Stop, please don’t look at me that way. I’m not doing this to wound you, I’m doing this to help you. This is one less bulletin you’ll have to pick up after church. Can’t you see that this hurts me more than it hurts you?
I’m letting go of a memento from this experience, a church keepsake if you will. I liked the worship service and the sermon, but it’s time for me to move on with my life. Don’t think this is out of anger, oh no, you couldn’t be more wrong. This is an act of love, green love.
Now you can give this bulletin to someone else for the next service. It’s less wasted paper and more environmentally friendly to do that. This bulletin served me well during the 9:00 service, but now I’m paying it forward to someone in the 10:30 service. Now it’s somebody else’s turn to enjoy its lighthearted information.
Promise me you’ll find a good home for it. Don’t hand it to a “roller,” one of those sweaty handed fidgeters that is constantly crinkling and rolling the bulletin during the entire service. This paper pal deserves better than that. Maybe there’s a farm upstate with lots of land and a pond and other bulletins it could play with. That’s where my parents sent my dog Rusty when he bit the paperboy.
Please don’t immediately flip it over to check the sermon note section to see if I wrote anything down. I didn’t. And not just because “the sermon didn’t take,” but because you didn’t give me enough room. I brought a notebook for that. Let’s be honest friend, the postage size stamp area you left for sermon notes is a joke. How am I supposed to capture the majesty of the almighty in a 2 inch by 2 inch space crammed between the Singles event and the Vacation Bible School announcement? And the paper you printed the bulletin on is ink repellant anyway. Instead of “sermon notes” you should title that section “Ink smudges that will be on the back of your hand in 3 seconds because they sure won’t stay on this paper” section.
This is it. I’m not walking away mad, I’m just walking away.
I won’t look back.
This ends here.
