Good service so far. Only felt a modicum of judgment from the people next to me who don’t know I direct deposit my tithe, no one’s asked to borrow my pen and I’m pretty sure I’m going to win the “please turn to” Bible verse race. All in all, pretty good day and here comes a minister to preach. Wait a second. No, this can’t be right, he’s not the preacher, he’s …
a male singer without an instrument?
Oh how embarrassing for him and also slightly for me as well. He looks so lonely up there with just a mic stand, one long barren mic stand. You can’t hide behind that fella, there’s nowhere to go.
Didn’t he know, when it comes to special music at church we are more than willing to listen to a girl without an instrument. In fact, their angelic voices are all the instrument they need. Girl singers are the complete package. But guys? Male singers? You better come with some sort of musical device.
At least give me an acoustic guitar. Learn two chords like that dude who always tries to make out with girls at camp. Use it to start the song and then kind of just beat on it as if you’re keeping rhythm with some sort of drum guitar hybrid. I’d even be OK if you came up wearing it on your back like a troubadour. Don’t you want t be a troubadour?
If you were up there with two friends I wouldn’t have this issue. Or even if you want to bring out a quartet, that’s OK too. But a male singer without an instrument is like watching someone play Frisbee by themselves. It just doesn’t work. (I’m trying to describe this boy, without being disrespectful.)
Didn’t you watch American Idol last week? The last four remaining contestants all played guitar. You think that’s an accident? Maybe you’re not ready for acoustic guitar, how about ukulele? That wee guitar is hot right now! It’s like the pomegranate of the stringed instrument world, found in roughly every song. Train’s “Hey Soul Sister” does it and that’s a take off of Jason Mraz’ “I’m Yours” which is a take off of 72% of Jack Johnson’s songs. See what’s happening here? People love instruments! Even a tambourine, cow bell or triangle would be OK but you’re going to look like the lead singer of “Rusted Root” a little if you try the tambourine. The tambourine only goes two ways, hippy or bluegrass.
Could you wheel out a piano and play 12 notes like Lady Gaga and then stand up and maybe walk around a little? I’m not saying I want you to have topless guys wearing what appear to be some sort of gothic/Hot Topics/Spencer’s gifts cummerbunds, but it’s a thought. It’s a thought.
Please just pick up an instrument. Please.
(Big thanks to K.C. for the idea.)
