Despite my passion for christian dating values and practices I must admit that sometimes I’ve considered turning to the “world” aka COSMOPOLITAN for dating advice. I know this is wrong and that I should only get advice from people who tithe regularly and vote the right way but I have taken all the advice below and find that I am still single.
1. You’re worth waiting for.
Except for when you aren’t. Like me, the 30 year old virgin with no prospects. (flings promise ring to the floor).
2. Don’t do anything with the opposite sex that you wouldn’t want your future spouse to do with someone else.
Ok. Let me cancel all my coffee dates lest it be considered an emotional affair. Also, the fact that I have been saving my first kiss for my future husband is no longer cute now that I’m 30. It’s just weird. I may or may not have googled “How to Kiss” a few months ago.
3. Love will find you when you aren’t looking.
Good to know. I can take my ad entitled “Looking for Love” off of craigslist now. I will also cancel my eharmony membership despite their no refund policy. $200.00 down the drain. I should have used that money for the building fund at church instead of my own love life. Shame on me.
4. God’s timing is perfect.
Is it? According to abcnews.com women lose 90% of their eggs by age 30.
Chop Chop Jesus. Chop Chop.
5. Focus on your marriage to Jesus. He is your true husband.
Right. But there are some things that Jesus doesn’t do like take out the trash, rub my feet and you know the whole sex thing. Is it wrong that I am disappointed that there is apparently no sex in heaven? I digress.
6. You will find a man that loves you just the way you are.
Great. That gym membership was cutting into my fast food budget anyway. Also, holding my gas in public was becoming inconvenient, glad I can just let go and let God.
7. Be a Proverbs 31 woman.
That would be easy, except that I’ve kind of always wanted to be more like Eve. Running around naked and convincing my husband to do things seems ideal.
8. Singleness/Celibacy is a gift from God.
Does this gift have a return policy? It doesn’t fit me very well and I don’t recall putting it on my Christmas list.
Have you ever heard some ridiculous Christian dating advice?