Bad Christian drivers.

I’m not going to do this idea.

Fear not when you read it that I am on the verge of implementing it because I’m pretty it’s illegal. I’m just brainstorming here.

But have you ever been cut off in traffic by someone who had a little Jesus fish on the back of their car? There you were, driving along merrily, perhaps seat dancing to the impossible to be sad to “Footloose” by Kenny Loggins.

Suddenly a Saturn you didn’t see speeds up on your right in disgust, passes you and then whips in front of you forcing you to slam on the brakes. A quarter mile later you are both at the same red light, where you to think to yourself, “I’m glad being the length of my car ahead of me was so important to you.”

That’s when you see it, a tiny Jesus fish. That was no mere mortal, that was an immortal Christian! (How weird does it sound to say it that way? Like we’re superheroes or something.)

I wish in situations like that you could get out of your car and remove their Jesus fish. I wish in the Christian community we all had Jesus fish revoking privileges, like citizen’s arrest. In my head I imagine it like the scene from “Fight Club” where Brad Pitt collects other peoples’ driver’s licenses under the threat that unless they chase their dream he will come get them.

Maybe that’s too much power for ordinary people. Maybe the cops could do it. They pull you over for speeding and say, “Sir, I’m going to need to see your license, registration and Jesus fish. I’m taking that last one.” And then Carlos Whittaker, my worship leader friend who knows every cop in the southeast would turn in his fish for speeding.

Again, this is probably illegal, but I think the idea has some merit.

Have you ever been cut off by a Christian?

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Comments

  1. says

    Jesus Fish are actually correlated to aggressive driving, just as all bumper stickers are correlated to aggressive driving. Researchers have found that people who put bumper stickers and other personalizations on their cars are expressing territorial behaviour, and territorial behaviour is strongly correlated to aggressive driving.

    http://www.nature.com/news/2008/080613/full/news.2008.889.html

    So … yeah. It’s not just your subjective impression. There’s a pretty good chance that if someone proudly advertises his religion (or politics) on his car, then he’s a territorial sort of person, and territorial people are more likely to be aggressive drivers.

    • jdens says

      That is so interesting. I believe it.

      I remember being given a Jesus fish decal when I got my first car, and I was able to get out of it relatively gracefully by expressing how uncomfortable I was at putting *anything* on my car. (Like, it’s not the fish, it’s me. But really it was the fish.) Seems like those kinds of “labelling” stickers are expressions of tribalism. I don’t like it.

    • Mel says

      That is interesting….

      My car says “POLICE” on the side… with a Christian flag on the front license (cause I’m a chaplain too) And I am an aggressive driver. “bows his head in shame*

      Talk about conflicted struggles within. Constantly try to remember who I represent. Don’t judge me.. pray for me. :)

  2. Marie Riley says

    We’ve all cut someone off, but what really gets under my skin is when you see cars with a Jesus fish or even just cars in a church lot using two spaces. It’s a message saying “my car is more important than all of you.”

  3. Keith says

    I really like what Andrew P said about not proclaiming something to the world that you’re not exemplifying through your actions. I’ve contemplated getting a Jesus fish before, and I’ve always decided not to because there are many times when my driving would not be a good witness for Christ! If I should put a Jesus fish anywhere, it should be on my steering wheel or dashboard to remind me how I should act when I’m driving!

  4. says

    It also applies to your yacht club or christian school. If you drive like jerk with those monikers on your auto, said jerk-ness transfers to your organization…and don’t pass someone and then turn into your church…another life lesson of driving as a Christian.

  5. Erin says

    The primary reason I keep the Jesus fish on my car is to keep me from flipping off terrible drivers. The emblem of Christ keeps me from angering a lunatic and getting shot. He keeps me safe like that.

  6. Anna says

    A large church I’m affiliated with gives out Jesus Fish bumper stickers with the church name on it. The Pastor once said that a member of the congregation got pulled over for speeding by a police officer that also attends the church- and he took their fish away! Haha, perfect solution!

  7. Christy says

    I have like 5 Christian bumper stickers, and won’t even put one on until the time is right. I’m not the most patient driver. Need to work on that before I slap “walk in love” on my honda.

  8. Twana says

    Maybe a magnet that says, “Jesus Fish Revoked” could be mass produced, and whenever that happens you can just slap it on over their little fish… They probably won’t even notice.

  9. Dixie says

    I always said if you have to put a sign on your car to tell people you’re a Christian, something is wrong. This proves my point.

    Besides, in some places it could get you shot.

  10. says

    This is why I don’t even have a Jesus fish on my car. I KNOW that driving is like a thorn in my flesh – I’m often on my worst behavior behind the wheel (and I know it – and I try to not be – and then I get stuck going 45 in a 55 because a selfish car wants to hog the eastbound side of a two lane road, with no passing lane in sight) . . . I don’t want my lack of grace whilst driving to reflect on Christ.

  11. Samantha says

    My mom refused to buy a Jesus fish (during my over the top teen Christian faze when I told her she should). Her reason was that she tends to drive (as she puts it) “faster than the authorities recommend” and didn’t want to set a bad example.

  12. says

    I seem to recall a joke where the cop pulled the driver over, and made him get out of the car. He said “I’m sorry, after seeing all your Christian Bumper Stickers, and the way you drive, I just assumed the car was stolen.”

    Yeah… uh….. sounds about right.

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