On January 6th, we came together as a community. (Though I am apprehensive of overusing that word, in this case it applies.) We pulled together, as friends and family members spread across the country. We, much like the oft mentioned Newsies, opened the gates and seized the day. What do we rally against? What force of evil did we thwart?
We collectively helped stop people from wearing bluetooths cell phone ear pieces at church. It was a proud day in our almost two year history as a site. We celebrated in our own little individual ways. (I listened to INXS’s album “Kick.”)
But now, having seen something new in the parking lot the other day at church, I fear there is an even greater threat about to hit our metaphorical shores. I fear I may be too late and you may already be overrun with this issue. What is this new danger?
Purse dogs at church.
You laugh. I can kind of hear you right now, at your computers, giggling softly at my warning, but this is not a time for laughter. The day for mirth has passed us my friends. There be dragons.
Or at least Pomeranians.
Those were probably Pomeranians I saw the other day at church. They looked so happy. Thoughts of ruining the sermon danced in their beady little black eyes. Pink tongues of malice lapped out of their sinister little mouths. Oh the horror.
I don’t know how to stop this. I don’t know if the best thing to do is to simply bring in pockets full of jerky that you throw if you have the misfortune of sitting next to a dog. I don’t know if a dog will have to pee on a hymnal until the general masses will recognize this threat. But I am open to ideas. Except from my friend, a fellow author. She has a purse dog. She knows who she is. I don’t think she takes him to church. She does take him to satire events though, because he came to one of my speeches last year. He chilled during the entire thing. But he is the anomaly. Other dogs will not possess his coolness or awesomeness.
Should we bring in feral cats to church to stage some sort of turf war between the dogs and the cats? Should the dog whisperer get involved?
Maybe this feels impossible, the odds too great, the danger too deadly. Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you’ll live, at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all your days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance t come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they may never take purse dogs to church!!!
What should we do to prevent dogs from coming to church?