Being single during Christmas.

Single

One of the most popular Stuff Christians Like posts of all time was #550. Surviving church as a single. But one time, a friend who is single came to town for the holidays and I realized I had missed whole chunks of awkwardness in describing the bottomless joy that is “Being single during Christmas at church.”

So instead of simply remixing an old post, I decided to create a holiday-focused scorecard. Think of it like a seasonal ale they put nutmeg in during January. It only comes around this time of year. Without further ado, I give you:

Being single during Christmas at church:

 1. Someone tells you, “It’s tough to be alone this time of year.” = +1 point

2. They pat your head while they say that. = +2 points

3. They slap your butt like a football player after saying it. = + creepy

4. With bated breath, they ask, “Should I put you down as +1 for the Christmas party this year?” = +2 points

5. You good friends hold secret “couples holiday dinners” they don’t invite you to because they don’t want you to feel awkward. = + 3 points

6. They wince when the world’s worst commercials, Jared’s jewelry, come on TV and some horrible actress gets engaged right in front of you. = +4 points

7. If you’re divorced they tell you, “I think this year you should really ‘focus on you.’” = +1 point

8. They try desperately to find the silver lining and say things like, “It must be nice not to have to shop for anyone. My husband is so hard to get gifts for!” = +2 points

9. When you tell them you’re OK being single during Christmas, they give you a look that says, “You are such a liar. It’s impossible to be happy and single during Christmas!” = +2 points

10. They feel slightly guilty for watching romantic Christmas movies in your presence, like “Love Actually.” = +3 points

11. Someone tells you, “Being single doesn’t have to mean being alone.” = +2 points

12. Your friends have stopped saying “When you get married” because they’re not sure you’ve got it in you. = +1 point

13. Your friends now say, “If you get married.” = +2 points

14. Your friends now give you the marriage kiss of death and simply say, “God willing.” = + 3 points

15. You are given some sort of cross stitched artwork that contains the verses from Proverbs 31 about how a woman should be. = +2 points

16. People tell you, “Maybe this will be your year” in the same tone baseball fans wonder if the Cubs will finally win the World Series this year. = +2 points

17. You attend a holiday themed church singles event that is billed as “Not just a Christian version of speed dating,” but is in fact, a Christian version of speed dating. = + 1 point

18. A friend emailed you the link to this post because they knew you needed it. = + 1 point

19. A friend emailed you the link to this post and suggested you troll the comments to find other like minded single people. = +2 points

20. A friend you only see once a year during the holidays, uses the S word when hearing you’re single. “Still?” = +1 point

21. People spend an exorbitant amount of time telling you marriage success stories, e.g. “The instant my friend Jill stopped looking for a boyfriend this incredible guy came along and swept her off her feet.” = + 1 point

22. You’re divorced and someone gives you the incredibly encouraging advice, “God will bring you someone who will overlook your past.” = + 2 points

23. This is the first Christmas you realized you officially crossed the age threshold. Instead of people saying, “You’re young, it will happen!” they now say, “Maybe you’re called to be single.” = +5 points

24. Someone makes a horrible joke about how this Christmas, you got the “gift of celibacy.” = +10 points

25. Married friends feel compelled to over tell you how difficult marriage is so that you don’t feel like it’s a winter wonderland of constant awesomeness. = +3 points

26. If you were given a kitten for Christmas people automatically think, “That was a doorway cat. You’re about to become the crazy cat lady.” = +5 points

27. For Christmas, someone gave you a book about dating that had a man or woman, alone on the cover staring out over a lonely windswept horizon, eating a Campbell’s soup for one, probably listening to the haunting melodies of George Winston. = +2 points

28. For Christmas, your friends bought you an annual pass to eharmony.com or another dating site. = + 5 points

29. They filled out your dating profile for you and made you sound 97% more awesome than you actually are. = +10 points

30. The profile photo they used on your dating page is at least 10 years old. = +20 points

31. At a Christmas party, someone tells you the wildly inappropriate compliment, “Where were you when I was single?” = + 2 points

32. People try to romanticize the tremendous amounts of free time you must have during the holidays without a family to bother you. = +3 points

Did I miss any? A lot of these were based on great reader comments, from folks like Ash and many others, so all the thanks go to them.

How did you score?

Have you ever heard anything like that?

What’s the craziest “single comment” you’ve heard?

 

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Comments

  1. says

    How did I score? I lost track! ;-)

    One of the craziest comments I’ve heard: “At least you don’t have to decide whose family to spend Christmas day with.” This is crazy because my family is Jewish – if I was married it’s not like we’d have to decide!

      • Sarah says

        Just today my brother told me to get a cat. I’m 20….

        And I can’t even begin to tell you how many times people have said, “at least you don’t have to decide which side of the family to go to…”

        It’s become quite humorous to me :)

    • Sara says

      My sister has been married for 5 years now. Her marriage has caused all kinds of frustration in my family over who she spends what holiday with. I have heard this very comment several times, not from church members or friends, but some of my own family. They actually don’t want me to get married, because at least they know I’ll be spending Christmas with them…ugh.

      • Susan Rogers says

        Yeah, Im divorced and had to go through Hell every year twice with my ex- inlaws insisting or trying to insist we come vusit every single Holiday!! My family only luved 30 minutes away and we or I tried to split our time in half to accomodate both. But every Hoiday I heard, “We thought you were coming earlier”, or “We thought you were staying later” Worse when we had kids! Please don’t pressure your sister or her family to be there all the time.

        • Sara says

          Oh, I miss my sister when she’s not around, but I have no issue with her spending the holidays with her husband’s family. I sometimes wish I had another, less crazy family to visit… ;)

  2. says

    As the oldest grandchild and neice on both sides of my family I have recently been given the guilt
    trip from my grandparents: “We might not have many more Cristmases left, we need some grandchildren!”

    • Deanna says

      Yep, I’m in the exact same position. My grandparents, aunts and parents have even tried setting me up several times.

      • Heather says

        My family and friends haven’t done that to me and I’m pretty sure they never will. There has never even been an offer to introduce me to anyone. I’m pretty sure that most people don’t think I’m attractive enough to introduce me to anyone else. :/

        Of course, all of that is a moot point this year as I’m kinda seeing someone. We are not really hung up on labels right now, so we are just “friends” who are not really looking for other relationships right now. Hopefully, there will be a DTR soon so that we can work things out.

    • Selina says

      Yup, I started to hear similar comments in the last couple years (and I’m only 24!). Like from my grandfather “Do you have a boyfriend yet? You need to get married before I die.” As if boyfriends magically appear out of force of sheer will.

    • Nadine says

      I’m the oldest grandchild and visited my grandparents for the first time in a year and a half a few weeks ago. One of the first things my grandma says is “all our friends have great grandchildren already and they are always so surprised we don’t yet” in a way that said they think I should be working on it or something. Sorry you’ve had to wait so long Grandma. I’m only 24 and textbooks so far are easily winning the battle between them and men.

      • Susan Rogers says

        Good for you!! My ex-inlaws pressered for kids right after we got engaged. Don’t rush it. It isn’t their kids to raise.

    • Kellie says

      That one is pretty horrible. I’m the only unmarried childless grandchild left, and I already lost one grandparent. I only have one left. (the two on the other side died decades ago, so I don’t really count them. These two I’m fond of) I’m really bummed my grandfather didn’t see me get married or have kids like the others.

      • says

        That was actually something that hit me when my grandparents (my dad’s parents) died. It’s tough to think that I might meet a guy someday who is awesome and who I love, and it’ll be like, “My grandparents were amazing. They would have loved you, and you would have loved them. I wish you could have met them.”

    • says

      I’ve only got one grandmother left alive . . . it’s not looking good for her to see me have any great-grandchildren for her. Fortunately, my cousins have been very obliging in that regard.

  3. stefanie says

    One friend always asks when she sees me, “Have you gotten married yet and forgot to tell me?” I tell her, “Don’t worry, I have you on speed dial and you will be the first one I tell!”

  4. Katie says

    “It’s so courageous of you to decorate your apartment for the holidays and send out Christmas cards, as if you had a family”.

    Yep. From a family member.

    I don’t know how many ‘points’ is equal to spending Christmas afternoon in my bedroom crying. Alone, of course. Maybe +20?

    • Lisa says

      I’ve been single for the past 8 years (after being married for 17) but am now engaged to be married so will be having my first “couple” Christmas in a looooong time. And you know what? I’m a little anxious about it. I usually go to the movies by myself on Christmas day and now I don’t know when I’m going to get to see The Hobbit II. Don’t cry alone in your room – go to the movies. :)

      • Sara says

        Katie, I second Lisa’s comment! Despite me being an “experienced” single, I still cry every single Christmas. Last year, I made myself put on a cute dress and then went to a movie. (And by “cute dress”, I mean the kind that us northern Minnesotans wear when it is below zero degrees outside on Christmas.) It was so nice to be entertained and yet sit in the dark theater so no one else could see that I was alone. I think I will make the movie an annual tradition!

        I also went to Denny’s last year for Christmas. I don’t recommend that so much. ;)

        • says

          Before I remarried, I use to deliver toys to kids in hospital on Christmas. Then after remarrying that stopped…sad…now divorced, again and broke, I plan on enjoying Christmas giving to others…somehow…….I get lonely, too, but am not alone….Thank you Jesus! \●/

    • says

      Ow.

      Ow. Ow. Ow. :headdesk:

      Ever looked into finding a more gracious family to “adopt” you? Nobody in my family batted an eye it when I started sending out Christmas cards on my own – as it should be.

  5. says

    I think it’s funny people around me make a bigger deal about being single than I do myself. I’m loving life and traveling the world. I have no complaints.

    • Krista says

      I’ve learned to take their concen for me as a sign of love. I have a whole church that loves me enough that they keep watch. That way I don’t have to. I live my life and they worry. Seems fair.

      • says

        I would agree. I think the concern comes from a good place, they just want the best for me, even if they don’t necessarily know what it is. I appreciate the sentiment.

  6. Melissa says

    Number 9!!! Oh man number 9!!!
    I’m only 21, but I suppose church years are like dog years which makes me closer to 100 than 30! Well past my expiry date :P

    • Allison says

      So true about the “dog years”. The average American woman gets married at 27 years old these day. In the Christian world, that’s old! Wish it wasn’t.

    • Amanda says

      Amen to that! People always tell me that I am so young (I will be 27 in January) and that the average woman is just getting married around my age. But them I go to church and all the people my age (& much younger than me) are married! So it’s totally the church people who make a big deal about me being single “still!”

  7. Keighty Patton says

    My great aunt gave my 2 brothers, whom are both in happy relationships, a large chunk of money for Christmas. The money has been given to them to go on a tripple date with me and whomever they choose. The goal: that I will not be single much linger because kf her GENEROUS gift. Oh Joy…

    • Carly says

      So true! My grandfather gives all my (married) siblings/cousins money (triple digits) for Christmas. Being single, I get $0. Its not so much about the money, but not being considered as “equally deserving of a gift.”

    • says

      I’d actually be okay with that. I have some wonderful, godly, male cousins and I really enjoy their wives and children. I’d be happy to get set-up on a blind date with a single Christian guy they knew. Unfortunately, they live two states away.

  8. says

    Being a match maker of sorts of some of my friends, a few couples who have gotten hitched in the last few years my mother reminds me to “….maybe stop introducing everyone of your friends & keep some for yourself”. Actually, no mom that’s called polygamy. I’ll wait! Haha

  9. Barb says

    I don’t find Love Actually to be all that romantic, except for the story lines with Colin Firth and the kid who plays Liam Neeson’s son.

