Finally, a church knows how to pray.

Well done church.

Photo via 9gag.

Photo via 9gag.

Of the many problems our feet will face, lego is the worst. (Is it lego or legos? What’s the plural of lego? Legi? Legon? Kenny Loggins? I feel like this is turning into a Brian Regan routine. Can we get a ruling on that one?)

I personally don’t need that prayer. I never step barefoot on legos. I step on them, all the time, but now that we live in Nashville I wear cowboy boots. Non stop. I don’t take them off. In the shower, in the pool, in our house, you can take my cowboy boots when you pry them from my cold, sweaty feet. (Even in death I will probably find a way to be too sweaty.)

I’m like a foot version of Tobias, in Arrested Development. I’m not a never nude, I’m a “never de-shoed.” We have rights you know. And lefts, both are covered in boots.

My prayer would be different than what the church asked for. My prayer would be “Lord, please heal the selective blindness that befalls my children whenever they use the stairs in our house.” I swear, the rest of the day their eyesight is amazing. They see everything! Baby birds, quarters on the side walk, there is nothing that misses their attention. Until they take the stairs up to their bedroom.

At that point, they are suddenly struck blind, incapable of seeing all of the things my wife and I have stacked on the stairs for them to carry up to their room. Clothes they need to put away, toys that should be back upstairs, pony tail holders? They can’t see anything. The size and brightness isn’t a factor either, as I have witnessed them deliberately take wide steps over some very bright My Little Pony obstacles.

The hardest part of this dilemma is that my wife Jenny swears it’s hereditary. She says they got it from me. She has talked to me about this problem many times during our 13 years of marriage. She has ample evidence. Pretty sure she once wrote me a note about it. Unfortunately she left it on the stairs and I never saw it.

Does anyone you know have stair blindness too?

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  1. Lolly says

    I am Jenny’s Mom. The blindness must have skipped a generation. Their Pops, Jenny’s dad, cannot find anything in the pantry. Usually it is hiding in plain sight! #ItIsTiringBeingPerfect

  2. says

    Ha! Stair blindness! Runs in the Lewis family too.

    “You have a playroom son. An entire room dedicated to legos and tools and your shenanigans. It’s hidden, out of site from where anyone else could see it. And it’s the cleanest room in the house. Because your toys can’t seem to find how to make it back where they came from.”

  3. says

    Growing up in Hawaii, we were more the “never shoed” type. I could eventually run on our driveway covered with cinder pebbles. Legos are not the same and they may be part of the reason I wear shoes even in the house now.

  4. Howie says

    My Daddy, who was a genuine, non-stupid shirt wearing, non-line dancing cowboy, never stepped on items left on the stairs. Well, we didn’t have stairs, but never mind that. What he did do though was flip his cowboy boots over before he’d put them on. I finally asked him why, and he said that when we (we being his five children) were little, he would always find legos, hot wheels, doll parts, insert-small-toy-here in his boots. It became such a habit, he continued to do so even when it wasn’t necessary any more! :0)

    I miss my Daddy….

  5. says

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  6. Thea says

    My husband is afflicted with this same disease. If it’s on the stairs it becomes invisible. Maybe there is some sort of stair camouflage thing going on that I don’t know about.

  7. says

    My kids definitely have stair blindness. It seems to go with their blindness that comes when they drop their stuff on the floor at the end of the school day. It doesn’t seem to bother them when their stuff is laying all over the kitchen floor.

  8. FirstDennis says

    The Lego Group manufactures Lego bricks in Denmark. The company’s official position is that lego is singular and plural. There is never an s on the end of lego. Much like sheep is plural of sheep.

  9. says

    My children have infected the rest of the family with carpet blindness. Their rooms are so perpetually messy that I haven’t seen the carpet under the mountain of toys and clothes for months.

    And having stepped on more than my fair share of LEGOs, I approve of that church sign wholeheartedly.

  10. KK says

    I really want to know what Jon Acuff thinks of this movie idea! It seems like a movie he wrote, which is why I ask…because satire, and Lecrae is in it, so it makes me think it MUST be legit. BUT maybe not? I can’t tell if it goes too far, and I want to know what he thinks! Anyone else with me on wanting to know what he thinks about the new movie “Believe Me” ?

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  14. Tracy says

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