Have you ever had someone tell you, “I know 12 different Bible verses that go against your way of thinking.”
I have, in fact just the other day someone said, “I can pick out 10 different places that suggest that we should obey our earthly master and work in Jesus’ name.” I initially wrote the person back and told them that I didn’t want to get into a Bible battle. But I was wrong, because I do. I just want to change the rules a little.
I think that when we start counting verses against someone or in support of our idea it can become like a Bible Verse Arms Race. Instead of collecting nukes like two enemies at war, we gather verses to fire over at people that disagree with us. (The Bible is one of the most important things in my life and I’m by no means saying, “don’t use it with God to set the course for your life.”) Before today though, there hasn’t been an accurate way to keep score. The whole battle has been kind of fuzzy. I mean, isn’t something that Jesus said “worth” more than something Paul said? And what about quoting Jonah? He was kind of a mess up. How many points does that win?
And honestly, this is an issue I struggle with. My friend and I have had many heated debates on how we each interpret James 5:16 which is about confession. I am as guilty of the arms race as anyone and was glad to get the comment from my friend about 10 verses on serving earthly masters because it called forward an issue in my own life.
But fear not, I’ve come up with a very easy point system. It’s Friday. It’s fun. It’s probably going to get me struck by lightning, but here it is.
If you quote from one of the following sources you earn the assigned point:
Old Testament = 1 point
New Testament = 3 points
Obscure Old Testament book no one reads (Joel) = 2 points
New Testament verse found on signs at football games = 1 point
A verse you can’t remember the “address” of = .5 point
David while plotting the whole Bathsheba thing = minus 2 points
David after he was found out and came clean = 2 points
Moses = 3 points
Aaron when he said the idol magically came about = minus 2 points
Bald Samson = 1 point
Fabio Samson = 2 points
Jonah in whale = 2 points
Jonah outside of whale = 1 point
Jacob while wearing fake hairy forearms = 0 points
Jacob after leg dropping that angel = 2 points
Peter before rooster = 1 point
Peter after rooster = 2 points
Paul = 3 points
Jesus = 10 points
God = 10 points
Noah while he was building the ark = 2 points
Noah while he was drunk and naked = minus 2 points
King James or ESV versions of the Bible = 2 points
Anything from the Message version of the Bible = 0 points
Verses usually painted on plates or mugs = 1 point
Verses ripped out of context = 0 points
Verses found in Thomas Kinkade paintings = 1 point
Verse that you couple with a scene from Braveheart = 1 point
Verse that you can wrap up in some sort of alliteration = 1 point
Verse you can somehow incorporate into Young MC’s song “Bust a Move” = 1 point
There, that’s about 30 different ways we can start keeping score as Christians. I know, I know, God’s about love and said that was the most important thing, but winning is also important too. God hates silver medals. I don’t remember where He said that in the Bible, which means I only got half a point on that one. Dang.
P.S. “She’s dressed in yellow, she says hello, come sit next to me ya fine fellow.” Ahhh, I think my head would have exploded if I mentioned Young MC and didn’t say that line.
P.P.S.P.3 – I started a Facebook group for Stuff Christians Like, which has made my profile pretty holy. Come join.