    And as a married person, I still think people are having secret parties and not inviting me.

  10. Melissa says

    Got this one from extended family in a different state:
    “Well, at least it sounds like you have a good bunch of friends…”

    • Claire says

      As if God is dangling a gift in front of you and will only give it to you when you stop reaching for it or wanting it! So screwy, but I can’t tell you how many people have thrown this at me in my 35 years of singleness.

    • says

      I cannot stand #21 or any spin-offs that deal with, “Well, when you focus fully on God, he’ll be right beside you!”

      It implies that all married people are somehow on a separate spiritual playing field than singles. Like they are the first-string players that know how to focus on Jesus better or something—AND FOR THAT, THEY GET A REWARD!

      But not you single people. Go read your ESV study bible and pray a little more. Better luck next season!

      • jill says

        I’m sick of people saying I should get more involved in church and that I will meet him there. I already go to church and have been for a looong time. No dice. Sitting between my parents each Sunday doesn’t really help either, huh?

        • Krista says

          I attend a church and live in a town that has very few single Christian men. My church has none. And I am one of two single ladies myself. Getting more involved will not do anything.

        • says

          Time to move churches. You can come back to your current one if you want when you are happily with someone. I’ve been giving doing that a lot of thought myself of late

        • tee says

          try eharmony. i am single and have been talking to a great Christian guy from there. so far, so good. keeping my fingers crossed…

      • Selina says

        That is fantastic, haha! Yeah, it’s a very good point. A lot of people make comments that imply you’re single because you somehow aren’t putting God first in your life, no matter what you’re actually doing.

      • SarahinSav says

        Amen!!! And Amen!!!!
        This has brought so many tears and acts of trying to be good enough, or strong enough… But then God graciously reminds me it’s not about that!

      • says

        This is the most relevant thing I’ve ever read regarding being a christian and being single. Thank you. I also used your quote on my blog if that’s okay.

      • says

        OI!

        “It implies that all married people are somehow on a separate spiritual playing field than singles. Like they are the first-string players that know how to focus on Jesus better or something—AND FOR THAT, THEY GET A REWARD!”

        Seriously – how did this EVER become true?! I don’t get it.

      • says

        hahaha….yes!

        It’s such silliness (to put it kindly). Some how we aren’t spiritual or holy enough for marriage and God is waiting until we get it right.

        Oh, dear!

  11. says

    22.

    Among my well-meaning critics: The charming Israeli tailor who completed the alterations on most of my 17 bridesmaid dresses used to ask me every time I entered the store with a dress bag if this time it was *my* wedding. And he died before I could say yes! :-/

    • Toni says

      :/ I practically burst into tears at that comment.

      On a lighter note, that’s a million dollar movie waiting to be made… Did 27 Dresses come out too recently for me to make your version?

  12. Adam says

    No one even asks me anymore because they know I’ll just give them some terribly depressing answer about how being divorced twice destroys your self worth

  13. Sam says

    Oh gosh! My grandma switched from saying “when you get married” to “if you get married” when I hit the ripe old age of 19. Veritable spinsterhood!

    • says

      At least your (spinster) great aunt didn’t give you a waffle iron for Christmas when you turned 19. As if you had registered for it somewhere but forgot about it . . .

  14. says

    ST.WIPS: Stupid Things Well-Intentioned People Say.

    “It’ll happen when…” (and then fill in the blank with any sort of random statement like “when you’re least expecting it…” blah blah blah)
    “God is your husband!”
    “Maybe you should…” (and then fill in the blank with any sort of random advice that is usually a little bit mean. I usually want to respond, “Maybe you should kiss my grits.”
    “Have you prayed about it?” Oh! Now there’s a brilliant idea that I’ve never considered!

    Jon–How many points does one get for being single, alone, and OVERSEAS at Christmas? About 100?

    • Rebecca says

      My brother (who happens to also be on the mission field but happily married) has told me that the reason I’m not yet married is that by teaching at a really small missionary international school overseas I’m not putting myself in the right situations to meet anyone and maybe I should try online dating or take some Bible classes at a Seminary during the summer.

      • Monahmartha says

        Blechk! Im 35, and married now but wow, did i hate that “youre not putting urself in the right situations…” Its bs im sorry. I was told for many years my husband would come to my church one day. And the non-church people i knew were telling me i needed to go to club to find a man. Otherwise i was dooomed.
        Well every1 was wrong. I just kept living my life and future hubby came to my WORK PLACE. LOL so there!
        And i vowed when i got married i will not become “one of them”. And im didnt. Godmhelp me if i ever do…

        • says

          I always tell people that I don’t think being overseas will keep me single any more than being in America will get me married. I think there are enough Americans (in America) commenting on this post to prove that point. And I’m more likely to find someone who wants to be overseas as well…overseas.

          The point is–God is sovereign. He’ll bring the two together when and where and how He desires, no matter where we are. That’s something the people who say things like “it’ll happen when” and “maybe you should” ought to remember.

          To all of you fellow expats–press on!

        • says

          I’m sorry, but spending Christmas in Ethiopia and getting to live your passion sound like WAY more cool and important than getting married. :) I’m actually a little jealous (though I do have a job I love and am passionate about too). I don’t know how to say Merry Christmas in Ethiopian, or I would wish you one!

  15. Racheal says

    Ha! #25! Seriously, married people, that does not make *anyone* feel better! Lol.
    I scored a 3. I dont hear stuff like that, but I do hear “God will bring him when you are not looking.”
    Well, just pass me a blindfold! Harhar.

  16. Jennifer says

    My score is too depressing to share! I’m 37, single, two cats. I just joke with people that once I turn 40 I am going to buy a Victorian house and get a new cat every year and become a crazy cat lady. It usually shuts them up! :)

    • says

      I tell the Church ladies that there is no one single my age at church, so I’m gonna start going to the bars to find a husband.

      That shuts them up quick.

      :)

    • says

      I once told a girl at my Bible study that I’d been keeping my hair long because a) I’ve been enjoying doing fun updos with it and b) I read that guys prefer longer hair (which is true) . . . but I’d also considered doing a cute pixie cut. I’m just afraid that if I did everyone would think I was a butch lesbian, so if I get to 35 and I’m still not married I might go ahead and give the pixie a shot, since by then I expect most people will think I’m a butch lesbian anyway . . . LOL. (It’s been thought before, even when I’ve had long hair . . . I’m sorry to say).

  17. Angela says

    ” The only reason you care so much about family time is because you don’t have a husband or kids of your own.” Yikes.

    • Kaa says

      Whoa! Like, “Hey, we don’t really want to spend time with you sis/cuz/whatever, so go find somebody else to play with.” That’s insane!

  18. Beth says

    One year, my well meaning sister in law invited me over for New Years Eve. She didn’t realize that everyone else she had invited was part of a couple, so at midnight after everyone else had shared a New Years kiss she leaned over and kissed me on the forehead.

    • Selina says

      A couple years ago I went to a New Year’s party with some really good old friends. Who all happen to be in relationships and had their significant others with them. After all their midnight New Year’s kisses I got sandwiched between kisses on the cheek from both of them. There are a number of pictures to prove it. Mostly with me looking pretty awkward. :P

      • Beth says

        Yeah it doesn’t make us feel as good as they think it will. How about my gift for the holidays is NOT constantly brining to my (and everyone else’s) attention that I’m still single? :)

  19. Selina says

    Yup, some of these are accurate already. Like the lady at church who always asks me if I have a boyfriend yet because she has to know as soon as it happens. I have a few friends who like to tell me how lucky I am to be single and how guys are so much more trouble than they’re worth. Yeah, so nice to be told that from the person who has been married or in a relationship for years to the girl who has never had a bf. They all mean well, but there comes a point when every single piece of “advice” or “encouragement” someone gives you about your love life becomes kind of insulting and aggravating. I despise those cliched comments from people.

    • Julie says

      As a person who has been happily married for 45 years, I would like to ask you, “What can people say to you that will actually lift your spirits and make you feel appreciated? People are basically ignorant in this, not sensitive at all and probably misunderstood. Help us out.

      • B says

        I guess just engage in conversation with us that doesn’t always revolve around marital status. I don’t spend every conversation with my married friends talking specifically about the fact that they are married… We talk about life and sometimes that involves marital status and sometimes not. A lot of these become frustrating because it seems that’s all we’re known for is being the single one.

      • Amanda says

        I agree with B’s comment. I don’t need the fact that I am single brought into conversation all the time! I just want friends that I can hang out with and do life with. Now sometimes that involves discussing my relationship status. But most times…not. And if I do bring it up?! Well…listen to me don’t give me cliche statements that do t ever make me feel better! If need be you can tell me that you will pray for me to have a sense of peace about the season of life I am in right now. Or something like that. Idk…just don’t tell me God will send the right guy when I stop looking or whatever.

      • Andrea says

        Everything else about my life? Because part of what makes it so frustrating/hurtful, is those questions are essentially implying, “it doesn’t really matter what you’ve done or accomplished. Your life isn’t truly valid until you’re in a relationship/married/have kids. Didn’t you know you are defined by your marital status?”

        I have a job I’ve worked hard for and really enjoy (and I work with some really fascinating stuff, which I might tell you about if you showed interest in knowing something beyond my 30-second job summary).
        I have a master’s degree.
        I’ve traveled all over the world.
        I have friends and family all over the country/world.
        I’ve been remodeling my house over the last 3 years.
        I’m in a book club and love to read.
        I enjoy working in my yard/garden.
        I love to bake and cook.
        I love going to the theater and trying new restaurants.
        And yes, I have two cats. And they entertain me to no end.

        But yet somehow, there are people who can’t think of anything to ask me about or comment on except my relationship status?!

        So, what would encourage me and make me feel appreciated? Showing interest in what my life IS (everything listed above), rather than what it might be lacking (a significant other). Celebrating/congratulating me on what I’ve accomplished (job, education, house reno, etc.), rather than focusing on what I haven’t (a husband). Recognizing that I and my life are legitimate and acceptable right now and as is – just as acceptable and legitimate as they would be with a spouse, not just as “it’s nice to see you’re using your time well until you meet someone.”.

        Hope that helps!

      • says

        Julie, I’ve actually written several blog posts about the ignorant things people say–and what they could have said instead. I agree with everything Andrea said just above…married people and single people are both PEOPLE who are made up of all kinds of interests and thoughts and activities, and thus, ought to be able to have intelligent conversations about those things.

        A great question/conversation starter that works both ways for married/singles is: What’s something you found really interesting lately? Tell me about that. A mom might talk about what her toddler did, someone else might answer about an article read on the internet. I’d talk about the woman who was singing opera on the street and managed to get everyone to sing along!

      • says

        The safest thing you can do is just not even mention marital status. Or if it comes up, don’t dwell on it.

        Ask them how they’re doing. Ask them what they’re up to. Single people have adventures and mishaps, hobbies and interests, jobs and aspirations. Be alert for things that pique their interest, that they seem happy to discuss.

        Thing is, doesn’t that go for everyone? Isn’t that the best way to talk to any human being? If you want to find out about someone, and find ways to encourage them, the best thing to do is just let them lead the conversation – they’ll take it down paths that are important to them.

      • says

        Agree with B. Get to know us as fully realized human beings, talk to us about our passions, what God is doing in our lives, etc. Don’t talk to us about being single as if it were the weather or football. Our lives have more facets, just as yours do. And IF you get to know us in all our levels first, then, we may open up to you about the singleness, but that’s up to us.

