It is officially Vacation Bible School season. (For my international readers, VBS is a week long program that teaches kids fun games and crafts centered on God.) For the next month I will be dropping in some VBS-flavored posts amongst the regular ideas. From bulk snacks that taste like cardboard to finding ways to make art projects that coat my children in a thin layer of glitter, we are about to go on a journey together. Let’s get started.
Competing in the “VBS Classroom Decoration Wars.”
When I was in the 9th grade I had to do some sort of project for an event called “history day.” It was basically like a science fair but for history. What topic did I pick? World War II? The industrial revolution? Abraham Lincoln? Nope.
I chose rap.
That’s right, while other kids were out doing research at the library, I was busy cutting pictures of Third Bass and Public Enemy and Kwame the Boy Genius and Kool Moe Dee out of rap magazines. I glued them all to a big board, while my parents looked on in horror, brought the project to school and then promptly got a D.
The problem is that when it comes to things that involve scissor precision and glitter and glue and decorations, I am horrible. I just can’t take it that serious. But, there are some people that can. I am of course speaking about the “VBS Decorating Cartel.”
The VBS Decorating Cartel, or VBSDC if you will, is a powerful group. This is the squad of guys and girls that control how VBS looks. Their weapons? Construction paper and scissors that cut in a jagged pattern. Their mission? Execute a perfect looking VBS.
Right now, you think I am joking, but if you volunteer for VBS this year, just try to decorate your own class and see if you don’t get caught up in the decorating wars. They have bat-like sonar that can detect the sound of glue being applied. Should you stray but an inch from the prescribed art in your class, they will swoop in like eagles and confiscate your craft products. Then they will wheel in what looks like a big fisherman’s tackle box and open up secret drawers that contain crayon colors and markers and pencils you didn’t even know existed.
I’ve probably said too much already. When I go to my car this afternoon to drive home there will be a glittered note on the windshield that says, “The first rule of the VBS Decorating Cartel is that you do not talk about the VBS Decorating Cartel.” And the letter will be dotted with a smile face. Scary.
p.s. Thanks to Christi for this great idea. If I ever forget to give you a shout out, please remind me and I will always mention you.
