(It’s been a while since Hucklebuck has written a guest post, but if you’ve ever read the comments on this site you’ve probably seen his name. Well today, I’m excited to introduce you to Mrs. Hucklebuck or Stacey if you prefer. I love this idea she wrote and I’m really glad that both the Hucklebucks are so talented.)
After I read the SCL post dedicated to singles and several of the comments calling for a similar post about married couples without kids, I have compiled a scorecard of my own. Although I’m admittedly not as funny as Jon Acuff, I have written this post after years of discussions with my single friends about how hard it can be in both of our situations on any given Sunday.
I do realize that the following list is from the perspective of a couple whose desire is to be parents, and that not every married Christian couple feels the same. My situation involves infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, but I’m guessing that many of these can apply to people who have not yet had children for just about any other reason.
So, if you’ve ever found yourself discussing intimate details of your fertility with a sweet old lady at church, read on!
Surviving Church as a MCWOK: Married Couple Without Kids
(with thanks to Eric for the term)
1. If you’ve been told “It will happen someday.” = +2 points (+10 bonus points if the person touches your face while speaking these words.)
2. If you’ve ever been told to “Just relax,” or “It will happen when you stop trying,” which is not physically possible. = +2 points
3. If you’ve ever been asked to “volunteer” in the nursery on Mother’s Day so the scheduled worker can enjoy the service. = +3 points
4. If friends with kids invite you over and you wind up babysitting their kids the whole time. = +1 point
5. If friends offer to let you spend time with their kids for some “family time” or to get your “kid fix.” = +2 points
6. If people offer to give you their kids if you want some so badly. = +3 points
7. If you can’t attend a church potluck without being asked about your sex life and/or personal doctor visits. = +3 points
8. If friends tell you that spending time with their misbehaving kids will change your mind about wanting your own. = +1 point
9. If you find you’d rather skip the Mother’s Day/Father’s Day/Sermon series on the family services at church. = +2 points
10. If the term “family” at your church always refers to Mom+Dad+Kids. = +2 points
11. If it is suggested that if you prayed hard enough or had enough faith, you’d have children. = +3 points
12. If you’ve ever been told that you are so “lucky” because you can go on vacations, go see movies at the theater, or sleep late. = +3 points
13. If you’ve been told that you should really enjoy your road trip because “at least you don’t have kids to entertain in the car.” = +1 point
14. If you’ve heard countless stories of people who have adopted babies and then miraculously gotten pregnant. = +2 points for every occasion
15. If you’ve been asked “Why don’t you just adopt?” (As if the decision is as easy as picking out a new toothbrush.) = +3 points
16. If it is assumed that you will work VBS every year because you “love being with kids so much” and probably have nothing else going on. = +1 point for every year you have worked VBS
17. If people assume that you sleep until noon every day. = +2 points
18. If you tell people you are a homemaker and the first question they ask is “How many kids do you have?” = +1 point
19. If it has ever been suggested that you aren’t as “blessed” as others just because you don’t have children. = +3 points
20. If you have had people tell you about dreams and visions they’ve had of your future children. = +2 points for dreams; +3 points for visions
21. If your “personal prayer request” about trying to have a baby gets printed on paper and put in the hands of every person in attendance at your church that day. = +10 points
22. If friends with kids eventually stop wanting to hang out with you because you’ve declined going with them to playdates a few too many times and you find out they would rather hang out with the new couple with young kids because they “understand what it’s like.” = +3 points
23. You can’t hold someone else’s baby at church without hearing “When are you going to get one of those?” or “That looks really good on you!” = +1 point
24. You’ve been told that you HAVE to watch the movie Facing the Giants. (Because, you know, it’s not just about facing “giants” in football…) = +2 points; +3 points if they tell you that the coach’s wife has a baby at the end
25. Someone has ever asked you about your fertility during Meet & Greet time at a Sunday morning service. = +1 point; +2 points if yelled across more than 2 rows of people
0-30 That’s okay, you’re still young. Just keep trying!
31-60 You’re not quite there yet. Have you considered other options?
61+ You’re an overachiever! The world would benefit greatly if you procreated!
How did you score? Did I miss anything you’ve ever heard as a MCWOK?
To read more about Hucklebuck and Stacey’s life as a MCWOK, visit Stacey’s blog.