Is there a ring? You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone. Is there some sort of signet ring you get when you become a member of the pastoral search committee? Some crest you dip in wax and use to seal official-looking parchments?
Is there a secret room under the church where you hold meetings? I guess it would be more of a lair than a room. Rooms are for things like Vacation Bible School meetings. You’re plotting the future of the church. You’re more powerful than the deacons and the elders and maybe even the church secretary. So I’m hoping you have at least a lair.
The entrance to the secret room better be extraordinary. Like that waterslide in the movie Goonies or a fire pole or something. If you’re just entering the same doors at church that I use, I’m going to be pretty disappointed.
When I was a mailman–a sentence I like to throw out casually as if that whole experience was normal–the Postal Police had separate entrances to the post office. They’d walk around in covered catwalks in the ceiling, watching us all sort mail, making sure we didn’t pocket the birthday cash Grandma sent little Billy. Are you in the ceiling, too?
Do you have tunnels high above the crowd where you sit when the pastoral candidates deliver that awkward make it or break it sermon audition? If you don’t have secret tunnels, do you wear disguises in church? Eye patches or fake beards or maybe a chicken costume?
Do you each have a spiritual weapon that you’re proficient in? I mean every great team of spies or adventurers doesn’t need two guys who are great at the same thing. There’s always one guy who can break into anything, one guy who’s the muscle, one guy who’s the charmer and one guy who’s the mastermind. (I think I just described the A-Team.) Is that what you’re like? One of you is great at prayer, another at discernment, and another at intercession?
Do you ever get together and solve church-related crimes when you’re not searching for a pastor? I mean, what do you do if you’ve had a great pastor for the last 10 years? Don’t you get the “search” itch? Don’t you want to go find something or someone? Do you ever get the old gang together and look for missing dogs? I mean nice dogs, fancy dogs, don’t misunderstand me. I don’t think you’re out looking for strays. I’m talking about designer breeds like the Labradoodle. Do you guys ever look for Labradoodles when there’s no need to find a pastor?
You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone.