        (Just think, for most of us it would be similar to always talking to an infertile woman about how she doesn’t have a baby yet. If you get to know her then SHE may open up about her fertility issues with you – but even then, it never has been, nor will it ever be the only facet of her life!)

  20. Brooke says

    Anytime a single male is brought up in conversation your friends/family glance at you pointedly before asking how old he is.

    • Becky says

      Yes! I also stopped telling stories to my parents that involves and single guy within 20 years of me. They completely tone-out what I’m saying and become fixed on that guy. “So you just said Jake, who is Jake, how old is he? Are you interested, is he cute?” And they remember him and check-in on how “jake and I ” are doing for months.

      • Amber Vernon says

        This sooo much.
        I’m only 21, I don’t think anyone has given up on me getting married. Yet. But ye gods, my aunt and both grandmas with this.
        No, Nana. Just no.

        Oh and “here’s this guy at Granny’s church, he went on a mission trip to Mexico for a year after graduating high school! You should message him!”
        Yes, let me Facebook message a guy I’ve never met because he’s my age, does missions and speaks Spanish. this will go so well, ill send out “save-the-date” cards next fall.

    • Amanda says

      Stop. Just stop! It’s so annoying right?! I’m like…Hello?! Have I even met this guy and you’re already planning my wedding with him?!

  21. Selina says

    Ooo, wait, can we add watching all the Christmas engagement posts starting to pop up on facebook with the nauseatingly sappy captions??? Seriously.

    • says

      Honestly, I don’t mind these. I can rejoice and be happy for my friends even if I’m not in their shoes. It seems rude to steal their joy just because I haven’t experienced it yet myself. Aren’t we supposed to rejoice together? Pretty sure Paul said that somewhere . . . . But they’ll all have to deal with it too, if it ever happens for me. ;) I’m going to sooo sappy, facebook might explode with the sappiness. LOL.

  22. Sharon says

    Being a widow, I get a lot of “at least…” statements, such as “at least you had the time together that you did. “. True, but it doesn’t make it any less lonely. These are often preceded by “Wow, the holidays much be so hard for you, being by yourself and all.” Thanks for pointing that out, I hadn’t noticed. Which is immediately followed by the suggestion that I sign up to volunteer at all 11 services over four days. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I don’t have a life.

    • Lani Monds says

      Oooh…me too! I have 4 dogs, so I’m actually a crazy DOG lady, lol. But being a widow at Christmas really stinks…especially if your kids live in other states. I’ve actually just started avoiding church around Christmas….hurts too much…

    • Rachel says

      Ah yes. My old friend. I saw an advert for said company online the other day (thanks, targeted FB advertising) with the terrible, theologically worrying and mildly threatening slogan “Worried about going to heaven alone? Maybe not.” As Charlie Brown says, good grief.

      Should definitely be added to the points system.

      • says

        They’re not run by Mormons, are they?

        According to Mormon theology, a woman can’t attain the highest levels of heaven/godhood unless she is married. (And thus God demonstrates his sense of humor: I, a single woman, live in a neighborhood full of young Mormon couples, all of whom already have children. Do they pity me, or envy me? Or both?)

  23. Corbin says

    My craziest comment: a gal told me I’d get scooped up within the year because quality men were SO hard to find. The crazy part? I had asked her out two times and she had shot me down both times.

    • says

      Corbin, tell her to come read my blog where I encourage girls to Just Say Yes and give good Christian men a chance. Press on, brother–keep asking!

      • says

        Amen. Though I’ve hardly ever been asked out by a Christian guy – the guys really do have their pick and girls who get asked out don’t get to complain about still being single if they aren’t giving good guys a chance! You don’t have to marry him tomorrow – it’s just a date!

  24. says

    I’m divorced and in my thirties. At this point, I hear comments about how God will “restore the years the locusts have eaten.”

    Little do they know that I’m on a wild adventure and I see no locusts in my history.

    I was just starting to write a blog post about Christmas as a single woman! I will have to link to this post.

    • Johanna says

      ooooh! I need divorcee on an adventure camaraderie… I keep wondering why the singleness part of the adventure feels so good sometimes.
      send me a link to your blog!!

  25. Abbey says

    When I started dating a guy 4 years after my last break up, a friend said, ‘wow, I didn’t think you were ever going to date again’. Ouch.

  26. Joe says

    I barely even think about my singleness anymore (is that bad??). It doesn’t seem to matter what time of the year it is.

    It’s not that I’ve given up (maybe), but I’m more interested in living life as it is in reality.

    Most people don’t ask anymore- except for new people who are uncomfortable with me being single.

    It’s amazing what people let escape out of their mouths when the other person’s life makes them uncomfortable.

    • Lee says

      I agree! I don’t think about being single (much) until someone brings it up and asks (boldly), “you must being comfortable being alone…” As if I am some lonely cat lady who doesn’t have any friends or family, lol.

      I am enjoying the adventure of God’s path for me and am doing my best to trust Him with what He has in store for me :)

  27. LJ says

    I am single and I love spending Christmas alone. Me & a good book – best Christmas ever. But friends always say – “You really cannot like being alone on Christmas. You must come to my house and hang out with MY family.” I have started to lie – father forgive me it has been 5 years since my last confession – and tell each of these friends that I am spending it with the other. And thus I get to spend Christmas with my book .

    • says

      I’m too much of an extrovert for that. But I’m happy to spend Christmas with my own family! Even the married ones. And if, some year, it weren’t possible to be with my own family then I’d be happy to spend the day with friends – even the married ones.

  28. says

    I actually only got a 4… Totally surprised! :D

    My favorite and most heard statement from my family is, “You need to hurry up and get married, I’m in need of a baby fix!”
    (Like I can help it or something!)

    Oh and last year I quickly realized my singleness when at a party, laughing and having a good time, that I was sitting with a group of wives and was in fact the ONLY single person at the party at that moment. I really just wanted to leave after they stated talking about married life. Ugh. Totally ruined my night. Haha.

  29. says

    At my 28th birthday party, a bunch of friends we’re sitting at the table and a guy I’d met an hour earlier told me–and the whole table–that if I didn’t “use it” by the time I was 30, my uterus would shrivel up and fall out.

    That’ll make it weird.

    I’m 35 now. Wonder what he’d have to say about that?

    • Hillaryp says

      Just outrageous. Where do these people get their facts from. Not to mention their manners. Oh wait, they clearly don’t have ANY manners.

  30. Kate says

    It’s not something that’s ever been said to me, so I don’t know how it ranks. But I find it terribly irritating that I buy separate presents for my sister and her husband and yet they get me presents together. Not fair.

    Oh, and #25 is perfect. I hear all about how hard marriage is from my friends. Like if I got married I would regret it? How is that supposed to make me feel better?

    • says

      Oh Kate, if we’re going to talk not-fair in gifts…how bout the fact that we buy eight billion gifts for everybody else’s showers, but we never get a shower…and some of us end up buying everything in our house ourselves? THEN…married women talk about how they wish they could re-register for an anniversary.

      Can I register for presents when I turn 40? Surely I should get a shower sometime….

      • says

        Heh. I’m fine with baby showers, because babies are expensive and take a lot of resources. But yeah, wedding showers are unfair. Single people have to set up house, too! I consider myself very fortunate that I was able to inherit most of my grandmother’s kitchen, particularly her pots and pans (Revereware!) and her complete silverware set (12 place settings and all the odds and ends). Trying to buy that for myself would have been a hefty chunk of change, and most people get *their* sets as wedding gifts!

        • Selina says

          So, when I was still in high school, there was a single 20-something woman who was moving halfway across state. Her family threw her a housewarming party, kind of like a shower? To get her all the things she would need in her new house. Brilliant!

    • says

      I’d just get them a combo gift too. None of my sibs are married, so this isn’t a problem for me, but if they were they’d get one gift to share – like a gift card to a nice restaurant or something.

    • A.T. says

      WOW, subtle, mom! Haha that is terrible!
      For the first time in my 25 years, I have recently become not-single. But I had 25 years of these comments. Christmas/New Years parties with church friends were the worst – nobody in my church was single except for a few members of the youth group. So I either didn’t get invited, or went and felt all awkward the whole time (everybody gets all snuggly at Christmas time, what is that??), or didn’t go and felt lame the whole evening by myself.

      Now, instead of having people say they’ll “help me find someone,” it’s equally as insulting to get comments on how I’ve finally found someone so this holiday season will be “extra special!” Gag me… I’ve loved Christmas every year, thank you very much.

  31. Kaitlyn says

    For an “early Christmas present” my mom gave me one of those Jesus books about God’s plan for your love life or something equally unbearable. Idk, haven’t read it. She loved my ex and is now convinced I’m going to be forever alone -_-

    I plan to come back and revisit this score card after spending Christmas with the fam :-)

  32. Dawn says

    Christmas doesn’t seem to be too bad around my family, though everyone does always stare at me as if I were growing two heads when I’m yet again single. New Year’s Eve is the absolute worst, when no one is entirely sure what to do with you as midnight approaches. There’s a plethora of “Oh…umm…we’ll just all hug?” *sad pitiful face*

    • Liza says

      I’ve never had a problem at Christmas, and New Year’s Eve is usually spent by myself with my cats (I’m in denial that I’m a crazy cat lady at the young age of 30). This year, though, I have an invitation from my very new boyfriend to spend New Year’s Eve with him…and several married couples. Given the fact that we aren’t exactly physically involved (certainly no kissing yet!), this could be awkward… I’m just hoping he’ll pull me in for a nice, big hug while everyone else is kissing.

      • Sara says

        That happened to me one year! I was with a new boyfriend. We knew that others may be secretly peeking to see whether we’d kiss, so we knew we had to plan something funny. At the stroke of midnight, we each picked our noses. The entire room burst out laughing, indicating they had indeed spied on us. They were busted, and we were… um, kind of gross.

  33. Beth says

    One year my granny gave me a Barbie and Ken wedding cake topper for Christmas. Not engaged. Not dating anyone and no prospects. Looked to granny and she says “we have been waiting to give this to you and we needed to clean out the attic. Maybe this year dear, maybe this year.”

  34. Shelly says

    Or…Married couples ask you to babysit while they go out to Christmas parties, or people expect you to volunteer at the Christmas store at church because you’re single, so you must not have anything else to do lol…I didn’t score too many points because married people just don’t say anything to me concerning my “singleness” anymore. However, they never believe me when I say I’m okay being single…because…that’s just impossible lol.

  35. Molly says

    I’m 25 and have been single for every Christmas so AMEN to every single thing on this list! I’m starting to cross over into the “maybe you have the gift of celibacy” territory and I am learning a lot of self control in the process (as in not punching someone when they say one of these things to me).

    • Becky says

      I get SO mad at those comments, they are about the only thing that makes me walk away from conversations with people. I’m pretty sensitive about being single– ppl don’t need to be so mean about it– the meanest is in the “light-hearted” comments.

  36. says

    I quite often get asked “so……is there anyone “special” on the scene?”

    I also have a well-meaning family friend who’s theory is that somewhere out there, there is a man who’s out of favour with God because he’s not dating me. (“A man who finds a wife….finds favour with The Lord”).

    What’s even more disconcerting though is when the questions and well-meaning probing stops. It’s kinda like they’ve given up.

  37. Carissa says

    I think something about “no one realizing you’re missing in a family photo, because everyone else has a significant other” should be added…..LOL.

    • Andrew says

      I had this happen to me at Thanksgiving, in a way. My aunt wanted a family picture at the dinner table, so my sister and her significant other, my parents, and my aunt and uncle all gathered on one side of the table leaving me alone on the other. Nobody noticed until I said I didn’t want to be alone in the picture.

