Stuff Christians Like

Jon Acuff

Something no counselor tells you about marriage.

Marriage

I wish you could take your honeymoon 10 years after you’ve been married instead of 10 minutes after you’ve been married.

When you first get married you don’t know how to vacation together. You’re amateurs at this whole “doing life together” thing. On my honeymoon for instance, I decided to spend four hours winning a ping pong tournament. Why? Because I’m an idiot and didn’t know that one of Jenny’s love languages was “Spending quality time together.” I swore that her love language was “My husband winning a ping pong tournament at a Sandals resort.”

The vacations we take now are so much better than the ones we took 13 years ago.

But despite what we’ve learned about each other and our relationship, there’s one marital crisis no counselor prepared us for. Despite our best attempts at oneness and leaving and cleaving and every other phrase associated with marriage, there was something we were not ready for…

Netflix cheating.

Thanks to the Instant Watch function of Netflix, Jenny and I have a bevy of programming available. There are tens of thousands of hours of online shows we can watch. The cornucopia of instant Netflix overfloweth.

One of the shows we watched was called, “Midsomer Murders.” It’s a British program about detective who solves crimes in a quaint village called “Midsomer.” There are more than 10 seasons available since apparently Midsomer is the most dangerous place on the planet. Every episode someone is getting killed, you would think the fine folk of Midsomer would have left the area already. It’s a more deadly show to be on than even Downton Abbey.

We were watching it together peacefully, probably holding hands with interlinked digits because we’re in love like that, when something happened.

I started traveling a little for public speaking gigs. And when I was stuck in my hotel, the Netflix app called to me on my iPhone. It said, “You can watch one episode without Jenny. It’s just one episode. What’s the harm? She doesn’t even have to know.”

That tiny little red and white icon, much like an apple in the Garden of Eden, was too much for me to handle. I gave in, thinking that it would only happen one time. But one episode turned to two and two to four and four to 12. Before I knew it, I was entire seasons ahead of Jenny. Main characters had left the show, massive plot changes had come and gone and Jenny was none the wiser.

I don’t know if there’s a counselor focusing specifically on Netflix affairs, or if perhaps, “Shared online television watching” will be added to the 5 Love Languages, but I do know one thing. Netflix will get you if you’re not careful.

Beware the app icon!

Question:

Have you and your spouse ever experienced this?

 

 

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Comments

  1. how do you get away with it? do you have separate Netflix accounts? if either my husband or I “cheats” it shows up on the “recently viewed” list.

  2. You are brave to admit this, but THANK YOU for easing my guilt. Of course, I never went all the way for cryin’ out loud. What’s wrong with you?

    I just went ahead and read the episode recaps of future episodes behind my husband’s back. I confessed my sin to my husband after the final episode of “Prison Break”. Understandably, he felt betrayed.

  3. Is it just me or is everyone forgetting that you can see what’s been watched recently. It’s how I keep tabs on what the rug rats watch, and how I know that she has been watching the final episodes of Burn Notice without me…

  5. It’s something we share, too, but he WAITS for me… maybe it’s just a small thing, out of mutual respect, in a goofy sort of way. 🙂

  6. Maybe I’m jaded, as I try not to watch any tv..but with everything going on in the world, and the things that have to be done in the house if you’re DINKS, or for your children, if you’re Parents… I can’t imagine one having any time to spend (being kind and not saying waste) on television.

    Do any of you have a yard to care for, a garden, a hobby? Do you vote and therefore have to try to follow the politics of the day? Do you watch the news, do you read? Do you have technical or professional information to study to keep current with your job or vocation? Do you have friends or family? Wow! My brain is going to explode!!! (okay, okay, be nice…)

    I know this was done for fun, and I have been reading sad news this morning. So, my viewpoint may seem a bit off kilter. But I am a serious person anyway, and think the quality of television has gone so low many years ago, that I had to stop watching. When I visit my dad in his Nursing Home, I do watch some Andy Griffith Shows with him. They make him smile. He always liked the humor of Don Knotts. And Jackie Gleason. Anyone remember him?

    So, God bless you who are able to relax with a loved one at night, regardless of what you do. I would just pray that some of that intimacy might be spent saying a prayer together that you survived the day, that you are together, that you have food and shelter, whatever your blessings. And maybe read a Bible Psalm or Proverb from your Smart Phone, before the tv begins the numbing process. Grace to you, and Shalom.b

    • Betty, I hear what you’re saying, but I would argue that the quality of a lot of TV has actually improved in the last 10 years, and resources like Netflix make it possible to find the truly great shows and enjoy them without all the commercials. A lot of these shows are really thought-provoking and, at least in my house, have prompted discussion about history, society, relationships, etc.

