I need to apologize to every parent I sat next to in church when I was in college. I unfortunately didn’t go that often in college, so the list is short, but I still need to make amends. Why?
I ran into the college version of me a few weeks ago at church.
Service was over and every pew started to empty out. My wife and I were three deep in the pew and started to walk toward the aisle. Suddenly we hit a immovable wall in the form of two college girls. Since you can’t really shove people minutes after witnessing an amazing baptism, I peered around them to see what the problem was. And that’s when I saw him.
Me.
Or rather a cooler, more put together version of me, since I was a jerk in college.
There was one guy standing in the aisle, running game on the two girls and completely traffic jamming the entire pew. I started to get frustrated at this “pew cork,” the individual that bottles up the entire pew, preventing it from flowing out into the aisle. That is until I realized I used to do that same thing in college. Here’s why I need to apologize:
1. I didn’t know parents had kids they needed to pick up.
As a college student, that didn’t even cross my mind. I had no idea that by jamming the pew and preventing you from leaving the sanctuary I was shotblocking you from getting your kids from Sunday School.
2. I should have taken my game to the lobby.
Church is over. Why couldn’t I have hit on girls in the lobby and not the pew, thus offering you easy egress? I’m not sure. My bad.
3. I probably shouldn’t have been using church as primarily a place to meet girls.
Maybe I shouldn’t have done that, but what do you know? You’re married. You don’t know what it’s like to try to meet people out there. You probably think like Paul I have the “gift of singlesness.” Why don’t you relax a little and let me say sorry already. (Is the fictional college version of me arguing with the fictional parent version of someone else right now? Complicated.)
4. I can’t pretend I don’t see what’s going on.
Remember when they told us, “Have a nice week, see you next Sunday?” And then 800 people all got up and started walking the exact same direction? Yeah, I saw that too. I probably should have taken that as a hint that it was time to move.
I didn’t mean to be a “pew cork,” and bottleneck so many people in college. And I didn’t mean to have a bad attitude toward this college student a few weeks ago. For all I remember, one of the girls was dressed in yellow. Probably said “hello, come sit next to me you fine fellow.” That student probably just ran over there without a second to lose. And what comes next, hey …
