Sometimes I like to think I’m good at this grace thing.
Mostly this happens after I have listened to the song “Oceans” by Hillsong United. Having been hit with the audio waves of that fantastic chorus 92 times, I take my headphones out and make some strong declarations.
“This is it! I’m going to show other people grace! I am going to walk on water and be bold and brave and yay #TeamGrace!”
I don’t pronounce the word “Hashtag” out loud because I’m not 13 but in that moment, I do get ready to live with so much grace.
Until, I run into these three situations and realize I stink at grace:
1. When someone walks across an intersection I’m at and doesn’t hustle.
You see me. I know you see me waiting in my car for you to finish crossing. We’re making eye contact and I swear you actually slowed down. Why did you choose this moment to go all desert tortoise on me? Can’t you at the bare minimum do that awkward “intersection run/walk” gallop we all do when we realize a car is waiting for us to go? Is that too much to ask? I’m sure that when someone crossed in front of Jesus’ donkey he blessed them, but I’m not there yet. I’m not “make whip angry” which is the only level of anger Christians think they can have, but I’m not giving you much grace right this second.
2. When you poorly wrap my burrito.
I see a fissure right there. Before you’ve even encased it in the outer protective shell of aluminum foil, I can see a fault line developing along the southern hemisphere of my burrito. That crack is only going to get bigger. The second I bite into it my burrito is going to transform into a burrito bowl, collapsing under the weight of the Mexican goodness packed within. I don’t want you to start over, but a double wrap feels necessary. And if it’s not a split, the other crime against burritomanity is when one end isn’t properly closed. The bottom of the burrito is supposed to be the best bite. That’s where all the fantastic collects as you eat it from the top, sending flavors and salsas and quesos to the bottom creating one last super bite. But you didn’t seal it right so it looks like a busted flower, akin to the times bugs bunny put something at the end of Elmer Fudd’s shotgun and it exploded in his face. Jesus might forgive you, but I don’t.
3. When someone is slow to get off a plane.
Clearly I am not withholding grace from someone who has a legitimate reason to get off planes slowly. I am talking about people who act surprised that we have touched down and that there are 324 people behind them who would like to leave the plane now. We dropped 30,000 feet out of the sky. How did you miss that the earth, the very planet we inhabit, was getting closer to us? Remember that moment when the wheels squealed and it felt like we were on ground? It felt like that because we are. All of us. I’m not expecting you to exit the plane as fast as me. I’m like the Michael Jordan of leaving planes. I’m a pro. I would just like you to not gather items one by one, like some game of airplane pick up sticks. On the flip side of this one is the person who doesn’t have a connection to make but still jumps up and sprints as far as they can go down the aisle as soon as the plane lands. I’m not sure Jesus has ever been on a plane, though I do know he takes the wheel of cars, but I’m pretty even he would not be cool with that move. We all want to get off the plane Usain Bolt. There’s a widely accepted unwritten rule that you get off aisle by aisle. Accept it.
Do those things make me sound petty? I hope so because the goal of this post was to say, “Yes I am petty.” And prone to thinking the stupidest things while waiting for a burrito to be made.
Turns out I still stink at grace. I was going to say that I suck at it but then I’d have to enter into a long email exchange about my usage of that word. I would look up the Germanic roots, writing a detailed response that it was initially a farming term. You would argue it’s a swear and that I’m going to get a sofa bed in hell. And then I wouldn’t give you grace. So full circle. Let’s avoid that. Let’s instead go with the much safer, yet just as obvious statement, “I stink at grace.”
Question:
What’s one situation in life where you realize you’re not great at giving people grace?
Getting stuck behind an unmarked grandparent vehicle. I think when you start receiving your senior discount, they should issue a vehicle marker. I’m not sure how they slip in front of me only going 2 mph? It’s always when I’ve “perfectly planned how long it’s going to take me to get somewhere.” Want to see someone’s temper go from 0 to 60? That’s me behind one of them. Besides, aren’t they supposed to only be driving on Sundays?
Oh, gosh, yes!! This gets my goat all the time!! (AARP should issue a mandatory bumper sticker..)
