I don’t mean to start an argument, but it’s pretty clear that God would use an iPhone and not a Blackberry. That is of course if he didn’t choose angels, bushes or donkeys, methods he relied on in the Bible. And his call would never get dropped, even if he was at the Catalyst Conference and 13,000 other people were trying to tweet at the same exact time.
Why would he prefer Apple over Blackberry? For one, the fruit used to symbolize the knowledge of good and evil was an apple. The blackberry doesn’t even make a cameo in Genesis. And he wouldn’t need actual buttons to press like on the Blackberry. He’s God. You think he needs a full size keyboard to get down? In fact, he wouldn’t even touch the iPhone, but merely just pass by and where he had been, the right letters would have been submitted.
It seems pretty clear to me, but again, I’m what they call a “Titan of Theology.” Something else that seems pretty clear to me is that right now, sinning in jealously over people who got iPads for Christmas is at an all time high. Why?
The signature Apple puts in emails you send from an iPad.
At the bottom of every email that goes out from the device, there is a sentence that reads,
“Sent from my iPad.”
This is not new. For years the iPhone has said the same thing, “Sent from my iPhone.”
For Apple, it’s a brilliant marketing strategy. They are essentially attaching an ad to every email you send to every business contact or friend you message. And it is costing them $0.
But the first time I saw that, I didn’t read it the right way. Here is what it said:
“Sent from my iPhone.”
Here is how I read it:
“Sent from my iPhone, a magical happiness device that you don’t have Jon Acuff. If you purchased one your life would be 42% more awesome almost instantly but financially you can’t afford one right now, in large part because you are a loser. Enjoy pushing the buttons on your borderline Amish phone. What is that thing made of, cedar? Touch the screen on your junky phone all you want, nothing is going to happen you caveman.”
Now clearly that was not the intended message from my friends who sent me emails. A lot of them didn’t even know you could change the signature. Which is what I did, when I got an iPhone. I changed it to, “This is short and not funny because it was sent from my iPhone.” That felt a little better.
But now with Christmas a few days behind us, there are thousands of new iPad owners sending out emails, that might make us feel a little jealous. That’s why when someone gave me one this year, I decided to change the email signature to one of three things:
1. Sent from a device that justifies, if not warrants, spelling mistakes, grammar errors and sarcasm that will initially be misinterpreted as unkindness but later explained as insight by me.
2. Sent from a device I use to read the Bible, paper being so wildly inconvenient.
3. Sent from a device that was a completely unexpected gift from a very generous person. I am grateful and am aware of the current unemployment rate. Quit writing that Jesus Juke response email you’re working on right now.
Feel free to use any of those. Those are free to you, the SCL readership.
But be honest, have you ever been jealous of someone who owned an iPhone, iPad or Mac laptop? This is a safe place. You’re amongst friends. Let it all out.