My wife and I are not going to home school our kids.
Our favorite couple on the planet is going to home school their kids.
The funny thing is, I think we both made the right decision.
Homeschooling is a hot button issue, but to me it feels like a pretty neutral topic. I don’t think the idea of homeschooling is wrong or right. I think how we parents execute it, why we choose one path or another, what the motivation is and what the outcome of the decision is, are where things get a little complicated.
I don’t know what you think about homeschooling. Some days I don’t even know what I think about it. But what I do know is that if I ever opened the Stuff Christians Like homeschool, it would be awesome.
Here’s what an average week would look like:
Monday = Science
If you came to this school on Monday, you should heed Thomas Dolby’s 80’s song warning, because you’re about to be blinded with science. Topics would include:
1. Profusely Perspiring Pastors– Can we stop sweat, the silent saline assailant?
2. Liquefying God’s Love – Is water the best expression of God? Should we make it rain?
3. Drinking coffee in church. – The science behind sneaking a cup into the sanctuary.
Tuesday = Gym
Kids need to get the wiggles out, and I’m not talking about that brightly adorned, octopus hanging out with, smiley Australian gang, “The Wiggles.” I’m talking about running my kids around until they take champion naps. Activities would include:
1. Frisbee – How to throw the “holy hammer”
2. Hand Raising – Good for worship and working out your “core”.
3. The “please turn to” Bible race – Where agility and spirituality intersect
4. Fist fights in church softball games. – It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s whether you knock out the music minister for sliding into home with his cleats up.
Wednesday = Bible
I’d get struck by lightning if I didn’t have a whole day that was just strictly Bible. So in addition to our daily convocations, we’d spend Wednesday engaged in some hardcore theological debates such as:
1. Backsliding, a Christian thing or an Indiana Jones move?
2. NIV vs. KJV vs. ESV (Bible wars told via GI Joe)
3. Taking 2 years to do a read through the Bible in one year program.
Thursday = History & Social Studies
Kids at the SCL Homeschool would get a healthy dose of both the past and the present. In addition to having a library with a rolling ladder that you could sing from the top of, (a personal dream of mine) we’d discuss:
1. Booty, God, Booty – Where is it happening in our culture? Where is it happening at home?
2. Postmodern – What does it mean? How can we use it at least three times in every sentence?
3. Confusing Ben Franklin with the Bible. – God helps those who help themselves. Or does He?
Friday = Music & Art
In the last twenty years, it seems like these two departments have taken a beating when it comes to getting funded at school. So in my log cabin homeschool, that’s right I said “log cabin,” I would make sure Friday was jam packed with music and art such as:
1. Christian Tattoos – A how to guide from the “Mercy” winner.
2. That Dude with the Guitar – How to steal his guitar and where to hide it.
3. The Choir Side Step Dance – How to dance without looking like you’re dancing
4. Bulletin Bored Art – Professor Curtis shows you how to draw Jesus’ jeans.
The school would probably not go well. My poor grammar, low self esteem and need to use my fingers each time I try to figure out which month my credit card expires on, is abundant proof that my two kids would not fare well under my tutelage. But, I dare say, no one could touch them when it came to their commanding understanding of sarcasm. Except maybe Stacy from Louisville’s kids. (See, there’s that low self esteem again.)