  38. Dan McDonald says

    Okay, about this singleness thing – I’m probably one of the oldest always been single persons around. But one comment above all others is the hardest to hear. It’s when someone asks, “Why?” I want to answer with a sense of humor, or with a sense of certainty, but feel like in some ways it is a mystery and in some ways involves a lot more fear, pain, and insecurity than maybe I want to talk about. Every time I try to fathom an answer to that question it comes up, one) a sort of mystery and 2) a sort of feeling that I maybe never learned enough about relationships to make one work, while others seem to enter them as naturally as breathing. Maybe I’ll blog about it someday. But I have been thankful for all the people who made me feel like I was part of their families.

    • spacegal says

      I usually answer something about the right guy not coming along yet, because otherwise – YES. I mean, I’ve certainly asked myself that question one or two (*cough* thousand *cough*) times, and still don’t have a good answer, especially one I’m willing to go into in casual conversation.

    • says

      My response to the “why” question: For the glory of God to be revealed. When Jesus was asked who sinned–the blind man or his parents, to cause the blindness…Jesus said it was neither, but so that the works of God might be displayed through the blindness. It’s not my fault that I’m single, it’s not someone else’s fault, (because it’s not a ‘fault’ to be single!)…it’s something God is using in me to display His work.

      • Karina says

        That’s a really interesting observation, DM. I’ve never thought about it like that before but I absolutely agree with you. Everyone considered the man’s blindness an affliction, but God used it to show the world his might. What other people might consider a flaw or disadvantage can actually the greatest of blessings. Really, it was the other people who were blind.

    • says

      One thing I’ve said to people is that “if God wants me married, I’ll be married. If God wants me single, I’d better stay single.”

      I haven’t the slightest idea why I’m single. Simply put: the closest I’ve ever got to a relationship is a blind date a couple years ago, and the guy never contacted me again. I don’t *think* I’m unfriendly or off-putting. I’m cautious and quiet, but that sure doesn’t stop other cautious, quiet people from finding good spouses. There’s no flaw in myself (that I know of) that I haven’t also seen in someone who’s found a Godly spouse.

      And so I think… “if God wants me married, I’ll be married. If he wants me single, I’ll be single.” And the lone goal of my life remains to follow God, to listen to him, do as he tells me, and glorify him.

      • says

        Well, more importantly, marriage isn’t a “reward” – lots of truly heinous people manage to get married and lots of truly lovely people stay single. Being single isn’t a punishment or a curse – it’s just a different way of living than being married.

        I wish the church would stop treating singles as if they are somehow on God’s “naughty” list just because they haven’t found a spouse. Pretty sure God NEVER calls singleness a curse, and in fact calls it a blessing. Not that it always feels that way – but it’s just horrible to assume that someone is “good” because they are married and “bad because they aren’t. That’s a lie from the pit of hell right there.

  39. Andrew says

    My mom asked me if I am going to buy something special for myself since I don’t have someone special to buy it for me.

  40. Becky says

    A co-worker of mine said yesterday, “we need to put some mistletoe up in the office to get you a husband!”— then turns to the other single guy(co-worker) at the table, and says “we need to put some mistletoe in the office to get you a wife” — yep we are basically the only two single ppl at this job, everyone’s spouse works together. We often get uncomfortable “hints” that we need to be together like that… It’s truly the worst!

    • Phoebe says

      Oh, my word! I’m afraid I would have a suggestion for one or two OTHER things that folks could “hang” in the office………..

    • says

      Glad I work with ladies who are all at least 10 years older than me – so this is rarely a problem. Though my branch manager does keep trying to set me up with one of the electrical apprentices that comes in to fix things about once a month . . . LOL.

  41. Sonya says

    I will never buy anything at Jared because of their commercials. I’m also compelled to shriek, “It can only be JAR-ED!!!” whenever I pass their store.

  42. Kay says

    One friend that I hadn’t seen in a while used a funny one. Instead of just asking if I had a boyfriend/husband, she phrased it, “Did you ever end up getting married?” End up? I’m 25 years old!

    • Jenny says

      To confess…I once introduced a friend as ‘This is Ed…he ended up marrying Helen’ and was swiftly taken down for implying his life was thereby over!

  43. Courtney says

    Wish there were ‘like’ buttons on these comments.

    The worst Christmas I’ve had as a single was when my brother and sister -in-law decided that it better suited their schedule if we pretended that Christmas Eve was Christmas Day. So Santa came the night before and we all pretended for the kids…then I spent the real Christmas Day mad and alone. Never again.

    There really should be a SCL dating service. It would give eHarmony a run for it’s money.

    –Courtney in College Station ;-)

  44. Sarah says

    I work at a Christian book store, so I get all of these every day. One day, a lady came in handing out cards from her “greeting card ministry.” She walked up to me and said, “I’m giving everyone one of my cards, but I noticed you’re single, so you get two because you need extra encouragement.” I was so stunned, all I could do was smile and thank her.

  45. Emily says

    Last year my uncle came up to me and randomly said “you made me lose!” I delved in more to this comment since I didn’t understand what it meant. Turns out my family had an ongoing bet that on how long it would take for me to get married. So far, my aunt is the only one that is winning, who bet 8 years…. I’m 21.

  46. Amelia says

    I have moved past the point of comments, I’m divorced with three children. The ultimate undateable girl!
    My dad told me, “Once you have three kids not many men will be willing to take that on.” As well as, “Anyone who would want to be with you is just crazy!”
    My mom told me, encouragingly, “Well at least your dad prays that the right man will come along for you.” (She is actually my staunchest supporter and doesn’t expect me to look for happiness in another person.)
    And everytime I comment on Facebook that some singer, or writer is amazing, my Aunt comments, “Are you finally getting married?!? When do we get to meet him!!” Oh, sorry to disappoint you, he’s some guy wrote some book I love, he’s just like all the other guys who don’t know I’m alive…

    Seriously, why is a persons worth (especially a WOMAN’S worth!!) dependent upon their marital status? And my secular friends are the ones who will invite me to holiday parties and not be weird about me being single. Thanks church friends.

  47. says

    From an older lady in church, “Why are you still single, honey? Can’t you cook?” Yes, a lack of culinary skills has made marriage illusive. Darn you, pot roast! Someday I will master you, and my mate will magically appear!

    • Andrea says

      Alas! I’ve gotten plenty of “you’re a great cook/baker, how are you not married?!”

      Oh, I don’t know, maybe I’m looking for something IN ADDITION to an appreciation of good food?!

    • says

      If only. I’d have been married for 8 years now. Not only do a cook (very well), I sew and knit and give an awesome backrub! Sadly, these are not actually things that any guy I’ve yet met has considered attractive about me. (Being an ENTJ I’m also told that my personality is not “feminine” enough . . . so there’s that . . . ouch)

  48. Janice says

    I always tell them that Jesus is my husband and it is great since he never leaves the toilet seat up or dirty underwear on the floor for me to pick up. Can’t say that for their spouse :)

    • Amelia says

      Hahaha!! I always say I have the perfect husband for those reasons too!! I usually add that he never thinks I’m fat, or hogs the blankets at night. When everyone looks awkward and confused enough, I say, “he’s my imaginary friend?” If they can make me feel awkward, I can have a little fun too. Right?

  49. says

    There weren’t enough make commenters on this… ;)

    So anyway. I have a number of non-Christian friends and the greatest question that’s been asked: “Well have you considered going to a swingers party?”

    Might as well join in someone else’s fun, right?! ;)

  50. Megan says

    “Have you thought about what age you’d like to be when you get married?”

    The number is the least of the problems….like finding a person…and if I get to the age I “decided” on, do I just marry the first guy I see? Is that a thing?

    Weird comments abound at Christmas. Thankful for this post to see the weirdness isn’t just around me.

  51. C.J. says

    I’m not an unattractive guy, but my best friend is considered very attractive. He also has an amazing career which pays well. Good intentioned friends are always coming up to me and saying things like, “Why is Alex still single? I just don’t get it!” But I guess they get why I’m single? Sometimes they catch themselves and say they don’t get why I’m single either, but that almost makes it worse.

    • Sam Neylan says

      Hahahahaha… Literally just laughed out loud whilst eating my cereal.
      That is fantastic (in a ‘Seinfeld blink blink’ kind of way).
      But seriously, SO funny.
      Thank you for repeatedly enduring it AND then throwing down here on SCL.
      Totally worth it-such a great act of service from you to me.
      In fact, I, a reasonably attractive single woman, just screen shot your comment & am sending it to my more attractive single friend… So funny.
      … Sooo funny.
      Just laughed out loud again.
      #GoldJerryGold

    • says

      Ouchhhh . . . . If it makes you feel better I get the same thing. No one asks why I’m “still” single – they all know. And it’s mostly because I’m fat. Glad that’s the only thing that matters to anyone. :/

  52. Mieke says

    Being well on my way to my sixties and still single I scored a nice 33 on the above, lol.

    I’ve heard so many so-called funny, concerned and downright rude remarks on my private life that I don’t listen anymore.
    The latest one was from someone I only knew briefly who told me in all earnest, “Well, when you are happy with yourself you will find someone. You just needed a long time to get to that point apparently.”
    I mean, seriously …

    And how about that pastor who, every time we had a engagement or wedding in church, walked over to me, patted me on the back and told me for everyone to hear, “Your day will come, my dear.”
    I left that church ;)

  53. Jonny says

    “What about Jane?” If I had a £1 for every time I have heard that question I could probably buy a hundred wives from India. When Jane and I were younger we jokingly made a deal that if neither were married at 40 we wud marry. It’s now been moved to fifty.

  54. mandi says

    I lost count after I reached 25pts but definitely the worst thing anyone ever posted was on a christian singles web page that was supposed to be encouraging us single folks said in a general post that singelness is ONLY caused by being unfaithful to God….

  55. Ashley says

    As a single, seminary graduate I can add a lot of comments to this! Of course most are around Scripture that is taken out of context. I can also say that the older I get the more people are concerned with my eggs and if I am and will freeze them. Really?? I think sadly my nonbeliever friends are more kind and don’t see me as something broken, like most believers who are married. Crazy, but true!!

    • says

      I used to say, with surprise, “You know the Bible, so you should know why I’m not married.” At their blank look, I’d say slowly, “You know…Paul, the Apostle who wrote most of the New Testament? Who said single women should remain unmarried? Yeah, you’d think some people have taken a marker and blacked out Paul’s words since they obviously don’t take him seriously. In fact, I’m rather troubled that singles aren’t applauded and celebrated for remaining that way from the pulpit. (whispering) It makes me wonder if some pastors think they have more wisdom than PAUL. Sad, isn’t it?” LOL Those people never brought up my singleness again.

      But now that I’m married, I have a whole new group asking about kids!

    • says

      I love to cook and craft so I started a homemaking blog (I’m a firm believer that you don’t have to be married to be a homemaker) where I share my projects and such. Part of promoting it to build an audience means sharing my best content on blog parties. Many of the other posters are Christian mommy bloggers, and singleness is treated almost universally as a curse. I finally wrote a post about it (http://www.modernishhomemaker.com/2013/09/please-stop-treating-singleness-as-curse.html) . . . It’s addressed to Christian mommy bloggers, but I think it holds up to most of contemporary church culture, especially evangelical circles.

  56. says

    I got 28. Do you get bonus pouts if your score is higher than your age? My personal favorite is the emphasis on the word “still”, such as, “You’re graduating from college in May and you’re STILL single? What will you do with yourself?” People mean well, I’m sure.