This and when people cut me off (pulling out, on the highway) going well under the speed limit, causing me to slam on my brakes. Gr!
Apparently driving makes me an angry person. I need to find grace…
On a related note, drivers who DO NOT yield the left lane. Grrr…I am all for driving safely but this includes recognizing that the left lane is not you personal lane to travel 10 miles under the speed limit in, but a passing lane only. Easiest way to show how much I still need Jesus, hands down.
When people stop at a yield sign when there’s a merge lane right in front of them. YOU DON’T GET IT. Keep moving and merge: don’t stop for no reason. Grace is nowhere to be found in these situations.
“burritomanity” what a great word.
My lack of grace happens when a cashier at the grocery store opens an additional check out line and they say they can help someone and the person at the back of the line runs over there giving no thought to the “next” person in line.
I KNOW Jesus says the last will be first and the first will be last…but I struggle.
My grocery store frustration has to do with the person who has more than the 15 item limit in the quick check out lane. I have meticulously counted my items to make sure I am under the limit, and am now taking deep breaths as I count yours. We’re not talking about 16 or 17 items here. This is like the car pool lane, I know its cool and it goes faster, but only if everyone plays by the rules. The guy with two loaves of bread pacing behind me agrees.
I understand. I freak out when the under 15 items cashier calls me over because no one her express lane is empty and she wants to help other people. I have a cart full and I’m afraid someone with just a loaf of bread is going to suddenly appear and I’ll be one of “those” people 😉
I freak out too! Doesn’t the cashier know what a horrible position they have just put me in? I can’t stand “those people” and now you are trying to make me look like one of them? The nerve.
Shoot Eileen, I am that person you hate! But, let me explain my rationale: If I am next in line, I already have half my groceries on the belt and sorted by temperature and I’m usually hemmed in by 3 more people with carts. So the person who can get to the open cashier easiest and fastest, and therefore expedite the checkout process for the whole store the best is the last person in line. To be honest, I always thought that’s how it was supposed to work and didn’t realize I was breaching grocery store etiquette.
In grocery stores, I most hate the person who parks their cart in the middle of the aisle, then stands entranced for ages eyeing all the salad dressings/pastas/canned goods/etc. You’re blocking the entire thoroughfare folks!
Oh, Libby…No!! Okay, I’ve had several cups of coffee (I’m armed with my liquid grace) so (deep breath) I forgive you. I’m not talking about the person in line who has already started putting things on the belt. I’m talking about the person who hasn’t. There are 10 people in line. Number 1 is paying. Number 2 is in process of alphabetizing their goods. Number 3 should be the winner of this new register that just opened up…NOT number 10. The person who has been standing there and waiting there the longest. The other thing I usually take into account is how many items person has if number 4 only has 2 items then if I was number 3 and had 500 items then I would say…”why don’t you go ahead of me, number 4″ There’s a whole method to my madness, Libby. 😉
I was just talking about this! Usually when I’m in the car and surrounded by bad drivers :). I’m definitely with you on #1 as well. I want to roll down my window and yell “Knees to chest people!”, but that probably wouldn’t be a shining example of Jesus either 🙂
“When someone is slow to get off a plane”
There’s a corollary to that: it’s really irritating when someone is in a huge hury to get off a plane, and tries to elbow his way past people who are ahead of him in line. I’ve already got my bags in hand and I’m waiting for the people ahead of me to move. Don’t try to elbow your way past me, pal.
On more than one occasion, I’ve had to play “blocker” for my wife and kids, because impatient men (it’s usually a man) were trying to shove their way past them in the narrow airplane aisle. Some of these jack-asses would rather shove my wife out of the aisle than wait their turn.
Let’s just say that there are certain passengers for whom I feel it was “grace” to merely shove back, instead of punching them in the face.
Whops, I didn’t mean to post that as a reply to Jamie. I must have clicked on the wrong thing.
