Every Friday, I go through the posts and try to find a few words or phrases for the Stuff Christians Like Dictionary, also known as the SCLD. Here are three new ones:
Craft Rabbit
Origin:
Torturing the janitor during VBS.
Definition:
This is a craft material that, much like reproducing rabbits, has a borderline magical way of multiplying. Glue tends to do this but the best example is glitter. Somehow if you use a sprinkle of glitter in a Noah’s ark project in Sunday School you can expect to have glitter in the classroom, the hallway, the lobby, the sanctuary, cars in the parking lot, the nearest highway, etc.
Example:
“I swear, I dropped like two pieces of glitter, I mean, two microscopic pieces of pink glitter and before they hit the floor there were one million pieces. It was like Rainbow Brite up in here. Glitter is such a craft rabbit.”
Half and half
Origin:
The Judgment Olympics.
Definition:
This is simply a sarcastic way to tell someone you think something is dumb. The sentence has two primary sections. The first half is a happy compliment. For instance, “I think that author is great.” In the second half of the sentence you reverse what you have said with a hidden sarcasm snake. For instance, “if you like to read heretics.” When combined, you have a very easy way to make someone think you agree which makes them let down their guard, allowing you to punch them in the stomach. Spiritually speaking of course.
Example:
“No, I completely understand what you are saying about skipping church this Sunday. I just hope hell isn’t too hot for you.”
Mint Approach
Origin:
The “please turn to” Bible race.
Definition:
I love this move. This is when, out of love, you decide to be the fastest one to find a Bible verse the minister tells you to turn to during church. So right before they say which verse to look up, you ask your neighbor for a mint or some gum. While they’re distracted searching for some sort of spearmint delight, you can find the Bible verse first.
Example:
“Yeah, he knows the Bible better than I do, but I used the mint approach to cripple him.”
p.s. the weekends are pretty quiet at the old SCL so chances are, few people will see this, but this Monday, I’m writing a summer camp-flavored post called “Making Purple.” This is going to be a ribald, or scurrilous if you will, tale of what happens when boys (blue) and girls (pink) get into trouble at camp together.