  57. Sandra says

    I get #21 & #25 all the time. However, the worst comment I have been given was fairly recently. My aunt (mom’s sister) told me that I should be ashamed of myself for not getting married and giving my parents grandchildren. The interesting thing is that she has been single with no children her whole life.

  58. CIndi says

    I think I got the high score…this was a fun list!
    I love the movie “Love Actually” (especially the story line with Colin Firth), I’m a hopeless romantic and secretly (not so secret anymore) believe there’s still someone out there. I just don’t have enough free time to obsess about it. Besides, Christmas isn’t the only time of year it’s difficult to be alone. You keep on keeping on ;)

  59. says

    Not a comment, per sé, but that “well well well – do I hear wedding bells?” look/wink/smile that I have received when talking for more than ten seconds to a single man (of appropriate age) at my church.

    Or, variations on the “you look so pretty today; I don’t know why any young man hasn’t asked you to marry him yet?” from several people at my church. My answer is typically, “Thank you for the compliment, but I want someone who appreciates me for my character and faith, not my looks.”

  60. says

    So I scored a 43. A lot of my points came from when I came home from the gym one night last year at Christmas time and my roommate and her fiancé had started an eharmony account for me. Since then my favorite comment from people is “Have you considered online dating again? Are you really trying?”

    I also got “I’m surprised you put up a tree. I don’t think I did that when I was single” this year.

    Mmm singleness during the holidays….

  61. Meliisa says

    After 10 years of babysitting for my peers so they can go out to eat and see movies every Friday night (afterall, “I need the practice for when/if it’s my turn to have children”), I am thankful to have some friends that love me in God’s current plan for my life. I recently read an article trying to comfort us single ladies with the fact that 40% single women aged 15 and up never marry. I was like “What? Give me that statistic for the post-college crowd.”

  62. says

    You need to write a post about stupid stuff singles say during Christmas.

    #25? Well, if singles didn’t tell themselves that marriage “is a winter wonderland of awesomeness,” we wouldn’t feel so compelled to give them a reality check. Or feel so compelled to smack them upside the head.

    I had a single friend call me in tears one night saying, “It’s almost Christmas. I’ve always imagined myself waking up Christmas morning, seeing my husband sleeping peacefully, peeking in on my children snuggled in their beds, and coming down to drink hot apple cider in the window while watching the snowflakes fall. Everyone has that but ME (sob).”

    I wanted to slap her.

    But since I love her, I instead said, “Honey, most women wake up Christmas morning glaring at their snoring husband and thinking about the huge argument they had the night before because one of them thinks the other has spent too much money. The kids picked up on the tension and fought like wildcats. She looks in on them still asleep in their clothes because she couldn’t get them into pajamas with out a bigger, screaming fight. She drags her exhausted body downstairs because she still has to cook for an army and dreads the relative who picks a fight every holiday. She still has presents to wrap, cards to mail, and so much to do that she thinks, ‘I wish we could skip Christmas this year–or at least postpone it a couple of weeks. I just want some sleeeeeeep….’ THAT, my friend, is what the vast majority of women think Christmas morning.”

    Two years later she got married (and 3 kids came with the marriage). She called me just before Christmas and said, “I have so much to do that I can’t even stand it. His mom is being horrible. There’s so much tension between me and my husband. The kids are irritable. I still love Christmas, but the first time in my life, I just want to skip it this year!”

    I couldn’t help myself and asked, “What happened to floating down the stairs, singing carols, to blissfully drink cider in the window while watching the snow fall?”

    She was like, “Sit? Sit? Who has time to sit? Hopefully, I’ll get to sit AFTER Christmas!”

    But at least she can’t say she wasn’t warned.

    • says

      LOL. It’s so important to find joy wherever we are in life at this moment. Married or single – neither is a blessing nor a curse – just different. And it’s possible to have joy in both or either. :)

  63. says

    #12 is my absolute favorite. That has totally happened to me. People used to do all of these when I was in my 20s, then I entered my 30s and they slowed down. Now most of them don’t even come up. They are just waiting on the cats.

  64. Linda says

    About 15 years ago, my Grandma gave me the afghan she made for me for my wedding day. She figured “she’d better give it to me so I had it before she died”.

  65. Katie says

    I have been working as an intern for a church in Nashville since September. I recently visited my home church for a special holiday event.

    One gentleman that I have known my whole life came up to me and said, “I just learned tonight that you’ve been working at that church in Nashville. All this time I just thought you had finally found you a man.” Yes… That’s a direct quote. He really said “finally.” I had to grit my teeth so I wouldn’t come back with a disrespectful remark.

    All single women who serve in the church are just there to snag a man, right?? Ugh…

  66. Barb says

    I once invited two couple out to dinner around the holidays–to go somewhere special. One of them had a family emergency and had to cancel. I found out later that they rescheduled, went to the restaurant I suggested, but didn’t invite me. Nice.

  67. Ruth says

    I feel really blessed to score zero, despite the double whammy of being divorced + single. I love my gospel community/church family who care for me without needing to comment on my ‘status’.

  68. says

    I’ve heard most of these comments from family and friends.

    Any time my sister and I friend a guy on Facebook, we count 5…4…3…2..1 for my aunt to email us and ask if he is single, our age and are we interested in that guy. Nine times out of ten the guys we friend are dating some one or married.

  69. Melinda says

    This is the stupidest post and those are the dumbest remarks I’ve ever heard. Thank God my friends & family aren’t that stupid and insensitive. Surely you could come up with something a little less insensitive, a lot funnier and a lot more encouraging than this. I hate Being single at Christmas and this post is just one more thing to add to the pain and disappointment of not having a family or that special someone at this time of year.

    • spacegal says

      “those are the dumbest remarks I’ve ever heard.” – I think that’s the point, so single people can commiserate with each other over the dumb comments that they’ve heard.

      And even though I haven’t heard most of these, reading these comments in this context helps me recognize them for the craziness that they are, so that in case I ever do hear them I won’t be tempted to take them to heart.

    • says

      Awww. :( It’s meant to poke fun at the dumb things people say in an attempt to be “encouraging” . . . it’s not a dig at your for being single! :)

      *hug*

    • Selina says

      I got a cat last spring because I’ve always had pets and wanted an animal that worked with my busy life. Apparently “1″ is the number needed for some people to start calling you a crazy cat lady. :P

  70. Lee says

    My ex-boyfriend keeps telling me what a beautiful woman and catch I am and that he cannot believe that I am still single… I keep wanting to say to him, “That’s funny, if I’m such a ‘catch,’ how come you broke up with me?” Maybe I’m single because you broke up with me… Lol

    Exes say funny nonsense :)

  71. Tyler Plumlee says

    Last year, my dad turns the light hearted conversation about Christmas gifts to an awkward unforgettable moment. He looks at me and says “you want to know what I really want for Christmas? For you to bring a girl home.” Haha well thanks Pops no pressure. Jokes on him because I returned those socks i was gonna give him. 0 for 2 that year.

  72. Rebecca says

    How many points for being told that the reason you’re not married is because you received too much positive affection and affirmation from your father as a child and therefore are less likely to look for that from other guys? Bonus points if it was your older brother?

  73. Andrew Hardy says

    Well I scored a whopping 40!
    I love the holidays because I’m 4″8′ tall, and if some one isn’t stating one of the above ,they are in ilse four of the supermarket submitting a photo of me as proof to their parents that elfs are real and the North Pole does exist!

    This year determined to be kissing some on New Years I audition for the role of Benedick in Shakespears comedy ” Much Ado About Nothing” a role that is how I would like my life to be played out. However I was chosen for the role of Dogberry quite opposite and more like my life at present. A thousand blasted curses be upon your poetic justice, I hate you!

    Hope you smiled!

    Sincerely,
    Andy

  74. Kayla says

    Scored 35…my favorite (sarcasm implied) comment is some form of this statement “You must have so much fun being single and getting to do or go wherever whenever you want. Traveling must especially be so much easier by yourself.” To which I smile, and usually walk away or change the subject.

    • says

      “Yup. I take extravagant vacations with all the money I have leftover from my job as a librarian. After I pay my student loans, and rent for a one bedroom apartment. Just living the high life!”

    • Sportsgal says

      Too true. And I’m in the opposite position: even though I have had a well-paying job for several years and am able to travel, I don’t have a companion to do it with! I’m too social to travel alone, my good friends aren’t in the same financial position I am, and the people that do have the money, I don’t care to spend so much time with. ;P

    • Andrew Hardy says

      That’s funny! I hate sports , that’s what’s been wrong all these years! We’ll I expect I’ll have a fiancé in a week!

      • Andrew Hardy says

        Ha so the other day I’m at my pastors house and every one is in the living room watching a football game. Thus I take my leave into the next room and commence napping in a comfortable chair. Five minutes later some one walks in and asks what’s wrong ‘as if I’ve just been takin from the scene of a traumatic accident’ nothing I reply and lay my head back down laughing!

  75. Bridgette says

    This just in from a Christmas party: “You’re divorced with kids…that’s a lot of baggage.(slurring)You come across so strong, independent and happy about it. Maybe if you looked a little more like a ‘damsel in distress’ (she uses air quotes with eyes closed) then you would seem more approachable.” At that point she sloshed her drink and asked where the bathroom was at this shindig.
    Hmmmm. Compliment? I’ll take it.

  76. says

    I’m 25, single, and a barista/artist that dresses like a greaser with a bow-tie. So every once and a while I’ll hear a variation of #31 by women of older generations to the like of;

    “If I was younger, I would eat you up.”

    “If I had another daughter, I would set you up.”

    “Too bad you’re not older.”

  77. Sarah says

    I find it interesting that most of these comments are coming from women. My number one response (at least when thinking back over these conversations later) is that I want to be pursued and it isn’t my job to do the pursuing or put myself out there. It’s so ironic to me that it’s the church who so quickly forgets that marriage is a picture of Christ’s pursuit of His beloved, the church.

  78. Christi says

    At Thanksgiving this year, when I responded “No.” to my grandma’s question of “Do you have a boyfriend, yet?”, my aunt piped in with “Well, that’s okay, there’s always adoption.”
    I’m only 27….

  79. Jess says

    I came home from college, very single mind you, only to find baby clothes in my closet. It was my moms way of telling me that she wanted more grandchildren. Then my dad asked me if I was going to attend the parenting seminar at church. 23 and single with no children in sight! -_- hahaha

  80. Dana says

    I didn’t keep track of my points, but I’m pretty sure I get to negate them all. I’m single but I send out a photo Christmas card of MYSELF every year. Take THAT engagement, wedding, pet, family, baby, adorable kid pictures!

    I WANT SOME REFRIGERATOR REAL ESTATE. So, yeah…I put my big ol’ face right on a card (usually with something about baby Jesus too)…and proclaim to the world that I am worth fussing over…even if it’s just ME.

    • Melanie says

      When I was 20 or 21, my aunt asked my mom, in front of me, if perhaps I was a lesbian, since I had no boyfriend. Nice.

    • says

      Ha ha ha. One Christmas over dinner, my mom wanted us all (my sibs and dad) to share something about ourselves that maybe the rest of our family didn’t know. It was a deep question so I cracked a joke about it first and said, “I’m a lesbian” . . . . My mom said, “Not funny, I had a dream that you were going to say that”.

      I’m not a lesbian. I’m attracted to men, just not many of them are attracted to me. Sorry, mom.

      • Andrew Hardy says

        That’s funny I’m in fashion so I always dress well and being short girls tend to treat me more like a pet than some one who might be competeing for their interest’ so I’m constantly accused of being gay. In fact I think every dinner I’ve had out side of my own home the issue has been raised.

