(Curtis is like the Run DMC of Stuff Christians Like guest posts. He was one of the first people to guest post almost 2 years ago and he still knocks it out. I love this post and think you’ll laugh too. Enjoy!)
Thinking the Rapture Has Happened When You’re Alone
”The Son has come and you’ve been left behind.”
As I sit here writing this in my office on a Monday morning, I’m kind of wondering is this has actually happened. Fact: Monday mornings at a church can be a lonely place. It’s like when an NFL team wins on Sunday. They get Monday off. The only difference is, the admin staff at the football office isn’t sitting around wondering, “Hey, I wonder if everyone else got sucked up into heaven, leaving their clothes in a pile?” The chances of the football team’s admin staff being left behind because T.O. isn’t there? Pretty slim. The chances of the church’s admin staff being left behind because the pastor and worship leader aren’t there? Moderately likely.
Here are a few scenarios like the one I’m currently in, shaking in my Tom’s shoes, and the likelihood that the rapture has happened:
Jogging on a Sunday Morning
You’re wearing your t-shirt that says “I went to church on Saturday night”, and so you think you’re covered. But, as you jog around your neighborhood, the early morning fog is very post-rapture like. The only person you see on your street is the lady who has a garage sale every other week. Chances you missed the rapture? 11%
At the Narnia: Dawn Treader Premiere
If you find yourself dressed up as Aslan, camped out for the premiere of the new Chronicles of Narnia movie, Dawn Treader, and no one else sets up their tent next to yours, has the rapture happened? Has your dawn been treaded on? Probably not. You’re that guy in the lion costume in a tent, however, Christians do love them some Narnia, so there’s still a 27% chance that all Christians in the world are hovering in the air with Jesus.
At Chick-Fil-A (On a Sunday)
After church, you’ve got a mean hankering for a chicken sandwich with a pickle. Yeah. Chick-Fil-A is probably the best place to eat waffle fries in the whole world. You get there and there aren’t any cars in the parking lot. The lights are off. But, you’ve neglected the well-known fact that Chick-Fil-A is closed on Sundays, and, because of that, that is exactly when you want it the very most. The guy in the cow suit deserves a day off to be with his calves. Have the clouds been rolled back like a scroll? Probably not, but you didn’t remember the Sunday closed thing, so… 33% chance. You should know better.
Guest Posting on Stuff Christians Like
You (and when I say you, I mean I) think you’ve got a funny idea for Stuff Christians Like. You e-mail Jon. Twelve times. He finally relents and posts your stuff on a Friday. There are literally e-crickets chirping in the comments section. Monday through Thursday, this section is blowing up because Jon slays it. But, you, on the other hand, have done the blogging equivalent of striking out in t-ball. You console yourself by saying, “I thought it was funny…maybe the rapture happened.” And then one person comments and says “Hey, it would be funnier if, instead of Aslan, the person dressed up for the Narnia premiere dressed up as Mr. Tumnus.” Still, there is a 7% chance that the rapture has happened.
Is this a scientific Google algorithm determining the chances you’re still on earth after a rapture or rapture-like event? No, it’s not, but sitting here writing on a Monday morning in an empty church can really make you wonder…
Have you ever wondered if the rapture has happened? Anyone out there? Please??
(For more great stuff from Curtis check out his blog.)