(If you ever read the comments on Stuff Christians Like, then you know and quite possibly love Nick the Geek. He is a machine and is consistently making folks laugh and think within the SCL comment-o-sphere. I asked him to sit in today and talk about a subject I just don’t know anything about, helping teenagers decide which line of ministry to go into. Skateboards, things that are “phat” and “wicked phresh” I can do that all day. Clearly. But this one is all Nick.)
As a Youth Pastor I am tasked with helping guide teens as they choose the paths they will take into adulthood. Of course, as a minister my first thought is that all of them need to be in ministry. The problem is deciding exactly what kind of ministry God is calling them into. It is easy to plug them into Youth or Children’s ministry because they work well in those places right now, but many of them will grow up and won’t fit into those roles soon enough. One must consider the whole personality and future goals before you can accurately tell them what ministry God has called them too. To that end I have made this simple test.
Each category will have a set of yes or no questions. If you answer yes to most of those questions then you should consider that God has created you for a given ministry.
Senior Pastor
1. Do you know where the secret bathroom is?
2. Do you want to own a Cadillac?
3. Do you often get annoyed at how childish your Youth pastor acts?
4. Do you consider the church pot luck fine dining?
5. Do you own more than 5 suits?
6. Is your motto, “When two or more have gathered take up an offering?”
7. Do you have your own special version of math that involves rounding everything by large sums?
Youth Pastor
1. Do you feel that growing up is an option?
2. Is your motto, “it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt … then it’s freakin’ hilarious?”
3. Do you dream of, or own, a motorcycle?
4. Is your idea of dressing up wearing the clothes from the clean clothes pile?
5. Is your idea of waking up early to pray involve PM?
6. Have you ever stirred orange drink with your arm?
7. Is sarcasm your native language?
Children’s Pastor
1. Do you think Youth Pastors are a bit uptight?
2. Does going to your happy place involve imagining noise that would drown out Niagara Falls?
3. Have you ever used the phrase “magic for Jesus” in a non ironic manner?
4. Have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD?
5. Do you get to bed early on Friday so you can wake up for Saturday morning cartoons?
6. Do you have the theme songs to more than 5 children’s shows memorized?
7. Do you sing them around others?
8. Is your motto, “what, I can’t hear you?”
Worship Leader?
1. Do you own more than 3 pair of Pumas?
2. Can you keep complex counts in multiples of 2s, 3s, and 4s but can’t remember how many times in a row you’ve sung a song?
3. Do you own stock in any hair product companies?
4. Do you own any pants that cost more than $100?
5. Do you like to toss “and” into random places in sentences?
6. Is your motto, “let’s sing it one more time?”
7. For guys: have you ever considered wearing women’s jeans?
8. Are you willing to fight people over dissing your style of music?
9. Are you the guy that always has a guitar?
10. During Our God is an Awesome God do you spontaneously start miming out “rolling up His sleeves?”
Evangelist
1. Is your motto, “the family that travels together sings together?”
2. Do you imagine your future wife with blue hair? (For women, do you ever secretly want to rock the blue hair look?)
3. Is your voice set permanently on LOUD?
4. Can you tell the same story 100 times?
5. Have you ever squeezed blood from a turnip?
Missionary
1. Is your motto “I’ll eat anything once?”
2. Do you speak more than one language?
3. Do you think James Bond would have made an awesome missionary?
4. Do you think sleeping under mosquito netting covered in insects as large as your fist is romantic?
5. Do you love fanny packs?
6. Do you consider indoor plumbing and electricity to be a modern annoyance?
Bonus question, if you answer yes to this then you are called to missions regardless of all previous answers: Have you ever drank the water while on a missions trip in a third world country and suffered no ill effects?
Now, since not everyone here is in fulltime vocational ministry it is up to you to decide if you are ready to finally listen to God. Maybe you have teens that need to here this so they can get into the right ministry.
Nothing is worse than ending up in the wrong ministry. Imagine being a Senior Pastor when you should have been in the mission’s field. You will be constantly searching for new and strange foods. During the middle of a sermon an insect will walk across your little tall table and instead of thinking, “we need to get the exterminator,” you will have to resist the urge to chomp down. Then you’ll look out in the congregation and find it odd that everyone is dressed from the waist up. That’s no way to live.
So figure it out now before it’s too late.
Where is God calling you? Have I missed any questions? Share your own experiences.
(For more from Nick the Geek, check out his blog.)