  81. Katie says

    My dad asked if it’s time he starts investing in goats…to trade for me. It gave me a good laugh since I am almost 28 and not at all disappointed I’m not married.

  82. Vanessa Mathews says

    Today my Dad told me to get on having Grandkids. Then an old coworker asked if I had a steady man. I replied that Jesus is my steady man.
    I Jesus juked Jon and thought of you. I’m just waiting for my friends to make those datibg profiles and kitten for Christmas.

  83. zer0_cool says

    Score 14. Got a lot from uncles who have wives that like to spend money!!

    After the endless questions about whether or not I will ever get married, Mom said she would stop asking. Seems that yet another person close to my age (25) from Church was left high and dry in a divorce. I can now and maybe forever enjoy my beer in peace and quiet.

  84. Cathy says

    Let’s not forget these conversations with the relatives you see once a year:
    “Do you have a boyfriend?”
    “No.”
    “Oh.” (walks away)

    Because there’s just nothing else worth talking about if you’re single.

    • Kate says

      The sympathetic pat on the arm and suggestion to “broaden my scope,” is what gets me. When I tell her that I haven’t run into anyone in my social circles, she kindly suggests that excluding myself from the bar/party scene is what’s holding me back.

  85. missy says

    My grandma told me at Christmas time last year that.she has given up on me ever getting married. Thanks grandama. My.sister apparently bought me a gift for christmas that every.single straight women needs!

  86. Sara says

    My church used to have New Year’s Eve parties where they would hand out Hershey’s Kisses to the teens and single adults so that they, too, could have a “new year’s kiss”.

  87. J says

    Reading through all these comments makes me think of the times people have wondered about me. One was my brother, and another was an anonymous church member asking MY MUM about me…….
    But really, I have moved to Africa, and though I would love to have someone, I don’t think I would be here if I had gotten married, or even dated someone before now. So, yeah, I know it will come, but, graciously, I haven’t had to deal with a lot of the comments so far (except when talking to other single ladies when we do ridiculously unclassy things!!! And that is in jest!!!)

  88. Tabitha says

    I’m 27, I’m an RN and one of my patients who was blind once said “come here. Let me feel your face to see what’s wrong with it.”
    I replied “say what? There’s nothing wrongneith my face.”
    He said “well, you’re smart, you’re funny, you have a good job; I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with you to make you an old maid!”
    I was only 22 at the time! I can only imagine what he’d say now….

  89. Christina says

    I actually have come to hate when people say to me; “don’t worry, it’ll happen”. how could you possibly know that. also, I have a guy friend who speeds the holidays w me =/ his family is thousands of miles away and everyone says; ” your ” friend”… no-one brings home ” just a friend” for the holidays”

  90. Vicki says

    My family and friends must be really kinder and more sensitive than the general population, because I have to say, I scored a big fat ZERO on this quiz! I have two cats, but so do all my family – we’re a crazy cat family, so no one can really point fingers at anyone else. Generally, comments go “how are your cats doing? what did you get them for Christmas? What do you mean nothing? Not even a new catnip mouse?? I got MY cat an electric heated bed, because I’m obviously more awesome than you….” I can only remember one time ever being threatened with the crazy cat lady line, and it was from a couple/friends (also cat owners) who were fixing me up with all the fixer-upper guys they insanely thought I might be interested in. The husband of the couple once just threw his hands up and said “so you’re just going to live alone with your CATS!!!??!!!” LOL. Anyway, I thought of this line later: “I have 2 white cats because I’m the Norse Goddess Freya and no other species is worthy of drawing my chariot across the sky. You, on the other hand, are in fact a loser.” Feel free to steal it. As far as #23, the age threshold — my brothers all married in their 30s, and my parents didn’t ever pressure any of us to marry. My mom actually sold all of our old toys in a yard sale about a year before my youngest brother got married and had 3 kids. My parents never said anything to us about wanting grandchildren, so I think they had just quietly given up. Or, maybe we just don’t talk much about personal stuff in my family.

  91. Christina B says

    I have medical debt and have been working the Dave Ramsay plan to become debt free… my dad offered me the money from my wedding fund. I get he was just trying to help, but to me… he’s given up on me.

    • Andrew Hardy says

      Aww that’s so sad! I’m actually crying.. I would never do that to my daughter I’ll bet your mom smacked him later.

  92. Amy says

    The one I’ve been getting from my family these days is “well, it’s better to be single than married to the wrong person.” The age threshold must be 30 because no one says “when” anymore to me.

  93. says

    I got the comments like that from my family until I started dating my ex. Then when I broke up with the ex and started not giving a rats behind about the comments and started living I very much enjoyed being single. Loved it!! So much so that I noticed I was getting the ‘shaming’ comments from my friends who were married w/ kids.
    “Oh you should help out here or there because you don’t have children, what else have you got to do??” My reply, was no thank you. Not when the question is laced with such disrespect. I’m 38 and still single and while I am dating a guy, I’m still loving my singleness!!

  94. Lena says

    Or, another one of my favorites:

    “I feel like I can minister to other women so much better now that I’m in a relationship.. but I’m sure you do a good job too.”

    OR, oh man, this one is even better:

    “I don’t believe a woman is a woman until she finds her man of God. And I’m saying this to encourage you, because someday, Lena, you will find that man of God who makes you a woman.”

    Wait… WHAT?

  95. says

    I used to get the single comments along with the “your child-rearing time is coming to an end” comments. Once people discovered that I have no desire to have children, the comments on my singleness stopped pretty quickly, because obviously, if I don’t want kids, I can’t get married.

    People are super fun.

    • Kate says

      I nearly ended a friendship with a most beloved co-worker when she told me, “Well, maybe God wants you to marry a divorcee when you’re 40, that way his kids are mostly grown and he won’t want anymore.” I laugh (hysterically) now, but at that moment I must have been shooting death rays with my eyes!

    • Sara says

      I’ve had this from two or three people in my church, too. They never believed that I really knew what I was saying when I told them, as a teen, that I had no desire for children. Now that I’m 30 and my sister has kids, they believe me when I say that I DO NOT want to have children. Apparently they feel that since I am so backslidden as to fly in the face of God’s command to be fruitful and multiply, I deserve to suffer the affliction of singleness for the rest of my life (sarcasm there…lots and lots of sarcasm).

  96. Margo says

    This is my second Christmas to be -1 after a 20 year marriage and quite frankly other than my daughter telling me to hit the bars and meet men with money I get no comments. After the surprise and excruciating pain of a divorce I did not want, I made it quite plain that I would not put myself in the position to feel this way again. Cuts off the comments pretty quickly.

    • says

      That’s got to be painful. :( I’m so sorry you had to go through that and nothing I can say will make it better either, unfortunately. I hope you have a merry Christmas all the same.

  97. Liz says

    When I was 18, my uncle asked if I had a boyfriend. He then asked, “why not? Are you a lesbian or something?” I was EIGHTEEN.

  98. Carly says

    I’m 19 in college and every time I come home my 6 y/o niece asks, “Are you married yet?…You’re STILL not married?” Nothing like a good reminder that you’re single every time you want to spend time with family. But it’s okay, she’s still cute.

    Also, when friends in relationships tell you they can’t wait to be able to double date with you as if you’re holding out on them..5 points? Haha.

  99. Theresa says

    I love all these comments. I also love Christmas and decorate for Christmas, because I am special. One of the best comments I get is “Sarah had a baby when she was 100, so there’s still some time for you.” My reply, “She didn’t meet Abraham when she was 99.”

  100. Amanda says

    Yes! Have heard MANY of these and I’m only 26. My former best friend used to always back out of doing things with me because she would say, “I have to do _____ for my husband.” And the “my husband” part was always in THE TONE you know the tone. The thing is…each time she would say that one antes to say, “I’m the freaking reason you MET your husband! Say his name not ‘my husband.’”

    Or how about my cousin who has been married for about 4 years and has a 2 yr old daughter now and lives 3-4hrs away from us. The only way we can see her, her parents, and her brother this year is if we drive to see them. Umm…our holiday plans have not changed since before I was born (30+ years)!!! But she said to me, “Well it’s easy for you to uphold tradition because nothing has changed in your life. I’m married with a baby now.” What the?! Yes my life is exactly the same as it was when I was five years old! Whatever…

  101. Casey says

    I started dating a great guy this fall, but things got very complicated to say the least when I told my parents about him. I’m white and he’s black. My parents were very angry and it was really messy and painful. Then my dad tells me he wants a son-in-law for Christmas…..

    • says

      Oh man. That’s just wrong on so many levels. How selfish/blind/stunted must a parent be to disapprove of their child dating someone merely because that someone is a different race?

      When you say your dad wants a son-in-law, was he excluding the possibility of this great guy you met?

      Look, just… hang in there. Your parents are wrong, which is why they need grace.

    • says

      Yikes. Glad my mom is white and my dad Mexican, so they know a bit about the mixed race thing – esp. my mom who has rarely if ever felt accepted by my dad’s family because she’s white. As long as the guy is a Christian and cares for me I don’t they’d care one lick about who I end up with (if I marry, God willing – ;) ).

  102. says

    Not just at Christmas but whenever my mom comes to visit, she has the following comment to when people ask when she’ll move closer (in my presence): “well when Philip gets married and has kids, I’ll probably move closer.”

    It’s said in such a loving manner though. :)

  103. Jen says

    From my less than well intentioned grandmother…
    “Maybe you should lower your standards”

    And the one time I made the mistake of telling her about a prospect (it was a moment of weakness, I just wanted her to leave me alone)…
    “Well, why hasn’t he been snatched up already?”

    Clearly, anyone who would show the slightest interest in me, needs to be defective in some way. Thank you grandma for your vote of confidence. This gentleman obviously deserves someone better than me. Could you do me a favor and tell him that yourself, because he thinks I’m making you up.

    • Andrew Hardy says

      Wow so I’ve had stand dropping convo a hundred frankly if they don’t meet my standards we are probably not going to be together long so what’s the point of that I mean there have to be better ways to waiste your time’

  104. Kathy says

    I am now 42 and having been hearing the age old “when am I gonna have another grandchild”, “you need to put yourself out there and find someone”, have you tried E-Harmony (why yes I have but for some reason they have no one on this planet that they can match me with and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, how about you!!!!), but my favorite and really the one that hurts that most started when I was around 35 I began hearing or being asked if I was even interested in guys or if I was a lesbian (SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! if you are over 30, female and still single that automatically puts you in the you have to be a lesbian field). I have 2 full time jobs (wanting to be debt free by the end of next year, want to travel more and I have a love/hate relationship with my singleness but geez people love me for who I am not who is on my arm!!

  105. Melinda says

    My brother told me the other day that I should try online dating…. Followed by if you don’t find anyone sometime soon your nieces and nephews will be having kids before you… I’m only 24… My oldest nephew is 12…

    When I was 17 my youngest brother asked if I was gay bc I hadn’t found a boyfriend yet… Now I’m 24 and never had a boyfriend wonder what he thinks now?

    I guess this is what I get for being the youngest of 6 and they are all reproducing like rabbits. :)

    So how many points do I get for those?

  106. Kirsten says

    This post is tragically close to home and my score is so embarrassingly high.

    At least once a month, my mother talks about her “friend” who got her eggs frozen. I think she’s given up on me getting married and would now approve of any means of getting grandchildren.

    Where are all the single Christian men?!

  107. Amy says

    Best. Post. Ever. I lost track of my points. Last year, I went into work Christmas morning to stay busy while my boys were at their dad’s. Ho HO HO.