I stink at giving grace in my second favorite place of worship…coffee houses. I purchased a dark blend and noticed there was only half-and-half and skim milk out. I like 1% or 2% milk (I’ll save you the reasons why!) ; which they normally have out so I went to the counter and asked the barista for low-fat milk, gracefully explaining there was only skim milk and half-and-half out. She then poured skim milk into my cup. It felt like a personal assault I tell ya. She then went on to explain to me how skim milk is low-fat milk and I need to be more clear. I know Jesus loves her, I struggled doing the same. I decided this was not going to be a successful or productive conversation. I went to the manager and just asked if I could please get a refund.
I stink at showing grace to people who stink at showing grace . . . 🙂
Boy, this is going to sound smug, but I decided some years ago to follow the advice of Elwood P. Dowd from the play “Harvey.” Earlier in his life, he had to make the decision to be “oh, so smart, “or “oh, so pleasant,” and he close pleasant. I’m not 100% by any means, but I try to remember to smile at folks who delay me, get in my way, mess up somehow, drive the wrong way on a one-way street, go up the down staircase….etc. I am sure if I could view a rewind of last week, I would have been an annoyance to someone somehow, maybe several times. Therefore, who am I to judge? Ya know, unless someone is holding me up from getting off a railroad track when a train is coming, I find most of the time that if I let someone think I am annoyed at something they did or didn’t do, I will get a negative reaction: anger at my annoyance, nonchalance at my discomfiture, a hurried, unsuccessful attempt to correct the situation , and I’m sure there are others, causing stress and, many times, an unresolved issue. I try to make that smile automatic, but sometimes I have to try a lot harder if the person’s conduct is particularly egregious. However, if I smile and try to look empathetic, the person usually relaxes once they realize I’m not going to yell at them and the situation is corrected
with less stress. Sometimes we both laugh. Eventually we will have all eternity; what’s the rush? I dunno; it seems to work.
People like you have taught me what grace looks like. They also have much lower cortisol levels. It’s something I strive most for in walking with Jesus, mostly because life is just is so much pleasant when I’m not trying to control and critique everything. I alleviate this blog because for many of us patience and kindness are learned behaviors, but honestly, I also appreciate your comment, too, because nice really is good. I’m glad there are people to set the standard high. No sarcasm in the tone here. Seriously. 🙂
Ugh. Sorry about the grammar. Grace please. This smartphone editing is challenging!
I could not help but read your entire post in Jimmy Stewart’s voice! “Harvey” is my favorite movie (and not just because it’s my last name). That little bit of advice you quoted is one of my favorite lines.
I get “plait a whip angry” when I see someone litter. One day I am going to get shot when I march up to a litterer who has a gun and decides to stand his ground. I’m pretty sure they do not consider me a Christian when I throw their trash back in their car etc.
What is “plait a whip”?
It sounds interesting, like “duck on a junebug”.
Whips are made of braided leather….to ‘plait’ means to ‘braid’. :0)
Do you know how much I love ice cream? I look forward to warmer weather each year so I can have an excuse to forfeit a meal and have ice cream instead. Do you know what ice cream tastes the best with? Give up? An ice cream cone! Oh how I love the slightly sweet, yet chewy followed by the crunch of this delicate pastry/cookie thing.
However, I find extreme difficulty to accept one of these treats from someone working at an establishment and they didn’t bother to wrap the cone before handing it to me. After all, they handled my money, touched the microphone on their headset, scratched their cheekbone, readjusted their uniform, stopped and talked with co-workers, moved the mop over to the other corner and finally — went by the ice cream machine, removed a cone from the dispenser, filled it with cream and handed it to me.
Where is the grace extended to me? I have to now refuse unwrapped ice cream cones because my intent was to savor and consume the WHOLE thing!
NO CONE WRAPPER — NO GRACE (sorry, I AM a work in progress)!!
P.S. Haagen Dazs knew I would have this issue and solicited to my demographic. People like me (without wrapped ice cream cone grace), should just stay home!
Desert Tortoise? What? That’s insane…where do you get this stuff? And how did you know I would like it?
They watched a Breaking Bad marathon prolly…
Tortuga!
When “sales” people in stores are more interested in stocking inventory than making a sale.
Lord know that when I was 17 and working part time in the shoe section if a dept. store, guilty as charged. I made no connection between sales and salary.
