There’s not. It’s not like you can go to the back of Wal-mart and find it amongst the boxes of wine or domestic beer. It’s a hard liquor. And although Jesus might have turned water into wine, he certainly didn’t perform any miracles in the Bible that involved rum shots.
So what do you do if you want to make an honest to goodness, real deal rum cake as a Christian? Do you slink into a local liquor store with a fake mustache? Maybe try to be the first one when they open up so no one else is there? Drive 50 miles until you’re out of the radius of your church and can’t be judged?
Go ahead and try, but until there’s some sort of specialty Christian liquor store that specializes in rum and requires you to show them a cake pan instead of a license when you want to buy it, you’re stuck. The same thing that happened when my wife tried to buy those Playboy bunny sheets is going to happen to you.
She was buying them because one of her girlfriends couldn’t find them at her local TJ Maxx. They had Hugh Hefner’s little logo splattered across them and were red satin. At the register, my wife ran into someone from the Community Bible Study she leads. She turned the color of the sheets and blurted out, “We support porn through the purchase of home goods.” Then she hit the girl over the head with a bottle of rum and drowned her sorrows in cake that night.
That’s a slight exaggeration, but she did run into a small group member and rattle off the story that brought her to that exact moment. And you better be ready with your own if you try to make some rum cake. At the bare minimum, carry the stand mixer with you.