A few weeks ago I wrote a post that mentioned emo music and goth culture. A reader wrote in that I needed to stick to rap when it comes to musical references and she was right. I mean I didn’t spell goth with two “t’s” or anything like that but it was clear from my sentences that goth culture is not my strength.
I can tell you all day about rap and how, like Young Jeezy, I put on for my city. I know who Too Short is and Third Bass and De La Soul and the Digable Planets. But emo feels a little weird in my mouth, kind of like when a youth minister in their 40s says something was “phat.”
I haven’t been in youth group for a long time so maybe this no longer occurs, but back in the day it was pretty common to have a youth minister try to casually insert a “what the kids are saying” kind of phrase into a message. Here’s an example from my youth group in the early 1990s:
“Do you think David was afraid when he faced Goliath? I mean, the verses don’t give us much insight into his emotions. I don’t think he was, because he was a pretty rad dude. I think, like Ace of Bass, he ‘saw the sign and it opened up his eyes.’ I think like Christian Hosoi or Tony Hawk on a half pipe, he was ready to get gnarly. And when Goliath challenged him he thought, ‘can I beat this guy?’ No doy!”
That feels really weird and I think that teenagers stop listening when we do stuff like that. I know why we do it, we want to speak their language and I commend that. But I think more than anything, teens react and relate to honesty. Changing your language for them can come off as fake. It makes it feel like you’re studying a group of gorillas and learning how to grunt the way they do as you wear a gorilla suit and pretend you love bananas too. And I might be speaking to some youth groups and colleges in the future so I thought it would be good to come up with an alternative plan. Here’s what I am going to do instead of saying something is “wickety whack:”
1. Invent my own words.
I’m posting the Stuff Christians Like dictionary tomorrow and it is going to be delightful. It’s just jam packed with words and ideas you and I have invented on this site. That’s more fun to me than trying to say something is “fierce” because a contestant said that on the television show “Project Runway.” I would rather say, “Have you ever sung a unicorn song, or leg dropped someone for the Lord?” than say “I’m on facebook because I want to make sure that I keep the 411 on the DL. Yo. Word up. Or out as it were.”
2. Use the classics.
Forget modern, let’s go old school. I’m talking about the 80s, as in the 1880s. Say things like, “I dare say that young man is quite the dandy, is he not? What fascinating pantaloons he is sporting.” Just use antique catch phrases over and over until people think you know something they don’t.
3. Employ a fake accent.
For some reason, I think every person from England is smarter than me. I hear their accent and I instantly am reminded of CS Lewis. So regardless of what they are saying, I think “wow, this person from England is like some sort of theologian scientist.” That’s why next time I do a gig I am going to pretend to be from the UK. I’m going to say things like, “I saw Hulk Hogan on the telly, wow, saying the kid your son put in a coma was put in that coma because he needed to be a better person is bloody nutters.” That was awesome right?
Hopefully this has been helpful. I promise that if you come see me speak, we’ll take the lift to the top floor, sit a spell over some fish & chips and talk about who our favorite Contempohip worship leader is.