But these are grown people.
My life coach asks me “what does that remind you of in your childhood?”
My lip quivers.
“Being invisible. Unimportant.”
“Wuhwaaaaa!”
I can not for the life of me figure out why anyone would treat a cat like their child. A lot of it… okay most of it… has to do with the fact that I grew up on a farm and cats were not lovable pets. They multiplied like crazy and were meant to keep the mice under control. It’s just hard for me to see why anyone would love a cat and treat them like a human child. But now that I live in the “big city” I see my neighbor walk her cat on a leash every day. And sometimes she even pushes her cat in a stroller made for pushing animals!
Anyway… I definitely need grace in the cat area… 🙂
The leash thing I can get, because I’m sure the cat doesn’t get as much exercise as it would on the farm, especially if you’re in apartments. But the stroller I’ve never understood, though I’m impressed she can get the cat to stay in it.
Why is that a lack of grace?
(Full disclosure: I walk my cat on a leash. My neighborhood has a leash-law for cats, and I believe cats are happier if they can spend time outside. I don’t, however, try to put him in a stroller.)
Parenting.
I get annoyed when people in line at the grocery store wait until their entire purchase has been rung up to look for their checkbook/debit card. Really? You’ve been standing in line for ten minutes and NOW you decide to start digging through your purse?
I will give you a rousing AMEN!! Like “oh, i have to PAY for this too? I had no idea!! Let me dig through my carry-on luggage size purse to find my checkbook! Then after I find it, I’ll see if I own a pen!”
🙂
That’s when I take a deep breath & remind myself that 3 minutes out of my life will really not make any kind of difference, and maybe there’s a reason I’m supposed to be standing here until then. It usually takes me a moment to realize I’m not supposed to be all poopy… but it’s not easy. 🙂
Or when said people suddenly realize they are short money and start sorting back through to find what “they need as bad” or start counting out dollars, not just cents, whole dollars in change. I keep a running tally in my head if I am using cash. Also children with gallon bags of pennies buying candy and soda. I will never forget in my younger years as a sacker watching a child, checker, a fellow sacker and myself count $17 in change for a pocket knife. At a very young age my folks taught me to roll loose change!
When I go to one of my favorite Christian blogs, expecting to be simultaneously entertained and convicted, all while feeling smugly better about myself when I put links to it on my Facebook page.
All for Free!
And the author has not updated content in a while.
It got got so bad that I took http://francischansblog.blogspot.com/ off my favorites list.
Do we really have to show grace when someone chews with their mouth open, OR smacks their gum like it’s the only thing they’re going to eat for a week? I don’t wanna :'(
Omigosh, that is my graceless issue as well. If you are within 100 feet of me, and you’re smacking, cracking, and all the other disgusting things people do with gum, I want to pull it out of your mouth and strangle you with it! Why, why, WHY would you subject others to such awfulness? And yes, what happened to table manners??
For the record, I chew gum all the time…quietly, and with my mouth closed…just like my Mama taught me.
😀
Even in this day and age, a man will talk to me like I won’t understand what he is saying and that I shouldn’t worry my “Little Head”. Going through this with a contractor who is still doing this even though I have mentioned that I work for a contractor. When I mentioned my worry about the possibility of water under the house ruining my heater I was told he would give me a nice piece of plywood to kneel on. I don’t think that would have offered to my Husband.
I feel your pain Jon, but really these are #FirstWorldProblems We’ve got it good here in USA when it is a poorly wrapped burrito, slow walkers, ect that set us off.
Jesus Juke!
Tough to choose, for I feel I can choose forgiveness much easier than grace without amends. Especially when trust has been breeched. It sends my whole day into a whirlwind of feeling defensive even to the poor Panera lady who wants me to smile and serve her with more niceties than she’s given, and all I want is to sit in solitude with my delicious cinnamon bagel I paid a lil to much for, toasted and buttered (obviously they weren’t serving potato soup that day). lol
When you’re playing pickup basketball and the guy you’re guarding goes up for a shot and calls “foul” before the ball is even out of his hands and you don’t even touch him!