  108. Amelia says

    I have a twin sister who recently got married. Now I get the comments, “We always thought it would be you first.” I’m not sure who should be more insulted, my sister or me?!

    • Sara says

      I wish I had a dollar for every family member/church member/friend who said to me at my little sister’s wedding, “don’t worry, your chance will come.” Apparently they’re more worried than I am…

  109. Sam says

    Several of my friends told me they want to film their own version of The Bachelor to put on Youtube, with me as the Bachelor. How many points is that?

  110. Mackenzie says

    Every time we have family dinner (which is once a week) my nana asks me “so do you have a boyfriend by chance?” And I tell her “no” and she responds with “oh” an looks down at the ground all sad.

  111. anna says

    If people would just cut to the chase when they offer their amazingly helpful comments…er…veiled insults… it would be easier to swallow. Just be honest…”you’re not married because you/your life decisions/your spiritually sucks.” Of course they would never dream of admitting that’s what they are really saying…

    • Chuck says

      That might go in the minority column of what a lot of people are thinking. Others are simply wondering if the still-singles are gay.

      • LJ says

        In my experience, they tend to wonder silently. Which is a good thing for some of us, because, well, with all this talk about the transparency and honesty and vulnerability that we’re supposed to have, I’m not sure how I feel about lying about the probability that I’ll never get married because, uh, I’m just not interested in women at all.

    • Sara says

      I call people out on it now. I usually say, “so what you’re really saying is…” They’ve made me uncomfortable for the last decade…seems only fair I get to watch them squirm a little as they desperately try to backpedal on their stupid comment.

    • says

      I do think some people genuinely just want you to be happy. And looking at the comments to this post – it’s pretty clear a lot of singles aren’t happy about still being single. Though, I’d appreciate their attempt at encouragement more if it were actually encouraging, I realize that most (not all) of them are still coming at it from a place of empathy and kindness.

  112. Janey says

    5a.As they’re discussing it in front of you: “We had such a great time! Where were you? ”
    #15 needs more points because I’m pretty sure that one would require a bonfire or something to destroy it. :-)

    • Sara says

      #5 kills me. Keeping in mind I’ve had to say “no” so often because I work retail, which does not allow for holidays, I know most of my friends don’t purposely exclude me, they just assume (not always correctly, though) that I have to work. I’ve started answering, “I can’t really go to a party I don’t know about.” Shuts them right up.

  113. Liz P. says

    Oh my…#22 killed me. :) As a new divorcee, I have yet to hear/experience any of these, really. Kinda hoping I don’t have to either!

  114. Chelsea says

    Yeah… I scored over 50.
    Also I’m the only person left in my entire extended family over the age of 17 that’s unmarried.
    One day my roommate caught me feeding a bunch of stray cats who randomly came to our door and kept staring at me forlornly… and her comment was “Oh no Chelsea, they know. They’re preparing to move in here and make you their crazy cat lady.”

  115. J says

    Let’s see…

    I’ve had a friend with a husband and 3 kids look at me knowingly and say, “Girl, you have no IDEA how lucky you are!” From the friend who goes on and on about how awesome her family is. I always want to ask her, “Would you trade them away to be single? No? Then SHUT YOUR MOUTH!”

    Oh, and an aunt who told me I could sit with the “big people” at Christmas dinner. Because apparently being unmarried and without kids is obviously deserving of eating at the kiddie table and it was such a concession on their part to make room for me to sit with the other adults. *sigh* And the whole deal of asking everyone else about conflicts with dates for family gatherings and not bothering to ask me because of course I have no life and am available night and day for anything. *sigh again* Now I’m getting annoyed just thinking about it :-/

    • says

      True. Whenever I see friends whining about their husbands or children – I tell them I’d gladly take their problems off their hands. It’s like “first world problems” – someone out there would view your “curses” as blessings – so stop whining!

      • Selina says

        I sort of understand? I have a couple friends who tend to complain about how infrequently they get to see their husband/boyfriend. I am sympathetic, I know that must suck…but at least they have that. And it’s very hard not to throw that comment in their face. It’s like they’ve already forgotten what it was like to be in the state of singleness I currently find myself.

  116. Isabelle says

    At 52, divorced and having been single for 23 years, I’ve heard my share of hurtful comments. While avoiding the pursuit of a man who was completely inappropriate – “.., maybe you should lower your expectations.” When breaking up with a man who was cheating on me – a family member: “Well, we couldn’t figure out why he was going out with you anyway, it’s not like you’re a model or anything.” And then there is the “you did have a chance” comment. And finally “you’re not getting any younger…better get on eHarmony.” I went so long not dating at one point that I had people sure I was secretly gay and seemed shocked when I did date a man…

    Bottom line is that I feel mostly that NOT dating means not wasting the time that my serial dating friends so waste with wrong people. And I wish this wasn’t true …and I say this without bitterness now (took some time to get over what I think is true though) …the hardest place to be single is often in the church o_o

  117. Linda says

    I am a 49 year old woman who has never been married. I scored a whopping 238. Yay! me!?! Seriously, my own mother asked me if I was a lesbian – ugh!!! I have been told everything from all sorts of people, most were trying to be kind, a few were not. I get ignored for the most part, like a piece of furniture or a fixture that has no emotion. I see people congregating and they are completely oblivious to the hurting person sitting just a few feet away.

  118. Laurie Zeigler says

    When my first husband left me, my ex-mother-in-law (who was almost as devastated as I was) said, “Read Job, it will be the best book of the Bible to read at this time (really?) . . . . . P.S.

    (I married the best guy 7 years later)

  119. Bren says

    While many people do have problems being alone on holidays, people really don’t understand that being solitary does not neccessarily mean lonely. Having been divorced and widowed I have experienced (endured?) just about the whole gamit of help(?) on holidays. People are kind, but heavy handed.

  120. Brandon Mitchener says

    I’m kinda the only person in my age group at church (I’m 21, so my youth group is a bunch of high schoolers and 18 and 19 year-olds), but there have been multiple times where someone has said, ‘Oh, well this young lady is 18′ (or my favorite) This young lady just turned 18, you should take her out on a date’.

  121. Roxy says

    Thank you so much for the laughs! Not only from the post but the comments as well! I was literally rolling! Half sad but half happy knowing I’m not the only lonely soul out there. Thankfully God blessed me with parents that don’t press about marriage and brothers who know better than to ask lol. As the only girl out of 5 I am now the last one who is single (my younger brother just got engaged last month). I will be celebrating the dreaded 3-0 (or as I like to call it, my first 29th birthday lol) next year. The worst thing I think that has happened is that lately for every holiday and family gathering my mom is asked to pray and she never forgets to ask God for my husband. Out loud, for all to hear. Thanks madre, I know your hearts in the right place but just…don’t. This happens any time anyone else asks for prayer requests also. Whatever, aparently my love story just needs a bit more time ;)

  122. says

    My grandmother emailed me once about a retreat for young males ministers that was going to be happening at the college I graduated from. I believe she recommended that I could prance/peek around and see if there were any nice looking single men there.

    It’s frustrating that some people treat you like being single is some kind of tragic illness. As much as I would love to have a significant other, I don’t consider the fact that I’m single to be some kind of tragedy leaving me to be a broken person. But – apparently some people see me that way based on some of the things people will say to me!

  123. Erin says

    A friend of mine once decided he was interested in me, and after I turned him down, his rebuttal was “You’re not getting any younger you know…” with the heavy implication that my biological clock ought to be ticking (it wasn’t) and I should take whoever came along that was interested in me (I didn’t). Mind you at this point I was probably 23. Several years later, I had a breakup in which my ex boyfriend’s mother took it harder than HE did, and she said the exact same thing in the exact same way. In exchange, she received an exasperated sigh and an explanation of the fact that she wasn’t being original.

  124. Trisha says

    The worst comment I ever got was from a girl who was 2 years younger than me and had been with her boyfriend, now husband, for about 3 months at the time…her comment went something like this….”If I remember correctly from Christmases when I was single….”. I have no idea what she said after that cause I tuned her out.

  125. Shelley says

    Well then, my score is too high to mention, I’ve been privy to nearly all of them in my lowly 30 years… and for you youngsters, yes it began at 20(that’s 10 years of annoying comments and cliches).

    FTW, my favorite comment i get every Christmas is, because my entire extended family rushed and got married young and had kids because of the pressure.”Good, you came now there’s someone to watch and play with the kids, it’s good to have a built in babysitter.” – No offense, and I believe children are a blessing… but if your interest is to pawn them off the first opportunity you have, maybe you should think about your parenting and relationship with your kids more. And after all, wasn’t that why people have get married and have kids? So that they aren’t alone on Christmas.

    This is not strictly a family response either, since I am single when it comes to “special church services, and marriage messages” I am the first one they ask to watch all the kids so the husbands and wives can enjoy the services together-childless. Um, no offense but I like Christmas Service, Good Friday Service, and wouldn’t mind hearing a Marriage Message from time to time. FYI

  126. says

    At a recent family gathering I had a second cousin wish me luck with my efforts to find a girl in front of all my relatives.
    And a middle aged lady from church has taken to asking me why I still go there as there aren’t really any girls in my age range.

  127. Leigh says

    At my job we have to take turns being on call, my co-workers told me I should volunteer to be on call during Christmas because I “wouldn’t have a husband or kids to disappoint” if I had to work.

  128. Karina says

    I’m 18 & single, & I while I haven’t experienced most of these, I have a feeling that I might soon. One of my friends who’s a few years older than I just got engaged & she’s getting married before the new year. I was actually really happy being single till that bomb dropped. I’m not exactly unhappy with being single, I think it’s the prospect of remaing single for years that has me a little on edge.
    I’m the oldest kid & grandchild in the family, & I can already tell you that when I come home from college next year without a boyfriend (just being realistic), I will be made to feel like a failure.
    I have one of those families where all the grandparents got married as teenagers & all the parents got married in college, and so did most of the cousins. Maybe it skips a generation now & then.
    Honestly, though, I can’t figure out why I’m single. I guess good looks & a great sense of humor are real turn-offs, haha. Seriously, though, I love baseball & Star Wars! Isn’t that what all guys want?!

  129. says

    Sweet Jesus, that was hilarious.

    I’m grinning on the outside, but so very sad on the inside.

    Cause I’m single during the holidays. I’m SUPPOSED to be sad, right?

    Maybe IF I ever get married, I won’t be sad. :)

  130. Kathryn says

    As a 34 yr old never married single lady I can relate to MANY of these. New one this year for me, Close married friends secret Christmas Party. Overheard discussion of it at church yesterday. Oh well…

  131. Dawn says

    I was 26, working at a church, and the staff and pastors decided I should marry this guy who sang in the choir with me. We were becoming friends, which to them was reason enough to start planning our lives together. I got magazine ads of engagement rings left on my desk and the church secretary put “our wedding” on the church calendar. I finally had to send a not-so-nice email to the entire staff asking them to please back off. Now, 33, still single. Oh and not attending that church anymore.

  132. says

    A friend asks you to baby-sit so they can go to their staff Christmas party, because . . .
    “it’ll be good experience for if you ever have kids.” +1
    “you have so much time on your hands as a single person.” +1
    you are a children’s librarian or elementary school teacher +2

    That said, even I say “IF it’s God’s will for me to get married”. I’ve learned to hold marriage with an open hand after years of holding it as an idol. It’s far less painful, and easier to trust God when I do. I still want it, I know God wants to bless me, but maybe He has other, better plans. :)

    (And no, I didn’t instantly get a finace the moment I stopped trying – it’s been a year since this change of heart occurred. So, sorry everyone who told me it would happen the moment I stopped looking -You are a lying lie face, and your words are not encouraging.)

