The other day on a plane, I saw that the girl behind me was reading a book called “Before you get engaged.” I immediately thought, “That has got to be a Christian book.”
So when we started unloading the plane I asked her if it was. She verified my assumption was right. Then I asked her, “Does your boyfriend know you are going to dump him?”
OK, I didn’t say that, but I would bet your pick of any three of my internal organs that they break up because of that book. We’ve talked before about how Christians love to end a relationship after a retreat. That’s common knowledge, but I think the book industry ends just as many relationships.
And if you are in a dating relationship or have ever been in one years ago, these are ways to tell your significant other is reading a “break up book.”
1. There is a couple standing back to back on the cover.
Oh snap, they are already not seeing eye to eye. I bet they’re not “unpacking” their issues. I bet they let the sun go down still angry. (In separate apartments, of course.) They probably don’t even practice “reflective listening” as in, “I think I am hearing you say.”
2. The title contains the phrase, “before you.”
This is a warning phrase. It is what they say on airplanes when they talk about the oxygen mask. “Please put your oxygen mask on before you put one on your child.” If you ever see a book on your girlfriend’s coffee table that contains the phrase, “Before you get married,” go ahead and think about updating your eharmony profile.
3. There are two rings on the cover about to collide.
Approximately 67% of all Christian marriage books have the interlinked rings image on the cover. But if you’re only dating, chances are the book won’t feature that. Instead it will probably be two rings barreling toward each other like runaway trains. If you see a potential ring collision, get ready for being single.
4. The title of the book is “Kick Rocks.”
OK, there’s not going to be a book titled this, but there should because it’s probably my favorite phrase to tell someone to get lost. Go on, kick rocks.
Chances are, you’ll never see a book like this. Chances are, if you’re already married, your spouse did not read one. But be honest, have you ever read a book and dumped someone? It might have been the smartest, best decision you ever made. You might have found an honestly great book about relationships that you should reference in the comments. (I know they exist and have helped tons of people.)
But be honest, did you ever read a break up book?