There are some topics that I think will start conversations on this site. Christians drinking beer and the book, “The Shack” are two that I thought might create some healthy dialog. But to tell you the truth, I never saw yesterday’s post coming.
The weekends are usually pretty quiet at the SCL, but for some reason, when I posted the PAMIC Manifesto (People Against Massages In Church) yesterday there was a groundswell of interaction. I was not expecting to have people rise up in favor of massaging each other during service. And even though I am one of the founding fathers of PAMIC, I thought the members of CIMAP (Church Is Massage Appropriate Place), which is PAMIC backwards, deserved to share their side of things.
So I went through the comments on yesterday’s post and some other ideas from pro massage folks and created what I imagine the CIMAP manifesto would say. But because I am such a fierce supporter of PAMIC, I had to provide a brief response to each point in the manifesto.
The CIMAP Manifesto
1. Hard working loved ones deserve massages during church.
My loved one or spouse has worked hard all week. I choose to rub their neck, back, shoulders or head during service as a way to show that I appreciate how hard they worked and I am invested in helping their sore back. My significant other appreciates this and it’s a part of our Sunday morning routine.
PAMIC Response
Fair enough. I have a wuss cubicle job and rarely get a bad case of “writer’s shoulder.” I admit I did not anticipate this reason. We will acknowledge this as a valid reason to give someone a neck massage in church if you can prove that your significant other is a lumberjack, a forest firefighter that jumps out of planes or an Alaskan crab guy from the television program, “The Deadliest Catch.”
2. Physical touch is one of our love languages.
We rub backs and shoulders because physical touch is one of our love languages. It is how we express, to the person sitting next to us, that we love them and fell connected to them. To not massage would be denying my love language.
PAMIC Response
Good point. Physical touch is not one of my love languages and I can appreciate that. I will say however that “words of affirmation” is one of my love languages and during church I temporarily pause that love language. I just think that it would be distracting to the people around me if I spent the entire sermon leaning over to my wife saying, “You are awesome! I know I initially balked at that Scotch Romanian chicken salad you made last night for dinner but I was wrong. You have nice shoes and if you didn’t know how to do the taxes, I would be a hobo!”
3. Get over it! If it distracts you, sit somewhere else.
Unless we belong to a four-person church, chances are you can find another seat. I mean come on, did you come to listen to the sermon or analyze everyone that sits near you. The “circle of distraction” I am creating on my husbands back with my hand is not an impossible problem to fix. Move.
PAMIC Response
Again, the CIMAP folks make some good points. It is very easy for me to switch seats and I respect that suggestion. I will say that “If it distracts you, sit somewhere else” is probably not the nicest thing to say to say to a visitor. I mean, I do an admittedly bad job at loving my neighbor but I’m not sure saying “Get over it!” lets your church neighbor know you love them.
CIMAP Response to the PAMIC Response
Fair enough, but what if the lady in front of you that is giving her husband a back rub is a first time visitor? Are you going to launch what you called a “PAMIC Attack” and squirt her with a squirt gun full of vinegar? Is that loving your neighbor? That is a horrible thing to do.
Whoa, this is getting heated. I even got a comment about a husband that was in PAMIC and a wife that was in CIMAP. He was against massages and she was for massages. This issue is that big right now. But maybe I shouldn’t be surprised since it’s an election year here in America. We keep hearing about red states and blue states from the media. In the church massage battle, I think that red, the color of love has to be associated with those that massage. Which means PAMIC is blue, a color often associated with being cold. But what does it all mean?
Pro Massage vs. Anti Massage
For vs. Against
Husband vs. Wife
Reds vs. Blues
I guess I wish we, as blues and reds, and husbands and wives, could come together and put aside our differences and simply make purple.
