“When people at church find out I’m single, I feel like they look in the direction of my uterus and shake their heads in shame.”
That’s how my friend Wendy Maybury, a talented comedian/photographer, once described to me how being single at church felt.
Though she’s probably exaggerating a smidge, in the past when we’ve talked about being single at church, the stories you’ve shared have been crazy. People say the most random, awkward things when they find out you’re single at church.
Although we’ve chronicled these with a 40-point scorecard, we’ve never talked about the best way to respond when someone at church says, “You’re single?” Maybe, if you responded to that question in a different way, married people wouldn’t say things to you like, “Well at least you’ve got Jesus as your husband right now.”
So here, in honor of Valentine’s Day and all my single friends, here are
4 ways to respond when people at church ask, “You’re single?”
1. “Yes, but I can’t babysit for you on Valentine’s Day.”
We married people will trick you into this. If we talk to you the week before Valentine’s Day out of the blue and say, “You’re single?,” please expect a babysitting question. And feel free to shot block it.
2. “Yes, but I don’t feel led to volunteer for 97 ministries.”
As a married dad, I forget that when I was single, I was pretty busy then too. Since I forget that, there’s a chance I’m going to wrongfully believe that being single means you have time to volunteer for every ministry or service opportunity the church offers.
3. “Yes, but if you’re going to yell ‘She’s single’ to someone else you know who is single right now in the lobby of the church, give me at least a running head start.”
I admit, that one’s long, but it might be useful. Often your married friends want to set you up on a date. And not eventually, right this second. If the person asks if “You’re single?” and then immediately starts scanning the crowd to find someone else who is too, moonwalk out of there.
4. “Yes, but I don’t feel like you and I should discuss my willingness to receive Paul’s ‘Gift of loneliness.’”
You might need to drop a smokebomb to escape after you say this one, but even though it’s difficult to get high grade smokebombs these days, it’s worth it. Discussing Paul’s celibacy with a married friend in the lobby of church is one of the weirdest conversations ever.
Hopefully, you will never, ever need to use one of those four ways to get out of an awkward “You’re single?” situation. But chances are, if you’re single at church, you already had something like this happen. (Minus the smokebomb of course.)
Have you ever had a weird “you’re single?” experience at church?
