Have you ever read a shampoo bottle in the shower? I have. I used to be really horrible at being still and quiet, so showers were torture for me. There just wasn’t anything good to read or anything to occupy my spinning head. So I looked at the shampoo bottles. Now I know what “Pro-V” means, how to have soft, luxurious hair and why aloe both nourishes and cleanses your follicles.
That’s kind of what happens when you find yourself in a boring service at church. (Please send any hate mail that says “The alpha and omega is never boring you hellcat!!” straight to [email protected].) For a million possible reasons the whole experience just doesn’t come together and you find yourself mentally still and quiet and bored.
So you start reading about the bake sale. You pore over the details of what kind of dishes will be sold, how many dessert tables will be available, who is helping with setup. You dissect that bake sale paragraph like it was some sort of lost chapter from a Mark Twain book. It’s brutal, unless it’s missionary week, because then at least there’s some info in there about Tibet or somewhere far off. You can start to think, “Tibet? What’s that like? I Tibet it’s cold. Ha! That was horrible. Why is the inside of my head so unfunny?”
At the church I start, GracePointeLifeTruthHouseNorth, I’m going to hide little riddles and limericks in the bulletin. Then when the ushers see you laughing at them during a serious moment in the sermon, they’ll use blow guns to fire coffee beans and ginseng into your mouth to wake you up.
That church is going to be so awesome.