Every Friday, I go through the posts and try to find a few words or phrases for the Stuff Christians Like Dictionary, also known as the SCLD. Here are three new ones:
Torturing the janitor during VBS.
This is a craft material that, much like reproducing rabbits, has a borderline magical way of multiplying. Glue tends to do this but the best example is glitter. Somehow if you use a sprinkle of glitter in a Noah’s ark project in Sunday School you can expect to have glitter in the classroom, the hallway, the lobby, the sanctuary, cars in the parking lot, the nearest highway, etc.
“I swear, I dropped like two pieces of glitter, I mean, two microscopic pieces of pink glitter and before they hit the floor there were one million pieces. It was like Rainbow Brite up in here. Glitter is such a craft rabbit.”
Half and half
The Judgment Olympics.
This is simply a sarcastic way to tell someone you think something is dumb. The sentence has two primary sections. The first half is a happy compliment. For instance, “I think that author is great.” In the second half of the sentence you reverse what you have said with a hidden sarcasm snake. For instance, “if you like to read heretics.” When combined, you have a very easy way to make someone think you agree which makes them let down their guard, allowing you to punch them in the stomach. Spiritually speaking of course.
“No, I completely understand what you are saying about skipping church this Sunday. I just hope hell isn’t too hot for you.”
The “please turn to” Bible race.
I love this move. This is when, out of love, you decide to be the fastest one to find a Bible verse the minister tells you to turn to during church. So right before they say which verse to look up, you ask your neighbor for a mint or some gum. While they’re distracted searching for some sort of spearmint delight, you can find the Bible verse first.
“Yeah, he knows the Bible better than I do, but I used the mint approach to cripple him.”
p.s. the weekends are pretty quiet at the old SCL so chances are, few people will see this, but this Monday, I’m writing a summer camp-flavored post called “Making Purple.” This is going to be a ribald, or scurrilous if you will, tale of what happens when boys (blue) and girls (pink) get into trouble at camp together.