There are some Christian colleges that require you to take a school appointed chaperone with you if go out on a date with somebody.
I have so many questions about that practice:
1. Do you get to choose the chaperone who goes with you? Like, what if everyone hates Brian the chaperone cause he chews with his mouth open at dinner, and he talks during movies? Do you get to refuse to have Brian and, instead, get to audition other chaperones? “Bill, I’d love to have you along on this date I’m about to go on, but it was a little pitchy for me, dawg.”
2. Do they sit at the table with you while you eat, or are they sitting off in a different table? Far enough away that it doesn’t feel awkward, but close enough that if you try to make out they can Matrix dive across the restaurant and shot block you?
3. If they do sit with you at dinner, do you have to make conversation with them too? If you ask your date, “Where’s the one place in the world you wish you could travel?” Does Brian jump in and say, “Hawaii! Definitely Hawaii, om nom nom, smack smack while I eat my baby back ribs.”
4. Would it be weirder if the chaperone talked during dinner or kept silent? I think it would kind of feel like there was a creepy serial killer at the table if the whole night he just silently took small bites of food while he watched you eat.
5. Do I have to pay for the chaperone’s meal at the restaurant? If that’s the case, Brian, you’re drinking water buddy and ordering from the “appetizers” portion of the menu.
6. What if the chaperone hits it off better with the girl on the date than you do? The college would have to make sure the chaperones you hired had no game.
7. What if you went out dancing for the date? Do all three of you have to dance together? I’m kidding!! If you had to take a chaperone, you’re not going dancing. That was a trick question!
I attended Samford University, a Baptist college, but they didn’t have this practice. It’s therefore hard for me to really say whether it’s great or not. I will say, though, that if I have to buy Brian dinner, and he tries to order lobster, it’s going to be a short date. He’s going home with a black eye, and I’m going home with some sort of Charlie Sheen level of demerits.
What about you? Did your college have any rules like this? (Separate dorms, house dates, chaperones, etc.?)
