After I wrote the post about the “mandatory youth minister goatee” I was flooded with emails about another phenomenon sweeping the nation, the “bald worship leader.”
Never one to deny attention to things that are sweeping the nation, I thought I would address it. I’m not bald and I’m not a worship leader either but if I ever lose my hair and a church has a need for a triangle-playing worship leader (only instrument I’ve got in the bag), here are three rules I am going to live by:
1. Refuse the temptation to be weird hat guy.
When you go bald I think there’s a deep urge to really explore all the wonders that the hat world has to offer. But when I see the currently cool Fidel Castro type hat on stage I don’t think, “here I am to worship.” I think, “here I am to overthrow a capitalist society.” From cowboy hats to bandanas and top hats, I think you have to be very careful when it comes to how you clothe your head. (Bret Michaels, we know you are bald. Stop it.)
2. Manage the sweat situation.
If I go bald, I am going to develop the most incredible ninja-like ability to keep my head sweat free. I’ll still be rocking out on my triangle, have no fear, but never will you find yourself hypnotized by betting on which bead of sweat will make it down my dome first.
3. Develop an awesome worship leader face.
Someone brought to my attention that in addition to musical skill, a worship leader must possess a face that helps set the tone. It must look engaged but not distant, focused but not unavailable, happy but also a little melodramatic. It’s hard to describe, but close your eyes, form a half smile, and imagine you’ve just taken a bite of your favorite food and happen to be holding an acoustic guitar.
I am sure there are other rules when it comes to being an awesome bald worship leader, but those are mine. Please note: I know there are a lot of amazing female worship leaders. Some of my favorite worship leaders are women. The church that I attend has a bunch, but thus far none of the ones I know have goatees or are bald. So until I think of something funny or someone sends me something about a quirk of female worship leaders, I am sparing them the ridiculousness of posts like this.