If I had a dollar for every time a pastor told me from the pulpit how hott his wife is I would finally be able to finance that Christian version of Lady Gaga’s hit song “Just dance” I’ve been planning. It’s called “Just pray” and the chorus is:
“Just pray. Gonna be okay.
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just pray. Spin that Bible babe.
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just pray. Gonna be okay.
Duh-duh-duh-duh
Pray. Pray. Pray. Just pray.”
Thing practically writes itself but TobyMac is refusing to attach himself to the project. I digress.
I’m not sure where this whole “let’s talk about how hott my wife is” thing started. I looked in the Bible and unless the Message version contains it, I don’t think “hott” is in there. I also looked for the other phrases that I’ve heard pastors say about their wives:
1. I married up.
2. I out kicked my coverage.
3. I married way over my head.
4. I tricked someone smarter and more attractive than me into marrying me by using the pheromones they sell in the back of Men’s Health magazine. They really work!
OK, technically I haven’t heard that last one but it’s only a slight exaggeration. Why are we doing this? I say “we” because I do it all the time too and I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. In several posts on Stuff Christians Like I’ve mentioned the awesomeness of my wife. In a Serious Wednesday post I took a sharp right turn from a melodramatic moment about getting rejected from UNC by mentioning that I met my gorgeous wife at Samford University as a result. And I’m currently trying to convince my wife to let me write this as the dedication to the Stuff Christians Like book, “For Jenny, my hott with two t’s wife.”
I don’t think it’s going to happen. My wife is too humble for that. She’s too selfless and kind to want to shine like that. Wow I married up.
See how easy it happens? I wish we were all getting dollars for that. Safe for the family radio stations would be bumping “Just pray” and we’d all be able to buy enough Cadbury crème eggs to make it through the entire year. What, that’s not your personal definition of “rich?” Enough Cadbury crème eggs to make it from Easter to Easter? You and I are different, my friend. You and I are very different.
Has a pastor ever told you how hott his wife is?
