One of my favorite things about the Nashville airport is that country musicians do the overhead announcements. While you’re waiting for a flight you’ll suddenly hear, “Hi, this is Blake Shelton. Please make sure you report any unattended luggage.” Or “Hi, this is George Straight. Welcome to the Nashville airport. Please don’t forget to wash your hands after using the lavatory.”
In my head, I like to pretend they recorded all those different messages at the same exact time and that it was like a cowboy version of the recording of “We are the World.” I can just imagine Garth Brooks saying, “Hey Dolly Parton, which announcement did you get? They stuck me with ‘You’re not allowed to go through security with more than three ounces of liquid.’”
More than likely though, they probably recorded them one by one on different days and there was no public service announcement country music after party. I wish there was though because I’m a big fan of public service announcements. And we’re all due for a new one here at SCL. Why?
Well, if you listen closely, you can almost hear the sound of scissors furiously cutting, glue sticks sticking and crayons being purchased in bulk. It’s that time of year again, Vacation Bible School season!
As a public service announcement, a gift really, I thought I would create a special list of all the things you need to do to get ready for Vacation Bible School this year. Feel free to print it out:
How to get ready for Vacation Bible School:
1. Buy 4 pieces of glitter.
Why 4? Because that’s all you need. Glitter multiplies like rabbits. Those four pieces will be 40,000 by the time VBS starts. Trust me on this one. Please.
2. Comb out your flannel graphs.
Lot of people don’t know how to properly care for flannel graphs. You have to regularly comb out the tangles, preferably with one of those black combs they gave you on school photo day.
3. Apologize to the janitor.
Go ahead and get a preemptive apology in. VBS is going to be incredibly Godly, but the mess the janitor will have to clean up is going to without a doubt be ungodly and will probably involve glitter, glue and markers you could have sworn were washable.
4. Tell your pastor to get his A-game ready.
There are five Super Bowl moments for pastors each year. Easter, the Sunday after Easter, Christmas, the Sunday after Christmas and the closing night of Vacation Bible School. The chance to talk with parents of the kids who have been coming to VBS all week is big time. He better bring a big time message.
5. Place your order for off brand cookies.
Forget Oreos. It’s time to get Hydrox on the phone! Get a pallet of “Chomps Ahoy” and then some white treats that are just called “Cookies.” No brand, no adjectives wasted on the package, just “Cookies.” Nothing says VBS like bootleg cookies.
6. Get your volunteers ready.
VBS doesn’t run without volunteers. You’ve got to have the elderly volunteer who inevitably gets tasked with watching “the fastest kid” in the in the entire VBS. You’ll need the grumpy teenager whose parents made them do it. (That was me!) And a Swiss army knife volunteer that is capable of accomplishing 92 VBS related activities in the time it takes one other volunteer to cut out an ark.
7. Rent a bouncy thing.
I never know what to call these. Do you say, “Rent a jump jump?” Or is it, “Rent some inflatables?” It’s impossible to talk about these without looking ridiculous. But regardless of their name issues, you’ve got to have one for your Vacation Bible School. I’m not saying the theme of your VBS this year should be “Jump Around” with a theme song penned by a couple of rapscallion youths wearing backward clothes, but 82% of all VBS visitors make their attendance decision based on how many bouncy things they see at your church as they drive by. I think I heard that from Church Expert Ed Stetzer. Or I made it up.
Hopefully, you’ll be able to use this list. You should probably go ahead and email it or tweet it or facebook it to your friends who ever attended VBS or volunteered at one. I think it’s pretty complete, but chances are, there’s something missing.
How would you suggest we get ready for Vacation Bible School?
