Few things strike terror into my heart quite like hearing a youth minister say, “yo, yo, mic check!” For although I love rap and will be doing an entry on Christian rap as soon as I can get my friend Lecrae to help me out, I find most youth group rap excruciating.
I think the main reason I don’t love it is that most of the words in the Christian vocabulary are really hard to rhyme. God, blood, Jesus, Holy Spirit, have you ever tried to rhyme any of those words? And don’t even try Ichthus, that thing is impossible.
Usually what happens is that your youth minister gets quiet on stage. He/She puts on a bandana or a trucker hat backwards and you start to get a little sweaty. Then, out of nowhere, you hear a Jay-Z song start playing and your youth minister says:
We doin’ big prayin, we bending knees (Check ’em out now )
Big prayin
On K.N.E.E.’s
We doin’ big prayin’ up in NYC
It’s just that Jesus-man, Pray-C and H.O.L.Y.
(Check em out now)
You know I love ’em, care ’em, pray ’em, share ’em
Cause God really wants ’em
Take ’em out the streets
Tell them about God’s feats
But I don’t ever force em
First time they cuss I ain’t shushin’
Talking ’bout, there’s no rushin’
I’m patient in every sense of the word, switch
Better trust and believe him
He’s a God for every season
When I needed a plan
He held out his hand
Then it’s hey, hey, he understands
Let ’em check out the verse in the Bible
Quote it often? I’m liable
More members than my man Bill Hybels
Just because you done sin
Think I won’t be your friend
Unless your perfect we won’t be kin?
Shoot, my hands are broken
Y’all wish that I was joken’
Been so deep, lost like sheep, hard to hear the times that he has spoken
But he threw me a party
Even though I was so tardy
My heart was cold as assassins, Mel Gibson made “the passion”
I’m a new man, I’m familiar with author Amy Tan
Let’s kick out of here like Jackie Chan
And let’s ST-R-I-I-I-IVE
Check ’em out now
ST-R-I-I-I-IVE
Yeah
And let’s ST-R-I-I-I-IVE
Check em out now
ST-R-I-I-I-IVE
Yeah
I can’t be the first person to change the lyrics “big pimpin” to “big prayin.” But dang, did I just translate an entire verse of a Jay-Z song to horrible Christian rap and name drop Billy Hybels and Amy Tan (Author of the Joy Luck Club) along the way? I think I did. I think I did.
Welcome to Tuesday on SCL.
p.s. Clay from North Point actually did a great job a few weeks ago with his rap before service. I was surprised at his ability to flow.
