Put it down dude. Seriously, you know who you are. I went to camp with you. I went on a lot of church retreats with you. And some how, you even ended up living on the same floor as me freshman year of college.
I get it, you own an acoustic guitar. You put stickers of bands I have never heard on the outside of your guitar case. You have an interesting guitar strap. You are moody and introspective and somehow when you combine that guitar with the three songs you know and a campfire, every girl on the planet wants to sit near you. Are you kidding me?
Back when I was in high school you knew the simple chords to Poison’s song, “Every rose has it’s thorn,” and Bon Jovi’s “Bed of Roses.” But I have to believe the newer version of you has updated the material. What are you singing now, Coldplay’s “Yellow” or maybe Dashboard Confessional’s “Screaming Infidelities?” Maybe you are doing something by the Jonas Brothers now or Maroon 5? What, you’re actually singing U2’s song, “One?” You are killing me.
I know what you are doing. You have brilliantly found a way to carry around the thing you are best at. (And I use the word “best” loosely.) I am very jealous. What if painting was the thing I was best at? Would it be OK if I just started carrying around a canvas and an easel and then when girls said, “Do you know how to paint?” I could casually reply, “Oh, this thing? I guess I forgot I had it with me.” Or maybe I was really good at pottery and could carry around a kiln and a wheel like in the movie Ghost. Because that’s what you do. You pretend that you just happened to have the guitar with you. Like the whole thing was just accidental. I know it’s not though. I know.
Your instrument isn’t even in tune but that doesn’t matter does it dude with the guitar? Because it’s more about the image, not the music. And what really gets me is that you’re going to play a song at youth Sunday this year and people are going to tell you that you should be a worship leader. Hearing that is going to make you start wearing product in your hair and rocking a white belt and when I walk to class at college you’ll be sitting on the steps of our dorm with a girl that is way too pretty to talk to me singing, “How great is our God.” And when she asks you, “Where did you learn to play like that?” You’ll respond by saying, “I just listen to my heart.” You are my archenemy dude with the guitar at camp.
I am going to steal your guitar and replace it with those big hand bells and the white gloves that handbellers (or is it just ‘bellers’) wear. Let’s see how easy it is to get girls to go on dates to Outback Steakhouse when all you have to play is a gigantic bell.