      My husband and I have a two-year-old and I’m nine months pregnant. We both work full-time and he’s also in grad school. Often after our daughter goes to bed, watching and discussing a show we both enjoy together is all we have energy for. When we watched The West Wing together, we talked a lot about government and political issues that affect our country. When we watched Rome, we ended up reading and talking together about the transition from the Roman Republic to the Roman Empire so we could better understand what was happening on the show.

      There certainly is a lot of garbage on TV, and we mostly avoid it. But finding excellent shows and watching them together has prompted conversations we might never have had otherwise, without being too physically taxing for our generally consistent level of exhaustion (especially now, with our baby due any day). Honestly, I’d be falling asleep on the couch within minutes of our daughter going to bed if we weren’t making an effort to stay awake and enjoy a show together, and how much intimacy does that really encourage?

  7. The key is finding an alternative show that she doesn’t watch, and watching that one when you are not together. Peace will be restored.

  8. We have an open marriage when it comes to Netflix. I mean, humans just aren’t wired to be faithful-with TV watching. 😉 We don’t pressure each other for faithfulness in that area. Although, I had a lot of internal conflict when I introduced my husband to House of Cards and he quickly passed me up in his watched episode count. But my therapist helped me through it.

    (Post is tongue in cheek. But we really did give up on watching Netflix together. We’re on our own schedules.)

    • LOL, this comment made me chuckle. 🙂

      My husband and I don’t watch TV, but we kind of do something similar with books we read.

  9. Twelve years ago, I spent a few hours losing a ping pong tournament during our honeymoon at a sandals resort. You and I were both just as confused, maybe even at the same place, almost at the same time. Too funny.

  10. This used to happen to us with some shows. We don’t even watch much TV anymore and the only show I watch without fail is Downton Abbey. He’s not that into it.

    I loved the part about the honeymoon. We didn’t have the time or money to go on one when we got married. We went to a 24 hour chapel in New Orleans and got married with a few friends present. We spent the night in the most horrific little hotel room there and the next day we went to Ripley’s Believe it or Not before we headed home.

    This January will be our 10 year anniversary and we are going on our honeymoon to New York City! So, I think we got this one totally right! By now, we know how to vacation together and we are going to have a blast! Back when we got married, we had only known each other for a month, so I have no idea how a honeymoon would have even been for us. I’m so glad we are doing this now. 🙂

  11. My husband and I started watching the Battlestar Galactica reboot together. Then it ended up getting so depressing we stopped watching it. One day – months and months later – I was bored and started watching it again. I figured it was safe, but no, he was mad. Otherwise I get by binging on things he would never watch – Walking Dead, House of Cards, etc. while he’s watching Dr. Who.

  12. My wife has been cheating on me since December with Sam and Dean Winchester, as well as the angel, Castiel from Supernatural. I went through all of the stages of grief but have now reaches acceptance.

  13. I’m guilty of cheating with Netflix. I was delayed in an airport. What else could I do? However, I made it up to him- I found a new show that my husband and I enjoy together!

  14. Ours was eating at our favorite restaurant when the other wasn’t there. The first time I did it I felt strange and almost guilty being in the restaurant alone. I told my spouse I went there alone and it felt like cheating. Thankfully he said he had grown tired of going there for the time being and granted me full permission to go alone.

  15. So you are saying that taking your wife golfing, even though she doesn’t golf, and yelling at her when she brings the cart onto the green is a bad honeymoon move? Where were you 29 years ago?

    Our “Netflix togetherness” was Friday Night Lights. Got to love coach Taylor and those Dillon Lions!

  16. I have a confession. I also go watch movies without her sometimes, even though that’s “our thing”. Sometimes it’s the movies she won’t watch, like a scary flick, but sometimes it’s a big release and I just can’t wait to get back home to go see it with her. She knows, and I think she’s starting to be more open to a poly-cinematic relationship…

  17. Boy was this a popular topic!!!
    I have this issue with my kids too. We have to set strict rules. ..
    THIS show can ONLY be watched together.
    Then other shows are up for grabs. We then end uo discussing the other shows.

    It is deeply upsetting when I’ve been cheated on with Netflix!!

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