I have terminal brain cancer and four children. I guess I don’t understand the mockery. I am also a pastor. Sorry to ruin your fun.

  101. Kdot says

    Imagine my surprise when I realized that the son was NOT, in fact, buying beautiful shoes for his mom to meet the La Mesa manager Jesus (Hay-Sus) for an important job interview. Boy was my face red!

  102. Ashley says

    It warms my heart to know that there are others out there who have the same complete disdain for this song! God bless you all.

  103. Samantha says

    I immediately thought of this post when the song came on while I was at the chiropractor hooked up to the electric stimulator thing and unable to tuck and roll. There should be a five minute warning prior to playing this song. A chance to bail before you are stuck.

  104. KLee says

    I had NEVER heard “Christmas Shoes” until I was checking out Sirius/XM’s Christmas music channel “Holly” about 2 weeks ago. I wish I had seen this post BEFORE I heard that song!

  105. Shantel Watson says

    Danny, i am sorry for what you are going through. My son didn’t mean any mockery by what he said, he was really expressing his problem with hearing that song during the holidays all the time. My mom died from cancer and it was a very terrifying time for my children. She was in a coma in our home for some of that time. She died after 6 months and my kids prayed everyday that God would heal her. We finally understood after much time that He did heal her, the ultimate healing to be free from suffering here on earth, she was truly suffering, and to be present with Christ, free from cancer. Yes, it’s true this story is playing out all over the world in people’s lives. I have an incurable neurological disorder, and I now struggle to walk. I can’t understand your pain, i only know how my son needed to express how that song was not helping him to heal at all but making the holiday harder and he just feels if someone really went through that and understood how it teally is, they wouldn’t like that song either. To him it is just about money, not helping people get through tragic loss during the holiday. He wants to be happy, he says he knows grandma is happy now. So i apologize if you felt what i said was mocking the tragedy of losing a loved one or those going through it, that was not at all what was meant to come across. My son asks do we really believe this “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” then why don’t we live like we believe it. His Bible class had just went over this scripture. I learn a lot from my kids, especially him because his heart is just so real. Anyway, danny, i am truly sorry if you took that as mockery and I don’t know you but we will pray for you and your family. God bless and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.

  106. says

    Well, today, I didn’t tuck and roll and I didn’t turn the station… I caved.

    “My name is Daniel and I listened to Christmas Shoes.”

    As a follow up to your #2 point above, I should bring up the very important fact that the little boy DOES in fact mention his dad… “daddy says there’s not much time til mama meets Jesus tonight.”

  107. Jason says

    This article is VERY disappointing to me. Why in the world would you stop at 5 ways to survive the horror of the Christmas Shoes? You see, I need more.

    I need more ways to rid my soul of the hellish nightmare of the mere hint of this tune running through my mind.

    I need some method to mask the stench of the keyboard cheese comprising the introduction to the Newsong recording.

    I need an intervention to prevent the near-irresistible urge to set myself on fire and run headlong into a fireworks factory as the little boy’s voice sings the final, awful chorus.

    Please post your follow up article soon. If not for my sake, then for the sake of future generations who have not yet suffered the trauma of being introduced to Christmas Shoes.

    Thank you.

    P.S. Looking forward to your “10 ways to survive Celine Dion singing anything”.

  108. Ed says

    My two boys and I LOVE THIS SONG!! When the song starts playing we immediately break out in soft weeping then we move on to a low moan ending in a crescendo of loud mournful wailing and gnashing of teeth….no kidding, ask my wife. The first time she heard us she sounded offended. I told her we were doing the Biblical thing….weeping with those who weep :)

  109. Kris says

    I don’t care about the flaming I’m about to get, Christmas Shoes is a wonderful song that gives me a warm feeling every time I hear it. I cannot fathom how such an amazing song can create so much hate. It deserves so much more love than this.

  110. Katie says

    I really thought. Butterfly Kisses and Christmas shoes were by the same people. Also, there is a Christmas Shoes movie. Why?! Who wants to be depressed at Christmas?!

  111. Jenna Grubbs says

    Whoever says they don’t like Little Drummer Boy hasn’t heard the Pentatonix version of it. Those guys and a girl can sing. And they’d never do a version of Christmas Shoes.