  133. says

    The students in my youth group tried to convince me to get a cat, but continuously refuse so I don’t turn into the first crazy cat man. Seriously, have you ever heard of a crazy cat man?

  134. Bekah says

    When people say “you’re so sweet I can’t believe you don’t have a boyfriend!” or, “you’re so sweet, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” I want to say, “because no guy has woken up and realized how awesome I am!!

  135. Kayt says

    Okay I got tired of scrolling through the comments, it’s almost 11 at night and I need to go give my Mum her good-night cup of tea before going to sleep – early morning tomorrow! I have received a few of those comments, but to be honest this blog made me very thankful to attend a church where people love me for who I am and where they include me in their families. My pastor’s family especially has adopted me and I love being an honorary aunt to their kids! I am suddenly thankful that I live with my Mum as I don’t have to experience Christmas or any other day alone and I really love Mum even though we’re not close. For me the hardest thing about Christmas Day is not being single, it’s coming home from an incredible church service to an unsaved family who are focused completely on the presents and the food and couldn’t care less about the real meaning of Christmas! I love being single and I love going to a church where I am made to feel part of a big family, marriage is very important in our church and I won’t say that it isn’t often hard to be single there but there are so many advantages to this season of life that they far outweigh the disadvantages! I am happy to be single and I will remain this way for as long as God wills, I have 2 incredibly cute cats who entertain me and keep me company, amazing friends and family in Christ, a great blood-family and many more blessings to be thankful for! So to all those singles out there I say: enjoy this time (and all the time) and give God the glory! And if Satan tries to get you down as a result of well-intentioned comments, a friends wedding or baby-shower … then turn to Christ and chat with a single girl friend who knows what you’re going through cause she is too and have a good laugh together over some chocolate and maybe a good movie! Don’t dwell on what you don’t have but be thankful for what the good Lord has given you – I know I am! Happy Christmas everybody and don’t forget CHRIST is the real meaning of Christmas! :)
    P.S. To those single guys who’ve posted I pray the Lord will bless you with the perfect lady for you, but remember it’s YOUR job to do the hunting and it’s YOUR job to make the first move (and the moves after that), it’s YOUR job to be the leader in a relationship and it’s YOUR job to lead well. Any woman who wants to obey her Bible will never make the first move – that’s up to you! May the grace of God be with you all now and always :)

    • Andrew Hardy says

      Wow that’s a mouth full but I got two the part about being adopted by your patois family and had to keep reading. I returned home after being gone for work for several years and my pastors family just adopted me last week! It’s been so great to go over to their house after church and spend some time with their kids and just feel at home!

  136. says

    Lol, when I was single, I had several of the men from the senior citizen group my mom worked with say, “If I was 60 years younger, I’d be all over your tail.” Um, disturbing….

  137. Cortney says

    #56. Whenever there’s a single guy around your married friends always make mention of “how delicious your Christmas cookies are!” = 1 point

    You haven’t actually made Christmas cookies since 8 years ago when you were still in college = 4 points

  138. says

    I used to get comments about being single for a while. Then, peope gave up (sill in my 20′s). Then, I came out as gay and it all made sense! Now I’m happily married. People should get points for their family assuming they must be gay if they’re still single. I mean, some of them probably are actually gay, but still, not a conclusion anyone should draw for you.

  139. Lucy says

    I want to thank Dr.Agbazara for his job in my family this is man who left me and the kids for another woman without any good reasons, i was pain and confuse,till one day when i was browsing through the internet with my computer then i saw Dr.Agbazara contact, then i contaced him and he help me cast a reunion spell, since i then the situation has changed, everything is moving well, my husband who left me is now back to his family. reach DR.AGBAZARA TEMPLE via email:

    dragbazaratemple@gmail.com

  140. Karina says

    All of a sudden my mom has started making comments like, ” You could be married in a few years” & “When my parents were your dad’s age they where already grandparents”. Um, sorry Mom, but I have a LOT of things I want to do before I get married. I’m my opinion, being single is severely underrated. (It’s all wishful thinking on her part, by the way; I don’t even have a boyfriend).

  141. Kathy McDaniel says

    Being divorced with kids always leads to interesting comments such as “Well, if you don’t have the kids on Christmas Eve, you’re free to help out in the nursery!” or “You’re so lucky that you have kids to spend Christmas with now that you’re divorced!” I’m sorry, but having to watch kids “split” Christmas between 2 parents sucks! It’s great to get the first part of the day with them, but it’s a knife through the heart when they get picked up for their “other” Christmas. Then there is “Well, since you have the kids for (insert holiday) you can come here!” Because it’s so economical to travel at holiday times with children on a single parents salary! Oh…and did we forget that they are spending part of the day with their dad?
    The worst one though is “Why do you still hang your stocking ? There’s not really anyone to fill it!” As if my ex ever did it when he was here? I’m sorry, but I have the 2 greatest kids in the world, and they make sure that mom gets a wonderful stocking! People who are married should just keep their mouths shut from anything other than “Merry Christmas! Would you like to join us for Christmas dinner?” Just as if they were inviting an intact family to join them! Luckily I do have some wonderful married families who do just that!

  142. Geoff says

    Still single at 53, but haven’t totally given up.. I’m only now at the point where I believe I have the maturity for a relationship/marriage. Have seen a lot of nonsense; have been passed over for teaching and ministry positions because I’m single (have been told such by the person in charge of making that decision). Usually don’t date within my church, but have learned that the best way to do that is to be discreet. Story from a former church I attended: A young couple stood up in Sunday School one morning and announced their engagement, shocking the class because NO ONE KNEW THEY WERE DATING!!! They had successfully concealed their relationship by not sitting together at church or any other gatherings..

    • Jamie says

      Yeah, Geoff. That whole “you can’t serve unless you’re married” thing really bugs me. I’m sorry you got that line. I really like the church I’m going to now. For some reason, my singleness never even comes up. I actually feel like I’m an equal part of the congregation/church family. Keep looking! Not all churches are the same.

  143. Nicole says

    Every year, instead of a gift, I would get a card from my Grandma to her “favorite spinster!” This started when I was 20 years old…thanks g-ma.

  144. Sportsgal says

    Thankfully I’m in a really great church where marital status is not the #1 focus of conversation. I don’t have people constantly asking why I’m single or making suggestions about everything from physical appearance to career to online dating. That said, I still managed to score a 33!

    One thing to add: it is a little tough when seemingly every married man on the planet finds you completely amazing, attractive, funny, intelligent, and thinks you would make a great wife [for someone else]. This includes both fatherly figure types as well as being told by all of your married BFFs that you are their husband’s favorite friend of theirs & he thinks you are so ready to be married. Apparently not one single man agrees with these evaluations??

  145. Denise Moore says

    Cruds, 27 points and we are still a week out from Christmas and the family gathering with all of the loving aunties and uncles isn’t until this weekend…

  146. Michelle Soucy says

    An elderly man in the nursing home where I was working at the time, asked if I was married. When I told him I was 30 and never been married, he appeared puzzled and said to me, in a very gentle and comforting voice; “Well, you’re a very beautiful young lady. It must be your personality.” I can’t imagine what he’d say now if he knew, 2 years later, that I’m STILL single!

    • Jamie says

      Oh my gosh! That’s HORRIBLE! Do people even LISTEN to themselves? Sorry you went through that Michelle! I think we both know who the person is with the personality problem, and it isn’t you!

  147. Melissa says

    I think I scored 982! And, I dumped cats years ago…now I’m the crazy bunny lady and yes they are all getting Christmas presents and a huge salad for dinner, so ha!!! :)

  148. Jamie says

    Today, my uncle asked me how many years it’s been since I had a boyfriend.
    And I lie about how many cats I have (I only have 2!) because the second you say “cats” everyone assumes you’re the spinster, crazy cat lady.
    One time I was at a bar (shhhh!) and a creepy guy told me I smelled clean. My married friend told me I should let him hit on me because I need to “take what I can get.”

    And where’s the line about everyone telling singles they’re “too picky”. Love that one. I’d much rather be alone than in a bad relationship.

  149. Amber S says

    One Christmas, a coworker gave everyone homemade Christmas decorations with their last names on them to hang on their front doors. I got a candle because I didn’t “have a permanent last name yet.” Yep, I’ve just been using this temporary one for the past 29 years.

  150. ashley says

    I m not sure I ve personally heard any of these but it made Me smile!
    I guess being half my siblings are young enough to be mine my parents fulfilled my “Be fruitful and multiply” quota,

  151. Cat B says

    Oh I am definitely down for #24. Being a 33 year-old single virgin that has never had time for dating (since I am clearly married to my job and have been since the age of 15), I get that crap every year. I still run into an older neighbor of mine from when I first moved East and he never says, “Hey! Long time no see!” It’s always, “I thought you would be married by now!” Gee, thanks. Like what’s supposed to be on my Christmas list? A sperm donor or a man that was raised as old-fashioned as I was?

  152. Rachelle says

    I just got married last year at age 34. My craziest comment as a single came from a friend’s grandpa, “You are the minister’s daughter right? The one that never got married?” I couldn’t figure out which was worse, the fact that, apparently, not being married was my defining quality, or the fact that he said it in the past tense as if I was past all hope. Ha ha! People just don’t think sometimes…

  153. Lorna says

    Well I’m 58 and been happily married now for 24 years but I didn’t meet Terry till my mid 30s. When I was 27, lonely loaning to be loved a minister once said two really dumb things.
    1) don’t worry, I’ve had a Word…Mr Right is waiting …..in the wings ( meaning like an actor waiting to go on stage)
    2)don’t worry God has given you the gift of singleness, after all He could make anything happen. For example…you could have a car accident and someone come to help you…you’d meet and that would be it! God can do anything!”
    The look on my face must’ve been priceless!
    When I eventually met my husband 6-7 years later I was running a Christian rehab centre for drug users and met and married one of my former clients ,,,who at the time these comments were made was in prison (in the UK (where we live and now also a Christian). I told him what this idiot minister said one day ,,,he said ” when he said ” Mr Right was in the wings, I bet he didn’t mean A wing and C wing Wandsworth prison !” So at least we got a laugh from it.
    But being single was very difficult often lonely, Churches were universally useless and unkind. Life’s had lots of challenges since marriage..my husband was disabled in an accident hasn’t worked for 20 years , we are poor BUT IVe never regretted it and I’ve never been lonely. I found my soul mate

  154. TONIA says

    Thanks to Dr.AGBAZARA for hearing and responding to my work for my marriage to be restored and perfected by His great power. I await His perfect timing to reveal His great works. I have been told to ‘Expect my Joy’ and I do! today my Husband came back to me with the power of Dr.AGBAZARA SPELL TEMPLE. Here is he’s email address if you are having problems in your relationship or marriage:

    agbazara@gmail. com
    OR call +2348104102662

  155. Hinder says

    Thanks to Dr.AGBAZARA for hearing and responding
    to my work for my marriage to be restored and
    perfected by His great power. I await His perfect
    timing to reveal His great works. I have been told to
    ‘Expect my Joy’ and I do! today my Husband came
    back to me with the power of Dr.AGBAZARA SPELL
    TEMPLE. Here is he’s email address if you are
    having problems in your relationship or marriage:

    dragbazaratemple@gmail. com

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  1. […] question about something that was none of his business. I thought of that when I read this cringe-worthy post by the hilarious Jon Acuff on being single at Christmas. I want to say I can’t believe people really say this stuff, but […]

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