I have a few friends that became experts on sushi the minute they first tasted it. It’s almost as if the very instance the wasabi and tuna and chirashi-zushi touched their lips they were professional sushi eaters. (I had to look up one of the words in that last sentence.) They will talk to you for hours on end about where the best sushi places in town are and laugh at people that eat California Rolls.
As funny as that is, I think it’s even more humorous when people that have been to counseling once believe they are now experts at counseling. Have you ever had coffee with these people? Here is what a conversation with them is like:
Friend that’s been to counseling once:
“How are things going?”
You:
“Pretty good. My job is going OK and I think I might escape to the beach for a long weekend soon.”
Friend that’s been to counseling once:
“Do you think you like to escape because of some unresolved issues with your father?”
You:
“What?“
Friend that’s been to counseling once:
“I mean, don’t you think you might be hiding some father wounds under all that sunscreen and beach sand? It might be time to unpack the hurts from your family of origin. When I went to counseling we did this exercise where we blah blah blah blah blah …”
I’m not sure why this happens. On some level I think it’s because we had a good experience at counseling and want to share that with you. It’s kind of like when you look at a friend during a movie to make sure she is laughing too. You want your friends to share in good things and when they do, that feels great. We also try to force conversations like that because our culture isn’t built for long term investment in relationships. The book Fight Club said we have a “single serving” life. We want things instant and quick and done. If I can’t get you to spill your guts in between errands while we’re at a coffee place that has lots of elaborate twine crafts everywhere, I don’t think we can be friends. That’s all I have time for.
The next time someone you’re with tries to jump intimacy levels and give you the old “let’s pretend I’m a counselor” move, tell them this, “It’s not the taste of sea urchin I don’t like, it’s the consistency.” Just keeping talking about sushi until they get completely baffled and leave you alone.
p.s. I’m no expert but I do know some people that are. If you need the name of a counselor that is much smarter than me in Birmingham, Atlanta or Nashville, let me know. Just like sushi restaurants, there are lots of great ones out there but these are the ones I have experience with.
double p.s. – My friends Kate and Claire at Elon deserve a big thanks for this idea.