  112. Michael says

    One of the lucky ones to have never heard this song. I guess banning the radio has finally paid off. Now that I have been warned I can avoid it at all costs.

  113. Bobby says

    Now if you want a good Christmas song you should listen to Christmas at Denny’s. It’s sad, but it doesn’t make you want to pull your hair out. And when I was a kid (before I actually paid attention to the lyrics) I thought it was supposed to be funny.

  114. Mindy says

    I believe a vital step has been left out of your helpful hints. The first step must be to have a plastic bag ready at all times to catch the involuntary vomit which assuredly will spew forth in abundance at the first sound of said song.

    Please make your corrections, or we will all be doomed to spending this Christmas holiday scrubbing peppermint, cocoa, and wassail chunks off rugs, car interior, office floors, mall merchandise, work suits, and (heaven forbid) our new Christmas shoes!!

    You should also note that the bleeding of ears is completely normal when exposure cannot be avoided.

  115. Becky says

    I just listened to this song for the first time. Very painful. Too bad, really, since it’s a sweet message. The fascinating thing is my father-in-law cries every time he hears it, and he’s a tough guy. So I’m hoping this just reminds him of something from his childhood. Otherwise, I don’t know how the heck he manages to cry over this horrendous song.

  116. Steve Rosberg says

    I cant imagine what “christmas shoes” would look like. I keep thinking big, clunkey sensible shoes that are oversized and have sparkley stuff all over them. Red laces and not feminine at all. Just in general, hideous.

  117. Danielle says

    I don’t get why people don’t like the song, it always makes me tear up and I think it is a nice reminder of what matters at Christmas time. This is news to me that people hate it…

  118. says

    The song is so cheesy it could make the aforementioned queso quite nicely. Like triple cheese queso.

    That said, I prefer my Pop Tarts without icing – and here’s why . . . Butter! If you have not toasted a pop tart and then put on a good dollop of butter to melt into the little holes perforating the top then you, sir, have not lived!

  119. Erin says

    Oh my. I was just thinking this morning about how terrible this song is (and how at my former church this was – probably still is – the #1 requested special music, or perhaps tied for first with a decidedly monotone rendition of Breath of Heaven). Funnily enough I tried reasoning with it, too. Why is the boy alone at the store while his mom is dying? Isn’t he wasting valuable time with her while she’s still alive? Etc. Then, horror of horrors, I couldn’t remember the whole story – did the cashier sell them discounted? Did the guy singing / observing the transaction pitch in a few bucks? HORROR OF HORRORS I was {almost} tempted to pull it up on YouTube for a refresher as to its awfulness…but then I had some more coffee and common sense returned.

    Also, is it just me or is it the worst thing ever when overly sweet/perfect-sounding children pitch in on a song – especially in Christian music? Yuck. Gag.

  120. Robert "Papa" Campbell says

    Where’s the link? You conned me in to reading all 5 suggestions so I could get a download of “Shoes” and there was no payoff. Based upon your endorsement above, I planned to memorize the lyrics and restructure the melody for an atonal, dissonate 9 tone octive extended solo on a Vuvuzela horn and play it for you year round. Tease!

  121. Katy says

    This song is actually based on a true story. It happened at an Alco store in my hometown. I don’t know all the details, but Helga Schmidt, the lady the children talked to (there were actually two kids), wrote about it and sent it to a magazine.

    I am not a fan of the song or the movie, but thought I’d point out that it did actually happen.

  122. Tricia says

    I just hope they don’t use this song in the playlist on the Suicide Hotline. It just might push them over the edge.

  123. PFN says

    To redeem this song, I created a canine version of the chorus last night, just for my little puppy, and it carries the endorsement of one of the members of Newsong (two of whose members wrote the original song). You’re welcome:

    Sir I wanna buy these chews,
    For my shih-tzu, please
    It’s Christmas eve and this bone is just her size
    Could you hurry, sir?
    Doggie says there’s not much time
    You see,
    She’s been barking all this yule
    And I know these toys will make her drool
    And I want her to smell beautiful
    If Bella’s snout wheezes tonight

  124. Eric says

    Hey… don’t *totally* knock all unfrosted Pop Tarts – if you get the Brown Sugar Cinnamon ones, then butter them, it is absolutely amazing.

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